>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, seth macfarlane, brian grazer, and music from halsey. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone!

i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [cheers and applause] thanks for coming. i'm glad, i am in a particularly good mood myself tonight. i have a new toilet. i got one of those toilets that, when you walk into the bathroom, the seat does this, you know, it's the all hail the bathroom lord. have you seen these? you know you come home from work and your dog is so excited to see you? it's a very similar feeling you get from my toilet when you walk in in the middle of the night. and there's all sorts of buttons, a heater for the seat, a control for the water pressure. a button, you press a button on the thing and it will call you a uber. it will pull up right next to you. that's why i have a little -- [cheers and applause] we might have a new major

candidate for president to work in the mix. a spokesman for the white house yesterday said vice president joe biden has received president obama's blessing to run if he decides to do that. not that he necessarily needs it, but biden hasn't made a decision yet, but he plans to as soon as amazon delivers the magic eight ball he ordered. he ran for president two times before, in 1988 and in 2008. there was a time, i have to say, when it seemed unimaginable that joe biden could ever be taken seriously enough to win his party's nomination, but donald trump just blew that idea right out the window, and now, anyone -- [ applause ] donald trump, i was just watching him in my office upstairs, and he is, i might have to vote for him. i really might. i mean, i'm sorry, guillermo. no offense to you. >> no problem. >> jimmy: meanwhile, jeb bush

who's found himself in an unexpected spot trailing donald trump, a lot of people are upset because he used the term anchor babies to describe children born of illegal immigrants, they come so the baby will be born a u.s. citizens, it's a derogatory. calling a child an anchor baby is almost as derogatory as calling a child jeb. but he was in mcallen, texas, defending himself, reminding everyone that his wife is mexican. you don't mention that your wife is mexican as much as jeb bush. >> no. >> jimmy: and he fielded questions in espaniol. [ speaking spanish ]

>> anchor babies. >> jimmy: i guess there's no translation for that. so jeb goes on to say this whole anchor baby thing. he says frankly, it's more related to asian people coming into our country to have children. and today his spokesman had to try to clear that one up, too. >> guys, real quick, before i take questions, i just want to make it absolutely clear that jeb bush deeply respects hispanic americans. he did not mean to refer to the children of hispanic immigrants as anchor babies. he was clearly talking about the asian ones. hold on, no, hold on. what i, i just, let me clarify that jeb bush has nothing but respect for asians. in fact, he always says that he eats so much chinese takeout,

he's practically jewish. >> a quick clairefication. jeb has the greatest respect for jewish people. the greatest respect and any indication to the contrary would be totally gay. correction, correction. >> jimmy: that went on for like three hours. i don't know. see, i don't know what the big deal is. i have a 1-year-old daughter at home. ever since she was born we can't go to dinner. we can't go to the movies. we're lucky if she lets us walk around in the buff. as far as i'm concerned, all babies are anchor babies. this happened in taipei, a 12 year old boy was walking through the museum. he had a drink in his hand. he stumbled, his monster energy drink broke his fall, but he punched a hole in a painting that is worth more than $1 million, which is one way to make sure your parents never take you to a museum again.

the painting is actually worth $1.5 million. and now it has a big hole in it. this is the painting. you see one of the great master works has been ruined. this is why we shouldn't expose children to the arts. i've said it time and time again. meanwhile, in osaka, japan a different exhibit attracted the attention of children there. this one is called toilet, human waste and earth's future. i guess the idea with this is to educate kids on -- i don't know what exactly -- but oh, that looks like fun! a toilet slide. you can flush yourself down it. [ applause ] an adorable little hats, too. dressing a child like poop is very good for their self-esteem.

we thought it would be fun to jam a bunch of subjects together. we call it our confusing question of the day. we asked people in question. now follow along. in light of the recent stock market crash, do you support donald trump's plan to wild a wall around wiz khalifa to direct americans from anchor babies which would implement new emow gees. and in this week's episode of the confusing question of the day. ♪ >> in light of the recent stock market crash, do you support donald trump's plan to build a wall around wiz khalifa to protect americans from anchor babies. >> do i support it? >> yes. >> i don't know what donald

trump has basically -- say that one more time? >> in light of the recent stock market crash, do you support donald trump's plan to build a wall around wiz khalifa to protect americans from anchor babies in direct opposition to the iranian deal? >> definitely, i think we need to build that wall and have no more babies have u.s. citizenship. >> no more babies. >> no. they can have their own countries. >> do you think that donald trump's wall around wiz khalifa would be in direct opposition to the iranian deal? >> his plan on what? >> his wall around wiz khalifa. >> this is on the mexican border. >> i'm sorry, did you say wiz khalifa? >> i did. >> no. i really don't support donald trump running for president at

all, because he's never ran any office. >> in light of the recent stock market crash, do you support donald trump's plan to build a wall around wiz khalifa in direct opposition to the iranian deal. >> you say wiz khalifa? yeah, i support that. >> you support building a wall around him. >> around wiz khalifa? >> you talkin' about when he's walking? >> yes. >> he got money, he can do that. >> jimmy: we have to take a break. when we come back, there's a new most-followed person on instagram, which is exciting. a lot of people are losing money in the stock market, and starbucks wants to help them, and we'll be right back to point the finger of shame. so stick around. we'll be right back. abc's jimmy kimmel live,

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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: kim kardashian is now the most-followed person on instagram. [cheers and applause] i thought you'd be more excited about that. it's just going to show you, kids, if you set your mind to something and really zero in on a goal you can accomplish something that is almost completely meaningless. you really can. kim has, now, 44.2 million followers. she just passed beyonce who has a paltry 44 million followers, which is embarrassing, really. apparently, she passed beyonce by posting more photos and longer captions. i do understand why kim's instagram account is so popular.

it is the number one place for closeup pictures of kim kardashian making faces like this one. you will not get that anywhere else congratulations to kim. congratulations with a k, in fact. social media is something we've shown can be a good thing. but we have the finger of shame. and our viewers have been diligent about capturing obnoxious behavior they've seen in public and posting it to facebook or instagram with t the #finger of shame. from realistic this is guillermo

on the back of a garbage truck. i know this is not a real sale. originally $39.99. okay. that's a discount of zero percent. oh, you've got pregnancy tests and children's books together. parenthood gets real in this aisle, apparently, finger of shame. this is from steven escobito, isis-type gin. this is time for a new pizza, isis pizza. the only bookstore left in america, and it's named isis. and by far, the most common theme that we've received more of these types of photos than we

have any idea what to do with. these are photographs of people's butt cracks. this is from april horton. the finger of shame. there you go. wait for the next available agent. the next one is from peppernuts 1. he says here's some ft. meyers finger of shame. and hey, jimmy, bad when the tide is in, and, worse when the tide is out. finger of shame. so there you are. thanks to everyone for pointing and pasting. if you see something shameful happening in public, point a finger, take a picture and post to our instagram with the finger of shame. together -- nothing will happen, but we'll have a lot of fun doing it. i don't know how many of you are involved in the stock market or know about it, but the dow is down again today by 204 points. yesterday it was down 588

points. it was the eighth-worst single day loss in history. it dropped faster than subway dropped jared. but according to bloomburg news, the world's 400 richest people lost $124 billion yesterday. bill gates alone, lost $3.2 billion on the stock market yesterday. to put that in perspective, that's like a regular person losing a dollar in a vending machine. all this turmoil is related to the economic slow down in china. every time something like this happens, i look more and more like a genius for investing all my money in precious moments figurines. they laughed at me then, no one's laughing at me now. the ceo of starbucks sent the message to starbucks employees yesterday, instructing them to be sensitive to customers who might be feeling stressed out

about the market. i like that the place charges $5 for a cup of coffee is concerned about our finances. but dealing with anxious customers isn't an easy thing to do. so today starbucks corporate sent a video to help baristas. >> the stock market's recent down turn has had an impact on many people, and many are starbucks patrons. more than ever, we must be sensitive to our customers' needs. your mission remains the same. you should always be prepared to, one, serve quality coffee. two, provide excellent service, and three, let rich people scream at you. relentlessly. whether you spell their name wrong or didn't leave enough room for cream, it's your job to be a human punching bag. that's it. starbucks. they asked for two pumps of hazelnut, not three, you

worthless piece of [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: tonight on the show we have music from halsey, brian grazer is here, and we'll be right back with seth macfarlane. so stay with us. ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by angry birds two. get your flock out now! have a special!hey terry so, what did you guys think of the test drive? i love the jetta. but what about a deal? terry, stop! it's quite alright... you know what? we want to make a deal with you. we're twins, so could you give us two for the price of one? come on, give us a deal. look at how old i am. do you come here often? he works here, terry! you work here, right? yes... ok let's get to the point. we're going to take the deal. get a $1000 volkswagen reward card on select 2015 jetta models. or lease a 2015 jetta s for $139 a month after a $1000 volkswagen bonus.

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>> jimmy: tonight, he's a producer and an author too, this is his book, "a curious mind: the secret to a bigger life," brian grazer is here. he's got a lot of good stories in here about all sorts of very famous people. then later, the kids have been lined up since early this morning for a very talented young woman from a land known as new jersey, her debut album comes out friday, it is appropriately called "badlands," halsey from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, join us with vma host miley cyrus, ali wentworth, and music from andy grammer. and on thursday, pierce brosnan, rami malek from the great new show "mr. robot," and music form lamb of god. >> jimmy: our first guest is a multi-talented overachiever who is the brains and a lot of other things behind "family guy," "american dad," "the cleveland show," and "ted." sometimes he works with people too, he's the executive producer of the new comedy starring patrick stewart called "blunt talk."

>> viewers are expecting something more from me. >> like what? >> answers, insights, revelation. on the street, they call me a hero. a white rodney king. >> i'm supposed to like the sound of that? >> oh, well, actually there was only one deranged individual. >> jimmy: "blunt talk" airs saturdays at nine on starz!, please welcome seth macfarlane. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i know, first of all, i want to say, i have extra appreciation for you coming today because you know you're sick. >> it's okay if i sound like rachael ray, it's because i'm rachael ray.

>> jimmy: maybe you can whip up a special thing for us. you won't mind if i purele. >> that's okay. if that's what you do normally, it's fine. >> jimmy: you're supposed to rub it for like a half hour to get it in there. do you think this stuff works? >> who the hell knows? it makes you feel good. >> jimmy: i do want to mention that i saw blunt talk, and it is very, very funny. patrick stewart is very funny. >> he's fantastic. >> jimmy: that's got to be a thrill for you, because i know you're a big star trek fan and to have captain pickard in a situation where you get to not just work with him but probably hang out with him must be a real thrill for you. >> yeah, it's, i remember going to the tower bar one time after meeting with him and he brought the whole crew there. and i was like, oh, my god. >> jimmy: the crew of the enterprise? >> yeah. they were all having drinks.

>> jimmy: really? they're still traveling together? >> apparently, they are still fulfilling missions. i don't know who they're getting their assignments from. but they hang out. >> jimmy: when you get sick, because you do so many voices on your shows, it's like 125 people get sick. >> yeah, it causes some problems. >> jimmy: you don't have a stunt double who comes in and knows all the voices, do you? >> i don't, i probably should get someone who can come in and, you know, it wouldn't be a bad idea. >> jimmy: although, what you would be doing is identifying the person that could potentially replace you. because the simpsons -- are you drinking purel? >> it does wonders for the chords, jimmy. >> jimmy: how many shows do you have? >> blunt talk, and -- >> jimmy: do you draw for the

shows anymore? >> i don't draw anymore. >> jimmy: do you miss that? >> kind of. i was trained as an animator and kind of got into writing that way. >> jimmy: i was thinking it would be fun and easier on your voice because i knew hundred a problem to draw, we could either draw each other, here's this, or i met a very nice couple from indianapolis in the audience a little while ago. and they're -- these two right there. >> oh, yeah. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i'll let you decide. >> why don't we draw these folks. >> jimmy: yeah, let's draw them. one of us take one, which one do you want? they met on a sex website? >> let's do them both. we'll both do them both. it will take a minute, but that's what editing is for. >> jimmy: now i might draw you, i might imagine you in your baseball shirt. when they met on, when they met online, he was wearing like a child's baseball shirt. and now his wife -- they've been married for three years -- and

correct me if i'm wrong on any of this, although i know you don't have microphones on. they've been married for three years, and i tried to get their children together, but there's a really good reason why that's not going to happen. hey, is there -- >> i'm trying to focus here. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i'm sorry. this is really good television, watching people draw other people. and i apologize to our audience, but listen, seth is sick. and it was nice of you to come here in the first place. see, if you put your hand in front of your face, though, it makes it hard for us to draw. so, this guy has a good little nose there. you see what i'm saying? yeah, don't pose. just be you. just be the man that i spotted in the audience and said i need to know this guy. and this will be, wow, do you think there's any chance -- >> is he playing mr. rogers

music while we're doing this? >> jimmy: what is that music you're playing over there? >> this is suddenly a pbs show. ♪ [ mr. rogers music ] >> jimmy: how far away are you on this? >> i'm basically done. >> jimmy: really? i've only done him. what's going on with you sexually right now? >> you know, honestly, this is the most action i've had in about six months. >> jimmy: is that right? because there's a great -- what's the name of that website you met on? >> date hookup. >> jimmy: date hookup.com. it's cheaper than match.com? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: but they turned out to be the only two people on it. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: okay, i'm just starting on, yeah, okay.

all right. i'm sorry, seth, i'm not as fast as you are. i'm not a professional animator. >> that's impressive. >> jimmy: is it good? >> yeah. you look like carl sagan. >> jimmy: from him, that's a great compliment, by the way. okay. all right. good, good, good. ♪ hey, tell brian grazer >> do you have other colors? >> jimmy: other colors? like red and green? >> jimmy: this is not a first grade class. >> you need some clay? >> jimmy: that would be good. we could sculpt you guys. would you mind taking off all your clothes? [cheers and applause] you would? or you wouldn't. okay. all right. i think i'm ready. go ahead, seth. >> i'm starting to think i missed -- this is not very good. is that any --

[cheers and applause] am i in the ballpark? [cheers and applaus [cheers and applause] that's much better. >> jimmy: i got the two -- [cheers and applause] >> oh, my god. >> you actually did the assignment. >> jimmy: that's what i thought was going to happen. what happened with the flintstone show? weren't you going to do the flintstone show? >> yeah, i got too busy. there was a ball game on. >> jimmy: i see. you're a very busy man. we wasted the whole segment, but "blunt talk", is very, very funny. it's saturday nights on starz!. we'll be right back. ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ you're not at all concerned? about what now? oh, i don't know. the apocalypse?

we're fine. i bundled renter's with my car insurance through progressive for just six bucks more a month. word. there's looters running wild out there. covered for theft. okay. that's a tidal wave of fire. covered for fire. what, what? all right. fine. i'm gonna get something to eat. the boy's kind of a drama queen. just wait. where's my burrito? [ chuckles ] worst apocalypse ever. protecting you till the end. now, that's progressive.

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♪ >> jimmy: hey, still to come, brian grazer. are you familiar with the game angry birds? well the sequel, angry birds two just came out and we thought why not use this as an opportunity to see just how angry angry birds two can make my already angry aunt chippy. so that's what we did. and may got have mercy on those

thieving pigs. ♪ >> so we're going to have you read some copy. first, we start with, squawk squawk aunt chirpy. >> squawk, squawk. >> it's more of a squawk, squawk! >> can't mib wrianybody write ta [ bleep ] so i can read it? i wouldn't be able to see that with four pairs of glass on my eyes. squawk, squawk, this aunt chirpy here. >> two squawks is right. it's a new era of puzzle game play with multi-stage levels.

more pig destruction than ever before. >> [ bleep ]. i'll never remember t i couldn't even get freakin' squawk squawk out of my mouth and more destruction than ever before. >> chirpy, your energy seems low. >> i don't want any honey. >> no, just a spoonful. birds love honey. >> you're getting on my nerves. i have no compunctions about slapping the [ bleep ] out of you. >> she has so few compunctions. >> let me show you what's next. you're going to sit on this pillow and launch yourself at the structure. >> not this 76-year-old ass ain't going over no slingshot, no, you can pat that how many times. >> we practiced. >> i don't care who you practiced with, an 8-year-old? >> aunt chirpy, this is what we'll do with you. >> when pigs fly. >> watch! oh! >> that could be good.

>> yeah. >> what happened? >> they want to launch my off a slingshot? [ bleep ] kiddin' me. >> angry birds two! download in the app stores. >> i'm too old for this crap! >> jimmy: i apologize for her behavior. we'll be right back with brian grazer. ♪ (glasses clinking) ♪ (ground shaking) well there goes the country club. the 2015 dodge durango. now with available beats audio. decisions, decisions. the new edge+.

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♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy, and oscar-winning producer with titles like "empire," "24," "a beautiful mind," "apollo 13," and "splash" under his belt. his new book is called, "a curious mind: the secret to a bigger life," please say hello to brian grazer. ♪

[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: brian, you're a big movie producer, whatever, and you come out dressed like my nephew. how are you doing? >> good, great. i can't draw anything, but this is good. >> jimmy: don't worry, i would love to draw, with your hair, you're a per candidate. who did the drawing on the cover of your book? >> actually, jeff koonce did it. i met many different artists in the 30 years that i've been doing these, i met jeff kuhns, who is one of the most current artists, i said please draw what looks like curiosity to you. and he did the picture. >> jimmy: i love what he did here. it looks like not only somebody who's curious but a light bulb tight idea but represents your hair in a way. because of your hair, you're very recognizable. and you talk about in the book, it was intentional. it's not something that happened

by accident. >> no, it's intentional. >> jimmy: but because you're recognizable, people pitch you movie ideas all the time. >> all the time. >> jimmy: where are the strangest places you get pitched? >> i've had so many different types of random pitches. here's one. it will take a second, but it is a talk show. i was, i did these guy trips with, actually green carder, les moonves, we decided we'd go to some obscure place, and we ended up going to the amazon. in order to get to the amazon, we spent a couple nights in rio. we thought we'd take a little plane, go to this obscure little town on a private plane, small plane, and then take a boat from there to an even more obscure place in the amazon. we get on this little boat, and there's a rainstorm. the rainstorm hits us. we get to this place. and we feel like, what do we do here now that we're in the

amazon. somebody says, you're just stuck out here, but weirdly, that night, there's going to be, like, it's called the rumble in the jungle. it was an illegal fight that was going on between a bunch of extreme boxers that would break each other's bodies and stuff. but it started at 12:00 at night. so we decided we're guys, doing a guy trip. we should just drink until 12:00. so we drank these brazilian drinks, a lot of rum, some sugar, a little lime. drinking the drinks. we get into this tent, like 100 people, mostly locals, and it's now 12:00. literally, you could hear collarbones breaking, and it was so hard core. and i'm thinking, i'm kind of drunk, like with my other guys. why don't i -- i have to pee. so i, it's now 3:00. i go outside, looking for a

bathroom to pee. there's literally just a bush. start to pee in the bush, and a guy comes over, and he starts pitchin' me a movie! [ laughter ] i'm thinking, wow, this is crazy. he starts pitchin' me this movie. and then i just kind of blow him off a little bit. and then i get back in there, we all do the fight. we wake up in the morning. i never thought about it ever again. then what happens is, flash forward one decade forward. i'm told by a bunch of friends that i'm in, like, you know, the post, and i'm in the hollywood reporter and tmz, a bunch of publications right now because there's a movie that was made based on that pitch that the guy that pitched it to me that i totally forgot turned it into a movie called "foxcatcher" starring channing tatum, like a

real movie. that was weird, that the guy who trapped me while i was peeing -- >> jimmy: people should not pitch you while you're urinating. >> it happened once, but that was in the amazon. i have had a couple others. >> jimmy: you are a curious person. and when you're curious about somebody, somebody seems interesting to you, you'll contact them and have a chat, yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: some of the people you've done this with are who? >> i've done it with hundreds of beautiful laureates. john nash which turned into "a beautiful mind." i met with michael jackson, that would be as close to show business. several presidents, different security officers in every type of organization in the world, you know. >> jimmy: you think that these lessons that you've learned or whatever you want to call them, these conversations that you've had, have then helped you in your job in a specific way? >> well, they have, actually.

they not intended to. they're just pure conversations that were just two people don't have an agenda. there's no ask on either side. they're in this book. and there's the methodologies in the book. but there was one conversation that i had with -- well, basically what happened is, i produced "how the grinch stole christmas". but i had to audition for audrey, the widow of dr. seuss. i am trying to get the rights to do this. she grants me the rights based on my audition. i fly to lahoya to do this. she says jim krar ecarey. and i'm watching jim krcarey be uncomfortable having these prosthetics welded to his body

and these green frisbee-like contact lenses. he's so unhappy. he's been paid $20 million to do this movie, then he says, i can't do this any longer, and i'm going to give all the money back. i can't do it. i'm -- this is torturous to me. it occurred to me when he said torturous that i'd met a man 15 years before that that actually trained green pberets and other operatives how to survive torture if they're being tortured. i said please give us the weekend. just meet this one man. i call the guy,'s in virginia. and i get ahold of him. i say, please, will you spend a weekend with jim carey, i paid him of course. and on monday, jim carey said i'll do the movie. >> jimmy: wow. >> that's a totally true story, and audrey geisel couldn't have been more pleased.

>> jimmy: so the answer to get through torture is to be paid $20 million, really. [ applause ] >> that's why you do the show. >> jimmy: i have fascinating book with a lot of great stories, called "a curious mind", and the author's brian grazer. thank you brian. we'll be right back with halsey. ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. (gong) marinate your steak with kikkoman to enhance its juicy, natural essence. (taiko drum beat) (taiko drum beat)

i'd like to put in my 15-years notice.ration (taiko drum beat) you're quitting!? technically retiring, sir. with a little help from my state farm agent, i plan to retire in 15 years. wow! you're totally blindsiding me here. who's gonna manage your accounts? this is a devastating blow i was not prepared for. well, i'm gonna finish packing my things. 15 years will really sneak up on you. jennifer with do your exit interview and adam made you a cake. red velvet. oh, thank you. i made this. take charge of your retirement. talk to a state farm agent today.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel

concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank seth macfarlane, brian grazer, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, her album "badlands" comes out on friday, here with the song "new americana," halsey! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles just what you'd expect inside her new balenciaga ♪ ♪ vile romance turned dreams into an empire self-made success ♪ ♪ now she woes with rockefellers survival of the richest the city's ours ♪ ♪ until the fall they're monaco and hamptons bound but we don't feel ♪ ♪ like outsiders at all

we are the new americana high on legal marijuana raised on biggie ♪ ♪ and nirvana we are the new americana young james dean some say he looks ♪ ♪ just like his father but he could never love somebody's daughter football team ♪ ♪ loved more than just the game so he vowed to be his husband at the alter ♪ ♪ survival of the richest the city's ours until the fall they're monaco ♪ ♪ and hamptons bound but we don't feel like outsiders at all we are the new americana ♪ ♪ high on legal marijuana

raised on biggie and nirvana we are the new americana we know very well ♪ ♪ who we are so we hold it down when summer starts what kind of dough ♪ ♪ have you been spending what kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately ♪ ♪ we are the new americana high on legal marijuana raised on biggie and nirvana we are the new americana ♪

♪ we are the new americana high on legal marijuana raised on biggie and nirvana we are the new americana ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

this is "nightline." >> i feel like such a failure. >> why more working mothers are bowing out and focussing on their children. but can some simple strategies make it possible to quote, have it all. plus, meet the prison whisperer. >> this is a short corridor. >> why this man behind "the hangover" left it behind to work behind bars. and, you're fired. >> sit down. sit down. >> or perhaps more accurately, you're out of here. why our fusion colleague, jorge ramos was escorted from the room during a press conference with donald trump. but first, the "nightline" five. >>