>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, denis leary, world cup soccer champion alex morgan, and music from big talk. with cleto and the cletones. and now, first things first, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: thank you. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for waiting out in the sweltering heat to be here. if you told me years ago and said jimmy, one day people will line up in the heat for hours to see your show, i would have said you're giving tickets away for free, right? and the answer would be yes. it's been so hot lately. the first half of 2015 has been the hottest year ever recorded. heat advisories are in effect all over the country. in parts of texas, people are direction as cows, just so they can hang out in meat lockers. in new york city, bill de blasio is asking people to keep their thermostats set to 78 degrees so they don't overload the electric grid. do air conditioners go up to 78 degrees? starbucks serve coffee at 78 degrees.

local officials in many communities are advising people to stay indoors and avoid strenuous activity. in other words, we should be doing exactly what we would be doing anyway in this heat. no one has to tell me to be indoors and avoid strenuous activity, it's what i was born not to do. and donald trump had another hot day today. a new "washington post"/abc poll shows donald trump leading the pack of the republican contenders, cough cough. sorry. my lungs are -- [ cheers and applause ] he's now ahead of former florida governor jeb bush. they must be polling the same people who voted for sanjaya on "american idol," right? the poll was conducted before his comments about arizona senator john mccain, the comments that have made just about everyone angry at him. on cnn last night, they asked senator lindsey graham who's a

good friend of john mccain's what he thought about what donald trump said. this is what he said. >> earlier i spoke to one of trump's presidential republican rivals, senator lindsey graham. i asked him what his first thought was when he heard trump's comments about his good friend. >> that he's a jackass. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so trump, who doesn't like that sort of thing, trump went on "the o'reilly factor" last night, did the donald trump version of an apology, which made it very easy to see why he's been divorced a couple times. and then at a campaign event in south carolina he gave out lindsey graham's personal cell phone number. >> i gave him his number and i found the card. i wrote the number down. i don't know if it's the right number. let's try it. 202-228-0292. i don't know. it's three, four years ago.

maybe it's an old number, 202-228-0292. so, i don't know. give it a shot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have to say, he's bringing the same level of class to this presidential election that one does to a stall in a public restroom. so lindsey graham tweeted today, probably getting a new phone. iphone or android. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i have to say, i've never seen anything like this. giving people's phone numbers out, it's like he's running for president of a sorority or something. and we have another 16 months to go, where could this be headed, guillermo? >> guillermo: nowhere good. >> jimmy: nowhere good. all right. time for a game now. our friends as cisco built us a big beautiful screen. they call it the wall of america. it lets you be a part of the show from the comfort of your own home. let's fire it up now for a thrilling edition of "dare

roulette." here we go. tonight our viewers will square off to see who is the bravest of them all. and let's bring them up. there they are. hello, earn. how are you guys doing? >> hey, jimmy! >> whoo! >> jimmy: wow, what a crew we have here. look at this. we have a post it that says i love you mom. i think she knows. i think she knows. wow. manny, are you still living with mom? >> yes, she's actually in the living room drinking coffee. >> jimmy: all right, okay. here's how this works. we have a little device. one of you will be selected at random, and then guillermo will spin a wheel. we have a big wheel populated with dares. are you ready to be daring? >> yes. >> bring it on! >> jimmy: let's find our first dare-ee. go ahead and do the random thing and see where it lands on. this true is random.

vinny from east orange, new jersey, our first competitor. vinny. you know, i have an uncle vinny. >> i know. >> jimmy: oh, all right. you're name is vinny. is that short for something? >> vinny. >> jimmy: oh. are you italian, like my uncle vinny? >> well, we don't talk about that side of the family. >> jimmy: you don't, okay, i gotcha. what do you do, vinny? can you tell us a little bit about yourself? >> i'm in health care. i take care of alzheimer's patients. >> jimmy: that's a good thing to do. that's very nice. okay. well, you're ready to dare. this is something that could potentially be embarrassing. >> who cares? >> jimmy: okay, who cares. all right. all right. let's find out what your dare is. guillermo, spin the wheel for vinny. here we go. >> make it good, make it good. >> jimmy: and it is going to land on --

ah, okay. write "i make very poor decisions" on the wall. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. so grab a pen, and head back to the wall. it looks like you've done a lot of work on that wall, too. this will be a change. >> let's see. >> jimmy: vinny, are you nine feet tall? >> no, why, i look tall? >> jimmy: it looks like your head's about to touch the ceiling, yeah. oh. >> that better? >> jimmy: yeah. now you look, now you look 14 feet tall. >> so let me find the nearest wall. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, or wherever. >> here we go. >> jimmy: right there, okay, that's good. wherever we can see it. okay. is that a sharpie you're using? >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: it is. okay. so we are going to have to repaint that wall, i guess, huh? >> yes, you are. >> jimmy: okay, all right. and when i said "we" i really didn't mean us, i meant just you and your friends.

all right, very good. well done. vinny has completed the first dare. thank you, vinny. [ cheers and applause ] let's spin it again, let's do it again. let's see who we land on. here we go. and, oh, there we go. it's manny. manny is doing a -- manny is doing his own post-it comedy show there. how are you doing, manny? >> excellent, jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. you're in winston-salem, i see. >> yes. >> jimmy: and that picture on the wall, that's you and your wife? >> no, that's my mother. >> jimmy: is it really? >> no, that's my wife. >> jimmy: okay, all right, i gotcha. manny, are you ready? let's spin the wheel for beganny. guillermo, spin it. let's see what it lands on. >> spin it good! >> jimmy: i have a feeling manny will do just about anything. all right, manny. move a little bit back so we can

really see. give yourself a wedgie, okay. there we go. make it a good one. all right. a boxer wedgy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, no! are you all right? are you all right, manny? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right, all right. let's go back to the -- manny, you did it, that's enough, for god's sake. we almost killed him. imagine dying, giving yourself a wedgy? what a way to go. all right. let's see. who else do we have? here we go. and we land on reagan.

all right, is it regan or reagan? >> it's reagan. >> jimmy: you're in houston, texas? >> awesome. yes. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living, regan? or reagan, sorry. >> i'm a project manager with awesome stuff. >> jimmy: what's that i see on the top shelf there? >> oh, that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> let me show you real quick. >> jimmy: yeah, show it to us and give yourself a wedgie while you're up there. >> let me dump out all the wine corks. when you get your class ring at my school, you put it in a pitcher of beer and then drink it. >> jimmy: i see. then you save it forever, at least until you have kids, then you throw it out? >> until you grow up, yeah. >> jimmy: you grow up or throw up. all right. here we go, guillermo, spin it. spin it for reagan and the wielands on -- oh, the first

name of your least favorite co-worker. >> that one is very easy, and i have a co-worker that's going to be watching this. his name is kevin. >> jimmy: kevin, all right. sorry, kevin. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, three finalists. we're going to take a break. when we come back we'll have one final dare. may god have mercy on all these people. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ imagine - she won't have to remember passwords.

or obsess about security. she'll log in with her smile. he'll have his very own personal assistant. and this guy won't just surf the web. he'll touch it. scribble on it. and share it. because these kids will grow up with windows 10. get started today. windows 10. a more human way to do. no matter what i need you to stay focused. don't take your eyes off of the screen. sfx: drill noise. sfx: puppies barking. wrestlers: ahhh!! grrr!!! owwweee! it's hard to stay focused. text message alerts from chevy let you send a text response at the touch of a button ...

so you can focus on driving. this will make it a little easier to keep my eye on the road. its amazing. ♪ kellogg's® frosted ...8 layers of wheat... ...and one that's sweet. to satisfy the adult.... ...and kid - in all of us. ♪ nutritious wheat for the adult you've grown into. and delicious sweet for the kid you'll never outgrow... feed your inner kidult... ...with frosted mini-wheats® and now you could win up to a hundred dollars when you buy any specially marked kellogg's cereal.

♪usic: etta james "at last" (plays throughout) sometimes, at last doesn't happen at first. ♪ ♪ your dad just kissed my mom. ♪ turning two worlds into one takes love. ♪ helping protect that world takes state farm. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right, welcome back. still to come, alex morgan and big talk.

our three finalists. manny's going crazy there in his place. it's funny to look into people's homes, and that's what we've done tonight. we have one final dare. we will ask you all to do this together. and the audience and i will judge who did it best. okay? >> all right. >> jimmy: guillermo's keeping the final dare very safe. where have you been keeping this dare? >> guillermo: in my ear. >> jimmy: in his ear. >> oh, wow. >> guillermo, i love you. >> jimmy: pull it out of your ear and manny loves you, guillermo. >> guillermo: i love you too, manny. come back dirty. filthy person wins. >> jimmy: what? >> what? >> guillermo: let me read it again. >> jimmy: yeah, read it in english. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: come back dirty, filthy person wins. >> jimmy: i think you're saying, come back dirty, the filthiest person wins.

go wherever you have to go to get dirty and then come back. dirty. yes, reagan, go get dirty. look at this, by the way. this guy knew he was going to be on tv today. and he hung a towel over the door. women have nicer places than men in general, it turns out, yeah. all right. so they're going to come back dirty, and here we go, oh, wow. oh, my god. manny, wow! what is that on your face, man snow? >> i think it's mud, jimmy. >> jimmy: mud. oh, vinny, what happened to you? what is that on your head? >> shaving cream. >> jimmy: shaving cream and now we're going to wait for reagan. and reagan -- what did you put on, like a -- >> i'm really sorry.

>> jimmy: no, you're not that dirty. i'm sorry, there's really no contest. manny is the winner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. manny, for your efforts, you win a great prize. you get a flat-screen tv and a leaf blower, and thanks to all our competitors. if you want so be a part of the wall of america, sign up at jimmykimmellive.com and we'll put you on the wall. thanks, guys. [ cheers and applause ] that was weird. i was relieved to hear it was mud, to be honest with you. are you familiar with the website ashleymadison.com? okay, i know a lot of guys are pretending they're not. but ashley madison, they call it a dating site for married men and women who are looking to have an affair. you pay a fee of some kind and they pair you up with other sneaky people. for those who signed up for this, a group of hackers broke

in and are threatening to expose the identities of more than 38 million users. ashley madison, they're saying shut down the site, we'll reveal everyone's identity. first of all, how crazy is it that they have 37 million? isn't that like everyone? isn't that, like, i mean, really, walmart doesn't have 37 million customers. and you know, 36 million of those 37 million customers are guys, right? women don't need a website, women just, all they need is a pulse, and they're fine, but if this information gets released, millions of marriages could be affected, and that's hardest on kids. kids don't understand these things, kids are very innocent until we pollute their minds. in fact, we went on the streets today and asked kids -- [ audience groans ] >> jimmy: we asked kids what adultery is.

[ audience groans again ] >> jimmy: i'm trying to do a show. i don't know what to tell you. and here it is. kids explain adultery. >> what is adultery? >> to be a movie star. >> do you know anyone who is an adulterer? >> johnny depp. >> what is adultery? >> a dog running. >> describe adultery. >> it's archery for adults. >> what is adultery? >> being an adult. >> what do you think the best part of adultery is? >> getting to drink. >> getting to drink. i agree. >> what is adultery? >> anything that is fun, nourishing and all sorts of things. >> are your parents adulterers? >> yes.

>> both of them? >> yes. >> how is that? >> fun. >> what is adultery? >> what did you say? >> adultery? >> adultery? i don't know what those are. >> do you want to take a guess? do you think it's funny, adultery? until it happens to you, right? what does it mean when somebody cheats on somebody? >> it means they're cheating. >> and what does that mean? >> it means they're not following the rules. >> and what are the rules? >> that you can't cheat. >> what does it mean when somebody cheats on somebody else? >> that means that they, you know, get the wrong person and they might accidently get the

different person that they're not apposed to get. >> so when you cheat on somebody, it's usually an accident? >> yeah, but not all the time. >> sometimes it's on purpose? >> yeah. >> like if you went onto ashley madison and signed up to meet somebody? >> yes. >> jimmy: right. thanks, kids. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from big talk, world cup champion alex morgan is here, and we'll be right back with denis leary. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

all the hard work... time in the service... community college... it matters. it's why we, at university of phoenix, count your relevant work and college experience as credits toward your degree. learn more at phoenix.edu. with at&t, strong can turn a simple lunch break... ...into advanced economics. at&t's network has the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. ♪ shake it, shake it baby, come on now. ♪ ♪ shake it, shake it baby, oohh oohh. ♪ ♪ shake it, shake it, shake it, oohh. ♪ ♪ a-b-c, it's easy as 1-2-3

♪ as simple as do-re-me, a-b-c, 1-2-3, baby you and me, yeah. ♪ ♪ a-b-c, it's easy, it's like counting up to three. ♪ ♪ sing a simple melody, yeah. make it look easy with jeans that stretch from target. and we just couldn't say thno to that face.ns then we wanted more of that local flavor so betty says... oh yeah, that's betty. you're going to want to do this alligator thing. and betty didn't lead us wrong. a little later we passed some dancing. and who doesn't like dancing? especially when it's followed by fireworks

everyone's nola is different. follow yours. about a couple of touring bikes? (dad) yeah... mounted on top of a new suv? (mom) uh huh... hooked up to the back of a custom motorhome? (dad) exactly! but how did you- you've got the new instant game from the pennsylvania lottery. (dad) right! bankroll doubler. (mom, off-screen) with top prizes of $300,000. (male announcer) want to see your dreams come to life? you could scratch your way to instant winning. the pennsylvania lottery. bring your dreams to life.

>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight, from the world cup-winning u.s. women's soccer team, alex morgan is here. then later, from las vegas, nevada, their new album comes out friday, it's called, "straight in, no kissin'," big talk from the samsung stage. this is ronnie vannucci's band, ronnie is the drummer for the killers. tomorrow night, ed helms will be here, brie larson from

"trainwreck" and we'll have music from joss stone. and on thursday night, colin farrell and meghan trainor too. join us for those shows. our first guest tonight is a very funny comedian, actor, smoker, you name it, with a new show that may hold the world record for heaviest use of ampersands. it's called "second and drugs and rock and roll." watch it on fx thursday nights at 10:00. please welcome denis leary. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, i'm a little under the weather -- >> can i sit here? >> jimmy: it's fine, as long as we don't actually contact our lips or our hands. >> i know, and i kissed your hair. what is it?

it cut my lip. >> jimmy: hair spray. his hair has the consistency of the comb like fonzie would carry around. >> i was very surprised. it hurt. i'm mad at you. >> jimmy: why? >> because. so many reasons. >> jimmy: what did i do? >> my kids are 23 and 25. and so that, and their generation, you are -- forget david letterman, you are like -- you, conan and jon stewart, that's all i hear about in my house every day. oh, last night kimmel said this, jon stewart, conan, kimmel, kimmel. i'm like, hey. first of all, i know these guys. they're scum like me. so my son comes to me and says, hey, dad, jimmy kimmel and howard stern have this new thing. they're geniuses. squatty potty. >> jimmy: oh. >> you know what squatty potty is? the little stool you put next to your toilet and puts you in a

squatting position while you poop? i'm going, what are you talking about? my son goes, they're geniuses. they've changed the way you go to the bathroom. i'm like, this is classic. two rich white guys with their heads so far up their own asses that their contribution to society is how to help people poop better. jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's really important. >> so of course i'm completely dismissive. kimmel. so it's a true story. memorial day weekend. i'm driving. i drive everywhere, i didn't drive here, but i drive everywhere, so i'm driving from detroit to new york. i only drive pickup trucks and big-ass suvs. that's it, okay? which drives my daughter nuts. dad, the environment. you drive these big trucks so fast, endangered species. i'm like, i'm a 57 year old irish guy who likes coffee-flavored coffee. and smokes. i'm an endangered species. give me a break. so she's like, don't you want to save the planet?

yeah, in another 35 years i'm good. know what i mean? i'm not spending the next 35 years driving around in a prius eating steamed kale. it's not happening, all right? see? if you see me in a prius at all it means i'm being held hostage. okay? so call the authorities. these are my bacon double cheeseburger years, ladies and gentlemen, which is what i buy at the burger king while i'm driving from detroit to new york. i stop at a burger king. i get a bacon double cheeseburger. that comes with a biodegradable napkin, which is hilarious. because the cheeseburger is going to be in my colon for the next 35 years. two weeks the napkins are going to be mulch. anyway. i drive fast and smoke, and sing it's like pickup karaoke. right? and i see a rest area coming up. and you know that thing you do when you check with your ass? right? we all do it when we're driving, right? you kind of, hey, we all right? and yeah, we're good to go, pal.

as soon as i go past that rest area, five minutes later, i see a sign that says, next rest area,s miles. that's the moment that my ass goes, we have to go. i'm having a conversation with my ass in my pickup truck. i'm like, i just asked you guys. what's going on? so now i'm driving and you know that thing you get that thing where i can clench it up for a while. i think i can do the 26 miles. right? which is real easy to do, when you walk around clenching your ass because you have to take one, it's easy. you're in a standing position, you just go like this. the white guy walk. the ultimate white guy walk. even my black friend dozen this walk when they have to go to the bathroom. but in a car you're already in the seated position so the ass has the advantage. because the ass thinks, wait a minute. are we at a toilet now? where are we? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and i'm fighting it. i stop seeinging.

because you don't want to hit a high note if you've got one in there. i'm not even humming at this point. and i look and see an area, i can do this area a little clearing going into the woods. right? i pull the truck over. i get out of the truck and kind of walking backwards. i'm like, i want to get back far enough so people can't see me. by the way, one of the great things about the ford f-150, it i do the voice-overs for, it hides you when you're taking a poop. i got to a certain point, it's like, hey, nobody can see me. as soon as i said that my ass went, we gotta go. i squatted, in the full position, and it was over like that. it was the quickest, easiest poop i've ever taken in my life. i had my burger king napkins in my hand. i was like, i don't even think i have to wipe, that's how -- [ audience groans ] >> i tell you, i stood up, i looked down. it was the perfect poop. and i said to myself, jimmy

kimmel is a genius. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: me? >> jimmy, jimmy kimmel, i got to buy a squatty potty, and while i'm doing that, i hear this voice. hey! i look up. i didn't look far enough behind me. 20 feet away is a fence, people are having a barbecue. i have my pants down, the napkins in my hand. i pull them up and i ran like a bat out of hell. i don't know if they thought it was me or willem dafoe. >> jimmy: denis leary. "second and drugs and rock and roll." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

who says families have to share data now get four lines. each with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data. just $30 bucks a line it's 10 gigs for all only from t-mobile

and want to know if something's going to work for you. we get it. that's why university of phoenix offers new students a 3-week risk free trial. learn more at phoenix.edu. is caring.ng because covering heals faster. to seal out water, dirt and germs, cover with a water block clear bandage from band-aid brand.

in the nation, we know how you feel about your car. so when coverage really counts, you can count on nationwide. ♪ love because what's precious to you is precious to us. ♪ love is strange just another way we put members first. join the nation. ♪ baby... ♪ nationwide is on your side

who says families have to share data now get four lines. each with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data. just $30 bucks a line it's 10 gigs for all only from t-mobile

ready to head -- hear some morissey, huh? all right, that's what you asked for. ♪ ♪ oh no it's not your fault ♪ oh no if i die i die if yo-yo ♪ ♪ don't hate me i'm all alone ♪ crying in the dark standing in the park ♪ ♪ asking if there are any cigarettes ♪ ♪ don't eat meat oh no don't eat meat ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is denis leary in

"sex and drugs and rock and roll." a new show on fx. what a funny show that is. it's very, very funny. >> oh, thanks, man. >> jimmy: i take it you're not a fan of morrissey? >> no, no, no, people keep saying that to me. i love radiohead and morrissey. i'm one of those guys, i love the who, one of my favorite rock bands of all-time. yeah. but i'm not a tommy or a quadrophenia guy. i'm a three-minute, four-minute rock song guy. i don't like -- when progressive rock was happening in the '70s, it drove me crazy. the ramones kind of saved me. i love radiohead, but when they start to get a little pretentious -- >> jimmy: long form. >> yeah, and morrissey i love and he gets a little bit, you can't have meat? at madison square garden? i can't have a hot dog, i paid $300 to see you? know what i mean? come on. let me have a hot dog. rub it on my face. so that's where i draw the line. >> jimmy: who's your all-time favorite? >> rolling stones. hands down. [ cheers and applause ] >> rolling stones, the who, david bowie. >> jimmy: have you met these

guys? >> i have met mick jagger and the guys from the who. david bowie, i don't know why, but david bowie to me is kind of like a god. i don't know why. there's something about him, and i met him when i was first getting famous, i was doing this show. tv show. and you had to go outside to smoke. so i went out in the alley by the stage door. >> jimmy: you're a smoker. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> unbelievable. so anyways, he's a smoker. and he was the musical guest. i was out there hanging out, and all of a sudden david bowie walks up and says do you have a cigarette? and i'm like -- i couldn't even talk. i gave him a cigarette. and i go, how you doing? and he goes, hey, so what's bobcat goldthwait like? and i'm like, what's bobcat goldthwait like? he's like, yeah, is he weird, is he weird? i'm like, he's a little weird, but he's not as weird as the guy he plays on stage? and he goes what about steven wright?

is he really weird? i'm like, yeah, he actually is weird, he's really weird. i'm thinking i'm going to get a conversation with bowie, and he's like, so now bobcat, does he really wear those clothes? i'm going, what's going on? this is crazy. and then they call him for the sound check, never see him again. i swear to god. so bobcat and steven wright are who i talked to bowie about -- >> jimmy: bobcat is going to love this story. >> he's heard this story. my greatest fear is next time i meet bowie, how's bobcat? >> jimmy: i hear he has a great sense of humor. >> he's a comedy buff, or he just hates me. that's possible. >> jimmy: what's really interesting is you really write these songs in the television show. >> co-write the songs. yeah. i have a writing partner in chris phillips, a terrifically talented guy. i had greg dooley in the afghan wigs in the studio to do the old songs with me. that was crazy. my fictional band was about to

become famous in the early '90s when the afghan wigs and nirvana took off. so i got grohl and greg dooley to work on the pilot with the afghan wigs and the music was great. >> jimmy: and the music would be a lot of fun i would think. >> well, it is. here's the thing. i'm obviously not a rock star. i sing the [ bleep ] song when i do a concert. that's like -- you know. in front of 15,000 people i can sing the [ bleep ] song and act goofy. i took it for granted i could be a rock star in a tv show. i found out, you have to be cool to be a rock star. you have to dance cool. i can't dance cool. i was like five seconds in the song, and they're like, what are you doing? i'm like, i'm dancing around. they go, that doesn't look like dancing, man. i come back. i was so worried about the dancing moves they gave me. i couldn't remember the lyrics. they said we'll get you a teleprompter, i couldn't read the print in the teleprompter. so they gave me these to wear

onstage that are prescription glasses so i could see. that's when i found out, from them, most rock stars that wear sun glasses on stage, they're prescription. >> jimmy: really? >> bono. glaucoma. steven tyler. yeah. i didn't know all these guys have teleprompters. >> jimmy: you learned all the secrets of the rock stars. >> of course, they're 70 years old. you're mick jagger, you're 70. you're going to remember three hours' worth of songs? >> jimmy: you have another project you've been working on. near and dear to your heart. >> i'm glad you brought that up. >> jimmy: you've asked us to show this and i think it is worthwhile and something people will be interested in. >> i really appreciate you letting me come here tonight. we've been funny and now it's the serious part. it's a cause i'm involved with, i guess the best way to say it, it's really vital in the summertime. i think it's great that we're running it now. >> jimmy: take a look. ♪ >> ah, summertime, you know summer's all about having fun, lounging by the pool, hanging with your friends and eating soup.

that's right. soup. hi, i'm denis leary reminding you that a piping hot bowl of soup is the perfect treat on a summer day. right, deb? >> right. >> right. >> right. >> right. >> summertime is soup time, so grab your spoon and slurp down a hearty bowl of chicken noodle, minestrone, split pea, beef barley, french onion, black bean, even matzo ball. >> tastes like summer! >> you said it, pal. >> what about gazpacho? >> gazpacho's not [ bleep ] soup. it's pretending to be soup. [ bleep ] kids. this summer, make it soup! have a souper summer! >> message from the american soup council. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: denis leary, everybody. "sex and drugs and rock and roll." thursday nights on fx.

we'll be right back with alex morgan! ♪ them? they look cool. excuse me! young people! where did you get these looks? old navy. the navy, it's the navy. old navy mom... and how much for the denims? eight dollars. eight? mom please! mom! hunter! hunter! mommy's speaking. kids stuff is up to 60% off. you're going to be late today hunter, we're going to old navy. it's a good looking car. ? this is the model rear end event. the model year end sales event. it's year end! it's the rear end event. year end, rear end, check it out. talk about turbocharging my engine. you're gorgeous. what kind of car do you like? new, or many miles on it? get a $1000 volkswagen reward card on select 2015 passat models. or lease a 2015 passat limited edition for $189 a month after a $1000 bonus.

i will take beauty into my own hands...where it belongs. olay regenerist. it regenerates surface cells. new skin is revealed in only 5 days. without drastic measures. stunningly youthful. award-winning skin. never settle for anything less. the regenerist collection. from the world's #1. olay, your best beautiful

padvil pm gives you the healingu at nsleep you need, it. helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. create your own tour of italy while you still can, starting at $12.99. choose three of our nine most loved dishes to enjoy on one plate. served with salad and breadsticks because the best tour of italy is the one you create. hurry! offer ends soon at olive garden. with at&t, strong can tell a bedtime story...from gate 9. at&t's network has the nation's strongest 4g lte signal.

will you be a sound sleeper, or a mouth breather. well, put on a breathe right strip and instantly open your nose up to 38% more than allergy medicines alone. so you can breathe and sleep. shut your mouth and sleep right. breathe right. listerine® total care strengthens teeth, after brushing, helps prevent cavities and restores tooth enamel. it's an easy way to give listerine® total care to the total family. listerine® total care. one bottle, six benefits. power to your mouth™. ♪ a-b-c, it's easy as 1-2-3 ♪ as simple as do-re-mi ♪ a-b-c, 1-2-3 baby you and me ♪ 1-2-3 baby you and me, yeah it's easy to get it all, big and small at target.com ♪ i'm gonna teach you how to sing it out ♪ ♪ come on, come on, come on, come let me tell you what it's all about. ♪

>> jimmy: still to come, music

from big talk. earlier this month, our next guest helped the united states steamroll all who opposed us to bring home the fifa women's world cup. in september, she graces the cover of ea sports "fifa 16." please welcome alex morgan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for this. it's a really nice gift. >> it's a present for the next ten minutes. >> jimmy: let me ask you this. isn't it supposed to be a cup? it's the world cup, isn't it supposed to be a cup? the stanley cup, there's a cup. >> that's a really good point. i never thought about that. >> jimmy: yeah, if you were to try to drink out of this, it would be a disaster. it really would. >> it can funnel through right there. >> jimmy: i really enjoyed watching you guys,

congratulations, it was really fantastic. and i know you just had a knee surgery? is that what you had? >> yeah. on friday. >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm doing good. i got off crutches yesterday, i learned how to walk up and walk down stairs. it's like teaching a baby all over again. >> jimmy: is it really? >> a little bit. but i accelerate a little faster speed than babies do. >> jimmy: when do you start playing again? >> three or four weeks. >> a couple weeks. >> jimmy: then you go back playing professionally again? >> yeah, in portland. and then with our celebration tour all throughout the u.s. with the national team. >> jimmy: what is the celebration tour? >> celebrating our win, victory tour, celebration tour. >> jimmy: you go around and play people? >> we're going to play other teams, a lot of teams that were in the world cup, costa rica, australia and a couple other teams. we'll start in i believe pittsburgh and go from there and kind of have two games at a time and then a break to go back to our professional teams. >> jimmy: so these are teams like costa rica for instance are not interested in celebrating your big win.

right? >> it's not a celebration tour for them. >> jimmy: it's not. it's a revenge tour for them. so you guys are like, hey! and they're like, we're going to kill you guys! when you play a team from another country and nobody speaks english. i don't know. maybe there are a few that speak english from japan or something like that, is it, do you have on-field communication with your opponents? there is some sort of -- >> do we want to? >> jimmy: i don't know. is there some universal trash talk that goes on? >> i think a good glare is good. when they foul me, and i'm like, don't do that again. >> jimmy: are there some teams you like playing more than others or dislike more than others? >> yes. yeah. >> jimmy: which team do you least enjoy facing? >> canada is a good rivalry. >> jimmy: why canada? really. i would think canada -- >> everybody wants to know why. they're super-physical. and some people might say that they're dirty, and that's not me saying that. maybe some people say that. >> jimmy: they do. >> but maybe they could say that to us, too, so.

>> jimmy: i think the canadians would be delighted to hear that they're dirty in some way. because they seem to clean up there above us. really, like cleaning their cleats down on us, here in detroit and stuff like that. and yet, wow, the canadians are the dirty ones. i would never have guessed that. >> i didn't say that. you said that. >> jimmy: but i said it as a result of you saying it. >> as a result of others saying that. >> jimmy: as a result of others observing that. you're on the celebration tour. is this something you dreamed of your whole life? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is? >> definitely since i was like 8 years old. i wrote a little yellow sticky note to my mom when i was 8 saying i wanted to play professional soccer and signed my name and she kept it for like 15 years. ? >> jimmy: she did. you have it now? >> she has it still. we photocopied it in my first book that is part of the kick series that is a "new york times" bestseller. >> jimmy: you have children's books. >> yeah.

>> jimmy: your dad's been to every game. >> that i have for your daughter backstage. >> jimmy: i have to tell you something, i am a real critic of these children's books now. >> so i hear. oh, gosh, i'm nervous. >> jimmy: did my wife tell you about this? i go through the book and i go, this is terrible, put this on the crap shelf. >> i seriously hope you don't do that to my books. i really, really hope so. >> jimmy: you know what? i'll discuss it with the canadians and we'll let you know. >> 8-year-olds love it. so i hope you do too. >> jimmy: i would love it if my daughter played soccer. my older daughter played soccer briefly and she was really good at it but she hated it. >> that's unfortunate. >> jimmy: it was unfortunate. she could be sitting here right alongside you. i could have one of these in my house. instead, i have nothing! >> you have it for ten minutes. i told you. >> jimmy: you are the first female to be on the u.s. version of the "fifa." [ cheers and applause ] have you played this? >> the other day i played it, yeah. >> jimmy: are you any good at

it? >> i learned how to pass, how to shoot really high. i can't, like, shoot on frame. i'm really bad at that in the game. but it's an incredible honor. and to share it with messi. and there's 12 women's teams in the game. this year. and it's the first time ever that women are featured. >> jimmy: you guys had a big ticker-tape parade in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] we have some footage. of that ticker tape parade that you guys had in new york city. and that is -- look at how many people showed up. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that had to be one of the greatest days ever, right? >> it was, it was honestly one of the best moments of my life, aside from the world cup win and, you know, couple other things, this was top five. hundreds of thousands of fans. we were soaking it in. for about an hour. it was incredible. >> jimmy: they don't even make ticker tape anymore. i don't know where they even get -- there are no tickers to tape anymore. >> they somehow found lots of stuff to throw at the windows. we were getting these clods of

confetti. you know the shredder. people just took all the paper out of the shredder, throwing it at us. >> jimmy: people were showering you with expired legal documents. >> that's exactly true, yes. >> jimmy: congratulations. it was a lot of fun watching you guys win that cup. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a pretty good prize. is there more than one of these? >> that's all we get is one. >> jimmy: this is the only one, the whole team has to share this? >> i know, i know. >> jimmy: this is ridiculous, that's an outrage. and i call on fifa to fix this! get every member of the team a trophy. all right, there you go. fifa 16 is available and comes out september 22nd. alex morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: i want to thank denis leary and alex morgan. i want to apologize to matt damon, we did run out of time for matt damon. this is our musical guest tonight, you're a very, very talented band. this is their album. it's a terrific album. it's called "straight in, no kissin'."

unfortunately, we have run out of time for you guys tonight, and i know you got dressed up, and i was wondering -- >> that's no way to treat a lady. >> jimmy: i know, is it possible you guys could maybe come back next week and do the show? [ cheers and applause ] i would love to have you. >> i could get used to this. >> jimmy: may i say, you look quite smashing, ronnie, you really do. that's the album. it's called "straight in, no kissin'." and it comes out on friday. big talk, they'll be back next week. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching. good night!

this is "nightline." >> tonight for the first time in decades, new hope for the father of two who's sentenced for a nonviolent crime was so harsh even the judge who imposed it says it still haunts him. what the president is doing that could change the fates of so many americans locked up for life. plus milk brothers. they're not related by blood but they are nursing from the same woman. the picture gone viral and igniting a heated debate to tonight. is it okay for mothers to bredfeed one another's babies? from wonder woman to supergirl to agent carter. no longer sidekicks, these female superheroes are breaking down the doors to the boys' club. first the "nightline 5." >> it's macy's one-day saturday