>> dicky: it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight ryan gosling, from "office christmas party" t.j. miller. and music from pentatonix. and now, once more, it's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] since you're so enthusiastic,

before we -- i have a magic trick i learned. you want me to do it? [ cheers ] you like magic? because some people don't like it. all right. so i am going to say a phrase, a magic phrase. and you, all of you, involuntarily, whether you want to or not, whether you realize it or not, you will suddenly act like you're on a roller coaster. are you ready? okay? ryan gosling is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] even the arms went up. ta-da. [ cheers and applause ] all right. the ride is over! the ride has come to a complete stop now. ryan gosling was in "the notebook." he was in "drive." he was the star of a very confusing sex dream i had. [ laughter ] and he's here with us tonight. also tonight from the new comedy "office christmas party," t.j. miller is here. [ cheers and applause ] pentatonix is here with us today too.

[ cheers and applause ] the big news today here in the old u.s. of a., "time" magazine has named their person of the year. it's none other than president-elect donald trump. he is the person of the year. which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years. [ laughter ] trump won in spite of losing in "time's" online poll to hillary clinton. which is -- i mean, can she win anything she wins? [ laughter ] she was the runner-up. really, hillary's now just hoping to win a mug that says "world's best grandma." because person of the year -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] i do want to distinguish, because "time" does, it doesn't necessarily mean best person of the year. it's just person of the year. although don't tell donald trump that. he's excited. he did interviews about this, which is funny just to start. he said it's a very, very great honor and "time" is a very important magazine. i think he's more excited about this than being president, to be honest. [ laughter ] some of the people of the year in the past include mahatma gandhi, joseph stalin, winston

churchill, richard nixon, putin, obama, and hitler. so trump is definitely fitting in there, you decide where he fits in for yourself. the president-elect, he's really come a long way from his first "time" magazine cover, an honor he received in 1989 where he was working as a magician in atlantic city. [ laughter ] isn't that something? so anyway, congratulations to donald trump. and to the photographer who got him to sit still and not tweet for 30 seconds. that's the guy who should be person of the year this year. [ cheers and applause ] donald trump, as you may or may not know, is currently traveling around the country on what has been billed as his thank you tour. he's holding rallies in some of the states he won. last night he was in fayetteville, north carolina where we slowed him down for a brand new edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] [ slowed down ] >> he led a battalion in "operation desert storm." and you saw what that had -- what -- that was the way you're

supposed to lead it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's exactly right. hey, this is a subject i'm surprised donald trump hasn't gone off on yet. the cleveland cavaliers were in new york playing the knicks tonight. and the team as they usually do booked rooms at the trump hotel in soho. but lebron james and a number of his teammates decided to stay elsewhere. they didn't want to stay at a trump hotel. which i don't know if moving to another hotel is the best way to protest. why not just stay at his hotel and steal all the towels from the room? [ laughter ] by the way, can you imagine how many tiny little soaps a man the size of lebron james must go through? they're probably saving money not having him there. [ laughter ] in boxing news, this is from a press conference this morning for a british heavyweight title match happening this weekend. the press conference that will go down in history as having perhaps the worst microphone placement of all-time. >> what i'm saying to you -- >> okay.

you take a chill pill. because what you're trying to say after the fight -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's "time" magazine's person of the year in 1938. [ laughter ] here's something for those of you who enjoy watching and drinking along with "the bachelor," a new line of bachelor-inspired wines. the "bachelor" wine collection is out. there are four varieties. all aptly named. they are one on one chardonnay. the fantasy suite cabernet. the final rose rose. and there's a rash on my pinot noir. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's exciting. now at long last you can get drunk and make the same terrible life choices as the actual contestants. in addition to alcohol -- by the way, they're also selling a new drink to keep you hydrated. it's not alcohol. bachelor hot tub bottled water. straight from the tub.

it's std-licious. [ laughter ] today abc revealed photos and bios of the women who will vie for bachelor nick's love this season. a total of 30 bachelor contestants were announced. in a surprise turn of events they're all named jasmine. every one of -- no. only two of them are named jasmine. one of the contestants, alexis, her job is aspiring dolphin trainer. yeah, my daughter's an aspiring dolphin trainer too. she's 2 years old. there's a law school graduate named lauren who i'm pretty sure is just olivia from last season in a fun new top. this is taylor, she's a mental health counselor. see, i think if you're looking for a husband on tv, you need a mental health counselor. [ laughter ] by far the most popular occupation among the women this season is nurse. we've got briana. by the way, seems like the primary requirement for being on "the bachelor" is an ability to put a hand or two hands on your hips. [ laughter ] we've got britney -- oh, not on

the hips. maybe she'll be out immediately. is this danielle? i don't know, this is one of them. who's the next one? we've got britney, that's britney, she's a traveling nurse which i'm pretty sure means she takes vacations with older guys, right? [ laughter ] finally, we have josephine, who says she's an unemployed nurse. who isn't really, if you think about it. that's four nurses in one house. there are more nurses on "the bachelor" than "grey's anatomy" this year. abc also says, they tease us, saying one of the women has a big secret. and i don't want to be a spoiler but i happen to know what it is. she can read. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's true. it's going to be an exciting year. how funny would it be if nick just looked through the pictures and said, nah, i don't know, i don't like any of them, let's see another batch. starbucks today announced that they are planning to add 12,000 new locations, bringing their total number of stores to a zillion. [ laughter ]

how is it possible? starbucks has to be the most successful company ever that makes money selling you something you could easily make yourself if you just woke up five minutes earlier. [ laughter ] at the current rate of expansion, they say by the year 2030 every person in america will have their own personal starbucks store. which should help them get your name spelled right on the cup, i guess. [ laughter ] at the same time, amazon is testing something called amazon go. this is a grocery store, a real store, not an online thing. where you don't have to check out, you don't have to wait in line to shop. which i thought amazon already had a way for us to shop without waiting in line, it was called amazon. [ laughter ] but this is a market. they opened one in seattle. where you just gather your stuff and you walk out the door, you go home. they track what you buy with cameras and miniature sensors. which they say is great for people who love grocery shopping but wish it could be more like the movie "minority report." [ laughter ] a little bit confusing. but amazon made a video that

walks you through the process. it really is kind of amazing. >> welcome to amazon go. use the amazon go app to enter. then put away your phone and start shopping. anything you pick up is automatically added to your virtual cart. and if you change your mind, just put it back. please don't consume the products in the store. hey. hey! that's not how this works. when you leave, our just go technology charges your amazon account and you can keep going. but again, you can't just come in here and eat. sir. you have to pay for that. >> guillermo: no hablo ingles. come on, guy, i didn't eat any cake. >> amazon go -- to jail, because you can't be trusted. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how was it? >> guillermo: terrible! i don't want to go back. >> jimmy: i'm glad you got out. guillermo's been busy lately. in addition to drinking tequila

he's my cohost on an award-winning educational show. every afternoon on cable access television we help kids with their homework. and we're very proud of what we do. so if you'll allow us to show off a little, it's time for another fun-filled moment of learning with "the homework helper guys." >> science, geography, mathematics and anatomy, physics and biology, if you want to get wise, call the homework helper guys! >> jimmy: hello, students. we are the homework helper guys. this is mr. guillermo. i am mr. kimmel. we're here to help you with any questions you might have. homework questions, questions about life, you name it, we are here. let's start with these two young men. yeah, what are your names? >> my name is milo. >> my name's emmett. >> and i'm in fourth grade and he's in second grade. >> jimmy: what is your homework question? >> our first question is, why are some people not allowed to vote? >> jimmy: if you're technically,

legally, mentally crazy, you are not allowed to vote. also if you are in prison on probation for felony you are not allowed to vote. what else? oh. you know what the weirdest group of people of all who are not allowed to vote? kids. >> what? >> jimmy: kids. if you're under 18 you're not allowed to vote. because you know, kids pick their noses and they eat it and stuff like that. we can't have people who make decisions like that voting. do you understand? emmett, do you ever pick your nose and eat it? >> no! >> jimmy: never? >> never! >> jimmy: not even one time? >> actually, he did one time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did. when was it? what happened? tell us about that. >> well -- >> no i didn't! >> last year -- >> i didn't! >> jimmy: you did. >> last year -- >> i did not! >> jimmy: a little bit. >> eat pancakes -- >> jimmy: you ate a piece of snot off your pancakes? >> no!

>> jimmy: and that's why you're not allowed to vote. it's pretty simple. >> and in your opinion what is an example of an idea that is -- of an idea that is not a law that should be a law? >> jimmy: that is not a law that should be a law? that's a good question. well, number one, i think it should be illegal to pick your nose and eat it in your pancakes. you know a law i don't like that i think should not be a law, is gravity. gravity. because if we didn't have this stupid law of gravity, we could all fly. >> then in my school i wouldn't need to take dance class. which i'd be sad about. >> jimmy: emmett, do you like to dance? >> no. >> jimmy: not at all? >> he does. he takes hip-hop classes. >> i do not! >> yes, you do. >> jimmy: emmett -- you deny taking hip-hop classes. you deny picking your nose.

poor emmett. emmett took a beating here today. do you guys argue a lot? oh, look, he's back. >> yes. >> jimmy: you do argue a lot. what do you fight about? >> we -- we were just in an argument like a second ago. >> jimmy: about what? >> emmett do this, emmett why did you say that -- >> jimmy: who names their kid emmett? i mean, emmett, you're going to stick with that name? or are you going to change that when you turn 18? >> oh, yeah, i'm definitely going to change it. >> jimmy: what are you going to change it to, emmett? >> what are you going to change your name to, emmett? i know what he's going to change his name to. guillermo. >> no! [ applause ] >> guillermo: yeah! >> no! >> jimmy: what name are you going to change it to? >> orfin. >> jimmy: orson? >> orfin. o-r-f-i-n. >> jimmy: oh, orfin. okay. at the count of three, fight! all right? one, two, three, fight!

[ yelling ] >> jimmy: thanks for watching the homework helper guys. we are the homework helper guys. remember, if there is a dispute in your home, fight your brother. ♪ if you want to get wise call the homework helper guys ♪ >> jimmy: we're just happy to help. we have a good show tonight. music from pentatonix, t.j. miller is here, and i'll be right back with ryan gosling! [ cheers and applause ] hey steve check out this guys leg. yeah looks like a real nasty moving back in with his parents. what? no. i just broke my leg. no, this is a full blown move in to the basement, you're gonna be out of work without that money from... aflac! you might miss your rent. aww i just moved out. bummer man. hey i used to have my own place. yeah? no, no i live with my mom, but it's cool.

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>> jimmy: hi, welcome back to the show. tonight from "silicon valley" on hbo and the new movie "office christmas party," t.j. miller is here with us. and then later, a grammy-winning group of a capella-ers, this is their holiday album called "a pentatonix christmas." pentatonix from the lobby stage. tomorrow newt night on -- oh, a good show tomorrow. jennifer aniston will be here, tom ford will join us, we'll have music from frenship. and tom holland, peter parker himself will swoop in with the exclusive world premiere trailer for "spider-man: homecoming." and we have a new show on friday too, with the cast of "rogue one: a star wars story" and music from a tribe called quest. so please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] earlier today, our first guest had the shape of his feet and hands permanently cemented into the pavement that makes up hollywood boulevard. he stars along with emma stone in a great new movie called "la

la land." it opens in select theaters friday and everywhere on christmas day, please welcome ryan gosling. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] let's sit together. how are you doing? [ cheers and applause ] you look very nice. >> so do you. you look sharp. >> jimmy: very handsome. i just want to point out that there are like married like 53-year-old men whistling for ryan gosling. [ laughter ] that's the kind of effect you're having on these people. [ cheers ] >> that's my mom and her friends. i told them not to come. >> jimmy: what do you have here? what is going on? >> oh, this?

>> jimmy: yes, that. >> oh, well, i heard that you were hosting the academy awards. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is true. i am hosting. thanks. >> on my way in i went down to the souvenir store downstairs. and i found this. >> jimmy: oh, wow. what does it say? >> i wanted to give it to you because on it it says -- "best host." >> jimmy: best host? >> best host ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> can i keep the bag? >> jimmy: wow what a -- >> i believe you're going to be the best host ever, my friend. >> jimmy: well, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i can't imagine that would be true, but -- i can only disappoint. >> what can go wrong? >> jimmy: who do you think was the best host ever? >> i also heard, sorry -- >> jimmy: no, go ahead. >> that you were having another baby. >> jimmy: that is right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] oh, there's more? >> i found these chocolate cigars. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. that is really --

>> they're a little melted because guillermo and i hugged. >> guillermo: that's right. >> for i guess a little too long. >> jimmy: they do have just a hint of mexico. i like that. that's nice. who hosted the oscars the year you were nominated? >> ellen. >> jimmy: she did a fantastic job. >> she did a great job. >> jimmy: i'm not going to be as good as her, definitely. >> not with that attitude. [ laughter ] come on, man. one thing i want to tell you, though, is just make sure you have the right people backstage when you get off from giving your monologue. >> jimmy: you mean like security people? >> no, i mean, last year when chris hosted, chris rock. >> jimmy: right. >> he came off after his monologue and i think what you want to see in that moment is a friend or -- >> jimmy: enthusiasm. >> somebody that you know, you know. but instead he saw me. because i was presenting next. but he was -- the disappointment in his eyes that it was me that he saw was palpable. and i didn't hear the monologue

because i was traveling through the bowels of the building while it was happening so i didn't want to just say -- i didn't know what to say. >> jimmy: you didn't want to lie and say, great job. >> yes, we were just staring at each other. you know, dave chappelle was standing behind me, he just saved us both from this awful situation. >> jimmy: what did he do? >> he just moved me aside. he just went in there. chris was like, thank god. like a jedi. why was he the first person? make sure you have guillermo or your mother -- >> jimmy: don't worry, i'm sure they will all be there, yeah. your mother will probably be there with me at this event. >> well, yeah. now that she knows. >> jimmy: speaking of your mom, i know that you had a major event, really. congratulations to you. because this is not just getting a star on hollywood boulevard. when they invite you to put your hands and feet in cement, that's serious. i mean, that means you've really, really hit the big-time. i think we have video of that. i want to ask one thing. because i thought about this a couple of times.

there you are with emma stone, the two of you together. did you think about taking off your shoes and putting your feet in? because really, those aren't your footprints. they're your shoes. they're your shoeprints. >> that's a good point. we should have talked about this earlier. >> jimmy: i know. we definitely could have worked this out. >> it is hard to know how to navigate getting down there. >> jimmy: yeah. are there rules that they tell you? >> the thing to go to is to get on, you know -- all fours. >> jimmy: right. yeah, you have to. >> well. do you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess you can walk on your hands -- >> they want you to get on all fours and then you have to look up and smile. it's not your first choice of positions. [ laughter ] that you want to be in. >> jimmy: right, you're right. [ cheers and applause ] it's an awkward way to start your legendary stint. >> you have to have a look of gratitude. so just being in that -- the whole -- you know, so i was thinking how do i -- so i tried the spider-man at first.

i thought i would just do both hands like this. i would do like i was tying my shoe, one hand and one hand. and they weren't having any of it. >> jimmy: they weren't. >> they were pushing -- >> jimmy: they yell at you and tell you what to do, right, the photographers? the whole event is supposed to be this big thing and all it is, hey ryan, hey ryan, hey ryan, look over here! you better look over or they get mad. >> they get very mad. >> jimmy: did you keep the shoes? did you bring an extra pair of shoes? did you rinse the shoes off? >> i have to deal with the shoes. >> jimmy: you don't have people to deal with -- you don't have shoe people? >> i don't have shoe people. do you have shoe people? >> jimmy: of course i have shoe people. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: you've got to get shoe people. you were also just in budapest shooting "blade runner," a new version of "blade runner." [ cheers and applause ] is it great in budapest? do you recommend it as a place to visit? >> it's a wonderful place. >> jimmy: did you enjoy working with harrison ford? >> he's a -- he's a cool [ bleep ]. [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he is. that's all right. >> we'll have to bleep that, but there's no other way to say it. >> jimmy: i've found as he's been here a few times that it took a few times before -- even though this is a talk show, really before he would speak to me. [ laughter ] but now i feel like he considers me to be like a son or something like that. maybe not a son. maybe a neighbor that he'll wave to as he drives by. >> right. >> jimmy: even though we don't live near each other at all. i assume -- i don't know where he lives. that's the thing. well -- >> jimmy: did you hang out with him? did you guys bond? >> i -- you know, we worked a lot together, you know. he's funny. i had no idea. i asked him one night how -- who he got his sense of humor from, from his mother or his father. he just stared me down and said, "sears." [ laughter ] he said, "i got it from sears.

and they were closing, and i didn't have time to shop around so i just had to grab one." >> jimmy: how many months were you there? >> five. >> jimmy: wow, that's a long time. >> long time. >> jimmy: when we come back we're going to see a clip from your new movie, which is just terrific. ryan gosling, it's called "lala land." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ whoa, papa ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ there's nothing in this life that's ever bringing me down ♪ ♪ she said don't you ever ♪ ever, ever ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ whoa, papa, run

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i want you to know you're looking at a new man pape man that's happy to be here. >> excellent. >> very easy to work with. >> and you're going to play the set list. >> happy to. even though i don't think anyone cares what i play. >> well, if anyone you mean anyone other than me you're correct. i care. and i don't want to hear the free jazz. >> okay. although i -- i thought in this town it worked on a sort of one for you, one for me type system. how about two for you, one for me? how about all for you and none for me? >> that's perfect, yes. >> great. >> okay. >> okay, mutual decision then. >> right, made by me. >> right. and i sign off on it.

>> whatever. tell yourself what you want to know. >> jimmy: that is "lala land." ryan gosling is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] i mentioned, and i really do mean it, you did a great job. emma stone is fantastic in the movie. the whole movie is just really, really, really good. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: and your piano playing in the movie, i was watching you because i felt like it must be a trick. because as far as i knew you didn't play the piano. >> right. >> jimmy: but you're really playing the piano in the movie. >> yep. >> jimmy: well. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. but that is -- i don't know why i find that mind-boggling. but you shouldn't be like -- you shouldn't look like this and be able to do that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's too much. it's too much, you've gone too far. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: how hard did you practice? i mean, was it nonstop? it's not just -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's good piano playing. >> the director wanted to shoot all of the -- in the tradition

of the old musicals, fred and ginger, gene kelly, that style, they would do all their numbers in one shot generally or try to. because it gives you a feeling as an audience like you're watching a high wire act. this could go south at any second. there's no fancy editing. it invests you in a different way. >> jimmy: there's literally no editing. >> if you wanted to shoot all of these things in one shot. a few of those, we did dance numbers in one shot, but the one thing for me was that i had to play the whole theme of the movie on the piano in one take. >> jimmy: without screwing up. >> without messing up. >> jimmy: is that a tremendous amount of pressure? i think -- >> because it was my first day? yes. >> jimmy: your very first day of shooting? >> yes. >> jimmy: you had to do that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is crazy. i would have screwed that up so many times. they would have just fired me. i mean, really. i feel like even, if my job was to answer the phone in the background i would have ruined it. it's so much focus on you. and to do that is -- i think

people will understand it better when they see it. also you have the dance. you have to do a lot. you really dug deep down to those mickey mouse club roots. [ laughter ] i mean, that paid off in a big way on this particular film. >> oddly enough, i thought my background in '90s hip-hop would help. [ laughter ] it doesn't translate. into soft shoe and waltzing -- >> jimmy: do you feel like now when you go to a wedding or something you'll be a star on the dance floor? you'll be great? >> i forget everything. >> jimmy: already? you've forgotten everything? >> as soon as we did it. you know, i emptied out my brain and had to like program it with what else was coming up next. >> jimmy: that's it? really? it's gone? >> it's gone. yeah. >> jimmy: well. it was really not worth a whole lot, was it, i guess? >> no, it wasn't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't remember any of the dancing at all? >> no. i mean, i remember, you know -- maybe the waltzing. that's pretty easy. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> i don't remember the tap dancing. >> jimmy: is the waltzing easy? >> i think i know where this is going.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where is this going? would you like to dance? >> are you asking me to show you how to waltz? >> jimmy: i guess i am, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] yes, i am. show us how to waltz. >> i only know the guy part so that puts you in an interesting position. >> jimmy: i don't know either part so it doesn't make much of a difference. [ cheers and applause ] >> i need a little ambiance. >> jimmy: if you feel anything, it's just a cigarette. [ laughter ] >> all right, let me get a look at you. could we have a little ambiance? ♪ and some music. great. >> jimmy: i'm like emma stone in this. >> straighten up. >> jimmy: i was straightened up.

>> let me take a look at you. >> jimmy: okay. ♪ >> can we have some romantic music? >> jimmy: that wasn't romantic? >> let's get sensitive, man. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i thought i was straightened up. >> put your arms out. >> jimmy: all right. >> straight like this. >> jimmy: yes? >> sway your back a little. >> jimmy: this doesn't feel like dancing. >> i'm going to get in there. >> jimmy: all right. >> it's a three-step. i'll stand next to you. >> jimmy: all right. >> so you're going to go one two three, one two three, one two three, one two three. just like that. let me see you. ♪ yeah. right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where does my hand go? >> my forefinger and my thumb are going to start talking to your lower back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is? >> i need your lower back to just pay attention, all right? >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> where are you looking? where are you looking? >> jimmy: i don't know where i'm looking. [ cheers and applause ] >> stop for a second, stop the music. who are you looking at? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- i thought i was -- >> are you dancing with over there or are you dancing with me? >> jimmy: i'm dancing with you. i should be dancing with you, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, i'm sorry. >> it's not about this, it's about this. [ cheers and applause ] i want to feel like i'm the only person in the room. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: should we clear everyone out? >> all the people are boring right now. the world melts away. >> jimmy: all right. >> it's just you and i. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i'm okay, i'm locked in. ♪ >> get in here. >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's good. >> jimmy: am i good? [ cheers and applause ] thank you.

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>> jimmy: hi there, we are back.

you know our next guest from the tv show "silicon valley" and the movie "deadpool." he is a very funny man with a very funny new movie - "office christmas party." opens friday. please welcome t.j. miller! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. >> oh, jimmy. i was just at the craziest party. >> jimmy: is that right? >> the old lamp shade on the head trick. >> jimmy: it's like you're somewhere between a lamp shade, a ghost, and a klan member all at once. >> okay, i'm going to take it off. jimmy, i want to tell you -- >> jimmy: oh. >> i want to tell you, i came here to get serious. i wanted to congratulate you on

your child. your upcoming child. >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> i want to give you, for the baby's first party, i'd like to gift him this. >> jimmy: oh, wow. well. we don't know -- >> it's a little lamp shade for a baby. >> jimmy: that is so very sweet of you to give us this thing our props department made for you. >> no, i came with that. >> jimmy: did you really? >> i made this myself, it's not that hard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe we can post the plans on our website. >> yeah. well, you've kind of tainted it with the whole klan reference. [ laughter ] these are turbulent times. that's why i find it to be -- it's a great time to be promoting a comedy. >> jimmy: it is a great time. >> a holiday comedy. i find it easy to sell a comedy during the apocalypse. [ laughter ] especially an ensemble comedy with kate mckinnon, jennifer aniston, who i think is going to be here tomorrow. very, very brilliant. the greatest cast. vanessa bayer, randall park, sam richardson, the list goes on and on.

and everybody really delivers. so it's an hour and a half of a really funny movie. it's a laugh a minute. >> jimmy: it's a dirty movie. >> it's a little bit of a dirty minute. i'm going to double back. it's a laugh every minute and a half to two minutes. it's not a laugh a minute comedy because that's exhausting, we're all exhausted. we want to give you the time every minute and a half to two minutes. it's a laugh every minute and a half. >> jimmy: i believe it. of course you've got the great cast. also, "silicon valley" is such a great show. one of the best shows ever. [ cheers and applause ] you had an unbelievable year career-wise with "deadpool" and the hbo show, now this movie. what has been the most exciting thing to happen to you this year? >> being in a movie right now. because right now more than ever we need to laugh. we're going to take the holidays off, december -- >> jimmy: you're saying this will do it? >> this movie. then i'm actually hosting the critics' choice awards which is much better than the oscars. >> jimmy: is it? [ laughter ] is it better? >> it's more laid back.

the golden globes trying to be the cool kid at the party but they're not that cool. the critics choice just get [ bleep ]. but have fun at the oscars. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you'll be judged under a magnifying glass bigger than all of hollywood put together. while i just get a bunch of puppets and act like a ding dong. i got to work with steven spielberg, you guys. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] what did you work with him on? >> it was a -- mm, mm! oh, i love that. i love that water, i do. so working with steven spielberg was this dream come true. it's weird, i have a relationship with him, he put me in "carpoolers," a tv show i did that got canceled, but it was a dreamworks show. i was on the way to audition for "she's out of my league." i don't know if you guys have seen that. [ applause ] good hangover movie. and i was late an hour and a half, new to hollywood, i didn't

have my i.d., they wouldn't let me into amblin entertainment. that's dreamworks. sure enough the guard wouldn't let me in. the gate opens. out drives this man. and i look. and i say, that's steven spielberg. and the guard's like, yeah, you're at dreamworks. i see him every day. i couldn't help it but i waved, to him and i said hi, steven spielberg. and he stopped the car. he backed up. and he said, hey, i know you. i said, hi, steven spielberg! i couldn't stop using both his names. hi, steven spielberg. i'm t.j. miller. he said, i know who you are, you're in "carpoolers," you're really funny. my wife thinks you're funny. what are you doing here? i said i'm auditioning for "she's out of my league." he said, that's one of ours, tell them that's why you're late. i said, i was going to say that anyway. but thank you. [ laughter ] but he had a good sense of humor about it. so what happened was after "she's out of my league" came out and people liked it i started calling his office every couple months. and i would just call and i'd say, you know, get me dreamworks.

they'd put steven spielberg's assistant on the phone. and i would say, hey, it's t.j. miller, i can't talk right now, i know steven and i have been trading back and forth, he's busy, i'm very busy, tell him i'll call him when i get a chance, thank you so much, good-bye. then i'd hang up. i did that every single month for like ten years. [ laughter ] that's real. i kept doing that. then all of a sudden, he calls upon me to be in "ready player one," his next film. "ready player one"! >> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] >> yeah, it's a great book. >> jimmy: did he actually call you? >> so here's what happened. after "office christmas party" was, you know -- i was going to star in that, then they also bought a film that i'm writing with my cousin miller davis called "ex-criminals." they made that announcement and i had a free day the next day. i was going to write. so i set up all my marijuana accouterments. >> jimmy: of course. >> i have a prescription for marijuana. it's medical. for anxiety.

primarily anxiety about getting arrested for marijuana. [ laughter ] so i laid out all my stuff. i was just about to start. and the phone rings. it's a 310 number. i don't usually pick up unknown numbers. but for some reason i picked it up. and this girl says "i have steven for you." and i said, what? she said, "this is allison in steven spielberg's office. i have steven for you." i was like, "thank god." and she thought, oh, i guess he finally -- like thank god he's talking with me. but i was like, imagine if i had smoked marijuana and then been on the phone with steven spielberg and been like, steven, how are you doing? steven, did i say it right? steven? oh, no. i get on the phone, i talk with him for 17 minutes 38 seconds. [ laughter ] i thought i was really, really funny. i would have said yeah, put steven on. and then when he got on the phone i would have gone, "steven, i'm super busy right now, i can't talk, i'll call you back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: t.j. miller,

everybody, "office christmas party" opens in theaters friday. we'll be right back with pentatonix. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by the dick's sporting goods foundation. go to sportsmatter.org to help save youth sports. ♪ is that coffee? yea, it's nespresso. i want in. ♪

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we catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. scandal alert! flo likes dairy?! woman: busted! [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. oh, yeah! [ indistinct shouting ] is this your chauffeur? what?! no, i was just showing him how easy it is to save with snapshot from progressive. you just plug it in and it gives you a rate based on your driving. does she have insurance for being boring? [ light laughter ] laugh bigger. [ laughter ]

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♪ for me? oh my... [gasps] what is it? it's samsung gear vr. you put it in there... push the play button. oh... [gasps] [laughter] this is crazy! oh my gosh! whooooah! wow. [sighs] [laughter] you've gotta try this. ♪

the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series brought to you by the dick's sporting goods foundation. go to sportsmatter.org to help save youth sports. >> jimmy: music time. their album is called "a pentatonix christmas." here with the song "god rest ye merry gentlemen," pentatonix! ♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay remember christ our savior ♪ ♪ was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were gone astray ♪ ♪ oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪

♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay remember christ our savior ♪ ♪ was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were gone astray ♪ ♪ oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ ♪ in bethlehem in israel this blessed babe was born and laid within a manger upon this blessed morn ♪ ♪ the which his mother mary did nothing take in scorn o tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy ♪ ♪ o tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ said nothing any angel ♪ this day is for the savior ♪ to free all those who trusted

him from satan's power and might ♪ ♪ o tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy ♪ ♪ o tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay ♪ ♪ remember christ our savior was born on christmas day to save us all from satan's pow'r when we were ♪ ♪ gone astray oh tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh tidings of comfort and joy ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there are so many people to thank. i'd like to thank ryan gosling, t.j. miller. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. thank you for watching, good night everybody!

this is "nightline." >> tonight, the lost tapes. two amateur adventurers learn to climb the highest peaks in order to solve a 31-year-old mystery. >> we haven't done anything near what real mountaineers would call mountaineering. >> a mission taking them to the wreckage of a plane crash that killed 29. their amazing discovery and the shock twist. plus, patriots day. mark wahlberg's new movie hits close to home. >> to see those faces on that tree. i spent a lot of years walking up and down all of these streets. >> his journey back to the finish line of the boston marathon. inside the search for the bombers. and two survivors share their dramatic stories. >> she didn't know she was on fire. and baby, it's