this is a special edition of "nightline." >> in his own words, bruce jenner olympic hero turned reality tv dad and the subject of so much speculation finally taking control of his story tonight telling our diane sawyer about the secret he's always kept hidden until now. >> are you a woman? >> um yes. >> how he made the decision to turn his life around. breaking his silence, jenner sharing his new reality with his famous family, the kardashians and now the world. why he's coming forward to bear his soul. >> what i am doing is going to do some good. we're going to change the world. i really firmly believe that. >> this special edition of "nightline," bruce jenner, the interview, will be right back.

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this is a special edition of "nightline." bruce jenner, the interview. good evening. thank you for joining us. tonight, the secret bruce jenner says he always tried to keep hidden now coming to light. the olympic legend turned reality show patriarch had the world hanging on his every word as he sat down with our own

diane sawyer for that intimate anticipated interview revealing he considers himself a woman. we want to begin with a note about pro nouns. in this he said we should use a familiar pro-noun for him as we try to tell his story. >> how are you doing? >> reporter: he is 6'2" welcoming and apprehensive. >> it's going to be an emotional roller coaster but somehow will get through it. come in to my house. >> as we sit down the person's whose face has changed so much over recent years is quiet. knowing the moment that carries you forward can also mean no way back. so bruce jenner is -- >> bruce jenner is -- um i would say i have always been confused with my gender identity since i was this big. i look at it this way, bruce always telling a lie, lived a lie his whole life about who he

is. i can't do that any longer. so when i take my pony tail out when we talk about this stuff. let's take the pole pony tail out. >> a symbolic moment after 65 years. in a sense, we start again. are you a woman? >> um yes. for all intents and purposes i am a woman. people look at me differently. they see you as this macho male but my heart and soul and everything that i do in life it is part of me. that female side is part of me. that's who i am. i was not genetically born that way. i have all of the male parts and all of that kind of stuff. so a lot of ways we are different, okay but we still identify as female.

that's very hard for bruce jenner to say. because why? i don't want to disappoint people. ♪ >> reporter: hundreds of millions of people who once cheered a real-life american super hero. ♪ the olympics 1976 he has just been proclaimed the greatest athlete in the world. you were the world's greatest athlete. >> uh-huh. >> reporter: we see -- what do you see. >> a confused person running away from my life and who i was. >> reporter: with fear? bl big-time fear scared to death. didn't know what my future held at that time. >> reporter: everybody struggling with what this is. >> that is me. that is her.

>> reporter: people have to know that you can want to identify as a woman and still -- >> kick butt. [ laughter ] >> reporter: since a small boy he has a growing certainty that for some reason the gender of his body is different from the gender he feels in his soul. >> i look at guys and i go he's comfortable in his own skin. you know? i thought wouldn't that be a nice way to go through life. i look at women all the time thinking oh, my god, how lucky are they can wake up in the morning and be themselves. but me i'm stuck here in the middle. i got nowhere to go which way do i go? >> reporter: for the next 40 years wrestling an inner torment, through marriages to the women he loved, raising children he could not bear to hurt and finally as an collusive character on that reality show in which every private thing in life seemed ready to be bartered for fame.

we told him there was a lot of skepticism among people watching him tonight. people are convinced that this is a stunt to promote the show. >> yeah, we're doing this for publicity. yeah, right. oh god diane, do you have any idea what i have been going through all of my life and they are saying we are going to do this for publicity for a show. there's a lot of shows out there. >> reporter: no but they think -- >> i understand where you are coming from. >> reporter: there is a shameless selling of everything these days. >> i know. and i get that. but what i'm doing is going to do some good. and we're going to change the world. i really firmly believe that. that we're going to make a difference in the world with what we are doing. >> reporter: he says his story tonight is just one of so many. an estimated 700,000 transgender americans all around us. >> i want to change. >> reporter: people of powerful talent and vulnerability,

suicide, murder discrimination. >> this is so hard. >> reporter: homelessness. >> i'm transgender. >> reporter: ridiculed. >> i'm excited to start my life as a single middle-aged woman, says bruce. >> reporter: he says he can't speak for them but he hopes his decision to come forward will help. his dream re-emerge as the person he calls her. >> bruce lives a lie. she is not a lie. i can't do it anymore. >> reporter: but you understand that people are baffled, confounded. apart from the people who are just, oh my god. >> is he gay. >> are you gay? >> no. i'm not gay. i'm as far as i know heterosexual. >> reporter: what do you mean as far as you know? >> i have never been with a guy. i have always been married, raising kids. >> reporter: you can desire a woman every bit as much?

>> yeah. >> reporter: he is almost amused by my attempt to walk through this maze. it's the confusion inside of this. >> so much confusion. >> reporter: if you were male and you become female but you like women, are you a lesbian? are you a heterosexual who -- >> going back to the sex thing and it is apples and oranges. there are two different things here. sexuality is who you are personally attracted to who turns you on male or female but gender identity is how to do it with who you are as a person and your soul and who you identify with inside. >> reporter: were you as fair to the women you married. >> not as fair as i should have been. >> reporter: when you look back and say i apologize for that. >> i have apologized to

everybody. i have done nothing but apologize for my entire life. >> reporter: he was fighting the problem but falling apart. he's approaching 40. divorced for the second time his income falling off. he's fighting depression. with the help of a therapist he makes a big decision to stop trying to run away. he begins transitioning in to a woman. a doctor prescribes female hormones estrogen and he says right away the intense daily feelings of fear and frustration subside. and remember this is back in the '80s, 30 years ago. >> god, i started on hormones. >> reporter: in the '80s you started? >> oh yeah. >> reporter: how much did you do? how long did you do it? >> almost five years. >> reporter: he starts to change his face getting surgery on his nose and electrolysis to remove his beard and hair on his chest but when he is transitioning in to a woman he says something stopped him. he simply lost his nerve.

he looked at his little children and couldn't bear to cause them pain. >> those are the only ones i'm concerned with and the only ones in my life they don't -- i can't allow -- i can't let myself hurt them. >> when we come back, bruce jenner says it took him 30 years to be honest with his famous children and step children about his true identity. sharing how they reacted to his bombshell revelation and what he says they are doing to cope as a family. ♪ this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis from the inside out... with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. doctors have been prescribing humira for nearly 10 years. >>humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis.

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exclusive interview with bruce jenner finally addressing his personal struggle. tonight, explaining how he told his family about his secret starting with his now estranged wife kris who first arrived in bruce's life he says like an angel. >> i had been on hormones for five years and it was a good solid 36 b something. you can't hiez those things. she goes okay. you like to wear women's clothes and i'm going well i kind of down played it some. >> reporter: did she ever see you dressed? >> yeah. >> reporter: what did she say? >> not much. are you going to change now. >> reporter: he says from the start he was trying to make it work even though his torment about gender kept returning. >> you can fake it for a long time you can deal wit. you can have distractions in your life. >> reporter: like the explosion that occurred 16 years in to the

marriage. bruce jenner negotiated a deal for a reality show. which became a financial juggernaut. >> i'm bruce jenner and i'm a pushover for my family. >> reporter: the more the kardashians askrend sended the more it seemed bruce jenner drifted away. >> someone wrote in "esquire" you were cast as the guy with the lose, after the show had been on the air several years he was in good financial shape again, his children almost grown up. in his 60s he said he could no longer endure the possibility that he might die only after liven in someone else's life. >> i couldn't take the walls constantly closing in on me. >> reporter: he knew he finally wanted to transition and we started to see clues that something was happening, the hair the fingernails, his marriage to kris cracked. angry at you for it?

>> probably a little bit. it's not what she expected. >> reporter: it shook her, rocked her? >> it was tough on her. >> reporter: bruce jenner has six biological children. burt and cassandra with first wife and his youngest kendall and kylie with third wife kris. were you terrified to tell your children? >> yes, every one of them. ♪ >> reporter: he says the first child he told was third born brandon, 33 a musician and famously gentle son. ♪ the secrets ♪ >> i could tell it was very difficult for him. >> reporter: whose heart was pounding harder yours or his? >> his for sure. >> reporter: when you think of how many years he spent grappling with this -- >> tragic. >> reporter: a few days later, we get a call. it's from all four of jenner's older children saying they want to show up for their dad, too

and say how brave he was telling them the truth. >> the first thing i thought was like, oh it finally makes sense. >> reporter: at this point, all of these children have now seen the person their father calls her. >> dad said it is not that i'm trying to dress up like a woman. it's that i have spent my whole life dressing like a man. >> i think all of the traits that i loved about bruce, she still has. >> reporter: the four step children the kardashians also counted on him as dad. a few months ago he called in the girls and their brother rob in private to tell them he had made a decision. he wanted to transition in to a woman. >> they all cried. mainly because they don't want anybody to hurt dad. >> reporter: any of them taking it hard? >> khloe. she's had the toughest time with it. because she's had a lot of losses in her life. she lost her father at a young

age. lamar had his issues. >> reporter: at the time of the interview, jenner says his girls had been reluctant to see the person he calls her. >> with all of the girls, it's tough on them. i understand that and i wouldn't rush that issue. >> reporter: not long ago, kim told him she had a kind of breakthrough about this new cross roads. a piece of advice from an inexpected source. >> she goes you know what really turned me around, kanye. i went oh okay. they were talking about it and he says to kim, look i can be married to the most beautiful woman in the world and i am. i can have the most beautiful little daughter in the world. i have that but i'm nothing if i can't be me. >> reporter: from kanye? >> from kanye, yeah. yeah. and since then kimberly has

been by far the most accepting. >> reporter: we want you to know we reached out to all of these girls. we heard from kendall and kylie who said we love our dad very much. he has the biggest heart and all we want is for him to be happy. if he's happy, we're happy. he's now been back on hormones for a year and a half. standing in the kitchen with his son and daughter in law saying once again they have quieted that duel inside. >> there are certainly some physical changes to it but it's just -- it's mostly mentally. it just kind of takes the edge off. >> reporter: as for full surgery, the transgender community ask everyone respect privacy and to steer away. but in this interview, jenner talks about how he thinks about his decision. >> there's no rush for that and i would do it so quietly nobody in the world would ever know as far as the term srs, sexual

reassignment surgery would be down the line down the line. i just want to have a free soul and have a lot of great friends. >> reporter: he's so eager to get started, we wondered how will she look. >> reporter: can i come and see your closet? >> of course you can. it is not a diane sawyer you know closet for right now. but in the next house, i am building a glam room oh. >> reporter: oh, you are? >> oh yeah. we're going to totally rock this place. >> reporter: so you have two closets. bruce. >> very chic classy black outfit and the good news diane, you won't be the tallest girl in the room. isn't that wonderful? >> reporter: it's true. >> we'll be right back with the thunder clap of reactions to the

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♪ >> if you have been glued to your tv tonight, there's a good chance bruce jenner may have had something to do with it. hours after diane sawyer's exclusive interview, viewers are in a full-blown social media frenzy frenzy #bruce jenner is trending worldwide. >> his confessions generating explosive reactions on-line. so many joining in.

hundreds of thousands of people tweeting so far, using the #bruce jenner abc. the kardashian clan weighing in tonight from kylie jenner admitting it's been hard for her but saying she's so proud. to this from kris jenner. not only was i able to call him husband for 25 years and father of my children i am now able to call him my hero. for other big names, snooki lady gaga, bravery was the common theme. ellen tweeting he is saving lives and opening minds tonight. his decision is controversial but most applauding bruce jenner. the athlete, the father the husband, the person. and tonight, a towering example of self awareness. our thanks to bruce jenner and diane sawyer. and entire abc team for sharing this remarkable story. thanks for watching abc news. much more coming up on "good morning america" and as always we are on-line on our facebook page and at abcnews.com. good night, america.

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