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my whole life in remission. ♪ ♪ [ man #2 ] finally i said enough's enough. [ woman #2 ] i'm taking charge of my health. [ woman #1 ] get back out there. [ man #2 ] start living again. [ woman #3 ] nourishing my body from the inside out. [ man #2 ] with things found in nature, not made in a lab. [ male announcer ] nature's prescription, only from the world's most powerful nutrient extractor. ♪ ♪ introducing the nutribullet rx. so what did you do last night? oh, i took advantage of a lonely, vulnerable woman. oh, right, right, right. hey, did you like it when i kissed the back of your knee? women don't know it, but that's a major erogenous zone. so sexy. i've been thinking about this a lot-- were you up all night, too? oh, no, i'm a guy. by "a lot," i mean the five minutes i've been awake. my bad. go on. i don't make friends easily, and this--this little group of ours... the cul-de-sac crew. yeah, i'm not gonna call 'em that. um, this little

group... the crew. right. well, um it means a lot to me, and our friendship means a lot to me. i don't want to mess that up. i don't either. maybe this should just be a-a onetime deal. or... we could just be friends... (under breath) with benefits. oh, you snuck that in at the end, didn't ya? friends with benefits-- the old f.w.b. that is the greatest male myth of our time. i mean, that and our knees being an erogenous zone. it is. it's not. it's a knee. do you want to know why f.w.b. never works? no. we're friends. it can't be casual. friend sex comes with feelings and baggage, and someone always gets hurt. it's a horrible idea. (laurie) jules, it's coffee time! stay here. i don't want them to know. (lowered voice) but i love coffee time. (ellie) it's 7:45. how come come you're not down here already serving us? (thud) hey, gang.

aah! don't do that. ♪ making coffee for my friends ♪ ♪ that's what they like in the morning ♪ (laughter) what? you only sing-narrate your life when you're hiding something. let's play the admission game. that's when friends admit stuff, and it brings everyone much closer. i read about it in a magazine. what magazine? fine! it's just--i feel like people respect my ideas more when they think that they came out of magazines. nope. i'll go first because i got nothing to hide. ellie, last week i dropped stan. he got googly eyes for a second, but then they went right back. whatevs. once, while you were asleep, i kissed you on the forehead 'cause i wanted you to have nice dreams. no, i know. i was awake. oh, feels like the game should be over. come on! don't you guys want to get inside each other? that's what she said. (laughs) oh ho ho! (laughs) bing-bing-bing-bing- bing-bing-bing! so lame. why won't that joke ever go away? we should steal it from them so they

know how annoying it is. (chuckles) good luck, sisters. not that easy. it's never hard for me. that's what he said. whoo! oh! (speaks gibberish) (speaks gibberish) ha! i don't like this. are we here to buy me a car for college? (laughs) good one, trav. thanks. you know how i've been working odd jobs for extra cash? i really gotta get to school. you will. i just have to drop mr. rockwell off at the mall first. i'm gonna buy pants. well, i'm trying to scrape together enough dough to get my boat back in the water. and as a promotion, this place is releasing a balloon with 2,000 bucks in it. dad, you can't put all your financial hopes into balloon chasing. i mean, you gotta keep buying those lottery tickets. i'm just kidding. don't do that. (groans) what? i want our joke back. oh, it's not your joke anymore. i got you a present, but i'm not even gonna give it to you now. yes, you are. i know. i'm too excited.

i hired a nanny. i know you're gonna say we don't need it, but it's only three days a week. i just thought it would be nice for you to have some help around the house and not be tied down. and so what do you think? ellie. that's the nicest thing you've ever done for me. oh, stop. it's just a tiny thing. (whispers) that's what he said. you ruined it! you ruined my gift! stop it. nothing wrong with looking. i smell lovers. no, you don't, barb. oh, the air's so think with pheromones, i can barely see. (chuckles) every hair on my body would be standing on end if i weren't shaved bald from... here down. i can't believe i'm getting a nanny. i mean, i just had to put my ego aside and realize i can't do it all by myself. what do you do for a living?

oh... corporate attorney. (laughs) no, no, honey. he's asking what you do now, not a hundred years ago. she's very, very busy taking care of all of her children. oh. how many kids do you have? you only have one, don't you? why would you do that to me? for fun. so i don't work and i have a nanny. i don't have to be embarrassed. (gasps) after years of taking your abuse i've finally found your weak spot. jules! honey, i've found her weak spot. oh, you mean that cheesy dolphin tattoo on her butt? y-you didn't mean that, did you? well, she doesn't have one. it's my spirit guide. hey, jules. you left your sunglasses at the bar. thank you. 2 for 2. (chuckles) (amplified voice) ready? ten... i'm here. let's do a hands-in. andy, there's no time. (groans) okay, hands in. all right, remember the money's in the red balloon.

hurt people if you have to. we can apologize later. god help me i enjoy you, dad. all right, balloon! (andy and travis) balloon! ...two, one! go get it! (cheering) this was not well thought out. okay, do you want to know why i think that we can pull off being friends with benefits? hell, yeah, i do. we're friends. we're friends. we can keep it casual. it can't be casual. plus, friend sex is the most fun. you know it. friend sex comes with feelings and--and baggage, and someone always gets hurt. i mean-- i mean, we're smart enough not to make the same mistakes everyone else makes. and everyone thinks they can avoid falling into that trap but they can't. it's a horrible idea. let's do this. can't argue with that. but one thing--let's still just keep this between us. you are so right. oh, good. you're done. i got your text. what? she doesn't count. ♪ captioned by closed captioning services, inc.

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so you guys are actually gonna try it? the old f.w.b.? yep. no guilt. no commitment. oh, wait. how are we gonna know when it's, you know, going down? i could politely say, "shall we?" and if i'm in the mood, i can curtsy and say, "indeed." very classy. what about post-sex cuddling? oh. this one needs it. she holds on like an otter trying to break open a clam. that's why ellie will be my surrogate afterglow partner. yay! so fun.

uh-huh. i'm gonna otter the hell out of you. i don't see the balloon. well, even if you did, how are we gonna lose everyone else? come on, man. you think this is my first money balloon chase? okay, it is, but still i set up a diversion. i got it! i got the balloon! (people groaning) jules cobb real estate for all your housing needs! hey. what was that about? i don't know. sometimes it's just easier to do what bobby says and not ask questions. (pop) aah! what are you doing? i'm sending ellie pictures of famous working moms. laurie, that's too mean. i was gonna include you. well, hold on a second. okay. (camera phone shutter clicks) marina, if you're part of some white baby-selling ring, don't waste your time. stan's cuban, so he will not fetch a good price. it must be hard for you to leave this muñequito. it is.

but no spanish. (stan cooing) so what time will you be home from work? 6:00. oh, i should have said 5:00. what's with the outfit? i work here now. i don't want to talk about it. (chuckles) okay. what's in your briefcase? almonds and wine. no way! that's exactly what's in my briefcase. oh. shall we? indeed. milady. but i just set up my office. where am i gonna go? ma'am. you cannot drink here. you're kidding. how do people get through the workday? (gasps) shh. it's not weird. it's my baby. (gasps) and my husband. (whispers) here. can you hold this for a second? (mouths word) oh! there it is. be cool, man. if we all stare at the sky, people are gonna know. we'll look up in shifts. first me. travis. now andy.

now me. travis. andy. (thud) now me. ooh! ooh! go on without me. you heard him. me. you. me. you. this looks totally natural. me. you. okay. oh, my god. i feel like we are so in sync lately. i mean, seriously, i know what you're gonna say as you say it. no, you don't. no, you don't. okay, well, was a little late but i wasn't ready yet. say anything, and i'm gonna say it with you in exact unison. okay. okay. it's been a long day... long day. mostly because the pressurization... (speaks gibberish) on the beer taps was broken. taps. i tried to fix it myself... myself. but that's why i had to mop the whole place up. (murmurs) floors. what? you're not good at this. i am. i'm just off my game. i am. i'm just off my game. (gasps) (gasps) see, i'm good at this. (chuckles) you know, i-it feels like you're putting out a real, uh, relationship-y vibe. are you sure you can handle this?

because it's still early enough for us to just bail. if we avoid each other for a week, i can totally forget i've seen you naked. really? you could forget in a week? i'd never forget, would i? nice save. since jules didn't answer at her house, i thought maybe she was over here with ellie. no. mrs. torres is at work. she told you she went to work? ohh! that is awesome news, nanny. see? i'm not always an otter. sometimes i just like to hold hands. mm-hmm. mm. grayson was right to be worried. you--you can't keep doing this without getting attached. yes, i can. will you stroke my hair? i have to go. thank god. wait. what? why? well, because--it's not you. my workday is over. i... but... (strained voice) you are squeezing me very tight. (sighs) what a day, marina. be glad you're not a lawyer. do you know that companies think they can get away with dumping chemicals in our water supply? luckily, i can get anyone to talk.

all i have to do is flash a smile and put on a push-up bra. are you stealing the plot of "erin brockovich"? what are you doing here? i was just waiting for you but now i'm literally bathing in this moment. (gasps) oh, gosh. it feels so good on my skin. ah, nothing we can do tonight. we'll bed down here, then at first light, we grab hard hats, a couple of mustaches we'll shimmy on up there and grab it. and why the mustaches? well, you ever seen a hard hat without a mustache under it? uh, no, but in my defense, i'm a sane person. gotta jam. going out dancing with the wife tonight. hey. go, andy. we can't go dancing. i sent the nanny home. i don't want her. so what am i supposed to do, go shake it by myself? that's what he said. that wasn't even subtle! th-there's an art to this! (strumming chords) ♪ no strings attached no need to commit ♪ ♪ we're pallin' 'round while we're gettin' down ♪ ♪ we're friends with benefits ♪ ♪ friends with benefits ♪ ♪ friends with benefits ♪

horrible. well, you'll be singing it later. i hope not, because it'll mean someone has a gun to my head. hey, you want to stay for coffee? eh, not today. oh, cool. see you on the flip side. what? people still say "flip side." (door opens and closes) so how was the boom-boom last night? (scoffs) that is so much worse than "flip side." i knew it when i said it. no, we actually didn't even hook up. we played penny can. it was so much fun. oh, we came up with this new tickle rule. did you?! jules, you are so into him. ellie, i've got this under control. mm-hmm. look at him. look at him, jules. i don't want to. i know you don't. because even though grayson's right over there... say it, jules. (voice breaks) it's like he's a million miles away. (front door opens and closes) mm-hmm. there's a bazillion ways to top your kids' rice krispies. what's yours?

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is he looking at me? what about now? what about now? no. no. yeah.

really? no. i just feel like an idiot. i'm gonna go talk to him. no, because you can't be normal. yes, i can. hey! you work that hose, bitch! you're weird, jules. (chuckles) weird like a fox. oh, no. put the guns away. damn these things. i hate them! (whispering) trav, check it out. (whispering) why are we whispering? because the balloon's right there. we don't want to spook it. (normal voice) it's a balloon. (normal voice) now look what you did. come on! just tell him how you really feel. being open and honest is a firm plan "c." please don't tell me the other plans. plan "a" would just be continuing on with our friends with benefits thing forever. plan "b" is a little more intricate. first, i have to make him feel insecure with a series of insult-compliments like, um, "i just love your beautiful, tiny eyes" or, um, "your receding hairline

really makes your tiny eyes pop." so you're gonna focus on the eyes? yeah, yeah, yeah. and then to strip what's left of his self-esteem i'll fatten him up. now once he's gained about 400 pounds and hates himself, that's when i cut him loose. that fat bastard will beg to have me back. either i'll want him or i won't, but the point is, it'll be my choice. well, i mean, i-i-it sounds like you have a lot of options. lots. not crazy at all. god, no. hey, andy. your nostrils look really mad. stop torturing ellie about the nanny. look, the best thing to do when someone picks on you is to give them a taste of their own medicine. i read that in a magazine. and i know what you're gonna say, but i really did read it in a magazine. i swear on my mother's life. what magazine? what kind of a friend wouldn't let that slide? now my mom is gonna die, you murderer. do you know how hard it is for a man to find a gift for his wife

that she thinks is for her but is actually for him? lingerie didn't work. she saw right through that. oral sex class? ha ha. huge mistake, and as it turns out, really insulting. but the nanny? ellie sees that as totally selfless, but to me it means being able to go out to a dinner or a movie or even dancing once in a while. do you know when the last time i went dancing was, laurie? huh? do ya? no! this... was still fresh. how long are you gonna keep doing that? (horn honking) come back! dad, it won't listen! it's just a balloon! (horns honk, tires screech) i'm gonna get you, baby! i'm gonna get you! aah! dad! dad? oh, thank god. (laughs) wait. did you know there was another ledge here? no. i may have got a little caught

up in the moment. (grunts) you almost died! and for what? to get your dumb boat back in the water? look, no more driving senior citizens around for cash, no more sleeping on benches. just no more, okay? (scoffs) grow up, dad. come on. how could you not laugh at that? hey, studly. hey. what's up? you know i-i was just thinking about how we get to keep knocking it out and high-fiving afterwards until we die. i'm so psyched. you just say, "shall we?" no problem. shall we? ♪ grayson, i can't do this. no, that's, um, that's where you say "indeed." i just--i want more. i do. i know what i said before, but that was, like 18 hours ago, and that was the old jules. the new jules-- she shoots from the hip. go away. look, the only reason that you and

i didn't dive in is because we're scared. i've been making so many decisions my whole life out of fear. i just don't want to do it anymore. come on. we like each other. let's do this. let's do this. i don't know what you want me to say. just say... "why not?" (goldhawks) ♪ each night we'd fall in love ♪ so how'd it go? too soon? just give him some time. he probably just thinks this isn't what he signed up for. that's what he said. i don't get it. no, that's actually what he said. ooh. ♪ ..to hold to get me through the stage of life ♪ well, that's twice i've found you in here. i'm buying bear spray. i was just teasing about the nanny, you wuss. look... i want to tell you something, but you can't tell jules.

i'm intrigued. you're kind of my hero. no, thank you. okay, not you personally, but you have everything-- a great house, great family, fancy old lady clothes. the dirty secret is, i want your life, not jules'. she works like a dog. and i'll tell you what. if i do marry smith jules is gonna walk into the office one day, look over at my chair and there's just gonna be a puff of smoke. and when i have a baby, i'm gonna hire, like, a 5-person parenting team who'll wear uniforms i design. ♪ we've gotta keep this fire, we've gotta keep this fire ♪ are you trying to say "thank you"? ♪ we've gotta keep this fire ♪ you're welcome. get dressed, woman! whoo-hoo! we're going out! (laughs) let's go get some dinner. sure. why not? great. shall we? (door opens) can you ask me another way? (door closes) what? hello. i'll go, too,

if you're driving. ♪ i can tell you've got ... ♪ no way! i know i've been too broke to do as much for you as your mom but i didn't want you to go off to college without a car. now if we had gotten that damn balloon i could have given her a new paint job and fixed those bullet holes. this is all your dad's doing. he's been working extra jobs for months. man, now i feel like a tool. i know. it makes it even more delicious. now you want to take this panty dropper for a spin? yeah, but i want one thing. whoo! whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! (tires peal) ♪ oh ♪ ♪ we've gotta keep this fire ♪ ♪ we've gotta keep this fire ♪ hey. ♪ we've gotta keep this fire ♪ ♪ burning ♪ why did you do that? why not? ♪ keep burning, keep burning ♪ ♪ yeah, keep burning ♪ ♪ keep burning ♪ ♪ keep burning, yeah ♪

♪ we've gotta keep this fire, keep burning ♪ hi, anne. how are you doing? hi, evelyn. i know it's been a difficult time since your mom passed away. yeah. i miss her a lot but i'm okay. wow. that was fast. this is the check i've been waiting for. mom had a guaranteed acceptance life insurance policy through the colonial penn program, and this will really help with the cost of her final expenses. they have been so helpful and supportive during this time. maybe i should give them a call. i really could use some more life insurance. is it affordable? it costs less than 35 cents a day-- that's pretty affordable, huh? less than 35 cents a day? that's less than the cost of a postage stamp. so, you said it was guaranteed acceptance? yes. it's permanent coverage with guaranteed acceptance for people ages 50 to 85. there's no medical exam or health questions. you can't be turned down because of your health. it fit right into mom's budget

and gave her added peace of mind. you should give them a call i definitely could use more coverage. i think i will give them a call. man: are you between the ages of 50 and 85? or know someone who is? do you think that quality insurance at an affordable rate is out of your reach? for less than 35 cents a day, you can get guaranteed acceptance life insurance through the colonial penn program. you cannot be turned down because of your health. there are no health questions or medical exam. your rate will never go up and your benefit will never go down due to age-- guaranteed! these days the average cost of a funeral is over $7300, and social security pays a death benefit of just $255. don't leave a burden for your loved ones. since 1994 over 6 million people have called about this quality insurance. there's no risk or obligation. call about the colonial penn program now. you'll be glad you did.

thanks for getting me the mustache, guys. i haven't had one since eighth grade. you look like dom deluise and burt reynolds' love child. ha ha. (laughs) hey i got a great idea. i say we make a man pact and wear these for a month. i mean, i wouldn't call that a "great" idea but hey, why not? i'm down. well, i'll give it a shot, fellas, but once ellie sees this she's gonna make me take it off. she loves this face too much. what's that on your face? what is this thing on my face? i've had it on for a week! a week! seriously? calm down.

ed the question that was tossed at him. then he was asked what he would have done, then he side stepped the question. to be continued. >> racial protests are heating up again in the streets of madison, wisconsin after people have heard a white police officer will not be charged in the shooting death of an unarmed 19-year-old by racial man. officer matt kenny opened fire on tony robinson during a violent struggle in march. witnesses claim that robinson

appeared disturbed running through traffic and attacking people. robinson's family though is outraged. >> i just want to say the, this is politics and not justice. >> my decision is not based on emotion. rather this decision is based on the facts as they have been investigated and reported to me. >> and prosecutors say officer kenny used lawful deadly force fearing for his life after he was staggered by a punch to the head from robinson who they say was out of control from an lewisnogenic drugs. >> severe weather for millions of americans across the middle of the country with rains triggering flash flooding even spawning funnel clouds. this is one you're seeing in texas. this is near the beach. more storms are on the way. ryan owens the latest for us now. >> large parts of the lone star

state are flooded. the water stretching for miles in this town south of dallas with more rain in the forecast there's concern these choppers may soon be back in the air. these teenagers tweeting from their submerged truck. the ground in this state is so saturated, this cliff south of fort worth collapsed into the lake below. >> help, help. >> and this being texas, it's not just people who need rescued. a family of cowboys will to round up dozens of horses caught in high water on their ranch. the predicted rain could hamper clean-up here in van where people are still sifting through the wreckage of their homes. >> we're lucky because it was trying to suck us out of the house. >> a couple died in their home here. he retired police detective, she a church secretary. their home collapsed around them. only the family dog survived. protected in the arms of its master. >> amid the rubble here so many remarkable survivor stories. see that behind me? that's one's living room.

a woman was on the couch against that back wall when the tornado hit. it blew over a tree that popped up her entire living room. she's fine though and staying with friends. ryan owens, abc news van, texas. >> and now here's a look at today's weather. the deluge continues from southern texas through oklahoma with some areas seeing another 4 inches of rain. storms will also stretch up into the northern plains and showers will extend from the sierras down along the california coast. >> temperatures in the northeast will be up to 20 degrees cooler today. only in the 60s. it will be even cooler over the great lakes. 56 for chicago. 93 in phoenix. new england patriots quarterback tom brady expected to appeal his four game deflategate suspension today. an nfl hearing with roger goodell or someone he appointed would take place ten days. the attorney who wrote the report is firing back now against his critics saying he

found direct evidence brady knew patriot staffers were deflating footballs. wells also saided brady didn't cooperate with the investigation and that he refused to turn over his phone records. >> an outbreak of bird flu in the midwest is driving up the price of eggs and products made with eggs. the cost of a carton of large eggs in the midwest jumped nearly 17% from $1.39 from $1.19 since mid april. turkey prices are inching up, as well. more than a million chickens and turkeys have been killed to keep the in from spreading. >> who is on is the $20 bill? do you know? who is going to be next on the $20 bill. we might have a woman replacing andrew jackson. harriet tubman was selected from a list of four finalists best known for her role as a conductor on the underground railroad. the group is putting this together taking this poll and now harriet tubman's come out the winner. they hope to take a