tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 24, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
11:35 pm
goodnight. it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- eric stonestreet. from "the night of," riz ahmed. lena dunham. and music from cold war kids. and now, as scheduled, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i appreciate it. we have -- i don't want to be rude but we have a lot to get to tonight, we do not have a moment to waste. guillermo, we have no time to waste tonight, do you understand that? >> guillermo: yes, let's get to -- >> jimmy: you're wasting my time just answering the question.
11:36 pm
>> guillermo: yes! >> jimmy: we'll start with a report card, if you will, for our celebrity president, donald trump, whose approval rating continues to drop. donald trump's positive performance mark is now down to 35%. only about a third of americans polled say they're happy with his job performance. 66% say they don't think he's level-headed. which in his defense, you know -- [ laughter ] how is his head supposed to stay level when his hair keeps trying to chase every squirrel? [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's not just the poll, even isis is piling on. a spokesman for isis, which that's what you get when you major in communications by the way, you become a spokesman for isis. [ laughter ] released a statement yesterday saying america is drowning, we're bankrupt, and we're being run by an idiot. and you hate to agree with anything isis says. but i don't know, maybe we are being run by an idiot, maybe we
11:37 pm
are drowning and bankrupt. but i want to be very clear, if we are those things you guys in isis had nothing to do with that. we chose this bankrupt idiot to drown us ourselves. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] don't try to take credit for it. it's our thing. you might not have been aware but monday was send your son-in-law to iraq day. [ laughter ] president trump send his daughter's husband jared kushner to baghdad to meet with the iraqi prime minister and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff. the military posted a bunch of photographs of jared's spring break. i found them on flickr last night. i was looking around, so tickled by them, i wanted to share them the marines. zoom in on his face there. because this is the face you make when you have like no idea what the people around you are talking about but you don't want to look stupid so you do a lot of nodding.
11:38 pm
so here he is from another angle. you can see it's like a military-theme bar mitzvah. [ laughter ] why didn't anyone tell me to wear camo? i would have worn camo. [ laughter ] i guess they were worried jared wouldn't be able to sit through an entire meeting, so as you see they gave him some juice and a coloring book. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the wizard who brought that j. crew mannequin to life did an amazing job. in between meetings jared found time to write a letter home to his boss/father-in-law. donald trump doesn't like reading so jared narrated it to him. we got a hold of it. another leak. this is an abc news exclusive and i am excited to share it with you now. >> dear dad-in-law. well, here i am in iraq. look at me with the head mustache guy. i can't believe it's only been one day since i was back in the oval office trying to convince you not to retweet that joke about kim jong-un's man boobs. it's so hot here.
11:39 pm
i sure am glad i wore my summer blazer. here i am thanking our troops for their service that i never considered doing in a bajillion years. here i am looking over real military plans, so awesome. i told the generals all about your idea of using the element of surprise. boy, did they seem impressed. how bad-ass i look in this flak jacket, i totally want one. well, i've got to go. the generals are working on their battle plans, and i'm sure they'll want my input. see you this weekend for a big meeting with the king of china. i can't wait. love jare-bear. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's sweet. i like that they're close. we can be pretty hard on donald trump. they have a guy in new zealand, the prime minister of new zealand, a gentleman named bill english who i think is even worse. i'm going to show you why. on tuesday night, this is what he posted on facebook. he wrote, "cooked dinner for the family last night, like if you agree with tinned spaghetti on pizza."
11:40 pm
i don't know if you can see that, but tinned spaghetti is canned spaghetti. not only did he put it on a pizza, he put on it a pineapple pizza. he put canned spaghetti and pineapples on a pizza. this mother -- can i say the f-word? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i feel like i should -- no? not even this one time? that is so offensive. that is an act of war. i mean, i think -- i think he just declared war on italy. and maybe hawaii too, i don't know. impeach that man immediately, new zealand. this is why i've always preferred old zealand. it is true. [ laughter ] meanwhile, i will assume by now that you've seen or at least heard about that pepsi commercial with kendall jenner. if you haven't, it's worth seeing. it's absolutely nuts. the fact that this somehow made it through i can't imagine how many meetings and edits and pitches and then got the thumbs-up from who knows how many people is absolutely mind-boggling. pepsi was trending on twitter
11:41 pm
last night. i was like oh, my god, pepsi died. [ laughter ] turned out i was right, it did. this commercial, it's quite a concept. basically, kendall jenner is posing for a photo, a photo shoot, then a protest march happens. a very hip-looking protest march happens by. and ultimately she joins it and brings everyone together. she ends racism by handing a pepsi to a police officer. and then everyone dances away. it's so great. it is so ill advised. i've watched it 27 times now. i still -- i can't figure out what the protesters are supposed to be protesting. i don't want to go through the whole video but i want to go through -- we grabbed some stills. this says join the "o" conversation. what the hell is that? is that an irish conversation? [ laughter ] maybe it has something to do with oprah? i don't know. there are a lot of peace signs, lots and lots of peace signs all of which happen to be the same color as the pepsi logo. and one of the protesters has a cello. [ laughter ]
11:42 pm
you know, you can't have a protest march without a cello. none of it makes any sense. today pepsi pulled the ad and apologized to -- they apologized to kendall jenner. sorry we paid you $3 million to be in the worst commercial ever, kendall jenner. everyone was so mad. the only people who weren't mad? the people at coke weren't mad, they loved it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it was the best coke commercial in years. and whoever came up with this ad for nivea, which they nivea just pulled this print ad. see? immediately you guys knew this shouldn't have been published. put that up again. it says, "white is purity." anyone see anything wrong with this slogan? not at all? looks good to go? okay. everyone is dumb. here's something i've not seen before. this is from yesterday's baseball game between cardinals and cubs. keep an eye on the batter. a guy named steven piscotty.
11:43 pm
>> he's hit by the pitch. the ball gets away. piscotty to second and he's hit again. a little chopper slowly hit, right side. the ball gets away. here comes piscotty. he is safe. as the ball hit him in the head, maybe the face. >> jimmy: what's going on? [ applause ] poor guy. he got hit more times than ronda rousey on that one -- i don't think -- i've never seen anything like this before. i think it was a first. so afterwards the reporters obviously were eager to get steven's thoughts. >> it's just a fluke thing. getting hit in the head like that? i guess you just play enough games, something like that's going to happen -- ah! >> jimmy: that almost seemed intentional. we have to take a break. when we come back from that
11:44 pm
break, if you watch the show "girls" on hbo or even if you don't you're going to like what we have when we return, stick around, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ with this level of engineering... it's a performance machine. with this degree of intelligence... it's a supercomputer. with this grade of protection... it's a fortress. and with this standard of luxury... it's an oasis. the 2017 e-class. it's everything you need it to be...and more. lease the e300 for $549 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. testinhuh?sting! is this thing on? come on! your turn! where do pencils go on vacation? pennsylvania! (laughter) crunchy wheat frosted sweet! kellogg's frosted mini-wheats. feed your inner kid
11:45 pm
i'm not a customer, but i'm calling about that credit scorecard. give it. sure! it's free for everyone. oh! well that's nice! and checking your score won't hurt your credit. oh! i'm so proud of you. well thank you. free at at discover.com/creditscorecard, even if you're not a customer. ♪ ♪i'ma wade, i'ma wave through the waters♪ ♪tell the tide, "don't move" ♪freedom! freedom! i can't move ♪freedom, cut me loose! ♪freedom! freedom! where are you?♪ ♪cause i need freedom too! ♪freedom! freedom! freedom! freedom!♪ ♪what you want from me? ♪is it truth you seek? oh father can you hear meee...ooow?♪
11:46 pm
welcome to maxx you. you are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. you stand out in a crowd. and are pulled together. you follow your own lead and show your strength. always comfortable in your own skin. we see what makes you unique. so we have something for everyone, at a price that's just right for you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx
11:47 pm
[♪ always fun ls] ♪ get down ♪ fun up ♪ feel good ♪ oooh woo oooh hi hey i'll take one of those new fast play games. oh, you ready for a rush? uh, sure! ♪ i'm pretty excited for you right now. ♪ fast play is the new way to play fast and win instantly from the pennsylvania lottery. pick a game, get your ticket and see if you've won. i won! fast play, please! fast play. play fast. win instantly.
11:48 pm
♪ >> jimmy: eric stonestreet, riz ahmed, and music from cold war kids is happening. but first, if you haven't watched the final season of "girls" on hbo, you're really missing out. my wife and i love it, we never miss it. finale of the show, the series finale, is on april 16th. i'm sad to go. we watch it every sunday night. it's become a tradition for us. i hate to -- oh, hey, look at this. [ cheers and applause ] hi, lena.
11:49 pm
how are you? what a surprise this is. i had no idea. you were back there waiting in the wings for my cue. >> yeah, well, i have some really good news for you. >> jimmy: you do? oh, very good. lena dunham, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] what is the good news? >> well, the fact is that "girls" is not going away forever. >> jimmy: oh, it's not? that's great. what do you have planned? >> we came here specifically to announce that we are going to be doing a reunion special. >> jimmy: already? [ cheers and applause ] that's weird. because you haven't actually finished the show and you're already doing a reunion special? when will that air? >> that is going to be airing in april. 2067. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wait, like in 50 years? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh. what if i'm not alive then? i had fried chicken two days this week, i don't think i'm going to make it. >> you will be alive.
11:50 pm
>> jimmy: how do you know i'm going to be alive? >> i know because i have proof. i brought a clip. >> jimmy: you brought a clip of "girls" from 50 years from now? oh my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm able to bring a clip from the future because i'm incredibly talented. and i hope that the emmys finally recognize that. >> jimmy: i hope so too. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's just a problem with all these [ bleep ] men. >> jimmy: i know, i hate them. >> i hate them. >> jimmy: should we watch it? or call it a night and go home? >> i think we should watch it. we worked really hard on it. >> jimmy: sure, here we go. ♪ and if you threw a party invited everyone you knew ♪ ♪ you would see the biggest gift would be from me ♪ ♪ and the card attached would say thank you for being a friend ♪ ♪
11:51 pm
[ cheers and applause ] >> i believe i purchased everything. >> this is all just cigarettes. [ laughter ] where's everything on the list i gave you? >> i nodded out in the dairy aisle. >> i still don't understand like why you think it's okay to be on recreational morphine. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> it means so much to me that you guys are throwing me this 63rd birthday/divorce/knee surgery party.
11:52 pm
>> you're 77 years old. you've been married eight times and you're having knee surgery in and around your face. [ laughter ] >> let's get this party started! [ cheers and applause ] okay, when are we going to wrap this up? i need to be in bed by 5:00. by 5:30 i'm going to be dreaming of tom hardy licking pudding off his dentures. >> it's 5:00 now. >> then to all a good night. >> get back here. >> can i just say? i love being able to celebrate with all of my closest friends. and jessa. which dress do you guys like better? >> definitely the sleeveless, it's so modern yet classic. >> she can't wear the sleeveless, the skin in her pits is dragging my labia before it discovered coconut oil, which by the way really does do everything.
11:53 pm
>> that was supposed to a secret. i am completely humiliated. you may have finally done it, young lady. >> okay, come on, give it up, you slag. >> oh, all right. okay. you guys know arnaz? >> oh, yeah, he's that super-hip 90-year-old that plays experimental mandolin on bingo night. >> we were working on music last night and -- we hit it. >> hit it? that is something -- am i supposed to know what that means? >> shoshana, you are daft. it's when a man makes love to your armpits. >> ew! >> it's a burgeoning trend in senior living, i wrote a piece for the senior newsletter. the word is herpes in the tennis club was literally fiery. >> it's amazing you had a test case right here in the house. >> it is not my fault.
11:54 pm
he told me it was bedsores. and who was i to object? >> it's okay, honey. frankly i'm surprised it took you this long to get it. herpes is so basic. >> yeah, we all got it, front and back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you know what? i'm just going to wear the damn sleeveless dress. especially if it's just the four of us. >> actually, there is one more person coming. [ doorbell ] oh, that's the stripper. >> stripper? you have got to be joking. >> they prefer to be called sensuality artists. stripper is not a very -- >> door's open! >> hannah, what are you doing? >> what? i got a touch of an air diaper uti. okay? i'm airing it out. >> can you please do that somewhere else? >> excuse me for living out loud. >> hello, ladies.
11:55 pm
[ cheers and applause ] officer sausage is here and you're all under -- mom? >> hampton? >> mom, when i'm working it's officer sausage. >> oh, yeah, he totally has your butt. >> has everyone fully forgotten it's my birthday? hello, hampton. >> hi. >> well. i'm going to eat this whole cheesecake in hopes i fall into a diabetic coma so i can forget my son just came over to show me his member. cheesecake, take the wheel. >> hey, flat dumpsters. i've got ensure and ecstasy, who wants to party till we crap ourselves? >> i'm not falling for that again. >> officer sausage? >> is nobody else bothered by the fact that elijah hasn't aged even a little?
11:56 pm
>> i told you bitches, it's oil of olay and boxed wine, did any of you even try it? >> listen. i paid for a stripper, so chop chop with the dancing, sonny. >> i'll toss in an extra 100 for the armpit stuff. >> i can't. i can't. i've fallen. life alert? >> yeah! >> i've fallen, i'm completely overwhelmed, if someone could make contact with my parents? ♪ >> big 80 is the best. ♪ i don't care ♪ i love it ♪ i don't care [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, lena. lena dunham, everyone. the best. watch the final episode of "girls" this sunday, and next sunday on hbo. we have cold war kids, riz ahmed, and eric stonestreet, be right back!
11:57 pm
[ cheers and applause ] (vo) love. i got it. i gotcha baby. (vo) it's being there when you're needed most. love is knowing... he's the one. (vo)...it was meant to be. and love always keeps you safe. we're fine. (vo) love is why we built a car you can trust. now and for a long time to come. the all-new subaru impreza sedan and five-door. a car you can love no matter what road you're on.
12:01 am
12:02 am
he is also the one who knocked hannah up on "girls." the multi-talented riz ahmed is here. then, their new album comes out friday. it's called "l.a. divine." cold war kids from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. tomorrow night we have a great show tomorrow. adam sandler, nathalie emmanuel, whom you know from "game of thrones," confidante to the khalisi. and we'll have music from starley. please join us for that. our first guest tonight is the two-time emmy-winning actor and hero to clowns around the world. starting friday night he serves as host of a new show called "the toy box." from "modern family," please welcome eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how's it going? >> good. >> jimmy: you look great. you look very fit. >> oh. it's the jacket.
12:03 am
>> jimmy: i hear your mother is here tonight. >> she is here, she's backstage. >> jimmy: did she get you that jacket? >> yeah, she got it for me in '86 for christmas. [ laughter ] she's enjoying the bar. >> jimmy: she's from kansas city? >> kansas city. >> yeah! >> okay, take it easy. >> jimmy: is she at the bar? >> she went to the bar, yeah. she likes a drink. >> jimmy: she does? has it always been that way for mom? >> yeah. it has. i mean, she had -- we went to casa vega last night, she had a corona. >> jimmy: a restaurant everyone loves here in the valley. i remember one time at a wedding reception she got a little -- a little crazy at the wedding reception and i had to go pick her up. i was in high school. i went to drunk drive my mom. and she got in the car and i'm like, i cannot believe how drunk you are. and she's like, oh shut up. and she spit ice at me. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] >> and i have never let her forget it. oh, you mean like the time you spit ice at me? >> jimmy: so you have a little sense what it's like to be an
12:04 am
[ laughter ] uber driver in a way. >> yeah, i was driving my mom's white mercury marquis driving her home. >> jimmy: you were kind enough to bring an article that i love so much. you even laminated it, which we really do appreciate here. this is you as a little boy. how old are you in this photograph? >> i'm like fourth grade going into fifth. >> jimmy: that's you, and this is your attacker? [ laughter ] oh, wait -- >> not appropriate. not appropriate. i'm trying to change the conversation about clowns. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is you in your clown makeup. which is -- it's almost disturbing. >> well. >> jimmy: i'm sure cute in real life. how did you get in the paper? >> i was famous back in kansas city. no, i wanted to be a clown and i would do kids' birthday parties. and i was in the -- i was in 4h. and at the wyandotte county fair. and they had a thing where you would do clowning. that was at one of those things and the paper found out about it and came and interviewed me. you can read the whole article.
12:05 am
i wanted to join the circus at that age. >> jimmy: you also do magic, you did a magic trick last time. >> i did a basic little magic trick. last time i was here, i did a basic magic trick, what i used to do when i was a waiter at applebee's in manhattan, kansas. and it seemed to go well. you liked it. >> jimmy: i did like it. i enjoy that sort of thing. >> i thought if you don't mind and you guys don't care i'd like to do another magic trick. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, i think you've got an aluminum foil ball? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, okay. >> this is a simple basic little trick. catch that, sir. hold that right there. >> jimmy: was that it? >> yeah, that's it, we're done, ta-da! [ cheers and applause ] just hold on to that. this is a simple trick you guys at home can do for your kids, for your family, at your office. this is a mind reading trick. >> jimmy: okay. >> this is really cool. so this week i e-mailed molly, your wife. >> jimmy: you did?
12:06 am
>> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, no. what? >> no, i just e-mailed her. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i don't know where this is headed. >> i e-mailed her and asked her some of your favorite foods. i mean, jimmy, we have a lot in common. >> jimmy: we do, yeah. >> we love to eat. maybe me a little bit more. a tidge. but we have a passion for food. >> jimmy: we do. >> i knew some of your favorite foods but i was surprised by some of the other ones, like scrambled eggs and white truffle. orange julius, i'm a huge orange julius guy. >> jimmy: i love it. >> i love it too. brings back so many memories. sushi i knew. steak, pizza, all that kind of stuff. i wrote them down. you can see here. i just wrote a few things down. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, those are them. >> those are them, you can take a look at them. and i thought i would do a little mental trick. but not with you because we're both hollywood bigshots. >> jimmy: right. >> and i thought, well, the audience and people at home will think jimmy and eric set it up
12:07 am
because they're best buddies. >> jimmy: that's not true, we did not set this up. >> we did not set this up. that's where you come in. i threw an aluminum foil ball into the audience. anyone could have caught it. right? but you caught it. so with your permission, jimmy, i'd like to go talk to this lady. >> jimmy: go ahead, all right. [ cheers and applause ] microphone for her? >> hi. how are you? ma'am, did you know you were going to get this view, sir? [ laughter ] i saw you on camera before you're like, i don't want to be on tv anymore, i'm done! >> jimmy: he's a p.e. coach. he's seen it before. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> you want me to move over here? tell me your first name. >> barbara. >> can i call you sharon? [ laughter ] >> sure. >> thank you, sharon. so nice to meet you. sharon, where are you from? >> atlanta. >> atlanta. sharon, i spent a month in atlanta, i loved atlanta, it was hot as hell. what do they call it? hotlanta. ha ha! anyway. sharon, do you know this guy? >> yeah.
12:08 am
>> you do? you do know him? so you're excluded because i don't want anyone at home, i don't want anyone, jimmy, anyone to think this is a setup. so sir, do you know this guy? >> no. >> great, what's your name? >> william. >> william, meet sharon. >> hi, sharon. >> say hi, how are you. listen, sir, don't -- it's cool. she's okay. i'm going to give you this pad of jimmy's favorite foods. these are jimmy's favorite foods. you're going to put it in your hand. put it in your hand. hold it flat in your hand. you're going to open it with your thumb. just open it and look at the first thing you see and show these people. so that we have a good witness. i'm going to just look this way. go ahead and open it up. not to the first page because i don't want to see that. open it. there you go. got it? everybody have it? okay, great. thank you so much. >> close it? >> close it. give it back to me. we're done with that. now sharon, i need you to focus right here. are you a fan of "modern family"? thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ]
12:09 am
sharon, right here. sharon. my eyes are up here! stop looking here. all right, sharon. sharon, look right here. look right here. you need to focus. i'm going to read your mind. right now. jimmy's favorite foods. we've never met. i want you to think of the food in your mind. don't think of anything else. okay? this is great, wow. you're trying to trick me. i see what you're doing, i see what you're doing, it's so interesting. sharon? i want you to say any food that it's not on the count of three. ready? one, two, three -- >> taco. >> taco, interesting. i love how you blinked when you said taco too. sharon, can i feel your hand? you don't have to give me that. can i feel your hand? it's so interesting. i feel like what you're doing is trying to trick me. you're thinking of something that's not a word. aren't you? you're thinking of a letter. you're thinking of two letters? are you thinking of two letters? are you thinking of three
12:10 am
letters? sharon? is it -- is it bbq? is it barbecue? >> yes. >> is it barbecue? >> that's what it was. >> you saw it? we've never met. [ cheers and applause ] now, hold on. jimmy, i know what you're thinking. i know what you're thinking. i used to date her in high school before this guy came along. >> jimmy: you did? >> no, that's what you're thinking. >> jimmy: oh. >> it's a setup, this is hollywood, we can cast anyone we want. but notice guillermo has had a tray sitting over here the entire time. once i came out onto the stage that tray has not moved. some of you have seen it. guillermo, i want you to lift that cloth up and i want you to pull out what's underneath that cloth. >> guillermo: banana cream pie. >> no, no! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i do like that. >> i told you -- what's also under there? aren't there barbecue ribs? >> guillermo: barbecue ribs! >> barbecue ribs, everyone.
12:11 am
[ applause ] no, no put the cloth back on cover the cloth. cover it. jimmy, ladies and gentlemen, barbecue ribs! >> jimmy: wow, thank you. miraculous. eric stonestreet -- >> hold on. >> jimmy: what? >> i know what you're thinking. guillermo's in on it, the show's in on it, everybody's in on it. but i want you to stand up. everyone in the audience stand up right now. look under your seats, there's something taped there, show the cameras, show america -- ladies and gentlemen, barbecue ribs! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: eric? we still have another segment. >> sorry, i got cocky. >> jimmy: eric stonestreet, everyone! we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] just press "clean"
12:12 am
and let roomba help with your everyday messes. a full suite of sensors automatically guides roomba throughout your home. cleaning under furniture, along edges, and in corners. and roomba's patented 3-stage cleaning system agitates, brushes and suctions dirt from your floors for up to 2 hours, recharging itself when it needs to. which means your floors are always clean. you and roomba, from irobot. better. together. lines?an develop fine lines what lines? the chapstick total hydration collection. our advanced skin care formulas instantly smooth and transform your lips. chapstick. put your lips first.
12:13 am
for all kinds of things... like walking.ewarded hey, honey. dad, where's the car? thought we'd walk. he's counting steps. walk, move and earn money... goal! dad... hey, we wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. look at this dad, he's got some moves! money you can use on out-of-pocket medical expenses. he's ok, yeah! unitedhealthcare
12:14 am
this is how it feels when you eat a subway® $6 footlong sub of the day. it's the taste you love, at a price you can't get enough of. the $6 footlong sub of the day. a different footlong every day of the week. like the tukey breast on wednesday and the sweet onion chicken teriyaki on monday. for just $6 bucks! seven days, seven footlongs, seven more ways to enjoy subway®. at lincoln,
12:15 am
we're all about making things simpler for you. like, imagine having your vehicle serviced... from the comfort of your own home. introducing complimentary lincoln pickup and delivery servicing. because the most important luxury of all... is time. pickup and delivery servicing on the entire family of lincoln luxury vehicles including a complimentary lincoln loaner. skinew band-aid® brand skin-flex™ bandages. our best bandage yet! it moves like a second skin. ♪ dries almost instantly. better? yeah. go! good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. band-aid® brand. stick with it™
12:17 am
12:18 am
show, "the toy box." which by the way is a strip club in florida. i don't know if you're aware of it. >> okay, no, but i am now. >> jimmy: okay, but yours is not that. >> no. >> jimmy: tell us about the show. >> yeah, so it's a competition where toy inventors come in and pitch their toy. to some mentors. you know, they're there for safety. then they come into the toy box and kids, four kids, decide which toy is going to win the whole show. >> jimmy: these are real kids? >> these are real kids that are just there to decide if the toy's fun and good and worthy of mattel, the great toy company, to make. we shot this last summer. and i know what toy won. mattel's been making the toy so when the show ends, there's eight episodes, seven and a finale. then you can go on toysareus.com and get the toy. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> takes it a step further. i love working with kids and watching them crush adults' dreams. >> the kids reject adults? >> absolutely, and they were upset.
12:19 am
i'm going, ha ha ha! i'm the kid in the room. some toys walk in -- >> jimmy: you have to have bad ideas. >> right. >> jimmy: right. >> you know you're bad when they hear them but they don't know. >> jimmy: wow. >> sometimes see they spend test of thousands of dollars, 30 years working on this toy, then noah's going to be like, i don't like this boy! >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> you watch the people go -- >> jimmy: yeah. well, so if you want to see children crush the dreams of adults, the show is called "the toy box." friday night, 8:00 here on abc. eric stonestreet, everybody! we'll be right back with riz ahmed. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "the birds and the bees" by dean martin ♪ let me tell you 'bout... ♪ ♪ the birds the bees and the flowers and the trees ♪ ♪ and the moon up above and a thing called love. ♪
12:20 am
♪ let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sk♪, a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss ♪ ♪ on a night like this. ♪ ♪ when i look into your big brown eyes ♪ ♪ it's so very plain to s♪e ♪ that it's time you learned about the facts of life ♪ ♪ startin' from a to z. ♪ ♪ let me tell you bout the the birds and the bees ♪ life's as big as you make it. introducing the all-new seven seater volkswagen atlas ♪and a thing called love. schick hydro ® vs a lube strip. with seven hydrating gel pools... that give you 40% less friction... it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation.
12:21 am
schick hydro ® free your skin. ® welcome to maxx you. you are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. we see what makes you unique. so we have something for everyone, at a price that's just right for you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx get whatat olive garden.ss new early dinner duos for just $8.99. choose from over 50 delicious combinations. and all the salad and breadsticks you want. from 3-5 monday through thursday. hurry in, it's early dinner duos.
12:22 am
only at olive garden. attention. we - and by we, we mean us, the entertainment-loving people of america, have updated our terms and conditions. one. from now on, the word "television" will no longer be defined as that thing over there on the wall. we want all our things to be television things. phones. ipads. refrigerators. heart monitors. ok, maybe not heart monitors. two. our shows and movies. we want them when we want them. so they should go with us. anywhere? you got that right, kid show thing. three. nothing beats live. so we want to stream all that sweet live stuff. like football. red carpets and yelling. wait! what are we yelling about, guys? four. we don't just want unlimited data. we want unlimited entertainment.
12:23 am
like unlimited hbo. can i stop dying now mark? c'mon man. it's unlimited. last thing. we just want all our stuff... the way we want all our stuff. that's not too much to ask is it? at&t brings you directv, internet and wireless. all on your terms. it's entertainment your way. bryan denton: we spent almost the entirety of the next 10 hours under fire. you know, everybody was very focused, looking out the window, scanning for car bombs. being outside of a vehicle was suicide. to say that i wasn't operating at a constant level of fear, i'd be lying to you. if i didn't believe in the importance of journalism, i wouldn't be able to continue to do this work. ( ♪ ) i'm bryan denton, photojournalist for the new york times.
12:24 am
is time you make for yourself. aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion with active naturals® oat. locks in moisture to improve skin wellness in just one day. aveeno® naturally beautiful results® you'busted tail.rd. and impressed the boss. maybe, it's time to be your own. transform your career with strayer university's mba program today. let's get it, america. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. cold war kids on the way. our next guest is a golden globe
12:25 am
nominated actor and half of a successful rap duo, just like amy adams. you can see him on "girls" and "the night of," which is available now on hbo. please welcome riz ahmed. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very good to see you. last time you were here with the whole cast of "rogue one." >> yeah. >> jimmy: at the time it was one of those interviews where everybody wanted to know what was going on in the movie, you couldn't say anything about what was going on in the movie, whether there would be another movie, because it turned out you all died in the movie. >> yeah, that would have been a bit of a spoiler. >> jimmy: it would have been a spoiler. maybe it was for somebody right now who hasn't seen it yet.
12:26 am
>> yeah, sorry about that. >> jimmy: by the way, like "the night of." when was the finale of "the night of"? last year? >> awhile ago, i think it was out here over the summer. >> jimmy: do you feel now because it's still available and people get to these shows now when they want to get to them, do you feel like you have to keep things quiet? >> yeah it's weird, you can never talk about it ever. you can't talk about it. >> jimmy: how long do you wait before it's okay? i think a year is enough. >> i don't know if it's still okay. at the moment i still kind of sometimes walk down the street in l.a. or new york and suddenly someone will shout out, "yo! did you do it?" for me the show was a long time ago so there's a moment of confusion. i'm not sure what they're talking about. >> jimmy: that must be weird.
12:27 am
you're also as i mentioned in a band. a duo. your rap name, which you have to have, right? you do kind of use your own name. is riz mc. >> my solo rap name is riz mc, which shows you how old i am, because no one uses mc at the end. >> jimmy: not since hammer, i think. we had ren, we had mc scat cat, of course you can't forget. >> is mc kimmel going to make a comeback? >> jimmy: mc kimmel is dead, shot in las vegas. >> oh, wow. >> jimmy: riddled with bullets. but he's with us in spirit. >> myself that would be weird. it's a trio, actually. it's myself and a rapper heems from new york and a producer rohdino from london, called the sweatshop boys. >> jimmy: and you're playing at coachella where you'll actually be sweating. rub to or played coachella
12:28 am
before? >> i passed through coachella once. it's different to uk festivals. >> right, they have those big festivals. how are they different? >> well, i mean -- gaston bury or uk festival, people are really going for it, super drunk, throwing up on each other, rainy, covered in mud. so they're amazing. [ laughter ] whereas like -- coachella's a bit more glamorous. a bit more chill. i think the worst thing that could happen is maybe like kendall jenner hands you a beverage. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that could be -- that settles everyone down. yeah. >> yeah, let's be -- >> jimmy: that was some commercial. you got a golden globe nomination for "the night of." congratulations, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] the lawyer on the show is john turturro. he's great in every single thing. did you know his work beforehand? >> yes, i've seen so much of his work. have you ever met him?
12:29 am
>> have, yes. >> isn't he like the italian-american uncle you wish you had? >> jimmy: i am italian, so no. [ laughter ] >> oh, right. wait. well, he's just like -- he's the dude. he's just the most amazing guy. he took me under his wing. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> he's got so much experience. i'm eager to learn from people who have got lots of experience. i was always asking him for advice. he's got a lot of advice but he kind of -- he puts it across in like a really interesting way. like -- all his advice is, he gives all his advice in metaphors about cooking, dancing, or sex. >> jimmy: really? okay. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how? give me an example. >> you'll be like john, i've got this really intense scene coming up, how do you do an intense scene? he'll be like, you know, when you're cooking meatballs, you just got to -- you're cooking meatballs you take the meatballs, leave them in the sauce, that's all. it takes a minute. then when you think about it, it's genius. it's true, soak up the scene, be there in the moment, and it makes sense. but sometimes it goes a bit too far as well. like, one day he was -- spoiler alert. he goes, what scene are you working on? tough scene, i've got to wake up
12:30 am
next to the girl, she's dead, she's been stabbed like 50 times. and he goes, you know, when you're carving a turkey what you got to do is you got to -- [ applause ] get the right angle. >> jimmy: that's a very good imitation of him. has he heard you do him? >> yeah he's heard me, yeah. >> jimmy: and it's okay with him? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's uncle john for you. congratulations on all your success. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: if you haven't seen it, "the night of" is streaming on hbo. we won't ruin it for you. riz ahmed, everybody. be right back with cold war kids! >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:31 am
we asked people to write down the things they love to do most on these balloons. travel with my daughter. roller derby. ♪ now give up half of 'em. do i have to? this is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. but, if we start saving even just 1% more of our annual income... we could keep doing all the things we love.
12:32 am
12:33 am
we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first their new album "l.a. divine" comes out friday, here with the song "love is mystical," cold war kids! ♪ ♪ and when my heart won't break an empty space between my lungs ♪ ♪ and when my knees won't shake i'll drink to find inspiration ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm a red blooded man but i can't see behind the sun ♪ ♪ i can't see behind the sun a supernatural plan is coming to meet me now living life with no ♪ ♪ need for the brakes something happens when i lean on my
12:34 am
mistakes love is mystical ♪ ♪ love will break the chains you might feel invincible and you might be afraid light in darkness will ♪ ♪ show you the way give you the power to believe again 'cause i'm a rational man ♪ ♪ and i can see how far i've come i can see how far i've come but i don't know where ♪ ♪ to stand or who's coming to meet me now living life with no need for the brakes ♪ ♪ something happens when i lean on my mistakes if the words are true and the words reveal the same ♪ ♪ i come alive when i don't even think love is mystical love will
12:35 am
break the chains ♪ ♪ you might feel invincible and you might be afraid light in darkness will show you the way ♪ ♪ give you the power to believe again oh can't you hear the future is calling ♪ ♪ for heaven's sake it's either hell or high water let's get outta this place i feel your skeptical eyes ♪ ♪ on my mental state i lift my hands to the sky and i lower the stakes oh yeah ♪ ♪ and i lower the stakes oh yeah and i lower the stakes love is mystical ♪ ♪ do you feel the same love is irresistible it's calling out your name light in darkness
12:36 am
will ♪ ♪ show you the way give you the power to believe again give you the power ♪ ♪ to believe again give you the power to believe again give you the power ♪ ♪ to believe again give you the power to believe again to believe again ♪ ♪ to believe again ♪ to believe again to believe again to believe again ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, dancing through the pain. nancy kerrigan back in the spotlight, trading in her ice skates for dancing shoes. a top contender on "dancing with the stars." >> why dust off your sequins and get in the game? >> because it's fun. >> conquering a life filled with setbacks. >> my world was completely out of control. >> including that infamous attack more than 20 years ago. the two-time olympic medalist instead focusing on her kids, budding olympians themselves. plus, love me tinder. is the dating app famous among its users for hookups settling down? >> we've created over 20 billion connections since we started the app. >> meet the tinder users swiping right, hoping to be swept off their feet.
100 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
WPVI (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on