>> this week is the pennsylvania conference for women. what are the secrets to success? let's get the inside story. good morning. i'm tamala edwards, and welcome to this special edition of "inside story." it's no accident. all ladies around the table. [ laughter ] let's introduce you to who's here this morning. good morning to sue chevins, the principal there at ernst & young. we also have sharmain matlock-turner, one of our regulars, a nonprofit exec. >> good morning, tamala. >> good morning. >> communications executive nia meeks. >> good morning. >> now to this side of the table. we have julie christoph, who is an svp of beneficial. >> good morning. >> good morning. >> michelle wilkes, who is with us, an advisory leader of pricewaterhousecoopers. >> good morning. >> and, of course, renee amoore, g.o.p. state official. nothing to fight about with politics. >> okay. i don't know what i'm doing. [ laughter ]

>> we'll figure it out. well, this week is the pennsylvania conference for women, 8,000 women coming together, a series of major events. they'll be headliners there. there will also be smaller breakout groups. and of course for people who are going for the first time who might be streaming online, sue, the question is what to expect. what do you consider the highlight, the thing you absolutely should pay attention to and do? >> well, i think first of all what they should expect is a real full day of networking, of really inspiration, as well as professional development and personal growth. it is an incredible day. i have had the fortune of being there three times. and, again, when you look out over that group of 8,000 women, it's pretty awe-inspiring. in addition to the lineup, there's also 150 speakers from all different industries and different leadership roles that will be talking about different topics. and, again, they cover everything from leadership strategies to your personal wealth and hell-being -- health and well-being. work-life balance is a big

topic. and so i really think what you just need to do is -- again, and if you can go with people and take people, that's a great feeling, as well. but you need to go, and, again, take it as a real time for you to spend with others, but also learn for yourself. >> i went to an interesting panel. i ended up following this woman on facebook who talked about your language and your bearing and how much of an impact that it makes. so you're right. a lot of interesting breakouts there. julie, we see that there are a lot of sponsors to this event. it's interesting. a lot of dollars going to this. why are companies saying this is important to them to sponsor? >> it's really important for women to be able to hear from other women. we really get strength and inspiration when we share our experiences. and when women come together and share their stories, it really empowers them then in their daily life. and that's why this is so important for our region, because we know that when companies have more women in leadership roles, they are more successful.

so this really benefits the city, the state, and the companies, you know, that send women and that are learning from each other. so it's really important that the business community supports that cause. >> we want to get into a number of things this morning, but first up, something you're going to hear over and over and over again, michelle -- work-life balance. somebody asked me about it in the newsroom, and i said there's no such thing. you're always on two wheels. you're never on all four. >> exactly. >> what is the secret to it? >> i don't think that's a secret. i think the idea that people believe that work-life balance means equal -- that's the false set of expectations. so once you get through that, it's not equal, but it's about giving your best and being present when it's important in each place that you need to be present. it's really about the balance. and i think sue was talking earlier this morning was it's not about work-life balance. it's a work-life groove. so if you can figure out how to do both and where you're actually meeting all of your expectations at work, at home, and for yourself, that's the balance. and so i think that's all about

our expectations. >> in fact, i want to open that up to the panel at large. your quick best advice. we'll just go around the table real quick. work-life balance -- how do you deal with the exhaustion is my question. sue, we'll start with you. >> [ laughs ] well, first of all, you need to make sure you have shared responsibilities at home. it is about really sharing at home and the getting flexibility at work. but if my husband and i really didn't help each other and support each other, there'd be sheer exhaustion all the time. >> well, i think technology has made it a little bit better to at least not have to be in a physical space for work all the time. and i know that that means that many of us are available 24/7, but i think it also gives us a chance to get out. so what i try to do is when i am out of the office to say, "okay, these are the two hours i'm gonna be on my devices and try to follow-up," and then sort of put them away. and i agree with you. being present the time that you're there, that you're not thinking about the next thing you're gonna do or the thing you just did. you're just there playing with your grandson right now. >> sounds good. >> yeah. >> michelle talked about this, but it has to deal with

prioritization. and one of your key priorities has to be yourself. so sleep has to be a priority. i mean, we live in a world, we say, "oh, well, you can sleep when you're dead." the truth of the matter is, if you cannot physically function, nothing happens. so you have to take care of you, and that means getting your rest, knowing it at least has to be seven hours, and you have to make that a priority number one, else nothing else gets done. >> all right. renee. >> well, the bottom line for me is that you do have to take care of yourself first. if you don't take care of yourself, nobody else will. and so that is very important to me. and then you have to know when to take space and let people know when you need help and know when to say, "i can't do it." >> right. and, michelle, we heard from you. anything else you want to add on that? >> no. i think it's about making sure you ask for help. >> ask for help. julie? >> well, fortunately at beneficial, we have yoga and meditation as a company. >> oh, that's helpful. >> oh, wow. we don't have that. >> and, as you said, you need to take time for yourself. and it really helps when it's right there in your workplace that you can make that a priority. >> let's talk about some of the topics women will come in the back of their mind, looking for

speakers to address. we'll start with the workplace and negotiation. women are being told conflicting things. companies get mad when you say you have another offer, if you're too strident at the table. but if you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will. how do you walk this line of being a good advocate for yourself, but not striking a deal where you pay for it later? what do you do? >> you have to be comfortable in yourself first and foremost. you have to be true to yourself. you have to know your own value. and a lot of times, we devalue ourselves. we kind of think, "well, maybe i'll give a little here, and i'll give a little there." you have to figure out what your bottom line is, what your needs are, and stick with that, and know that you deserve it. know that it's okay for you to say, "i need this time, i need this amount, and this is what we're working toward." because when men do it, it's all good. it's like, "oh, well. you know, he's a hard bargainer," and blah, blah, blah. we do get those conflicting messages where you have to be soft over here, but then hard over here. the only thing you can do is be true to you. there is no magic secret. whoever you are, take that to the table. >> but we even see powerful

women. jennifer lawrence is the hottest movie star going, and she's been talking a lot. she's on the cover of vanity fair talking about why she makes so much less even than costars who are not as well-known as she is. she's got an agent and a lawyer. if she can't get paid the most, what do the rest of us do who advocate for ourselves? >> she's paying for nothing, first of all. you know, she needs to get rid of them. [ laughter ] and nia's really clear. i mean, she can hire one of us. but the bottom line is that she has to be true to her and say, "look, this is what i deserve. okay, people come and see me." and so she has to make that real clear. and be honest with yourself. i am important. that's what we miss. >> i think it's important, yeah. but you start that conversation way before i think women actually then say it, because it becomes an eruption. all of a sudden, "i demand." so if you actually are strategic about it and you've actually been articulating what your value is over time and doing your homework and your research, then it doesn't come across all of a sudden angry or emotional, 'cause women are always accused of being emotional. if you're actually thinking through it every day and thinking how you're advocating for yourself, you're actually

going to be positioning yourself like men. >> so what's a concrete thing to do? should you be sending the boss a note, "hey, just want to let you know i did a great job. people were very happy at that event," or "i'm so glad we met our projections on this project"? how do you do that? >> you do. it's constant communication. it's not necessarily always self-promoting so that it comes boastful, but it's saying, "oh, did you know? and let me talk to you about this example." and it's bringing it into your conversation so they feel, "oh, she's valuable," as opposed to you saying, "i'm valuable." >> exactly. >> because if people learn it for themselves, it's actually much more powerful. >> and have somebody else do it for you, also. that's because you have a good network. women -- we need to have a good network just like the men so i don't always have to say it. you can say it for me, tam, thanks. [ laughter ] >> okay. all right. you told me to tell, and i will tell them. >> that's so important, because, again, i think there's like five things that you really need to think about. but it's not just about pay. it's negotiating as a woman, right? >> exactly. >> i don't care whether it's pay, position, you know, project, whatever it might be. it's negotiating as women. and what you just stated was my last point, which is we need to

lift others up. >> that's right. >> and many times, somebody will create a platform about an individual, and then you can lift them up, as well, 'cause you felt it firsthand. >> exactly. that's where i'm coming from. >> we need to do that. we really do. >> and there's value in being seen as the one who lifted someone else up. >> exactly, exactly. very much so. >> how about you? >> very much so. >> another issue for women and parity is a lot of times in a workplace, you don't know what everybody makes. it's hard to know, "you know what? jimmy's making this, so i should be making that." what do you do when you don't really know your worth? how do you figure out the number and make a case for it? >> i think you can do a lot of research online. i mean, technology allows you to actually look at what people are posting, going out, and having conversations. i think that that information can be found out. it's sort of the difficulty, say, of work-life balance of going out and meeting your colleagues and having those conversations. >> but i keep going back to saying, you know, it's about the impact that you made in the past, the impact you're gonna make in the future, right, and making sure you have a clear vision around that, and then working through your career and,

again, like you said, just not making a demand. and you'll quickly see how you will get to the right place, that you don't have to always be benchmarking yourself. >> exactly. >> 'cause if you're always benchmarking yourself, you're missing all that time towards really understanding where you want to go, creating a sponsorship relationship, which is probably the most important relationship, creating a network of women. >> right. >> so i would say we need to think about it and look at it about how we really negotiate. >> but i do think it's important to make it a priority. a lot of times, you know, we're preparing ourselves. we want to do really well. we're looking at how well we're performing, and we're spending a lot of time on that. we have to make compensation a priority for us. it is for everyone else. and as long as we make it a priority, then i think we'll figure out the culture of the organization that we're in and sort of understand how you position yourself in order to make sure that you're being compensated fairly. >> and you don't get what you don't ask for. >> you do not. right. exactly. >> you want it to be natural. >> we're talking about networks. and a lot of women will come to this event, and they'll say --

they go rushing to the stage after every speaker, "be my mentor. i need to network." sheryl sandberg in "lean in" was brilliant on this when she said when you do that, that's not the way you get a mentor. you have to be excellent. they'll find you. people want to invest in a winner. >> that's right. >> do you have advice around that, how you become that winner and how you are made visible to that right mentor? >> you also have to understand the difference between a mentor and a sponsor, because a lot of times, we're told, "oh, you got to get a mentor." which can be great. but it's limited, and we have to understand that depending on where you are in your career. but one of the key things is to be able to promote yourself in healthy ways so that you can demonstrate "this is who i am. this is what i'm about. and i admire what you do, so i'd like for you to maybe give some insight into what i'm doing. tear it up. let me know how i can do a little bit better." i have found, even in talking across industries, whenever you ask someone for their insights, people will take that and say, "oh, wow. you think highly of me, and you think so highly of me, you want me to kind of go into your work to provide my expertise." you can call it flattery, but

the key of it is is that you respect that person's point of view, and that's how you start to build a relationship. >> but you have to understand the difference, though, between a mentor and a sponsor and an advocate. there's all different levels. >> but i think women will want to hear concretely you guys are in leadership positions. what defines the people that you have picked out to be your mentees, and how did that relationship really take off? did they come to you? you went to them? >> yeah. you want to know that if you're gonna spend the time mentoring someone, you're gonna get a lot out of it, as well. so it's an investment of your time that is gonna give you great, you know, rewards from that. but yes, you need to see that spark. you need to know that it's someone who's open to your feedback, that's gonna grow from it. and i think, also, people should look outside of traditional. it's not just at work. if you're out building relationships in your community, it might be someone in your church or someone in an organization that you're working with. so look outside. >> but i'd like to go back to your point, renee.

i think it is a known fact that women are over-mentored, and we're under-sponsored. so what is the difference, right? sponsorship is somebody that has political capital to help you progress your career. and therefore, you create that sponsor-protégé relationship, and you need to earn that sponsorship by being a really good protégé. but i'll tell you what. and many times, women, one, either don't ask for a sponsor, or, two, shoot too low. i mean, you need to at least go two levels up, someone that really has some political capital that can help your career. [ all talking ] >> using that relationship is really important, 'cause a lot of times, people come, and i hear, to me personally, "how can i help you?" and i think that puts the burden on me. and so i always tell them, "flip that conversation around and tell me how you're gonna help me, because i'll want to sponsor you, i'll want to mentor you if you can be valuable in that relationship." >> and you can tell me exactly what you need. and that's a lot easier. well, what i need to do right now is take a break, but we'll come back to more "inside story" in just a minute. >> "inside story" is presented by temple university.

temple fuels students with academics and opportunities to take charge. plugged into the city, powered by the world. temple.edu/takecharge.

>> welcome back to "inside story." too bad we didn't have a camera on for you during the break. the conversation just kept going. we're talking about the pennsylvania conference of women, how to get the most out of it. most women walking through the door will be told networking, networking, networking. but many of them can go to that conference, sit through these speakers, sit through the events, and walk out not knowing one more person. how do you network in such a big room and walk out with more than what you came in with? >> something that helps me -- i mean, there's 8,000 people. it's overwhelming when you get there. if you know people that are going, connect with them beforehand. make plans. text each other while you're there. you're gonna meet their friends, and, you know, they'll help you

network. so reach out to the people you know that are already going. >> and if you can't do that, because you may not know who's coming, you just don't know that, what happens is that you just go up. you're sitting at a table. a lot of times, they just sit you at any table. you say, "hi. my name is renee. what's your name, and what are you doing? this is what i do." >> that's right. >> you know, feel good about who you are to be able to walk up to that person or just talk to them. lunch is a good way to do it, because you're eating. it's an icebreaker. you know, "how's your sandwich? cold? you know, mine's good, too. but what do you do?" >> right. and if you go with a group, you know, i would say be intentional about the fact that you're just not all gonna sit together, and we're not gonna all sit at the same row, or we're not gonna all sit -- let's sort of like spread out, but, then, let's figure out a time to regroup. who did you meet? what was most interesting to you? so you sort of extend the learning and extend the network, but i think you still create some sense of being comfortable that, you know, you're not alone. >> and maybe help a friend. if you meet somebody, "hey, sharmain, i met somebody who'd be great for you --" >> yes, absolutely. >> and you should have a game plan. i mean, really think about what it is that you want to get out

of it. if you say, "i really want to know more about marketing," find someone who deals with marketing. and you don't always have to go to the social butterfly at the table. sorry, renee. but sometimes you want to go to the person who is a little bit shyer, because that's the person who is least likely to reach out on their own. so you can say, "hey, my name is such-and-such and so-and-so." you can make someone's day and have a much more meaningful start to a relationship just by doing that. >> but don't forget your cards. >> take your cards. >> have something to take to give people. because a lot of people say, "i don't have my cards." that's the worst thing. >> or your smartphone. >> that's the part -- networking happens after you meet. networking happens after the event. it's what you do with the people you met. >> exactly. >> and that's what's difficult, right, to maintain those relationships after the event. >> a lot of women there will be feeling stuck. "i'm in this company. i don't think this is gonna move on, but i don't see anywhere to go." or, "i don't see how to turn things around here." what is your best advice when friends or colleagues come to you and say, "i'm stuck"? >> "what are you scared of?" is my question that i ask. i've known people that are doing

something for "x" number of years. they're not happy. so what are you afraid of if you left? what would change in your life? start with that first, because if you start with that, then you can deal with why you're not moving any farther than where you are. because a lot of times, we just don't have the courage or the belief or the confidence in ourselves that life could be different if i could imagine somewhere else, because we're just so fearful, like, "oh, the mortgage, the this or the and the other." >> it's the money. they're afraid that they won't make the -- >> it's oftentimes that. but we have to confront that first. once we get a handle on those fears, then we can build a game plan of how you can move. >> but everybody's not fearful. sometimes, you have to know where you are, where you want to go, and how you're gonna get there. that's the three things that i tell people. where am i? you know, you got to figure that out. where do i want to go? and start talking to people about that so, you know, you can hear it out loud and say, "okay, maybe that's a good idea." and some of those speakers will be talking about some of those things. >> and being stuck. you know, again, you need to step out. you need to make sure you enjoy what you do. >> exactly. >> you don't always have to

leave the company though. >> right. >> you can take on a new position. you can ask for a new project. you can get unstuck even in the same company. >> absolutely. >> but you have to step out there. and if you're a victim always, then that won't happen, right? >> exactly. >> what you're saying is take a risk. >> take a risk. >> we don't step out and take a risk enough as women. just go ahead and do it and be in charge. >> and take charge. but make it a calculated risk. i'm always amazed by the number of people who say the best things came to them after the worst times, that they were almost forced into that next moment. >> you're right, you're right. >> a lot of women will think, "when i go back to the office, i'm exhausted. i'm overwhelmed. what can i really ask for that will make my life more balanced?" what do you tell women this is what you go to the table and ask for? split shift? more vacation? what does it look like? different duties? what do you do? >> i was gonna say, at e&y, we actually made fwas, flex worker arrangements, in 1996. quite some time ago, right? but really now, most of our workforce works flexibly day to day. >> they do. >> it's not necessarily even needs to be a formal, official

fwa. if you need that, we have that, as well, but you can flex. as long as you really deliver and get your job done, you can ask for flexibility. you'd be surprised. and you're right about technology, right? when i had young children, i did a lot of my work at night, after they went to bed, because i could. so i think it's about what the impact is you want to make, not about the hours you keep, 9:00 to 5:00. >> exactly. i spent the last five years on a flexible work arrangement and, you know, was named the advisory leader. so you can still do it and be rewarded for the output, not the input. >> finally, we have just a second left, julie. what do you say to the woman who says, "i don't care how i switch this around. between kids and work, i'm never gonna sleep. seven hours -- good luck with that"? what do you say to that person? >> get better delegating. there's always someone else. you're probably doing administrative tasks that someone else could help you with. you might be doing things at home that someone could help you with. learn how to delegate. >> that's true. >> all right. well, i'm gonna delegate to the commercial and come right back.

i'm the parent of a victim of sex trafficking. people need to know that even good kids from good neighborhoods are still vulnerable to this tricked environment where they're being taken off the street and put into bondage. >> "inside story" is presented by temple university. temple fuels students with academics and opportunities to take charge. plugged into the city, powered by the world. temple.edu/takecharge. >> welcome back. time now for our top pieces of advice. if somebody could hear one thing from you, sue, what would it be?

>> it's about strategic choices. things change along your path, your journey to leadership, and you need to make strategic choices along that way. >> julie? >> it's great to have a goal, but think about the steps in between. 'cause sometimes we get overwhelmed by our long-term goal, and we need to have a plan to get there. >> sharmain? >> take some time for yourself. connect with your friends. check out a little bit so that you can renew and become, you know, just a little bit better you, and i think that you'll find you'll do a great job on the job. >> michelle? >> i think confidence, but confidence doesn't mean always being right. confidence means you can be wrong and being confident then to take risks. >> mm-hmm. okay. nia? >> keep growing. keep reading. keep exposing yourself. keep meeting new people. if you can't afford a college class, take one online that might be free, but continue to expose yourself so you can continue to develop. it will help you from getting stuck. >> all right. renee? >> if you want a seat at the table, take it. >> well, that was concise.

all right. my little piece of advice and what i think women don't hear is know when you want to quit. my grandfather used to say, "the best part of getting kicked in the head by a mule is when he stops." if something is not working for you, know that moment, because, then, that frees you up to go do something else. that might be what you really want to do. well, you guys have been fabulous today. we want to remind everybody that the conference is on thursday, november 19. if you want to find out the fuller list of who's speaking at what time, you can go there to 6abc.com. i'll be there in the morning as the morning emcee. i get to talk to carli lloyd. maybe she can help me work on my hat trick. [ laughter ] we will see. but, also, when you go to 6abc.com, we have a number of interviews with other conference speakers, talking about work-life balance. does it exist? what do you do to get it? is there anybody that you guys are excited to see? >> you. [ laughter ] >> right answer. all right, well, i will be there. i look forward to seeing all of you there. i look forward to seeing many of you there. thank you for joining us for this special edition of "inside story."

we'll see you back here next sunday. i'm nydia han with eva pilgrim. coming up breaking news bodies of one new born babies are found in philadelphia's kensington section. plus authorities in belgium and france take several people into custody in connection with the pair of terror tax as they are probable a attacker may still be on the run. and women is rush to the hospital after a fire breaks out in the delaware apartment building. and eagles could be back into first place in the nfc east, we are live with the

preview. those stories and accu weather forecast, next up on "action news".

good afternoon, it is sunday november 15th i'm nydia han with eva pilgrim. here are stories we are following for you on "action news". president obama is vowing, for support