jim gardner. goodnight. ♪ ♪ : from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, shaquille o'neal. from "legion," noah hawley. and music from mondo cozmo. and now, heads up, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, thank you very much. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we have a big and tall show for you tonight. maybe you felt the ground shaking tonight. that's because the great and powerful shaquille o'neal is with us. [ cheers and applause ] the genie from kazam is here to grant us three wishes. i wish i had a fresh new brick

of post-it notes. wait a minute. amazing! [ applause ] you know, the that they were pu a statue of him up at the staples center. at first he didn't believe me. he thought it was a prank. i have a credibility problem. but that's the statue. this is also to get shaq off the couch when he fouls asleep watching tv. it's nine feet towall, it weigh 1,200 pounds, actual size and weight. [ laughter ] shaq was all over the news for saying the earth is flat. if he's wrong, he'll jump up and down a few times and make it flat. but on capitol hill today, one of the most dramatic episodes of

the celebrity president yet, republicans in the house were forced to postpone their vote today because they cannot agree on what the plan should be. unfortunately, trump's budget for education cut funding for drawing boards, so there's no board for them to draw on. [ laughter and applause ] there was a major blow to the president who badly needs a win right now, but he was able to let off some steam today, literally. he had a meeting with some truckers today. the guy told him to honk if he's horny, and he's like, melania doesn't even live in my house anymore, so -- [ cheers and applause ] because the president went all out for this bill, but hard-line republicans hated it because it offered too many benefits. moderate republicans hated it because it cut too many benefits. hospitals hate it because they stand to lose money. insurance companies hate it because it can blow up the

market, and voters hated it. basically the only people who were okay with the plan were donald trump, paul ryan, and chuck berry. i happen to know that chuck would have loved that joke, may he rest in peace. [ laughter and applause ] these congressmen are nervous because the budget office warned that trumpcair could result in 24 million people being aboutco uninsured. trump says the numbers were cooked up by the microwave that's been spying on him at trump tower. there's a lot of talk about the health care bill and the details of it, but let's be honest, unless the bill was hot glued to the back of a victoria's secret catalog, there's no way donald trump read that thing. yesterday he gave an interview and said he's right about everything, his instincts are always right.

he doubled down on his claim that obama wiretapped him. he bragged about how many covers of "time" magazine he's been on, and at the end, he told the reporter who was interviewing him, he said, i think i'm doing okay, because i'm president and you're not. let's check back in a week or to and see if that's still the case. but you wonder -- [ cheers and applause ] i mean, who says that? i wonder how many times a day he says that? we're ordering buckets from kfc today because i'm president and you're not. but it is important to know who is president and who is not. so let's go through it real president. not. not. not. president. not. president. not yet. [ laughter and applause ] where he has been hiding, by the

way? mike pence, he's up in a cabin somewhere rubbing his hands together waiting for all the russia stuff to come out. one thing i've learned about president trump, he's more of a mover than a shaker, and i have to credit one of our tv watchers, anthony, for noticing this. when donald trump is in a meeting, he has a tendency to move stuff. watch. >> thank you all very much for being here. we had a couple of great meetings this morning. the airline industry -- >> i would have saved that. >> thank you all very much. >> general counsel. >> thank you. >> nice to see you. >> in charge of their health

care decisions that lower costs for families. >> that was a head fake right there. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: shaq would appreciate that. well, all i have to say is i hope the new health care plan covers ocd, because president trump has been moving around so much the secret service can't afford to keep up with him. according to "the washington post," the secret service has requested an additional $60 million to cover the cost of protecting trump and his family when they travel. those weekends at mar-a-lago cost taxpayers $3 million a pop. it might be time for trump to put a travel ban on himself. because that's a lot. [ cheers and applause ] we focus a lot on donald trump's tweets, but he's not the only star of the political world making a splash on twitter. mike huckabee, the former governor of arkansas, has been showing off his sense of humor on twitter a lot. every day he writes jokes.

here are some of his jokes. don't miss it, rachel maddow will reveal who shot j.r. ewing on the series dallas. tom brady's jersey found. cops coming to my hotel room to pick it up. dang! the man is basically mark twain in a pair of harbor bay relaxed pants. but not everyone gets it. some have been posting tweets criticizing his joke-writing. he replied, i tweet for my amusement and your amazement, to haters, trolls, and humorless people, it's way over your heads. he's a funny guy. look at this family christmas card. you know, you don't wear a shirt like this without wanting to make people laugh. so maybe what mike huckabee needs is a stronger presentation. jokes don't always have the same punch when you read them to yourself. so tonight we asked not just a professional comedian, to do

some of his twitter jokes, to bring them to life on stage with that said, please welcome pat and oswald, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, guys. thank you. thank you so much. thank you. wow, wow. thank you. boy, have you guys been watching the news lately? it's crazy. speaking of the news, breaking news, jimmy dean sausage company will be renamed gorsuch sausage, because he's grinding up some democrat senators into pure pork sausage. traveling's weird. [ laughter ] boy, i was in norway last week, only english-speaking tv i get

in norway is bbc. it stands for biased boring crap, more effective than ambien as sleep inducer. hey you guys like -- [ laughter ] you guys like music? [ applause ] >> i sure do. but one kind of music i don't like, poop dog has nephew named bow wow, both bad dogs, who advocate murder and sex slavery for potus and first lady. who let the dogs out? [ dog barking ] [ laughter ] okay, they're giving me the light. i'll leave you with this. this is a visual gag. did you guys see this?

oh, as hillary leaves rally, um, hang on. as hillary leaves rally, e-mail questions continue to dog her. to be frank, she's in trouble. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was the comedy of mike huckabee, as presented by patton oswald. we'll take a break. when we come back, we'll give college students a chance to win money if they can tell us who is on that money. it's dumb and fun, so stick around, we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] don't look now but chuck norris is right behind you. i heard superheroes read chuck norris comics.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome back. tonight on the show, music from mondo cozmo, noah hawley is here. but first, it's spring break time. millions of college students are out on vacation for the week. tonight we'll give some of them a chance to win cash. time to play a special college edition of "on the money." let's go out to the streets of hollywood, where my cousin sal is standing by with our first contestant. i was going to ask your name. but i see it there. what's your name, cousin sal? >> my name is justine. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> dana point, california. >> jimmy: what is your major at ucla? >> sociology. >> jimmy: how far along are you? >> i'm a junior. three years in. >> jimmy: will you graduate on time? >> as of now. >> jimmy: do you have a job or do you go to school full time?

>> i do. i work at the front desk of a hotel. >> jimmy: do you ever experience hookers there at the front desk? >> i have, before. >> jimmy: e on, you have? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how does that work? >> usually they know where they're going. >> jimmy: they know where they're going. do they have to get a key to get into the room? >> i'm not allowed to give a key to -- >> listen to jimmy playing dumb over there. >> jimmy: all right, here's how the game works. we'll start with the lowest possible denomination of cash. if you get that right, you can continue on and risk what you've won to go to the next highest level. we'll begin with the penny. cousin sal, you have a penny? >> i do. >> jimmy: don't look at the penny, justine. who's face is on the penny? >> abraham lincoln. >> jimmy: that is correct. you win a penny. now you have a decision to make. do you want to keep that penny?

or do you want to go for six cents? >> i want to go for a nickel. >> jimmy: she's going to go for the nickel! [ cheers and applause ] all right, justine, who is on the nickel? >> uh, god, um -- >> jimmy: this is where it gets tough. >> this is -- >> jimmy: i'll give you a hint. he's a president. you have to take a guess, justine. >> george washington. >> jimmy: no, no. i'm so sorry. you have to give the penny back to cousin sal. thank you for playing. that's how it goes, everybody. you know, it's gambling. you're going to roll the dice, you might lose the dice. all right, let's try again. what is your name, sir? >> my name is osi.

sal's blocking your name tag there. where do you go to school? >> cal state l.a. >> jimmy: what are you studying? >> exercise science. >> jimmy: exercise science. that's a thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and will you be an exercise scientist, or what will -- >> basically i can go anywhere from kinesiology to, like, being like a pediatrician or whatever i want to be. >> jimmy: i see. do you know your u.s. currency? >> probably not. >> jimmy: okay. you got a tough act to follow because justine was able to identify who was on the penny. but that's where it ended. okay? so the first question is, who is on the penny? >> lincoln. >> jimmy: that is right, osi. you got one cent. do you want to risk it? >> sure. >> jimmy: we're on the money. who is on the nickel?

five cents? >> jefferson. >> jimmy: jefferson is right! you have six cents. you want to keep that six cents, or do you want to try a dime? >> let's try a dime. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: osie's going for it. >> i have to step in. i've seen too many people blow this. take the money, give it back to your parents for the tuition. just be responsible. >> jimmy: don't listen to him. do what you think you should do in this situation. you're going to go for it? >> yeah, i'm going to go for it. >> jimmy: he's going to go for it! [ cheers and applause ] i want to see how much fake enthusiasm i can wring out of you before the night is done. osie, who is on the dime? >> i'm going to say adams. >> jimmy: oh, we're going to have to take that six cents away from you. >> i warned you, i warned you!

>> jimmy: should we try one more? by the way, were you born around the time the oc, the show came out? >> yeah, i was. >> jimmy: okay, that's ridiculous. we gotta do better than this? who is out there, cousin sal? >> erica. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good. how are you? >> jimmy: you go to university of washington. >> yeah. >> jimmy: here on spring break? >> yeah. >> jimmy:e extra cash? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who is on the penny? >> abraham lincoln. >> jimmy: that's correct. do you want to risk it and go for are the nickel? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who is on the nickel? >> jefferson. >> jimmy: jefferson is right. you got six cents. do you want to hold on to that or go for 16 cents? >> jimmy: wa >> i'll go for it. >> jimmy: who is on the dime? who is on the dime? this is where osie got caught

up. >> would it be adams? >> jimmy: oh, still not adams. i think what we've learned is our college students aren't that bright. well, thank you so much, erica, sorry that didn't work out. thanks for playing our game show on the money. we have a good show tonight. we have music from mondo cozmo, noah hawley is here, and we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by dreamworks "the boss baby," in theaters march 31st.

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>> i'm going to big bear. >> jimmy: what are you going to do up in big bear? >> take my son and -- >> jimmy: take your son and do this? >> yeah, tubing. ♪ leave it to the pros? i am a pro. i made this lawn from seed pride, and less water than you'd think. to those who'd say the grass is greener on the other side.. i politely disagree.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, he is the creative force behind the shows "fargo" and "legion," both of which can be seen on fx, noah hawley is here. then, this is his single, it's called "shine," mondo cozmo from the mercedes-benz stage. you can see mondo cozmo on tour with bastille, starting tomorrow in toronto. our first guest tonight is a four time nba champion, a basketball hall-of-famer and a man of more nicknames than anyone on the planet earth - which is round, by the way. tomorrow, a statue of his shaqness will be unveiled outside the staples center, from the nba on tnt, please welcome shaquille o'neal!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know why. i have this urge, like, i would one day like to wrestle you, like for real. like you and i, we'll just get in and wrestle. >> tell you what, next time i time, you have a tub of jello there and we'll jello it. >> jimmy: we'll jello wrestle, absolutely. >> me and you. >> jimmy: i would love that. how you doing? >> i'm doing fine. >> jimmy: that was a joke about the world being flat, right? >> was it? [ laughter ] of course it was. >> jimmy: when i heard you say that, people were getting all excited, they were like, there's no way he wasn't joking in this situation. >> they got upset. my theory is, i bought a bus couple summers ago.

so when i drive from florida to california, it seems flat to me. >> jimmy: okay. >> you ever been in a flight and you getting ready to land and you pull up the window and you look, it seems flat, right? so that was my theory. i'm just joking. relax, i'm joking. >> jimmy: they almost took your ph.d. in education away. are there other crazy things that you might want to start? do you want to say you believe in big foot? >> i do. i really do. >> jimmy: are you a big foot? >> uh, know what's funny? one time in seattle in the snowstorm, somebody took a picture of me and showed it to me, and i really looked like big foot. i really did. i was like, oh, that's me. >> jimmy: yeah, shaq squatch is one nickname you never got. that's pretty good, actually. i was thinking about this today and looking at the news and donald trump was on the news. and i was thinking, if you ran

for president, i think you honestly, i'm not joking, i think you'd have a really good shot. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i really do. >> i plan on running for some type of law enforcement office. position of sheriff, maybe in 2020. >> jimmy: i got a picture of what sheriff's wear, and i don't see you in this. >> oh, i could wear that. i could wear that, totally. >> jimmy: you don't need to look taller. >> i like that. >> jimmy: you'd be comfortable in a hat like this? >> of course. >> jimmy: well, i don't know. i think that president would be a great job for you. >> that's too much work. too intense for me. >> jimmy: isn't being a sheriff a lot of work? >> yeah, but you have people that work under you. sheriff is just, show up, give speeches, say hi to the kiss, kiss old ladies, kiss babies, go back home. >> jimmy: you don't have to put a health care bill together? >> none of that. >> jimmy: no immigration issues to deal with. >> no. >> jimmy: i'll let you off the hook on that one. your son, by the way, i know is

playing high school basketball right now. >> right. >> jimmy: he better be good. he's gotta be good, right? >> he's really good. he's better than i was at the age of 16. >> jimmy: is he? >> but i don't put a lot of pressure on him. i just tell him, have fun. if you want to be a professional basketball player, i can show yu how to get there. but if he doesn't make it, it's not going to be the worse thing in the world. the only pressure i put on them is to go to school and make yourself educated. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's good. but of course they do whatever they want. so it really almost doesn't matter what pressure you put on them, because they are going to do what you want to do. >> and they like playing the game. i have three that play. my youngest, i think she's the best. and mimi also plays, but i think my youngest daughter will probably -- >> jimmy: will they get competitive now that you've declared one of them the best? >> all the time. they fight all the time. >> jimmy: do you play hard, like if you play against your son?

>> i tried to play a couple weeks ago and said, i'm never playing again. >> jimmy: why? >> i lost it. i just couldn't play. >> jimmy: you lost energy or your touch? >> it was just gone, everything. >> jimmy: so what's going to happen when i pin you in the jello wrestling? >> that's never gonna happen? >> jimmy: that could humiliate your family. >> you will never pin me in jello. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: when you play basketball with your kids, do you teach them how to shoot free-throws, or do you have somebody else come in for that? [ laughter ] >> actually, a great free-throw shooter, you know that. i saw you at all three of my parades. >> jimmy: that's true. >> no, you know what, the thing about shooting, i used to be a shooter when i was a youngster. then i fell in love with dunking. and another than shoot, i want

to get close to the basket. but they're excellent shooters. >> jimmy: listen, the hall of fame is great. all these accolades, winning these titles, but to get a statue of yourself outside the staples center is very, very rare. and very special, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> it's special and i have to thank you, because i came here around this time last year, and you told me, and you know i don't believe anything you say. >> jimmy: yeah, you didn't believe me. i had to go back after the show and say, no, i wasn't kidding. you really got -- you're really getting a statue outside. >> it's -- it'll be a great moment. it will happen tomorrow. friends will be there, the family will be there. >> jimmy: we'll talk about that. we'll take a quick break. shaquille o'neal is with us. you know him from the nba on tnt. we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal. you're not going to make it.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with this gentleman. tomorrow is the big unveiling of your statue, 2:00, there's going to be a big -- it's called the shaq town celebration, something like that? >> i think so. >> jimmy: i think so as well. who is going to be there?

your former teammates? >> i hope kobe, rick fox -- >> jimmy: so you don't send out an evit? >> i didn't send out anything. hopefully the lakers took care of that. >> jimmy: will people make speeches? >> i'm not sure. >> jimmy: will you make a speech? >> i probably will. >> jimmy: and you have something planned or you're just going to wing it? >> i'm not going to wing it. i'll probably go tonight and rewatch the show and see how beautiful i am. [ laughter ] and then i'll probably start writing it then. >> jimmy: bay the way, do you know who is on the quarter? >> quarter of what? >> jimmy: the quarter. >> no. i haven't touched a quarter in in [ laughter ] >>ive i never carry money. >> jimmy: do you have a money

carrier? >> no. >> jimmy: i heard you're a big tipper? >> yes, i'm a big tipper. regular days, when i was at the store, i was like, let me take the donuts and the soda, and i'll go home and i'll bring the money back. he said, yeah, you can do it. but when i'm at restaurants, i'm a big tipper. i like to show people my appreciation. so when they come up to the table, i say, the quicker i get my order, the bigger your tip will be. then when we leave, i'll ask them. and the most someone said wasd . >> jimmy: you gave them $4,000? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you should have punched them in the head is what you should have done. >> yeah, it was alady. she was like, oh, my god, you're going to pay my rent for two months. >> jimmy: what a strange figure. >> she said it. >> jimmy: now you can't ever go?

>> jimmy: you're going to have to get back in the league. >> i know. >> jimmy: that is unbelievable. what about a valet, if somebody parks your car? how much do they get? >> about 300. >> jimmy: $300? >> yes. >> jimmy: if you don't have cash, what do you give them? >> i won't stop. no money, i'm going home. >> jimmy: have you been watching the lakers lately? >> yes. >> jimmy: does it hurt you to watch that, or do you feel like that's the best strategy for them to kinda tank? >> this is first time -- kinda tank? >> jimmy: they are kinda tanking, right? >> if that's what you want to call it. this is the first time i've seen the laker organization not have one or two big-name players. johnson and ryan paul iring of inka, they can agents. >> jimmy: maybe your son.

[ cheers and applause ] congratulations on the statue, there's nobody that deserves ii. is everyone invited or just former players? everyone's invited. it's the big shaq statue unveiling, tomorrow 2:00 at the staples center. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the big man invites you to be there. we'll be right back with noah hawley! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

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>> jimmy: we are back. still to come, music from mondo cozmo. if there is such a thing as genius in television, our next guest is one. he is a best-selling author, director, screenwriter, producer and the brains behind two great shows "fargo" and "legion." >> you know the most dangerous thing about schizophrenia? the most dangerous thing is believing you don't have it. that's a trick. the mind-killer. your disease convinces you, you don't have it. so, for example, one day in the hospital, you meet a girl and she has some friends and they tell you, you're not sick.

you have superpowers, and more than anything, you want to believe it, because that means you're not crazy. that means you can fall in love and live happily ever after. >> jimmy: that is for the season finale of "legion," it airs on fx next wednesday night at 10:00, please welcome noah hawley! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: forgive me, but you seem so tiny compared to shaq. >> yes. it's my great burden. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, because i don't think people know entirely what you're up to, you wrote and correct me if i'm wrong, you wrote all ten episodes of the fst season of "fargo," six out of ten episodes of the second season. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you wrote a bunch of the episodes for "legion," you wrote a novel that became a best-seller.

and now you're, just by sitting here tonight, you're losing two or three episodes of work. >> yeah, it's like how bill gates loses money by stopping to pick up $10,000. if i stop moving, i'm in trouble. >> jimmy: you must be the fastest typist in the world. >> with two fingers. >> jimmy: is that true? >> sometimes another finger will get involved, but mostly it's just the two. >> jimmy: you could get a whole other series if you could learn to type properly. >> the pinkies, yeah. >> jimmy: i mentioned this to you, i love both of these shows. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you really have, you've 18 otaken on, "fargo" is of the most beloved movies of all time, would you agree? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i assume by you as well. and you decide to make a television series out of it. and not only didn't you ruin it, you made something entirely different and great on its own, and then you dive into marvel comics which is another kind of iconic, holy relic that people

shouldn't mess with, and you made this great television show out of that. i mean, were you at all nervous about touching either of these two things just to start with? >> yeah, with "fargo," i assumed two people would watch it and one would be hate-watching it, and when it turned out to be popular and critically acclaimed, i just assumed that i was suing this thing that was such a terrible idea, that the only thing i could do was just dive into it and make it the thing it had to be. then when we were rewarded for taking risks, i just took more risks and "legion" was sort of the same. you take this underlying material, which is so beautiful and brilliant, and i just tried to pay respect to it, but then to tell the story that i want to tell with it. >> in a way, it reminds me of how, like, dr. dray, or jay-z will take a song or a beat or something, and then make it into

something know what that original thing was, you can appreciate it. >> yeah, i think it's a conversation that i'm having with the work that i love. even as a novelist, you're always going off the books that inspired you, and it becomes a dialogue in no one had ever asked me to make a cohen brothers movie before. you know, this is my way of showing my appreciation to the work that they do, you know, so i look at it that way. it's about trying to find something unfamiliar and unexpected in something that we all know. >> jimmy: both of your shows have so much in the way of visual, these elements that i the page. and the music as well. like, is that something that you're thinking of, when you're writing, or is that something that you deal with later on? >> no, i start talking about music with the composer, jeff russo, like at the outline stage. with "legion," before there was

a script, we were talking and i said, it had to sound like dark side of the moon, one of the most brilliant albums ever made, and has the sound scape to mental illness. and the movie is about a character who may have a mental illness or powers, or both. and he tracked down one of the original synthesizers and it's in the show. >> jimmy: the actual, not just the model? >> no, the model. i don't think he could pry it away from the guy who had it. but, yes, so the music is very important to the identity of the show, obviously, and it is with "fargo" as well. >> jimmy: when you're writing these, do they ever over lap? >> there was about three months ago, i would write a "legion" script one week, and "fargo" the next week. and they're completely different brains you have to wear. you either have the head for it, or you don't really.

>> jimmy: most actors, you feel like an actor couldn't do that, because actors, if you visit them on the set, or you hear these stories about them, some of them stay in character the whole time, but you're switching back and forth from these totally different worlds. >> and the nine other parts of running shows, which is the business side of it, and managing production, and i direct now as well. so there's a lot. >> jimmy: when your kids have a book report to write, arit! >> yeah. >> jimmy: like this, i could write that thing, goet it done! >> or i've already written it for them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so the third season of "fargo" comes out next month. i mean, it's unbelievable how much work you do. i like to mul but it's getting a little ridiculous. >> jimmy: it is getting ridiculous. >> you're actually stressing me out. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, but i feel like i need to talk some sense into you. and i know you're working on another series as well, based on a curt von gut book, which is

another thing that people will kill you if you screw up. but i want to ask one question about "fargo," because i know yu wan mcgregor is starring in two different roles. >> yeah. >> jimmy: for those who haven't seen the show, it's a great show. for almost, it seemed no reason at all, a ufo appeared at the end of -- will that -- is that something that will continue on in this next season? >> well, i always joke that season 3 would be the space station "fargo," the year 5050, but i don't think that we're going to do that, no. but you may see a ufo in the season. but i can't say it will be a literal ufo. >> jimmy: should we presume when a ufo shows up, it means you've been up too late writing? >> yes, it does. yeah. too long out in the sun. >> jimmy: if you haven't seen these shows, you can get them on fx, they have the app and everything. watch the whole thing. and the season finale of

"legion" is next wednesday at 10:00 on fx. noah hawley! and we shall return with music from mondo cozmo. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. fios in the house!

dave this fios party is da bomb! fo shizzle! it's tv totally ahead of its time. yo, let me check that. oh snap. that x1 voice remote is crunk! and it lets me search with the sound of my voice. what should i watch? things have come a long way since you got fios. [nervously laughs] what's fios? fios has fallen behind. don't fall with it. xfinity x1 will change the way you experience tv.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank shaquille o'neal, noah hawley, patton oswalt, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "shine," mondo cozmo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ stick with me jesus through the comin' storm i've come to you in search of something ♪ ♪ i have lost shine down a light on me and show a path i promise you i will ♪ ♪ return if you take me back let 'em get high let 'em get stoned

everything will ♪ ♪ be alright if you let it go let 'em get high let 'em get stoned ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ my friends are so alone and it breaks my heart ♪ ♪ my friends don't understand we all are lost shine down a light on them and show a path ♪ ♪ i promise you they will return if you take 'em back let 'em get high ♪

♪ l everything will be alright if you let it go le ♪ let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go let it go ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ come with me mary through these modern lines stick with me jesus

til' the end of time ♪ ♪ shine down a light on me and let me know and take me in your arms and never let me go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned

everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ let 'em get high let 'em get stoned everything will be alright if you let it go ♪ [ cheers and applause ] "nightline."

tonight, marry me. it's the latest twist on wedded bliss. women around the world getting married to themselves. >> i've been told i'm a great catch and today i'm catching>> engagement rings, walks down the aisle and gift registries. how much do you love yourself? >> i'm getting engaged to myself. i don't want you to think i'm some kind of nut job. plus, sons o katie segal opening up about her indirect road to stardom. >> i met a casting director who said, you will never work in television. and secrets from her days on the set of meard with children. >> hold