"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight julie bowen. from "everybody wants some", wyatt russell. and music from florida georgia line. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thanks for watching. thanks all of you for coming. welcome.

i don't know if you know. today is "star wars" today. it's may 4th, as in may the fourth be with you. someone figured that out in 1979 and they made it an official thing. every day can be "star wars" day if you never have sex. happy "star wars" day to all of you. glauillermo guillermo, you know what tomorrow is? >> guillermo: cincodemayo. >> jimmy: how will you celebrate? go to church? celebrate with the family? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: going to get drunk? have all the fun you want before donald trump gets president. trump won big in indiana yesterday. as a result he now stands alone in the republican field. both his rivals dropped out. starting yesterday with ted cruz. >> with a heavy heart but with

boundless optimism for the long-term future of our nation we are suspending our campaign. >> jimmy: they weren't just saying no. they were saying no kidding. he did not do it gracefully. maybe you've seen this already. even if you did, it's worth seeing again. watch his wife heidi take the brunlt of what might be the most awkward family hug ever. ♪ >> jimmy: that is perfect, really. what a poetic ending to the -- let's look at that again in slow motion one more time. [ laughter ] >> it was a jab and then a right hook. an elbow. >> jimmy: next week he's finding

rhonda rousey. cruz picked carly fiorina six days before he croppdropped out his running mate. this morning i went on the cruz, fiorina website, they still had things for sale. you could by a yard sign or buttons or this terrifying poster. even issued a warning that some of the items are back ordered and may take up to two weeks to ship. that means the shipping time was longer than the actual time of their campaign. i don't know if they have a returning policy, but -- and then today after ted cruz, ohio governor, john kasich dropped out. that's a shame. he was just starting to get going. the math was not in his favor. he needed 235% of the remaining

delegates to win. the good news is dropping out of the race will in no way effect his chance of becoming president of the united states. so donald trump is now what they call the presumptive nominee. many conservatives are angry because they don't believe donald trump represents conservative values, and a lot of liberals are angry because they feel he does. here's some of what trump had so to the say about his exrival cruz. >> just so you understand, ted cruz, i don't know if he likes me or if he doesn't like me. >> jimmy: okay. well, let's see. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you nicknamed him lying ted. you insulted his wife. you perpetuated a story that said his dad had something to do with the assassination of jfk. i'm going to go out on a limb and say probably he's not a fan. [ applause ] >> jimmy: but now the big question is who will trump

select as his running mate. i would personally love to see a trump christie ticket really just for this. right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that seems unlikely. trump cold wolf blitzer he would consider kasich. he might ask christie to find that person. the way he's planning to find the running mate i think trump supporters in a

battle for the ultimate prize, the second -- >> who will advance? >> jimmy: would it be so crazy? meanwhile on the democrat side, sanders beat clinton. he beat clinton among young voters, white voters, independents and voter who is are fans of the bed head look. bernie says he will not go quietly into the night, primarily because he has to get up every two hours to pea. the next big battle for the democrats is on saturday. the guam caucus which sounds like an std, but it's a thing. with his win in indiana, bernie has a chance. if he wins all the remaining delegates and hillary clinton drops out of the race, he could get this nomination. meanwhile the second round of the nba playoffs is under way. this is from the golden state warriors post game press conference. watch draymond green. he's the player on the right, the one who is not talking.

>> what's this entire season been like for you? you get hurt at times. at one point maybe you were even willing to accept that you might have gotten cut by the team. >> yeah. um, a lot of ups and downs this year. but it's been a heck of a ride, to be honest. i really can't complain. yeah, i was kind of a little down, but i found out i was injured and had to have surgery again. you know, with another knee, by the end of the day i have amazing teammates. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think i've ever seen anything like that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he was totally focussed and yet completely distracted all at the same time. you know, in portland, marijuana is legal for recreation use. it might be legal in california soon too. this will be a measure on the

ballot that if it passes legalizes it for nonmedical reasons. as if we were using it for medical reasons. 60% of california people support it. 30 % oppose it, and 3% for too high to understand the question. if it becomes legal, they'll join washington and colorado to make a huge stoner bermuda triangle. they say if you enter it in your 20s, the next thing you know, you'll be 55 and selling grilled cheese sandwiches at fish shows. big television news today. you probably heard about michael strahan who is leaviing kelly ad michael. his last day is a week from friday and this morning they surprised everyone. kelly unveiled a new co-host. >> he called and said this is a crazy request. feel free to say no, but, i have

to use the powder room, and i'm not going to make it. can i please come in and use your powder room, and mark was like, absolutely. >> jimmy: live the kelly and draymond. i like it. we have to take a break. when we come back, we went around the office and members of our staff in honor of mother's day agreed to read real texts from their mothers, and they're funny. stick around. we'll be right back. thanks for coming today. i want each of you to grab a 2x8 and cut it. you'll have 2 saws to choose from. you all chose the best tool for the job. wouldn't it make sense to make the same choice, when it comes to your truck? absolutely. this is the 2016 chevy silverado. nice. a good-looking pick-up. incredible. i love it. find your tag and get a total value of $9,000

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>> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from florida georgia line. wyatt russell is here. first, kim jong-un was declared the great sun of the twenty-first century. they call him the great sun because he's hard to look directly at. it wasn't easy for the committee who selected him to choose who would be named great sun of the twenty-first century. in the end they had to decide between him or being fed to a pack of wild dogs. i really someone would give kim jong-un and tell them they like his haircut so we wouldn't get blown up. this is what you get when you keep a dash cam on your car in australia. [ banging ]

[ bleep ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the way he yelled makes me think that might not be the first time this has happened. mother's day as any good child needs to know is on sunday. it's a chance to honor the women who give us life and love us and leave us long voice mails and send us nonsensical text messages. i love the text messages from mother. today we went around our office and asked people to read real texts from their real moms. this is what we got. >> kristina, it's your mother. where are you? i haven't heard or seen you in four days. this is not a hotel. this is a family home. you better call me back before i find your office number. why do you have a cell if you won't answer my calls or texts? i need your office number now or i'm going to kimmel to find you.

love you. flower emoji. >> thought you'd want to see penny mcflicker's birthday photo. who wouldn't want to see that photo? >> hi, honey. i had a problem with my dvr pox and had a guy from charter at the house. he was good. checked all the lines changed cables, et cetera, and set me off so if i had a bracket with a shelf, the shelf could be mounted on the wall and the dvd would sit under the tv with all the wires behind the tv. we can talk more about this weekend. love you. xoxo. >> watching movies and have a bud light. >> the colons xi prep is awful. the stuff you have to drink is vile. >> grandmother would like whitney's folk's address.

we went to grandmother's grave today. >> it's strong. but chill. >> i am out with a woman that dated far long time donald trump. this is her dog. >> do not see tar zan this summer without me. >> so i texted my mom a picture of my daughter in a ball pit. and my mom wrote back, where's waldo? i mean, jane. how fun that she likes being buried in balls. >> where are you, turd? how are you today? wes, my son, told us that you broke your penis. i hope he's wrong. >> hi, hi, honey. i'm using, i'm using the

micropho microphone, on the, oent phone. i hope it comes out anyway. i'm just thinking it's going to be nice to get home. you're going to sit home with silly. you know if you want i could sit over there and enjoy yourself and tomorrow i think i should take him early, you know i'm just have a free day. you know when you get a deer it's too little for you to hang out with let me let me just take him right out i'll. what? >> jimmy: he's good at that stuff. tonight on the show music from florida georgia line. wyatt russell is here and we'll be right back with julie bowen. stick around. i have a blog called "daddy doing work",

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>> jimmy: tonight, from the new film by richard linklater called "everybody wants some," wyatt russell is here. then, their new single is called "holy," florida georgia line from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, rob lowe will be

here, chloe bennet will join us, and we'll have music from bebe rexha. >> jimmy: our first guest is a two-time emmy winner and italian renaissance studies major who parlayed that degree into a role as claire dunphy on the great show "modern family." it airs wednesdays at 9:00 on abc, please say hello to julie bowen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> it's black underwear. so you can look all you want. it's just like a cave. it's just a black cave. >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> why, thank you. >> jimmy: may i ask and i don't know if this is a rude question. are you spray tanned or is that

suntan? >> i'm going to go with it's about 70% fake. i got tan here and i got the farmer tan. so you have a make a choice. do you try to whiten yourself? or are you going to go darker and match the farmer tan. >> jimmy: do you go to a place or do they come to your house with a hose? >> so many people come to my house with a hose for so many reasons. you've got the colonics. it's just me all alone in my bathroom. i don't want anyone else to experience that joy. >> jimmy: you're so down to earth. do you get texts from your mother? >> i do, but there's only two kinds of texts. one is all caps. always. so it's i'm coming to down, will you be able to pick me up. you're like you're shouting. do you understand this is

shouting? and the other is she doesn't respond to things because she says, you know, when i signed up the cloud was down. the cloud was down. >> jimmy: when she signed up. >> when she signed up the cloud was down for a couple of months so sometimes now years later, the cloud was never down. she still says the cloud was down. >> jimmy: who knows more about technology? your children who are young or your mom? >> oh, oh, my kids. i have a kid. i'm not going to say his name. i don't want him to look too bad as he's applying to college in ten years, but he made a website that was called -- that when you clicked on it, it said you are a big pile of turd so just shut up. >> jimmy: i love that site. >> he made it. >> jimmy:.

>> i calm can my pun ished him and told him he was going to lose all internet privileges and explained to him the dangers of the world in front of him, and then this is coming down as soon as you take it down, because i don't know how to do that. >> jimmy: i don't know how to do it either. how did he do it? >> no idea. i have no idea. >> jimmy: are you sure it's down? >> that's actually a very fair question. i'm not sure what it was actually called. i think it was called you're a big pile of the turd to shut up. they know more about technology than i do. >> jimmy: are you shooting your show right now? >> we wrapped last month. i should be enjoying my -- i should be relaxing in the sun. i should be preparing for mother's day with a real spray tan, not me with some dirt rubbing it in really hard. >> jimmy: right, professionals. >> right. professionals should be doing

that, but my husband, bless him, got called for jury duty and got picked for a jury. i was like don't you know fake racism? just pretend. he's like but we're not racist. i'm like i don't care. fake it. >> jimmy: then it goes the other way sometimes. >> how does it go the other way? how? >> jimmy: maybe sometimes they're looking for racists. right? i watch that people versus o.j. i know what's going on. i'm a legal scholar now. >> you did not want to be the old white lady on that jury. that was my take away. old and white is bad. that's basically me. >> jimmy: okay. your husband j is he sequestered? >> he's not sequestered, but he's very busy. i'm a little suspicious. i had to throw the kids in the car tonight. >> jimmy: did he tell you what the case is? >> he said racism wouldn't get him out of it. that's all he said.

>> jimmy: did you try to get it out of him. >> i was so mad. who gives a rat's ass what this case is. >> jimmy: you realize if you say he talked to you about it. he'll get thrown off. >> right now? can you edit out the part where i said he didn't? he talked about all of it. >> jimmy: the kids on your show are now in their late 30s and early 40s, correct, on modern family? do you still think of them as kids? >> yes. i do. i mean, like sara, she's 25, and ariel is a woman. she's blos comed and all this, and they've been a good testing ground for me for real kids. but i try to be friends with them too. >> jimmy: do you? >> yeah. they used to look up to me and there was this window, i don't know when it just slammed shut. but sarah had a pirt day party for her boyfriend. i think it was his 25th. he's beautiful and she's beautiful. their parties are always chic and lovely, and all the kids

there, i mean, they're kids. they're wearing something of dental floss with a scrap of fabric and they look fantastic. it's all taylor swifty, magnificence, and they were having a bond party. >> jimmy: james bond? >> james bond themed party, so i don't know why i got it in my head that they would be as always, i figured they're going to come as villians, because you could come as a villian. >> jimmy: who's going to come to james bond to a james bond party. >> there's only one, and plus these people are so beautiful that naked is their best look. so i was like gold finger, nothing but spray paint. i thought i can't do that. i'm too old. she's kids look up to me. they really do. and i mentioned to you before that my son, oliver, the you are a big pile of turds.

he was above a stripper shop. i was sitting there dropping off an improve and i thought that latex black cat suit is just the ticket. i'm going to wear it. it covers. it's tight. it shows that i'm still, you know, i'm fun. i'm a fun mom. i'm going to show off. i'm going to show up at this party. everyone is going to be in a bikini and heels and look like the cover of vogue, but i look like i put in effort as the bond bad guy. it's vinyl. you have to -- >> jimmy: you actually brought a picture which i appreciate. should i show this? >> go right ahead. >> jimmy: you look great. let's not kid around. you look fantastic. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so what was the problem? >> that's like two victoria secret water bras and chicken

cutlets. and i'm wearing the thigh high boots. that's a nerf gun. i opted far gun i could put in my purse. i get to the hotel where this is taking place. i get out of the car and the valet gives me a look like this isn't the entrance you people usually use. you know, the hired gals don't usually come through this way. you know, it's a party. you're going to see lots of people. i'm early because i'm a mom. and i cannot find this party. i'm walking around -- doing laps now just looking like. >> jimmy: dressed like this. >> i go back to the desk. oh, that's in the other building. you just go outside on hollywood boulevard and just walk into then a say thank god because there's going to be many scantily clad people, i will practically look conservative. and i finally get there.

i'm thrilled doing a quick step. as people are going, clare dunphy, whore. go up to the penthouse, doors open. they're all dressed in ball gowns to the floor with furs and long earrings. the boys are all wearing tuxedos. they all got some secret, like, like a raven was sent to their houses and not mine with a message we're going to go classy. we're not doing anything trashy like your fake mom is going to try. so i look around desperately to find someone, anyone, and there's nolan in a white dinner jacket. >> jimmy: your son on the show? >> and i'm like hey, nolan. he goes oh, god, julie. he's mortified. i'm trying to zip it. i'm pulling out the cutlets, anything i can.

but i have to suffer through about 45 minutes of this agony before i'm finally going i'm just going to go to the bar, a chardonnay or poison, and i left. >> jimmy: how long did you stay? >> it was like 42 minutes and 10 seconds. top to bottom. with the gun in my hand. >> jimmy: with the gun. >> jimmy: more with julie bowen after this. ♪ so my kids don't have to forage, ♪ ♪ got two jobs to pay a mortgage, ♪ ♪ and i've also got a brain. ♪ life's short, talk is cheap. ♪ i'll be working while you sleep. ♪ ♪ still don't think i've got a brain? ♪ ♪ i took two bullets in the chest. ♪ ♪ got three kids, i never rest... ♪ ♪ so yeah, i've got a brain. ♪ a degree is a degree. ♪ you're gonna want someone like me. ♪ ♪ but only if you have a brain. ♪ (music fades out)

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you're talking on a speakerphone and phil hears something he shouldn't hear. i'm amazed this show is still funny. >> it's based on what everybody has. everybody has a family or came from a family. it's not like a stuffed octopus and you don't have that many stories. it's based in reality. >> jimmy: it really does everything you think that happened to me somehow. >> exactly, and we often fight about that and no, that was my story. and everybody thinking it was actually their story, but it's just a story. >> jimmy: i want to give you a test. i know you have your real kids here tonight. >> my kids. >> jimmy: these are your children -- >> i brought my children, yes. >> jimmy: the ones in your car. >> they're in my care. they're back there in my car. >> jimmy: they're going to be in my care in a second. we're going to play a game to test your maternal instincts, i

guess. if you could be to kind, put this on. see how much you trust me. just go ahead and put this on. i'll explain what's going to happen. okay? >> sure. >> jimmy: i'm going to bring some kids out. you have three children. i'm going to bring out six children. >> what? >> jimmy: and we're going to see just by touching their faces you can tell which ones are your kids. >> oh, no. okay. all right. >> jimmy: so send in the children. and now the audience, i'm going to ask you guys to play along here. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right. so -- >> can the audience tell who they are? >> jimmy: they can tell because they're wearing special shirts that indicate which children are yours and which are not. the first face you're going to touch is this young person, and i'll direct you to the face. here. okay. and you can feel that face, and then just tell us is this my kid or not?

>> no. >> jimmy: that is not your kid. all right. you go over there. now here's another child, and feel this child's face. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: and then tell us if this is your child or not. >> a reluctant yes. >> jimmy: all right. you go over here. all right. next child. feel this chieltd's face. >> oh, yeah. this one is definitely mine. that's mine. there's only one question. oh. >> jimmy: okay. uh-huh. >> hmm. no? >> jimmy: not your child can. all right. you go over there. a and then we have two more children. two more children. >> um, this, can i smell it?

that's mine. no, that's not mine. not mine. it does not smell like mine. it smells clean. >> jimmy: put this one over here, and then finally one more child, and that's the child. >> wait, no. no. >> jimmy: look at this. >> i am so sorry. i didn't -- i did okay. >> jimmy: did you guys know he wasn't your real brother? >> maybe. >> i was really close. >> jimmy: you did very well, julie. >> sorry, johnny. you were kind of an afterthought. they're twins. they're twins. they can't be. >> jimmy: afterthought means the best so don't worry. well, thanks kids, and thanks other kids. you guys want to --

>> jimmy: julie bowen! "modern family" airs wednesdays at 9:00 p.m. here on abc. we'll be right back with wyatt russell. you know we said we'd take a look

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>> jimmy: our next guest made the jump from hockey player to actor, but he plays a college baseball pitcher in the new richard linklater film. "everybody wants some" is in theaters now. please welcome wyatt russell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you're the third member of your immediate family to be here in the last six months. >> yeah. that's right. i actually came here with my dad

when he was doing -- >> jimmy: your dad curt russell was here six months or so ago. your sister, kate hudson was here last week and now here you are. >> yeah. >> jimmy: your mom, does she send you confusing text messages? >> she does. do you want to hear one? >> jimmy: you have them? >> i have them on me. i just happen to have them on me. this one is a good one. she'll probably kill me for this. so excited. lots of expla administration marks. you're coming early. had a dream last night you were running across the lawn here with a big smile on your face. honey, can you bring four packs of smokes too? daddy and i have been bad. we'll call you when we're up. xxx. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. they're treating you like pink

dot. >> totally. >> jimmy: that's the best thing about having famous parents. >> the best thing? >> jimmy: or the worst. >> there's a lot of great stuff. it's great, but sometimes the worst is when i was younger they were just drunk people all the time who would come up to your parents and they were like these crazy drunk people coming up wanting things and as a fear-year-old it's like oh, my god, it's like a drunk monster. you're like, you know, it freaks you out. you have nightmares about it. so i guess that was the worst. >> jimmy: here you are on some red carpet as a little boy. and you see you're really enjoying yourself with your brother, oliver, and with thole family in it here. a real close one. >> clearly, yeah, i loved the business back in the day. >> jimmy: you played minor league hockey before getting into this? >> i played professional hockey

in germany and holland and had an awesome time. i broke my hip when i was 24. couldn't do it anymore. that's why i got into acting. >> jimmy: and your dad was a baseball player. >> he tore his rotator cuff. he had been acting already. i wanted nothing to do with it. it wasn't my calling in life, i didn't think. i guess that's stupid to say now. it better be my calling otherwise i'm going to be -- i am going to be joining pink dot. >> jimmy: did he want you to play baseball? >> yeah. my whole family is baseball crazy. my cousin played for the mets and the braves. my dad played ball and i was supposed to be a baseball player, and there was a time where i got hit with a ball. i was good. i was naturally good at baseball. got afraid of it and my dad took matters into his own hands. i don't think he could stand watching his son being afraid of the ball. and he stepped on the bucket.

ground out or strike out, and he sort of took the practice over, coach off the mound took the balls and started throwing the ball as hard as he could and he was an exprofessional baseball, at his 11-year-old son, and brush megaba back. i did turn on the ball. which was the lesson of it. it was like there, now you can do it. i hit and i was like wow. i broke through and quit a week later. >> jimmy: here's a great thing. what was your first acting job? >> first acting job was "cowboys and aliens". >> jimmy: your brother oliver, we asked him what you would say. he said that's what you would say. but he says that's not true. in fact, he sent us a clip of another movie that he says was your first movie. now, does this ring a bell at

all to you? >> no. >> jimmy: well, let's ring that bell right now, then. [ singing ] ♪ >> jimmy: what was that? what kind of a nightmare was this? >> where did you find that? >> jimmy: your brother. >> he sent that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm going to kill him. oh, my god. i was 12. >> jimmy: i think that's illegal, whatever was done there. >> verbatim, oh, my god. verbatim they said to get me to do it, because i wasn't going to do it. they said it's not like anyone is ever going to see it.

>> jimmy: this is an even better less lesson. >> over before it started. >> jimmy: wyatt russell! "everybody wants some" is in theaters now. and we'll return with outdoor music from florida georgia line.

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>> jimmy: i'd like to thank julie bowen, wyatt russell and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "holy," florida georgia line! ♪ when the sun had left and the winter came and the sky thought to only bring the rain ♪ ♪ i sat in darkness

all broken-hearted ♪ ♪ couldn't find a day i didn't feel alone never meant to cry started losin' hope ♪ ♪ but somehow baby you broke through and saved me ♪ ♪ you're an angel tell me you're never leavin' 'cause you're the first thing i know i can believe in ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ you made the brightest days from the darkest nights you're the river bank where i was baptized ♪

♪ cleansed from the demons that were killin' my freedom ♪ ♪ let me lay you down give me to ya get you singin' babe hallelujah ♪ ♪ we'll be touchin' we'll be touchin' heaven ♪ ♪ you're an angel tell me you're never leavin' 'cause you're the first thing i know i can believe in ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ i don't need the stars 'cause you shine for me

like fire in my veins ♪ ♪ you're my ecstasy you're my ecstasy ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ you're holy holy holy holy i'm high on lovin' you high on lovin' you ♪ ♪ you're the healin' hands where it used to hurt you're my savin' grace you're my kind of church ♪ ♪ you're holy

this is "nightline." >> tonight they shed hundreds of pounds right before our eyes. on the tv show the biggest loser. many of those people gained most of that weight back. the surprising new study that reports a troubling finding about weight loss. why your body not your will power may be to blame. plus when janet jackson leaked a video online. was it a hint. she may be getting no sleep with soon she's pregnant at the age of 49. can you do it at age 50. so many of us hate getting stuck next to fussy fliers. why are they