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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 27, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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tonight's show is brought to you by your friend who's read the "game of thrones" books. >> that's interesting because in the books -- [ laughter ] >> no matter what you think of this week's episode you can all agree he's the worst. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, billy crystal, pizza with chef chris bianco, and comedian casey james salengo, and now, stay right where you are, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. i am jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming.
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thank you for joining me. [ cheers and applause ] on a major international holiday. today, in case you didn't know, and i'm pretty sure you didn't know, today is world emoji day. so i think i speak for all of us when i say thumbs up thumbs up champagne bottle party hat goats, right? [ laughter ] today is also the day we try to figure out what the hell happened on "game of thrones." did you watch the season premiere? a record number of people more than 16 people watched i was one of them. never thought i would be so excited to see someone empty a bed pan. [ laughter ] but i was. i loved it. even though i was confused. i had to have my son kevin explain a lot of it to me. it's like an adult version of cersei? that was euron greyjoy. he's theon's uncle. oh, who is the prince that met with the enemy to try to bring down the queen that threatened
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his father? that was donald trump jr. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] too many characters to follow. i don't know if you heard the white house kicked off made in america week. this is a whole week dedicated to products made in the u.s.a. which is funny that almost none of the products the the trump family sells are made in the usa. donald trump's wife wasn't even made in the usa. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that didn't register, i guess. and didn't stop the president to tell everyone else to start making stuff. president trump who doesn't drink who believes alcohol killed his brother had his own brand of vodka made in holland. to tie it together we slow down his speech at the made in the usa event today for another edition of "drunk donald trump." [ cheers and applause ] [ slowed down speech ] >> a lot of different states. some states need this. some states need that.
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but we're getting it together and it's -- it's gonna happen. right, mike? [ laughter ] right. i think. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hosting a show on qvc or something. the president was in paris over the weekend celebrating bastille day. he wasn't initially interested in going there but then he heard there's a place in france where the naked ladies dance and he fired up the jet. [ laughter ] the president was in paris as the guest of french president emmanuel macron, with whom he had a famously combative handshake back in may. you remember that handshake? this time around not only did they wrestle for some symbolic dominance their handshake went on and on and on. it lasted 17 seconds. i've had sex that didn't last as long as this handshake.
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[ applause ] it's a lot of padding, a lot of holding. that by the way -- and it's still happening. was not the longest handshake of the trip. this handshake, this is a marathon. okay. so, they're walking. this is the moment you let go. but no, it's -- [ laughter ] at certain point it's not even a hand shake they're straight up holding hands. now macron's wife gets involved in the conversation. so trump gives her a little kiss. and then grabs her hand too. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and holds both of their hands for -- menage a trois is a french term. that is why that went on 28 seconds. he's got to be careful. vladimir putin will get jealous. anyway. according to a new abc/"washington post" poll president trump's approval rating is down to 36%. he has the lowest approval rating for a president six months into his term since 1947.
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when the demon chernobaugh from "fantasia" was president. 36% still seems high to me. some of his supporters, they don't care what he does. he would have to eat a bucket of kentucky fried bald eagle and wipe his mouth on the confederate flag to go lower than 36%. but trump tweeted about it. of course he didn't like it. he wrote the abc//"washington post" poll, even though 40% is not bad at this time, was just about the most inaccurate poll around election. [ laughter ] that's good stuff. that poll is totally inaccurate and 40% isn't bad. [ laughter ] but he didn't get 40%. it was 36. [ applause ] you can't round up to 40. it's like telling your parents you got an f-plus. [ laughter ] this was from wimbledon over the weekend. this is something i've not seen at a professional sporting event. so there's a guy in the crowd who is heckling kim clijsters. she's the former number one player in the world.
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he's heckling her during an invitational doubles match. so kim pulls guy out of the stands and this happens. >> kim was asking where she should serve, wide or down the middle. and this young man suggested body serve. i think she might be getting something white for him to wear. this isn't going to work. kim, this isn't going to work. they're not going to get over the knees. [ laughter ] that's a man in a skirt trying to return kim clijsters' serve. it's 2017, people. >> they cut him off when he tried to shower. but i like that. [ applause ] i like a fat guy in a dress. call me crazy. tonight on "the bachelorette" it was home town visit night. rachel got a chance to meet the parents of the man she will eventually share a torn "us weekly" cover with.
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i love the home town date shows. where else can you look at a real mom look someone in the eye and say yes i give you the blessing to marry my son even though you are dating even other men simultaneously? of all the moms and dads rachel met tonight none was more colorful maybe in the history of this show than dean's father. dean's dad, well, he wore his best purple turban for this event. >> what's up, squad? >> hi. >> we're waiting for king dean to show up. >> where's the table at? why are we all on the floor? >> because we don't have a table. >> hi. >> my father was once a very traditional man. he has since converted to be a sikh of some sort. and i am suppressing every single emotion that i'm trying to feel, just keeping it down buried as far as it can go. >> jimmy: that is an embarrassed young man. he did not goat a rose tonight. he'll have plenty of time to work things out with his dad. they had a fight. the whole thing. i like the things with the show. i guess because of the success they're having on hbo with the
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"bachelorette" producers they've been trying new things. i have to say i give them two big thumbs up. >> i know i have to do things in the best interest of myself to get what i want at the end of this. >> i haven't figured out when those walls will come down. >> if he's happy i'm happy. if not i'll kill you. >> i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry that i have to do this. [ screaming ] [ cheers and applause ] and now we are down to the final three including peter, who i happened to pick to go the distance. next week they go to the fantasy suites where their performance in bed will be evaluated by a panel of judges and then america will vote on who did it best. all very exciting, isn't it, guillermo? do you watch this show? >> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: i didn't think so.
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you did something fun over the weekend. guillermo went to a big disney event. they do it every other year. it's called d23. to talk to a lot of disney stars. you got a lot of stars, right? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: we're going to have all that after the break. first i want to give you a sample of what you'll see starring guillermo and luke skywalker himself mark hamill. >> guillermo: can you give me a spoil from the "star wars" movie? >> i can. darth vader is my father. i know, it's a shock. but it's the truth. >> guillermo: oh, [ bleep ]. i didn't know that. he [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so guillermo goes back to back with mark hamill, benedict cumberbatch, daisy ridley, tom holland and more. we'll be right back. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by aflac. dad kinda walked into my swing. huh? don't you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund? i thud go to the thothpital.
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there goes the airfair. i don't think health insurance will cover all... of that. buth my fathe! without that cash from - aflac! - we might have to choose between hawaii or your face. hawaii! what? haha...hawaii! you might have less coverage than you think. visit aflac.com and keep your lifestyle healthy. aflac! shop for your homeohl's and get kohl's cash for you! get the perfect dorm room chair and get $10 kohl's cash! get a food network cookware set and get $30 kohl's cash! or a dyson vacuum and you'll get $80 kohl's cash! this weekend at kohl's. do you remember when i took your [photo this morning?, [boy] yea! [intern] i'm afraid i have some terrible news. you have...bug eyes! here come the bugs! ahh! bugs everywhere! uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna.
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woman: so this happened. nikki picked up some lime-a-rita's and that's when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. we started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava
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of her sequined dress. now we have two disco balls. lime-a-rita. make it a margarita moment.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. billy crystal and chris bianco and comedian casey james salengo are on the way. first this weekend, disney had their bi-annual d23 expo, an event they hold in anaheim, the brightest stars from the disney marv and "star wars" universe gather to delight their fans. and our very own guillermo was there to interview the actors as only he can. and what way is that, guillermo? grptd back to back. >> jimmy: that's right. here's guillermo back to back at d23. ♪ >> guillermo: i have a very important question. >> yes, sir. >> guillermo: if you were a disney princess, which one were you? >> which one would i be? >> guillermo: yes. >> i want to wear a dress. i want to wear a wig. i want to wear lipstick. and i want to be belle. >> guillermo: ooh. >> i'd like to be ariel. >> guillermo: ariel? >> the mermaid. i think i'd be a pretty
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good-looking mermaid. >> guillermo: so you think a fish is sexy? >> you know, i wouldn't go that far. but i also wouldn't disagree with you either. >> guillermo: it's okay if you have a fish thing. it's okay. can you teach me to dot force? >> everyone has the potential to become a jedi master. >> guillermo: so do i do joga, or what do i do? >> joga's good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm blindfolded. so i'm going to guess who is the next star that i interview. [ laughter ] sir, are you white? >> yes. >> guillermo: chris evans. >> nope. >> guillermo: hey, don cheadle. >> yeah. >> guillermo: which one is the worst actor you ever act with? >> do you remember when you and i did that thing? that scene that we did together. and i had to slap you with the fish. >> guillermo: no, i don't like fish. >> fish him up. >> fish, fish, fish!
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>> you were pretty bad. >> guillermo: wait a minute. me? >> guillermo: okay. i have a joke for you. >> oh, good. >> guillermo: knock knock. >> who's there? >> guillermo: i. >> i who? >> guillermo: i'm your father. do you understand the joke? [ laughter ] >> uh, kind of. >> guillermo: do you die in the movie? >> uh, i don't know. i -- i -- i don't know. i hope not. >> guillermo: okay. if you blink, you die in the movie. i'm going to watch you very close. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> oh. >> guillermo: you died. exclusivo. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: you want to play
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dolls with me? we're going to pretend this is one of your movies. >> who designed the crotch of your action figure? >> guillermo: my wife. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: we're going to re-enact a scene from the movie. okay? >> okay. >> guillermo: you're so beautiful. >> thank you so much. >> guillermo: i've been waiting for this moment. >> no, no. mary poppins doesn't make out with people. >> no? >> she doesn't make out with people. >> guillermo: she does in this movie. >> she doesn't. >> guillermo: in the mexican movie she does. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: you go first because you're in the movie. >> why have you come to my island? >> guillermo: oh, to have lunch with you. >> did you book in advance? >> guillermo: yes. i make a reservation two months ago. >> excellent. >> hey, guillermo. how are you? >> guillermo: i'm doing great, mr. coo -- cuckoo. >> no. that's not my name. my name's dr. steven strange. >> guillermo: hi, mr. doctor steven -- strange --
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>> just call me doctor. >> guillermo: okay. mr. doctor. >> just doctor. >> guillermo: all right, mr. doctor. >> whatever. >> i like this little head rub wuf got going on right now. >> guillermo: this is a great massage. oh, my god. i can't believe i'm close to spider-man. >> i can't believe i'm rubbing heads with guillermo. >> i'm going to need someone to tell jokes for a few days. >> guillermo: i can tell you a joke if you want to. >> tell me a joke, man. >> guillermo: four mexicans in a car. who's driving? >> one of the mexicans. >> guillermo: no. the police. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: do you want a back-to-back snack? >> that sounds crazy. but i guess i'm here, right? grptd ye >> guillermo: yeah. plus you look a little hungry. and you take a bite. [ laughter ] this is back to back. snack. >> this is worse than i thought it was going to be. [ laughter ]
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>> guillermo: in america we call it corn dog. >> mm. that's very nice. >> guillermo: is it good? >> yeah, it's nice. you have the rest. >> guillermo: did you get some hot dog? >> i got some. >> guillermo: you want a little more? >> i'm good. >> guillermo: try it. it's good. >> no, no. >> guillermo: it's gluten-free. >> right. >> guillermo: and this is an exit survey. >> got it. >> guillermo: 1 to 5. how many stars do i get for good questions? >> 5. >> guillermo: 5. good job. how was my good questions? >> 2. >> guillermo: what? why only 2? >> because there were only two i really understood. >> guillermo: what about my volume? >> your bolume? >> guillermo: yeah. how many stars do i get for my bolume? >> i'm going to give you a 3. i could hear you. but it wasn't anything too projected. it was fine. >> guillermo: what about my smell? >> you smelled delicious. you smelled like happiness and
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pico degallo. [ laughter ] >> a 4. >> guillermo: and my sexiness? >> i'd say a 15. >> guillermo: wow. good. great job. >> yeah. >> guillermo: are you hitting on me? and can i give you a kiss? back-to-back kiss? oh, my god. it's so impossible, huh? >> guillermo: what about my sexiness? >> i could only see you from behind. but i like what i saw. [ laughter ] i'll give you a 5 on that one too. >> guillermo: oh, wow. thank you very much. >> thank you, you cutie patootie. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. we have a great show tonight. comedian casey james salengo is with us. chef chris bianco is here. he's going to teach you how to make pizza. and we'll be right back with billy crystal. [ cheers and applause ] as savin0 when you switch to progressive.
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winds stirring. too treacherous for a selfie. [ camera shutter clicks ] sure, i've taken discounts to new heights with safe driver and paperless billing. but the prize at the top is worth every last breath. here we go. [ grunts ] got 'em. ahh. wait a minute. whole wheat waffles? [ crying ] why! wait a minute. whole wheat waffles? we, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. we want hd. and every box and dvr. all included. because we don't like surprises. yeah. like changing up the celebrity at the end to someone more handsome. and talented. really. and british. switch from cable to directv. get an all included package for $25 a month. and for a limited time, get a $100 reward card. call 1-800-directv. ( ♪ ) we're proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the world's highest rated bourbon.
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their words, not ours. make history. ( ♪ ) make history. [ intense music playing ] ] it's here, but it's going by fast. the opportunity of the year is back: the mercedes-benz summer event. get to your dealer today for incredible once-a-season offers, and start firing up those grilles. lease the gle350 for $579 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: what time do you get up in the morning? >> i get up around 6:00. >> jimmy: why would you get up that early if you're retired? >> i like to get her going. >> jimmy: there you go.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back we're going to have some fun tonight. he's the most celebrated pizza maker in the country. a great chef, and now an author too. his first book is called "bianco: pizza, pasta and other food i like." chris bianco is here from phoenix, arizona. [ cheers and applause ] he will show you how to make a pizza at home in your oven, and your life will never be the same. you will become very very fat as a result of watching the show tonight. then, he's got his own special on comedy central this fall, comedian casey james salengo is here. [ cheers and applause ] and tomorrow night we have a fun show. caitlyn jenner will be with us. finn wittrock will join us, and we'll have music from brett young. so please join us then. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an emmy and tony award-winning performer, the gold standard for oscars hosts and one of the funniest people ever, please say hello to
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billy crystal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. we broke the record. >> jimmy: we beat it. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. it's good to see you. by the way, i'm glad to see you feeling well. because you were supposed to be here last month. >> the weirdest injury ever. >> jimmy: is what you told me true? >> totally true.
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>> jimmy: what happened? so explain in. >> okay. so it's the night before the show. so it's around 9:30, which is already now past my bedtime. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm in that position that a lot of you younger people find your parents in, around 8:30. i'm in a position only like a cirque du soleil person or a jellyfish could be in in a chair and i'm like that. [ laughter ] it looks like a mob hit. and out of the blue, jimmy, i sneeze. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> but a violent sneeze. folks, if it was a cartoon, my arms are flying off my body, my eyes are coming out of my head, people in the room are now naked because it blew their clothes off. [ laughter ] i went oh, that hurt a little bit. now i fall asleep. two hours later i wake up i can't breathe. but it's like terrible. painful. [ gasping ] that thing. i couldn't catch -- my -- breath.
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i sound like a kid caught in a . [ laughter ] i really -- didn't -- take -- the -- money -- and this is how the hawaiian language was created. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. [ laughter ] >> the little kid crying is the hawn language. so what i did, i tore a rib muscle. >> jimmy: omray could not breathe. it's not an injury you want to brag about. >> jimmy: no, yeah, yeah. >> i didn't rescue a woman out of a burning car. i didn't catch an orphan falling out of a burning -- >> jimmy: not even close to any of those things. >> i sneezed. >> jimmy: did you have a cold or allergies? >> no, i have really bad allergies and this is a really bad time for it. but it came out of the blue. usually i can brace myself because i know what's coming. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. but they're dangerous. [ laughter ] no, it's true. the great baseball player sammy sosa sneezed so violently -- he was with the chicago cubs. hit 60 home runs three times. [ applause ] enough.
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he sneezed so violently he missed 2 1/2 months of his season. >> jimmy: i remember that. but i thought that was a lie. >> no, take a look. this is sammy before the sneeze. >> jimmy: there he is. all right. >> and this is sammy after the sneeze. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a hat landed on him. >> that is a bad sneeze. i don't even know what 20 say about this. >> jimmy: i don't know either. >> this was on the internet yesterday. >> jimmy: you found this? >> did he go to a party as a penis? i don't know. [ laughter ] what is that? >> jimmy: i have no idea. i don't know. is he dancing professionally now? >> i don't know. and under what name? >> jimmy: i'm going to find out and get the answer to you. because that's the sort of thing that i do. well i hope you're okay and i hope it doesn't happen again. >> no it does. it will happen again.
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>> jimmy: it will happen? >> it actually just happened right before we came on. >> jimmy: you got the pain again? w do you color your beard? >> jimmy: no. >> come on. >> jimmy: no i don't. >> you have that pavarotti look. >> jimmy: it's white. how coy color -- >> just wait. so they put -- i had these two black areas so i looked like a mannequin. i looked like i had a puppeteer's mouth. hi, how are you? how are you? [ laughter ] one of those guys. so they took a silver magic >> ? >> the makeup people. >> jimmy: okay. >> and the smell of the magic marker, first of all, i smelled like a science project. [ laughter ] and then i'd just finished sneezing. that's why i'm a little hoarse. i go all the time. since i was a kid. >> jimmy: you got a lot of weird stuff going on. you really do. >> yeah, i'm allergic to different kinds of chocolate. >> jimmy: actual chocolate, really?
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>> yeah. >> jimmy: that's something you can be allergic to? >> one doctor said it was like a chemical reaction, it wasn't an allergy. but this started when i was a little kid. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. histamines would hit me and -- my neck gets red. my ears get red. and then i once sneezed 58 times before my nose started to bleed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i just say something? all i want to do is see you eat some chocolate now. >> i know, because the chef is here. so i'm in college. my freshman year in rshall univ virginia. and my roommate -- i'm 17. my roommate's 27. >> jimmy: why? you weren't in college. you were abducted is what happened. [ laughter ] >> i felt like i was sharing a room with my uncle. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we were getting to know each other. i said, you know, and a weird thing, i'm allergic to different kinds of chocolate. i can sneeze more than 50 times. he goes, really?
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let's make some money. [ laughter ] so he puts up signs, come see him sneeze, $5 a head, bet he could sneeze more than 50 times. so we're in the rec room and he puts a chair in the middle of the room and all of these guys from west virginia and pen person mostly athletes, come in, $5 in a hat, and i'm just sitting there. and i eat two big bars, the big bars of dark chocolate. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i'm just sitting there. and i know what's going to happen. and about eight minutes later this guy from ohio goes, hey, his ears is getting read. [ laughter ] and then it started. and when i sneeze it's an orgasmic, wild -- aaah! it's that. and they all go, one. [ laughter ] i get up to 20. i'm flying. my roommates going who has $5 more? let's get him to 30. who thinks he can't get to 30?
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ah! i'm flying out of the chair.ly . >> jimmy: oh, my god. that's torture. >> yeah. and then a little blood happened. i made $250. so then two days later i'm walking on campus. and i was a lonely little kid from long island. and this zbt guy comes over in his blazer and his zbt frat pin, you know, going to start pledging fraternities. he goes, "you billy?" i said yeah. "we're having a smoker on friday night. would you come over and sneeze?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and a career in show business was born. wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, people complain about the internet now, but before youtube we'd have to watch a guy sneeze all night. >> i know. it's embarrassing too. >> jimmy: speaking of embarrassing, when we come back i have a clip from your past
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that i'd like to share with you. it's -- well, you'll see. billy crystal is here with us. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur.
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he gets things done stevfor south jersey.o tell you don't believe him. because steve sweeney gets things done for himself, for the special interests who pay for his campaigns, and definitely for chris christie. but steve sweeney doesn't get things done for you. unless you count cutting education funding, raising the gas tax, and sending more of your tax dollars off to trenton instead of south jersey. if you're tired of typical politics, stop electing typical politicians like steve sweeney.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with billy crystal. chris bianco is on the way. so billy before this horrible sneezing incident happened. >> yes. >> jimmy: we tracked down a videotape from a show called "battle of the network stars" how many times were you on that show in. >> i think i did it four times. and i hosted it. >> jimmy: you hosted it. >> with howard. >> jimmy: with howard cosell. that's awesome. did you host it as howard with howard? >> i hosted with him and did some sketches as him. because i used to do him. >> jimmy: and he liked that? >> he loved it. >> here's a guy who was at the top of his game. he was the greatest sportscaster ever. we still miss his voice. this is the guy who gave us things, jimmy, like "frazier can't see! frazier can't see. eddie futch is coming into the ring. they're stopping the fight here in manila." and now he's reduced to saying "here's adrienne barbeau and her
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succulent lower lip. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: could be worse. >> yeah could be worse. so i did a bunch of them. i was on an abc show called "soap." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you played jody on "soap." >> jody dallas. this was 1977. this was the first openly gay character on network television. >> jimmy: right. >> this is 40 years ago. so abc had me doing everything they could. it was called the "billy's not really gay tour." >> jimmy: they wanted people know -- >> so i host aid show with the dallas cowboy cheerleaders. i hosted a -- this. >> jimmy: is this part of that tour? is it still going on? >> no, i'm done. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, all right. >> so. >> jimmy: so we have a click of an obstacle course, it's you against david letterman. [ cheers and applause ] >> let me just set this up. the year before in the obstacle course there's one section where you have to crawl underneath all
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of these wires, like a marine thing. till you get -- it's like 20 yards of it. right? so i put my head up too soon, and i caught my lip on this thing the year before. o' and it bothered me for a year just like damn. >> jimmy: you wanted to win. >> i wanted to win. this is the year after. so now i'm against letterman, who was then on the mary tyler moore show. he was a cbs-er. we have this. >> he's a good athlete. this will be his opponent, dave letterman. the thing about billy crystal is we've talked this over. it's all rhythm. you get off to a bad start on the obstacle course and you're in trouble. he's up this time. he's going good. handling it. handling the tires nicely. >> yeah. >> letterman seems to be gaining on the monkey bars. now -- over the wall. he handled that very well.
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on the rope. over the water pit. billy crystal! [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> hey, letterman. letterman. if you're watching this, shave the beard and let's do it again. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: billy crystal, everybody. we'll be right back with chris bianco. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ get, get, shooo! ♪ ♪ hey! ♪ out! out! ♪ get, get, get! ♪ arrrrrgh! ♪
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woman: so this happened. zoe brought over some lime-a-rita's to ava's rooftop and that's when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. that's elyse busting out her dance move from summer of '08. looks like we're staying here tonight. lime-a-rita. make it a margarita moment. tfriends & family sale take an extra 20% off your purchase get the gear. win the school year. lace-up graphic tees are just $11.99 score young men's shorts for $15.99 and junior for $19.99 plus get kohl's cash too! game on. kohl's. this is crabfest at re we're serving up more delicious crab than ever. classic favorites like crab lover's dream. and new dishes like southern king crab and dueling crab legs with delicious dungeness and sweet snow crab.
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it's all happening at crabfest. and crabfest is only happening at red lobster. now this is seafood. do you remember when i took your [photo this morning?, [boy] yea! [intern] i'm afraid i have some terrible news. you have...bug eyes! here come the bugs! ahh! bugs everywhere! uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna.
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>> jimmy: we're back. billy crystal is here. many people, myself included, believe that our next guest makes the best pizza in the united states. now he wants you to do it too. his first-ever book is called "bianco: pizza, pasta and other food i like." please welcome chris bianco. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you guys doing? what's happening? nothing but the best.
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>> jimmy: i was just telling billy i have learned a lot about cooking from chris. and one of the things i learned, and i know this sounds ridiculous, but it's to -- you know, if you have pizza taste the tomatoes. and see what the tomatoes you're going to put on the pizza. almost like you go to the store, you buy a can of tomatoes you don't think about it. >> you've got to consider the source. rumors or tomatoes. >> jimmy: exactly. >> no fake news. real news. >> you're from france, right? east france. >> make a left at the light. >> jimmy: do you recognize this right here? >> no. >> jimmy: that's wheat. right, chris? >> nas wheat. that's it, man. >> jimmy: this is the stuff everyone's so scared of. it's like a handful of deadly gluten. and the way they make flour is this. you put some wheat in a mill, and then the wheat gets ground up. and then -- actually, if i open this and don't turn it off, it's going to be great. and then you can open this thing up. and look at that. that's flour. [ applause ]
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normally you would turn it off. and that's how you make the flour that's at your house. except for that doesn't belong in filip isn't that amazing, everyone? [ applause ] >> that was good. so what we decided to do -- >> jimmy: chris told me don't do the flour thing, nobody cares. >> that's from jimmy's house, by the way. we'll have the wheat field next show. >> jimmy: definitely. all right. >> so we're going to make a pizza. all of the longest stories in the book. but here i just wanted to show you billy's going to make the tomato sauce. and the tomato sauce is sucher simple. all we've got to do is squish them up. beautiful tomatoes, we grow them up in northern california. they're organic. delicious, fantastic. >> would you explain what organic is to people? >> seriously? >> yeah. >> organ sic -- seriously? you want that? [ laughter ] just pour it in. it's very technical. that's why i had to make a book. this is what you got to do. just grab them.
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>> oh, really? >> yeah. it's fantastic, isn't it? >> i love it. >> your skin is going to be like a baby after that. >> really? >> yeah. give them a little squish. while you're doing that i'm going to give it a little olive oil. >> hs how you make mozzarella. you take the curd. you squish it out. am i doing it right? >> you're doing it right. yeah you're doing it pretty good. [ laughter ] >> okay. sorry i made a mess. >> you know what? okay. no, put it back in for one second. >> jimmy: all right. get in there. this is nice. now jimmy when you grab it, just grab it and squeeze it. >> jimmy: it's about grabbing and squeezing? really? >> it is. it is. while we're doing that we've got mozzarella, tomatoes. i've got dough aalready made but i'll show you. all the measurements in the wat
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cups -- >> jimmy: nobody cares. [ laughter ] >> nobody cares, but if you did, you know. yeast. boom. normally we let this set for about 20 minutes. >> jimmy: let's do it. let it sit for 20 minutes, "nightline." [ laughter ] >> going to check the oven. fo? this is something you do in your home oven. you can do one of those pizza steels. >> that's the whole thing. normally it's like you know, if you don't live in napa and you have a mason from tuscany to come build your offven you're screwed. in this case you don't need it. look at that oven. it's beautiful. >> jimmy: it is like it's stolen out of someone's apartment. [ laughter ] >> my god it's beautiful. now look at this. >> jimmy: it's like a horror movie. >> get out of the house! [ laughter ] >> okay.
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this is some freshly milled fresh whole grain flour. this is a grain it's called yocoro rojo. it's from up in skagit valley, washington. >> what's the street value of that? [ laughter ] >> i tell you right now, this thing -- >> i tell you right now. [ laughter ] >> no, it's a little -- here you go. >> i heard things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you started with a wooden spoon? >> i'm on five. i'm trying ton get messy here. >> jimmy: i'm going to try ton eat this whole ball of cheese before you're done. guillermo, you want some of this cheese? you have a little bit and tell me how you like that. i didn't wash my hands. >> guillermo:k. [ laughter ] >> what we normally do, like in the book i write nice and everything. but what i'm going to do as i leave it right here like it's all together. see, jimmy? because i've got to move some things around. >> jimmy: okay. all right. >> so, i'd add the salt, we
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normally measure but it would be -- it's in the book. you'll see. [ laughter ] we mix it together. sit there 20 minutes. we turn it out. ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. look at the mess. >> jimmy: i'm sorry i made a mess. >> like a cow with a baby. [ laughter ] hold on we got to do this here. >> jimmy: okay. >> we should make a pizza to see how it looks. >> jimmy: yeah let's make a pizza what the hell else we going to do? [ laughter ] we'll make a pizza. >> guillermo! it's just like tortillas or anything else. flat. we got the dough. so pretending that like you can let that proof in there for three hours. that one -- this one here was like 24 hours. it sat. >> jimmy: okay. >> all we've got to do, it's nice and it's soft. this is like the hard -- it's not the hardest part. but i think talking to people it's the most intimidating. >> jimmy: you don't have to spin it over your head. >> this is interesting, right?
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>> jimmy: yeah. to me. not to anybody else. [ laughter ] >> so you let gravity be your friend. ba, ba, ba, ba. you don't have to make the noise. [ laughter ] it just helps me. >> the noise is fun, though. >> i know. so now it's like making a bed in the guest room. because in your own house you don't make your bed. you're going to flop this down nice. one, two, three. that's it. >> jimmy: three times, guillermo. >> that's it. >> jimmy: now we've got to do it quick. >> boom, boom, boom. >> guillermo: i'm hungry. come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay so now you put a little bit of sauce on there right? >> little bit of sauce. >> jimmy: this is the sauce that's similar to what billy made but not exactly the same sauce. >> how come you didn't use mine? [ laughter ] >> the same thing. he's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> hey you're right. i forgot.
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>> that's all right. i don't put my hands in tomatoes for a lot of people. [ laughter ] >> he's thinking not for nothing. good times. got that. boom. plus the basil. guillermo the gardener. thank you brother. this is a little bit of reggiano. this is optional. a little bit of salinity. salt. fresh mozzarella. boom. we could use this one jimmy had. >> jimmy: really what am i doing? little bit of mozzarella cheese. >> and you don't got to make this at home. you don't have to grind the flour. >> jimmy: i thought the whole point was to make it at home. >> i'm saying if your friends make it or the guy at the deli makes it or you've got a farmer that has a mill. >> jimmy: yeah. like everybody does. [ laughter ] >> like everybody. and then this. >> jimmy: a little bit of olive oil. should i put this in? >> yeah, hold on. we got the other one in there. i've got see what's up. >> what page would this be on?
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>> it looks good, jimmy. hold on. don't throw it in yet because we've got to get the other one out. it's cool. >> jimmy: get another one out. i'll put this one over here. >> i'll take this one out and put that one in there. all right, cool. >> jimmy: you're surprisingly ocd for a guy who's -- [ laughter ] >> look at that. >> jimmy: look at that. the basil. wow. how hot was the oven? >> that was like -- in celsius -- in fahrenheit it was like hot. >> it was hot. >> it was like 500 degrees. >> how hot was the oven? it's hot. >> it's not that hot. that's the thing. it's -- but it's seriously like -- >> it's hot. >> but seriously, we have a great wood burning oven. that's a secret. the secret is it's like always crap, in crap out. the oven's a tool. >> jimmy: the secret is guillermo gets some of the pizza.
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is what the secret is. this is the book. it's all explained in here. it's called "bianco: pizza, pasta, and other food i like." it's available for preorder. comes out july 25th. chris bianco and billy crystal. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] in our house, we go through a lot of toilet paper. mom! so we switched to new charmin super mega roll. get six regular rolls in one with charmin super mega roll our longest lasting roll. guaranteed to fit. enjoy the go with charmin.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. a lot of fun. well, unfortunately, we had to bump two people. casey james salengo. we will reschedule him. matt damon we will not reschedule him. [ laughter ] we are out of time for him. i want to thank you, billy crystal. thank you, chris bianco for being here. guillermo, you're always here, but thanks for being here anyway. that's the book. it's chris bianco, "bianco: pizza, pasta and other food i like." thanks for watching, everybody. good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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tonight on the front lines in the war on isis. strangers bonded together in battle. one american man. >> this isn't really a mission of vengeance. this is more like justice. >> his motivation carved into his bullets. >> orlando, paris, san bernardino, man zblefrp wow. look at that. >> one syrian woman fighting for her homeland. both volunteering to pay the ultimate price in the killing fields of raqqa. >> we're moving forward. with the fighters of the ypg. they are the foot soldiers. forward base. >> and the human toll. children forced to grow up fast. here death is never more than a few feet away. this is a special edition of "nightline." "war on isis: retaking raqqa."

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