>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- matthew perry -- from the wwe, john cena -- and music from for king and country. with cleto and the cletones. and now, most likely, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you to all of you for coming. we have a lot to get to tonight. first up -- i need to take care of some local business. i'm a little bit perturbed. it's a national show, it's an international show, in fact. every once in a while we have to think locally and tonight is one of those nights. the end of march, we're at the end of march, it's almost april. we're well into 2015. and yet there's a house not too far from here, i drive by ever reonce in a while, i've been wait knowledge to mention this because i wanted to give them a chance to do something about it. this house still has not only christmas decorations up, a lot of christmas decorations up. not just the lights. look at this. this is the house here in l.a. very festive. there's a christmas yesterdoda,

traditional. march 25th, estimachristmas was months ago. baby jesus is all grown up, he has his own apartment he lives in with his friends. if it's three months after christmas and you still have a reindeer on your lawn you'd better be dead in that house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so we tracked down the next-door neighbor of the person who owns the house. joining us now, let's go to the wall of america to welcome liz. [ cheers and applause ] hi, liz. thank you for talking to us. how long have you lived in this neighborhood? >> 25 years. >> jimmy: and that's the house behind you, right? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: do you know the person who lives in the christmas house? >> oh, yes, she's my friend. >> jimmy: oh, she's your friend? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you know why her christmas decorations are still up? >> she gets a lot of pleasure

out of this and it's fun for her. >> jimmy: it's not fun for me, it's bothering me. it's been like this since christmas, i guess, huh? a long time. >> it's been like this for years. this is every day, all days of the year. >> jimmy: are those those inflatable things you need to plug in every single day? >> yes, they are. >> jimmy: oh my god. what do the other neighbors think about this? is everyone okay with it? >> some people are okay, some people are not. some people think that it sort of brings down the price point of the neighborhood. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i think that's ridiculous. >> jimmy: yeah, unless santa is looking for a vacation home. so you have to live with this every day and you're okay? you're fine with that? >> i'm totally fine. whatever floats your boat. >> jimmy: if i bring you a bb

gun will you shoot yoda? >> no. >> jimmy: now will not, all right. we are going to check back in tomorrow night. will you ask your neighbor to speak to us about this tomorrow? >> oh, absolutely, sure. >> jimmy: okay, good. good, very good. thank you, liz. we will get to the bottom of this. tomorrow we're going to try to talk -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: by the way, i'm sure it's not the only house like this. if you have a house in your neighborhood that has their christmas decorations still up tweet a photo to it, there's my twitter address. i might be able to help. maybe i can do something about this. there's a time and place for christmas and that time is christmas. if you cannot break yourself to take your christmas decorations down in three months, i say next year you don't get to celebrate christmas anymore. [ cheers and applause ] imagine if you're jewish, you celebrate hanukkah, it's eight

days long, that could go on for 25 years. so -- i don't know, i don't like that. meanwhile, i hate to bring everybody down. there's terrible, terrible news in the world of music. today truly was the day the music died as zane from one direction announce he's leaving the band. i know, i cried about it all afternoon. zane said that after five years he's leaving to focus on his true passion, which is not being shrieked at by a horde of 12-year-old girls every time he opens the door. that leaves one direction with only four members. what the hell are they going to do? if you've ever wanted to be in a boy band this would be a good time to updetail your profile. good luck and farewell to zane. seems like a bad idea. justin timberlake left 'n sync, poor guy was never heard from again. this is both interesting and disgusting. scientists, you know those guys in the the white coats, scientists?

those guys, not only of them, some of them, are working on a plan to mine precious metals from human waste. apparently, i have no idea how they get in there, there are large amounts of still ver, gold, and platinum found in our -- excrement. and there was a study done at arizona state. they found american waste contains more than $4 billion of gold annually. and that's just gold. for real. i'm not kidding. can you imagine finding this out after 40 years working in the sanitation department? there was gold in there? according to kathleen smith of the u.s. geological survey, mining human waste could reduce the need for mining programs that are bad for the environment. as a group we consume large quantities of copper, used in cell phones and other technologies. even the jewelry industry now is jumping in to take advantage of this potentially lucrative new source of precious metal. >> she means everything to you.

isn't it time you showed her? introducing toilet gold. >> it's from the toilet. >> you shouldn't have. >> there are so many ways to show her you love her. but only one that says, i love you with gold sourced directly from your butt. >> are these -- >> yes. >> oh, gross! >> toilet gold. tell her she's your number one with number two. >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: available at walgreens? they really have everything. we have college basketball to entertain us. [ cheers and applause ] ncaa tournament sweet 16 starts tomorrow. this is one of the great sporting events in the united states. one of the few sporting events that most people feel like they want to know at least a little about what's going on because a lot of people participate in

office pools. and the winner of those office pools usually is someone who hasn't watched a game in like 14 years. so this afternoon, we sent a crew out to hollywood boulevard to ask people who claim to be watching the tournament about teams and players and situations that did not exist. okay? and once again, she hthey had ae answers in this march madness edition of "lie witness news." >> you a fan of basketball? >> i love basketball. >> do you think fresno cosmetology academy has a shot of going all the way? >> i hope so. >> what do you like about them? >> i like everything about them. i love basketball, period. it's one of my favorites. >> who are you rooting for between dehave a rye and university of phoenix? >> university of phoenix. >> devry is serious about success. >> i like university of phoenix. >> you've seen some of the tournament everyone is talking

about, the ncaa tournament? >> yeah. >> it's been incredible, hasn't it? >> yes, it actually has. >> did gonzaga go too far when they recruited an 8-year-old? >> yes. >> what did you think when you saw him playing on the court? >> it's weird because you don't normally 8-year-olds. >> how do you think he did? >> i think he did amazing. like he's a really good player. >> we're talking about justin credible? >> yeah. >> who were you with when you saw that game? >> my boyfriend. >> what'd your boyfriend think? >> he thought he was really good too. >> how old's your boyfriend? >> he's 18. >> 10 years older. >> yes. >> do you think your boyfriend could beat 8-year-old justin credible in a basketball game? >> i don't know, i don't think so. >> are you priscilla's boyfriend? >> yeah. >> you were with her watching that gonzaga game with 8-year-old justin credible. what did you think of his playing style? >> i thought it was good. >> your girlfriend said

8-year-old just tun credible would beat you in a basketball game, do you think that's true? >> probably. i don't really play basketball. i'm not like really all-around good at that. so i wouldn't doubt he'd beat me. >> okay. what were your thoughts when kanye did that halftime show at the duke/villanova game? was it inappropriate for him to paint those giraffes? >> i've heard about it in the news. i really don't have an opinion on that. >> you saw the pictures? >> yeah. >> should the ncaa levy sanctions for kanye for riding those painted giraffes into half court? >> i think they should. >> why? >> because it was inappropriate. he should have stayed in the stands. and not done what he did. >> who were you with when you saw it? >> i was with the brother-in-law. >> you've been watching some of the games? >> i've been watching thoughts. >> what went through your head when sonny boo-boo hit and killed that bird when he shot

that three-pointer? >> i think it was a coincidence, tell you the truth. as long as there's a three-pointer going on, it so happens to be an animal, might as well take the shot anyway. >> where'd you see that? >> i saw that on the screen. >> yeah? >> buffalo. >> talking about the ncaa tournament. what do you think of robert durst's shooting? it's been unbelievable. >> it's been great. >> he killed it in texas. >> yeah. >> apparently killed it in new york. >> yeah. >> came out here to l.a. and killed it. there is a court that can stop this guy shooting? >> i don't know if there is one, man. like you said, he's pretty good. >> what was your reaction when he was caught on camera saying, i shoot, i like to shoot, i just get out there and i shoot? >> you know, i mean, it's -- i had a football coach that told me a perfect practice makes perfect playing. that's what you've got to do, practice. >> you think robert durst has been practicing shooting enough? >> you've got to keep practicing. it's something that you lose over time. you've got to keep doing and it stick with it. perfect practice makes perfect

playing. that's what you've got to do. >> who are you rooting for, ucla or stfu? >> ucla. >> why is that? >> i'm from l.a. >> what about stfu, no love? >> no. >> the big championship game, the peoria pickles winning the whole thing, where'd you watch it? >> hooters. >> you were at hooters? >> yeah. >> what was your reaction when the pickles won the championship? >> we went crazy, nuts. >> everyone was creaming? >> pickles, pickles! >> why do you think there's such an outcry over the fact that louisville coach rick pitino slicks his hair back in blood before each game? >> that's not a good idea. >> you heard about that? >> we saw it on the news. >> they were talking about it? >> uh-huh. >> which channel? >> 7, i believe it was. >> do you think quaker state university can win the title despite their slippery free throw shooting? >> they could. >> what do you like about quaker state university? >> anything, everything, i love

all this stuff. >> how about can this be for real? >> all of them. >> how about val-veeta? >> i've heard that before. >> paul paul-ling your leg. >> i'm not familiar. >> joke-ing? >> i've heard of him. >> you like joe king? >> i've heard of him. yeah. >> how about this joke-ing right here? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. tonight on the show we have music from for king and country. john cena is here. be right back with matthew perry so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

around here, we're all about fast. that's why xfinity is perfect for me. with millions of wifi hotspots all over the place including one right here at the shop now we can stream all things fast and furious. you've done it again, carlos! with the fastest in-home wifi and millions of hotspots, xfinity is perfect for people who love fast. don't miss furious 7, in theaters april 3rd.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: later tonight, from wrestle mania, john cena is here with us. then later, two brothers who won two grammy awards this year. this is their cd. it is called "run wild, live free, love strong." for king and country from the at&t stain. tomorrow night, zooey deschanel will be here. from "scandal" jeff perry. we'll have music from

charlie wilson with the dogg known as snoop. monday night, an exciting show, we'll close down hollywood boulevard, the street is shut down from there a free concert from david lae roth, wolfgang, alex and edward van halen. for the first time. i found this hard to believe. but we checked and it is true. the first time they performed together on television ever. van halen and you're all invited. not just to watch it on tcht v. if you want to see van halen live, jkltickets.com and we'll do our very best to accommodate you. what is your favorite van halen song? >> guillermo: i don't have one. >> jimmy: you don't have one? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: not even one? >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: will you be at the concert? >> guillermo: yeah, i'll be at the concert. >> jimmy: well, good, good that you'll be there. i'll i'll tell tell them you're a big fan. i'll ask you again tomorrow. one of the most beloved actors

in the history of american television, you know him well as that guy from that show with six young people and a coffee shop. he plays oscar madison in an update of "the odd couple" thursday nights, 8:30 on cbs, please welcome matthew perry! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: i feel like i see you more often than i actually see you because sometimes i see you at the kings games. >> yes. >> jimmy: they will show you. do you like when they show you watching the game? >> not so much. i'd rather just watch the game. >> jimmy: i know. it's weird, isn't it? >> yeah. i have season seats. one of the most impressive things that i have is the parking. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i get to park down the ramp

where the players park. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> yeah. it's pretty cool. >> jimmy: do the players look at you and go, what are you doing parking near our ramp? >> yeah, they kind of do. >> jimmy: they do, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know the players? >> yeah, i'm friends with kopitar, the kings' leading scorer, i text him from time to time. i tried desperately to become friends with him. >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah, yeah. in fact, he's from slovenia, which is as far as you can get, which is the moon, basically. as far as you can get from the united states. he had a wedding and i went to it. >> jimmy: you went? >> i flew to slovenislovenia. >> jimmy: you are friends. >> just to become friends to this guy. >> jimmy: he invited you to his wedding? >> he did. >> jimmy: one of those things, there's no chance he's going to come. >> well, he asked me -- right after they won the stanley cup he said, do you want to lift the cup over your head? oh my god, yes, please! then he said, will you come to

slovenia for my wedding? i felt like i had to say yes. >> jimmy: yes, sure. how was the wedding? >> the wedding was interesting. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> they have a lot of traditions there. the wedding lasted about 14 hours. >> jimmy: what? >> so i was surrounded by -- drunken slovenians for 14 hours. very few of which spoke english. >> jimmy: oh, that's great. >> and andre kopitar speaks english but he was busy getting married so there was no one to talk to. i was in bed by 9:00. >> jimmy: that sounds terrible. he better let you take that stanley cup home when they win it again. >> the other thing is i want him to acknowledge me when i'm in the stands because we're friends but he won't do it. just a little wave, that's all i'm asking for. >> jimmy: really, because basketball players will do it all the time. >> all the time. >> jimmy: hockey players, not so much. >> i literally have asked him. will you please look at me and wave to me?

when you're -- not while you're playing, i'm not expecting you to be doing it during play. but just, you know, when you're skating around. and he said, no, i won't do that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to admire him for that. >> i guess so. >> jimmy: it's different in basketball. in hockey if you turn your head to glance at matthew perry, somebody could slam you, who knows what could happen. >> i sat next to wayne gretzky at a game, which was really fun. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> mostly because no one looked at me. everyone was looking at wayne gretzky. >> jimmy: did you talk to him? >> i did, he broke down the players, it was really fun. he's hilarious, really funny. >> jimmy: i did know wayne gretzky was hilarious. we had him on the show, i didn't know he was hilarious. he's very nice. >> he was cracking me up, i don't know. maybe he cracks under pressure. >> jimmy: maybe you were l relieved to be speaking to someone who knew english for a change, exactly.

>> jimmy: "the odd couple." one of the great shows of all-time. was that your idea? >> we don't like this think about this but it's been 40 years since "the odd couple" was on the air, crazy. i was driving and i thought, i think i should do a remake, do it at cbs, and i should do it as quickly as humanly possible. and all of that came true. so it's like i have a magical vehicle. >> jimmy: you went to them and you said, this is what i want to do, and they said -- >> they said, great. i met with eric tannenbaum, who runs his company there, the production company, and i said i'd like to do it. he said yes. then we went and searched for a felix. >> jimmy: i could see you as an oscar or a felix. i think you could do either part if you wanted to. >> it's interesting. i think that people think that i would be a better felix. because chandler was more like felix. >> jimmy: right. >> but in real life i'm much more of an oscar. >> jimmy: more an oscar. you seem to dress more like an oscar also.

you've got the sports coat. >> yeah. i've been wearing a suit to so many interviews. i thought, for you -- >> jimmy: i wish you would have let me know, i could have relaxed. now i feel like a nerd. >> i do look like oscar right now. it's great, i don't have to shave. i don't have to go into hair and makeup. i just walk in. >> jimmy: yeah, in fact you're probably -- i saw that you're actually intentionally not shaving, seems like. >> yeah. i'm a mess. my character's a mess. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. i want to ask you about some photographs of you playing poker. >> yes. >> jimmy: at like 6:00 in the morning. >> closer to 6:45. >> jimmy: matthew perry is here. the show is "the odd couple." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the 2015 ford focus. to see more, go to "ford.com/focus."

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with matthew perry. "the odd couple" on cbs on thursday nights. these were taken by somebody. some character who's shooting photos of you. they got posted on tmz. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you said this was 6:45 a.m.? >> it's not the best i've ever looked. >> jimmy: what day was this? >> couple weeks ago. yeah, a couple of weeks ago. for some reason, i don't know what it is. at 5:00 in the morning my eyes just pop open. i just wake up. i'm like a dairy farmer. >> jimmy: okay.

>> i just wake up at that time. >> jimmy: was that always the case? >> no, no. it's a new thing. >> jimmy: okay. >> at 5:00 in the morning i am awake. i figured there won't be any traffic. there won't be anybody in the casino. i'll go and gamble for a little bit. and then some jerk took my picture. but then two days later i went back. and the whole story was that i lost a lot of money. >> jimmy: yeah. they said you lost thousands of dollars. >> the whole story was that. then two days later i went and i won a lot of money. no one took a picture of that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you go early again? >> no, i went at a reasonable hour. >> jimmy: the photographers were probably early arrivals as well. >> 8:15, yes. >> jimmy: it's weird because on one hand i think it would be bad if you've been up all night and you were still playing cards. >> right. >> jimmy: on the other hand, it's very, very strange, in my opinion, to go play cards that early in the morning. >> it was -- i knew it was strange when i was doing it. >> jimmy: you did, okay. >> i knew it was a weird move. >> jimmy: do you have nothing to

do? i mean -- >> from 5:00 to 7:15? there's very little to do. you watch the sun come and up that's it. >> jimmy: do you cook? >> i do, i make a great grilled cheese sandwich. >> jimmy: what is your recipe? >> you put a thin line of butter, very thin line of butter. >> jimmy: butter directly onto the frying pan? >> yes. >> jimmy: i like that. >> butter the bread a little bit. >> jimmy: is the butter in the refrigerator? or do you let it sit out? >> it has to be out smooth. >> jimmy: okay. >> or you'll break the bread. >> jimmy: veg. >> this is where we lose america. right here. it was going so well. >> jimmy: people don't want to learn -- >> cheese. >> jimmy: what kind of cheese? >> cheddar. not the sliced kind. the kind that you slice yourself. >> jimmy: sharp, medium, mild? >> none of your damn business. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: you're not much of a racial ray, are you? >> i would say medium. >> jimmy: medium, all right. >> and then the ticket is to make sure no cheese falls over to the side. you know, so you've got it just right. you cut it in the corners. >> how many flips? >> eight. >> jimmy: really? eight? wow. you are -- >> i like to check it. >> jimmy: eight is a lot of flips. then quarters. i think that's interesting. i'll go with the triangles. >> then you get four pieces of enjoyment. >> jimmy: can i tell you, my uncle vinny -- do you make tomato soup to go with it? >> i don't. >> jimmy: my uncle vinny fills a lot with water, take the pot of water and put it on top of his grilled cheese so that it makes very, very flat -- he squashes the grilled cheese sandwich. >> i see. >> jimmy: there's a crispiness to it. those quarters seem a lot bigger than they actually are.

>> that sounds good but it sounds too flat. >> jimmy: everybody has their open thing. own thing. >> whatever blows your hair back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "the odd couple" on cbs thursday nights. matthew perry, everybody! be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. it'the setting is perfect.ey. but then erectile dysfunction happens again.

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someday. male vo: there are no more excuses. find the hotel you want, and the flight you want, and we'll find the savings to get you there. i'd like to put in my 15-years notice.ration you're quitting!? technically retiringth a littley state farm agent, i plan to retire in 15 years. wow! you're totally blindsiding me here. who's gonna manage your accounts? this is a devastating blow i was not prepared for. well, i'm gonna finish packing my things. 15 years will really sneak up on you. jennifer with do y

adam made you a cake. red velvet. oh, thank you. i made this. take charge of your retirement. talk to a state farm agent today. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: still to come, muse trick for king and country, and john cena is standing by. you might think it's thrilling for guillermo to stand by a door all day, but shockingly it can get kind of boring. i thought he could use some excitement in his life. so i teamed up with the good people at ford who provided us with the smooth, exhilarating new ford focus to give my little buddy a little thrill. >> okay, what you're going to do is make a simple taco, eat it, then look right to the camera and say "the ford focus, smooth enough to make a taco in." preston will be playing your driver. >> hi, how are you? >> guillermo thinks i'm an actress but i'm a professional

stunt driver. >> action! >> salsa. whoa! >> whoo, what are you doing? >> what was that? >> oh my god! >> what the hell happened? >> i went with the food and she's driving like -- >> all right. we'll have to do it again. >> all right no problem. >> i have lettuce. i have onions, cheese. okay. okay! okay! aahh! hey, how can i make a taco! whoa challenge that's my lap! whoa, whoa! smooth enough to make a taco in!

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♪laughin' back and forth at what the other'ne has to say.♪ ♪ ♪reminiscin', this-'n'-thattin', havin' such a good time♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day.♪ ♪ ♪never ever thinkin' there was a danger in the water♪ ♪they were drinkin', they just guzzled it down.♪ ♪never dreamin' that a schemin' sherrif and his posse♪ ♪was a-watchin' them an' gatherin' around.♪ ♪robin hood and little john runnin' through the forest♪ ♪jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees an' tryin' to get away.♪ ♪ ♪contemplatin' nothin' but escape an' fin'lly makin' it.♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, welcome back to the show. music from for king and country. our next guest is one of the most decorated professional wrestlers around. he has more belts than he does pants. this weekend, he'll strip down and oil up for one more. "wrestlemania 31" is live on pay-per-view sunday night. please say hello to john cena. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> what an audience! >> jimmy: how are you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's one thing to look at you as a wrestler, actor, you're a big guy. i found out today you were a bounce artery a bar here in

southern california. >> i found out today that it was a bar you frequent from time to time. >> jimmy: i do. i have been to this car from time to time. >> many years ago. apologies. >> jimmy: i've only been thrown out of a bar once, tgi actually. >> a story for another time. >> jimmy: i can't imagine anybody messing with you. >> you wouldn't believe it. >> jimmy: did it happen? how old were you? >> 20s. i was [ bleep ]. you know. >> jimmy: you were? >> i was. this is me coming out and saying, i'm really sorry for all that. my manager really put the fear of god in me. i needed this job. he said, i don't want any issues with the alcohol and beverage commission, no one who doesn't show you i. dix can get in. >> jimmy: right. >> you're aware down at the beach, there's tons of bars down there, i'm sitting at the front door in a hawaiian shirt six sizes too small with a blond mohawk like this. people would come up. like 60-year-old people. hey, can i get in? got an i.d.? nope. get the hell out of here.

and i'm drinking coffee hoping i can get paid my 50 bucks at the end night and they're giving me the what-for -- they're probably not only going to spend the most money but cause the least problems. meanwhile somebody shows me a fake i.d., that's good enough. >> jimmy: sometimes this has happened to me, it's flattering when nebraska won't let you in without looking at your i.d. especially women, you get some 60-year-old woman and you're like, sorry, have to see your i.d. she's like, oh, that's okay! >> when you get a guy strolling off the beach in shorts, wants to down a few coronas and the guy won't let you in. >> jimmy: did you fight any of these people? >> man, thank goodness there were no weapons. i was from my fair share of brawls. >> really? >> won some, lost some. >> jimmy: you lost some? >> are you kidding? in a bar fight anything goes. i've had my ass whipped. >> how did you live on $50 a day? >> this is a convenient thing for me, why i needed the job. right next door to sharky's bar

is a pizza place. it's recently closed down. zeppy's pizza. they had a deep dish pizza served on a silver tray. if you ate the whole pizza, you'd get the pizza for free and they put your name on the wall. i found this out, get my $50, i go crush and pizza. >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> went back the next night, did it again. the guy's like, wow, that's crazy. went back the next night, did it again. the guy was running out of pizza trays. he's like, dude, if you want a free slice. >> jimmy: that seems like a reasonable settlement. when was the last time, obviously you're very physically fit. the last time you ate a whole paes intra? >> you know -- recently my diet's been iffy. just because i'm training for this big match on sunday. i don't know if you know. >> jimmy: yes, i've heard. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's weird because i'm not

just fighting for me. i'm fighting for america. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. this is your opponent. his name is rusev. he looks scary, by the way. i would let him in the bar whether he had an i.d. or not. he was -- what is he, russian? because it used to be bulgarian, now he's russian? >> he's from bulgaria. representing russia. and is a current hero of the russian federation. >> jimmy: he is? >> no problem. i got no problems. this is the problem i got. >> jimmy: what is the problem? >> he's united states champion. every single chance he gets he runs down the united states of america. >> jimmy: no! we will -- absolutely, not on my watch. >> not on my watch either. usually i'm just fight fork me, i lift a bunch of heavy stuff, head butt a wall, sift through my crap for gold. >> jimmy: right, right. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> this time is different.

i'm on a steady diet of apple pie, barbecue and waffles. >> jimmy: exactly. >> right now, i am drinking full bodied american beer, budweiser. coors golden. miller. the champagne of beer. even pabst blue ribbon. [ cheers and applause ] >> grand funk railroad "american band" on 75% volume to hear the official instrument of the united states of america, the cowbell. [ cheers and applause ] i have watched all the "rocky" movies, even v, twice. every day i go into walmart, i buy a shotgun, a scented candle, and a 16-pound ham. on top of that i spend money on useless chinese fireworks that i light off at will while humming the national anthem. [ cheers and applause ] i fight for america! i've got a message for rusnev, there's a train coming. that's right, an american

express. i'm leaving it. the pain train is going to stop this sunday at wrestle mania. if rusev wants to run down the red, white and blue, he's going to find this sunday he can read red, white and blow me. [ cheers and applause ] a bunch of balloons which i'm going to need to drop when i take the united states championship from him and whip his ass this sunday at wrestle mania for america! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see that guy over there? he's not from america. yeah, that little guy. with the moustache. he's from mexico! >> guillermo: god bless america! >> jimmy: wow. that's an amazing speech. i'm inspired. i think i would vote for you. >> well, tell you what just watch on sunday. >> jimmy: that's enough?

>> just this match on sunday. >> jimmy: i heard that your movie, amy schumer's movie "train wreck," you have a big part in, literally you're naked in the movie. >> a big part. >> jimmy: i heard that the movie is hilarious and that you are hilarious in it. >> the movie was great. worked with judd apatow and amy. >> jimmy: you know what judd and amy are? they're americans. >> you're damn right, i never thop it that way! no, it was a great time. i actually -- i was gifted a stunt penis. >> jimmy: you were? >> yes, i was. i had to do a sex scene which involved me being almost all the way naked. i had to stuff myself in a small nylon sock. >> jimmy: i see. >> and they gave me a stunt penis to insinuate an erection. >> jimmy: bring that stunt penis to wrestle mania 31! and do something abusive with it! >> there is no way that stunt penis is going to wrestle mania 31.

>> jimmy: that stunt penis is going into this man! >> when it comes to wrestle mania, i do my own stunts! [ cheers and applause ] there's no way, there's no way. >> jimmy: john cena, everybody. wrestle mania 31 sunday night, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific, live on pay per view. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. jacklyn: our middle schools have classes

that are devoted for test prep. my kids only have a half a year science and a half a year social studies to make room for preparing for the test. gina: we have no after-school programs, we have no freshman sports, we have no extra anything... okaikor: we're cutting those programs to make way for test

prep. and we're not taking in to all the other things that makes a child whole. gina: we are setting our kids up to fail. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank matthew perry, john cena and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, this is their album "run wild, live free, love strong." here with the song "fix my eyes," for king and country! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ hit rewind click delete stand face to face with the younger me ♪ ♪ all of the mistakes all of the heartbreaks here's what i'd do differently ♪ jimmy kimmel's friends we dedicate this to you! ♪ i'd love like i'm not scared give when it's not fair live life for another ♪

♪ take time for a brother fight for the weak ones speak out for freedom find faith in the battle ♪ ♪ stand tall but above it all fix my eyes on you on you ♪ ♪ i learned the lines and talked the talk everybody knows that everybody knows that ♪ ♪ 'cause the road less traveled was hard to walk ♪ ♪ everybody knows that everybody knows it takes a soldier who knows his orders ♪ ♪ to walk the walk i'm supposed to walk love like i'm not scared give when it's not fair ♪ ♪ live life for another take time for a brother fight for the weak ones speak out for freedom ♪ ♪ find faith in the battle stand tall but above it all

fix my eyes on you on you ♪ ♪ the things of earth ♪ i'm fixing my eyes on you love like i'm not scared ♪ ♪ give when it's not fair live life for another take time for a brother fight for the weak ones ♪ ♪ speak out for freedom find faith in the battle stand tall but above it all fix my eyes on you ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh fix my eyes on you ♪ ♪ on you fix my eyes on you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ and if the doors were to be opened would you leave or would you stay ♪ ♪ the comfort of your misery you cherish dearly you cherish dearly ♪ ♪ and you haven't started dreaming 'cause you're still fast asleep ♪ ♪ you're fast asleep but don't you want to run wild, live free love strong, you and me ♪

♪ you're an eagle ♪ you're a lion you've got to roar ♪ ♪ you're an eagle full of beauty but you can't seem to soar ♪ ♪ will you return to the garden where you were first made whole ♪ ♪ will you turn to the one who can liberate your soul ♪ ♪ don't you want to run wild live free love strong, you and me run wild, live free ♪ ♪ love strong to every soul locked in a cage ♪ ♪ in the prison of your past mistakes no, there's no time left to waste ♪ ♪ yeah, you can make your great escape we're made to ♪

this is "nightline." >> tonight, breaking news about that plane crash in the alps with three american victims. a new report says one of the pilots was locked out of the cockpit. plus, this is what it looks like when you're distracted while driving. an unprecedented realtime look at the number one killer of teenagers in america. and a huge danger for anyone who gets behind the wheel. what's the top distractor? you might be surprised what our reporter learned when she got into a driving simulator today. and celine dion is back in business. her his song "i'm alive" more poignant than ever. as the singer returns to las vegas after seeing her husband through his second battle with