tonight's jimmy kimmel live is brought to you by -- it's oka did your jenner and ferks inn whitlock and music many and h for coming. [ cheers and applause ] very nice. glad you are here. a know a lot of you are right smack smack-dab in the on the way

means tropical storms are on the way. is not a threat to the united states unless it runs for president then be a tropical storm is going to be called hillary. this election is never going to end. meanwhile tropical storm don jr. is headed toward russia right now. it's gone. there's a history who was the eighth person in the room with donald trump. i want the to call him djtj donald trump jr. mean way the eighth person in the room that person's identity has not been revealed until today.

this is the guy named herocli named with broccoli guess what he's russian too. i guess russia also has nerds. another coincidence, must be a coincidence record. known as ike, senior vice president something called the crokea group run by the group that helped to set it up, helping to fund $1.4 million into u.s. banks and was the subject into money maunderring. laundering. so happy made in america week everyone. [ cheers and applause ] it is hard for djtj and

e smaller russians inside the bigger russians. by the way there was more evidence than there was to impeach nixon when the watergate scandal broke. there he is goes he is number one again. 41% including president trump himself cannot wait to get the hell out of there. as i'm sure you heard the republican health care bill as of today is dead which is another big setback. and so this morning the president fired up his little orange thumbs and tweeted we were let down by all of the democrats and few republicans most were loyal, terrific and worked really hard. we will return. chz is what they yell at the end of the smurf. but said today the senate should move on and let oprah fail jugs

to prove him point. >> i am disappointed. so many years i've heard repeal and replace and i'm pen in hand waiting to sign something and i'll be waiting and we're going to get something done. >> you know something is failure when you have to keep telling something is over and over again. they call him the master of the zeal. >> look at the scarf guy.

hey that's the scarf guy ♪

i have no skplan ablan skplanation for that. >> katlyn jenner is with us tonight. she's here to promote "secrets of my life" i have to say, feels similar to my memoir that came out last year. the sea crest of my life. [ cheers and applause ] kelly ripa will never read it. anyway we have much to talk about with caitlyn we do our show on hollywood boulevard. especially this time of year. we get a lot of people strolling bobby bobby. also a lot of unemployed crazy people hanging around. an interesting mix.

we thought it would be fun for our pedestrian question and asked people are you on vacation or unemployed. we'll see someone introduce him or herself and based on that introduction together will try to guess if that person is on a trip or out of work. got it. let's play. >> what's your name sir. >> i'm edgar. >> are you on vacation or unemployed. >> is edgar on vacation or ununemployed. >> unemployed! >> okay. all right. you're scaring me. let's find out. >> i'm unemployed. >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> was it the hair and circling his head that gave it away.>> what's your name. >> corey it's the middle of the afternoon are you on vacation or unemployed? >> vacation!

>> almost everyone says vacation. >> on vacation. >> where you from. >> pittsburgh, pennsylvania deliver pizzas. >> and you needed a vacation from that. >> yeah. >> i used to deliver pizzas very stressful, you get lost people get mad. >> tell us your name sir. >> travis. >> are you on vacation or unemployed.. unemployed unemployed. >> on vacation. >> looks like he'sank top. who do we have next. what is your name sir. >> am >> are you on vac unemployed unemployed. >> most everyone says find yep employed. >> what's your field? >> security guard.

sleep. audience is split on this one. is victor on vacation or unemployed. let's hear some noise animals. >> that's pretd good. >> you're in the market making animales. . >> any other noises. chicken. [ imitating ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i can do a pig.

a seagull. >> r. would you do this? clue. >> if anyone affordst am on facebook. >> all right find victor on facebook. good luck. we have to take a break.whenent my the ba stick wiaround.

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celebrities. dorothy stein says she has sunk her teeth into katy perry, adam levine, simon cowell, and kanye west. >> jimmy: okay.his, and i thought, who would hate a massage like this more than anyone? and immediately my aunt chippy's name came to mind. so we booked an appointment with dr. dot. we told my aunt she was going to get a massage which she likes to go do. we did forget to mention the biting thing but we figured she'd figure that out soon enough. here now is my aunt chippy enjoying a very unusual massage. ♪ >> hi. i'm dr. dot. >> i'm sal. how are you doing? >> nice to meet you. >> guillermo: i'm guillermo. nice meeting you. >> i'm dr. dot. they call me the celebrity masseuse. >> she's rude. she didn't introduce herself. >> that's fine. i can roll. >> i'm very excited because it's a real spa, not like one of those fake front [ bleep ] things and my nephews are actually going to be nice to me. i think it will work out very nicely. maybe she'll make me really feel good.

>> all right. let's do this. >> let's go. >> all right. >> guillermo: you're going to feel great. you're going to feel amazing. that's what she said. >> i don't think aunt chippy's going to l anything. >> when is the last time you had a massage? >> 2,000 years ago. >> much too long. you should at least have one once a month. >> we're from brooklyn. could you imagine me saying to my neighbor i'm going to get a massage? she'd set fire to my house. are you kidding me? >> people from brooklyn are often wound up. they need to relax. >> you should relax now. and know that people from brooklyn, by the way, need massage more than anyone else in the world. >> yes. that's true. >> take a nice deep breath in. >> do you think i'll lose any weight? >> shh. >> shh. >> so dr. dot is a famous masseuse who's famous for biting her patients. and aunt chippy doesn't know

that yet, but she's about to find out. >> guillermo: she doesn't know? >> no, she doesn't know. >> guillermo: wow. >> we have a better deal. >> guillermo: yeah. >> people from brooklyn love the pizza dough method. >> this is the pizza dough method where i'm kneading you like a big pizza dough. >> you can even take some of the dough off me. >> people in brooklyn love that pizza dough method. they're all about pizza. >> you're making my toes curl. >> i think aunt chippy's going to love my bite massage. it's shocking at first but then after it's the most relaxing thing in the world. i think she's going to like it. >> okay. anytime now. >> oh. >> here we go. hold still. >> what the hell are you doing? [ laughter ] that's [ bleep ]. you don't bite -- >> that's my bite massage. >> don't bite! >> let me try -- >> no biting! >> i'm not going to draw blood. >> i don't care. don't bite! >> what about a nibble? >> not even a nibble! >> i do this for a living.

go in for another bite. go ahead. >> you've got to be kidding me. hey! [ laughter ] >> all right. iathing suit? >> did you hear what i said? [ laughter ] no biting. >> okay. no biting. >> i knew it wasn't going to be [ laughter ] whenever i'm son of a bitch it's never good. >> how did she know? >> it's a special method of massage. >> you know what? >> one more bite. >> not even -- [ bleep ]! swear to god. >> you can put your head down. i swear to god i'm not going to bite you again. swear to god. you can knock me out. >> ah! what the hell's the matter with you? you stupid -- [ laughter ] what is the matter with you people? you sick sons of bitches. >> one more time. come on. >> ah! ooh, i actually left marks

there. look. >> i'm an old lady! i knew it was too good to be true. [ laughter ] i don't want you to kiss me. >> guillermo: i want to give a kiss. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: somebody needs a massage. thank you, aunt chippy. tonight on the show we have music from brett young, fin wittrock is here. we'll be right back with caitlyn jenner. so stick around. black >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by -- ♪♪ cameras. introducing the newly redesigned gla suv. at a price that'll make you feel like you've g the 2018 gla. lease the gla250 for $359 a month

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♪ >> jimmy: hello. welcome back on the show. tonight from "american horror story" and the new movie "landline" finn wittrock is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and then later, this is his self-titled album. mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show jon favreau, tiffany haddish, and

music from the revivalists. and on thursday, tj miller and music from run the jewels featuring trina. so please join us for both of those shows. our first guest tonight is a record-setting olympic gold medalist, reality tv star, parent of other reality tv stars, and one of the most famous people on earth. her best-selling memoir, is called "the secrets of my life." please welcome caitlyn jenner. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ve you here. >> my pleasure. you've had every member of my family here. it's about time you had me here. >> jimmy: your daughter lives across the street from me. >> jimmy: you do have a lot of good stories. you have a lot of good stuff to say. >> you just said that kendall lives across the street from you. >> jimmy: that's right. >> if i brought over some binoculars could you kind of spy down on her? i never know what's going on in that house. >> jimmy: can i tell you what's going on in that house? >> please do. >> jimmy: there's a lot of

people bringing clothes in and time. there are so many clothes going in and out. it's like a macy's. >> i can see that. yes. no, kendall's a great kid. >> jimmy: she is very nice. and the neighbors do seem to like her. after an initial bumpy start at the outset. >> i under >> jimmy: people were like oh no, what's going to go on here. but it went fine. time ago when i was a radio sportscaster. i think it was like 1996. >> you were a radio sportscaster? >> jimmy: i was. i was on kroq radio. we were at the olympics in atlanta. and you were on the kevin & bean show. i was the sports guy on that show. and we met at that time. >> i never knew you were a sports guy. >> jimmy: i was. it was a big deal for me because i am of the age where -- like you were on the wheaties box. >> i did do all that. >> jimmy: when i was 8 or 9 years old -- >> i'm trying to get back on it now. [ laughter ] i don't know. [ applause ] >> jimmy: will you compete in the olympics? >> yeah. maybe i should come out of retirement or something. >> jimmy: why not try out for the olympics? they're going to be here in l.a. it's not even like you have to travel. >> that's true.

>> jimmy: i will say it's very unusual. and i don't -- it's the elephant in the room that it's unusual now i'm meeting you as a woman after meeting you as a man. >> well, i have the ultimate double. olympic decathlon champion. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "glamour's" woman of the year award. >> jimmy: yeah. well, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] no one else has won that. >> i don't want that. and -- yeah. it has been -- >> jimmy: is it strange for you even to think about that in that way? i mean, to look in the mirror and go hey, now i'm where i wanted to be. >> no, i wake up in the morning and i have a feeling of peace. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's good. [ applause ] >> it's very difficult to go through your life with this. i have met -- i never met anybody else who was trans until i actually came out. i just couldn't out myself. >> jimmy: honestly, you never met anyone? wow. >> not that i knew. i found out i knew a couple that i didn't know they were trans. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. but no, i had to keep it a

secret. it was a life of secrets. it was a life of hiding. i spent six years in my house one time out in malibu -- actually it was kind of funny. if you notice today on instagram i posted a picture of me -- >> jimmy: i have that picture, yeah. >> do you have that picture? there we go. >> jimmy: yes. >> that was two nights ago. that was to nights ago. >> jimmy: you wrote "working on our duet for dude looks like a lady, one of my favorite songs." >> yeah. [ applause ] i had to. i was at a fund-raiser in minneapolis. and he was the entertainment. and i had met him i think once briefly years and years ago. but i'm sitting there and i think i've got to go backstage. i go backstage after and i said to steven, i've had some really, really tough tim and i said for six years at one point i stayed in my house and every once in a while i would sneak out, get dressed and go sneak out in the dark and drive

around. and i said i always used to take your song "dude looks like a lady." and it was like that became my theme song. driving around in my little car with my little cd in there. >> jimmy: wow. >> whipping up the tunes and stuff. and i said i just want you to know it made me feel good. >> jimmy: what did he say? >> he loved it. he hugged me and said we've got to get together. i said you also ticked me off because back then you could wear your hair long and society said i couldn't wear my hair long. >> jimmy: i want to ask, though, because i'm pretty sure i met steven tyler. i think you're good b. a foot and a half taller than he is. >> yes, i am. i had my heels on. >> jimmy: is he on an apple box or are you on your knees? >> no, i just had my heels on and stuff. but yeah, he was -- he is great. >> jimmy: there is a a lot of humor in the book. i know you're talking about driving around, and one of your neighbors caught you driving around. >> it was the one time i could go out that i could get away with anything because it was halloween.

>> jimmy: oh, wow. yeah. sure. >> and so i made the excuse -- it was the night before halloween, actually. so i just yelled, i said i'm going to a halloween party. and then i was gone. >> jimmy: and then you were gone. >> i was gone. >> jimmy: were you going to a halloween party? >> no. i was just -- >> jimmy: just out for a ride. >> i did a lot of that. it's -- when you deal with this issue -- every story is a different story. every journey's a different story. i am not a spokesperson for the trans community. i'm only really a spokesperson for my journey and then take my platform, which i have, and see if i can make a difference in the world. kind of the last person, i'm a person of faith, and the last thing i had to get through was in god's eyes how does he see me and how am i doing. because every person who's dealing with any issue they always kind of look back if they have any faith whatsoever in their life, they kind of look

back and they say, why? why did god do this to me? >> jimmy: yeah. why did god do this to you? >> why has gender and my identity been an issue in my life since i was that big? i don't understand it. and am i doing a good job with it? and i just got to the point where fortunately i had raised ten wonderful children. kris and i, we had gone our separate directions. not because of gender issues but because of other things. and there i was back in malibu all by myself, and so i slowly went through, told all my children. because it had been just hammered all over the media. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> for the longest time. >> jimmy: right. >> in fact, guys like you -- >> jimmy: well -- >> -- making some jokes. >> jimmy: we didn't know what was happening. >> i know. >> jimmy: we thought you were just vain. >> i know. >> jimmy: we didn't know what was going on. sorry about that, by the way. [ laughter ] >> now he's going to apologize. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know -- >> but i accept your apology. i don't know if you saw when i was on "jimmy fallon" i gave him a real hard time. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. but he deserves it.

he said some really terrible things. [ laughter ] >> he did say some terrible things. >> jimmy: he does that a lot. you've always very hard on people. >> you've always been my favorite. that's why i thought i would do this. >> jimmy: thank you. we're going to take a break. when we come back, caitlyn jenner is here. her new book is called "the secrets of my life." we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

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>> jimmy: we are back with caitlyn jenner. finn wittrock and brett young are on the way. so in the book, and i know you've talked a little about o.j., who was a friend of yours many years ago. was o.j. a friend of yours or no? somebody you don't hold in high regard now. >> that's true. >> jj.? >> at the funeral. >> jimmy: okay. so o.j. may be getting out of prison on thursday. how great would it be if you showed up and picked o.j. up? [ laughter ] i will go with you. >> would you go? >> jimmy: absolutely. we should go on a motorcycle. i'll be in the side car. [ laughter ] >> there you go. pick o.j. up on a motorcycle with you in the side car, o.j. on the back. do you think that would be appropriate? i don't know. >> jimmy: no, not at all. >> not at all. >> jimmy: but what is appropriate really? >> that's true. >> jimmy: do you regret voting for president trump? >> i don't agree

with everything he's doing, but i have always been -- i'm older. i've been -- i grew up in a country where you actually said the pledge of allegiance to the flag at school. [ applause ] i believe in limited government. i believe in the people of this nation, not government. and so -- and that kind of makes me on the republican side. and so he was our candidate. i never really outwardly came out and supported him. i supported whoever the republican candidate was going to be. but you know, the press kind of puts you there. and there are some things that i think he's done that's very good. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> on the conservative side if you believe in our constitution i'm glad neil gorsuch for the -- >> jimmy: okay. got you.

>> i think is a very good decision. he's lowered regulations in a lot of different businesses to help business get going. i don't want massive regulations. i don't want massive taxes. especially where the highest taxed country -- >> jimmy: not true. incorrect. >> highest taxed corporate tax in the world. >> jimmy: i'll have to look it up but i don't want to argue with you over that. [ laughter ] >> and corporate tax in the world. and massive regulations. it's tough for anybody to do business in the united states. and i would like to see the united states the best place in the world to do business. >> jimmy: are you excited about the olympics coming to los angeles? is that something -- >> yes. i think it's great. first of all -- you were in -- were you around in '84? >> jimmy: i was alive, sure. in '84. oh, yeah, i remember lionel richie singing the opening ceremony. >> very good, yes. the city was never better. there was no traffic. it was just fantastic. i drove -- i had to do the

opening ceremonies. carry the flag in. and i drove from malibu in the afternoon to the stadium. and there wasn't one bit of traffic on the freeway. i went 65 miles an hour in the afternoon. >> jimmy: were you running or in a car? [ laughter ] >> i was in a car. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because i know you were fast. >> but i was driving myself. i didn't have a driver. >> jimmy: you ever get in the back yard and just throw that javelin around? >> never. [ laughter ] i chip in the back yard, work on the game. i chip and putt. >> jimmy: which was the hardest of the events, of the ten events in the decathlon for you? >> a lot of people look at life, they look at it as separate events. but basically it's one big -- it's one whole. and the most difficult thing in the decathlon is not learning the ten technical aspects of the events inside of it. it's how do we become the best sprinter on the same day, the best 1500-meter man, distance man? they're different human beings. how do you become the biggest -- the best shot-putter you can be? on the next event it's the high

jump. if you're 270 pounds you can't get off the ground, you can't high-jump. that's the real challenge. how do you become -- >> jimmy: be all-around. >> it's one event. and it's basically strength, speed, and then the technical aspect of it. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here. such an interesting book. it's called "the secrets of my life." it's available now. caitlyn jenner, everyone. thank you so much for being here. we'll be right back with finn wittrock. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [intern] hey bradley do you remember when i took your photo this morning? [boy] yea! [intern] i'm afraid i have some terrible news. you have...bug eyes! here come the bugs! ahh! bugs everywhere! uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna.

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>> jimmy: still to come music from brett young. our next guest earned an emmy nomination and a love scene with lady gaga on "american horror story." now he co-stars alongside jenny slate and john turturro in the independent comedy "landline," it opens in select cities on friday. please welcome finn wittrock. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, finn wittrock is just a great name.

>> thank you. i didn't come up with it. but i'll take the credit. >> jimmy: i assume that was your parents. >> they did. >> jimmy: but in a way it limits you because you can't be like the assistant manager at a denny's when your name's finn wittrock. you have to be an actor or maybe a private eye or something like that. >> i was kicked out of accounting school. i really wanted to be an accountant. not with that name, get out of here. >> jimmy: you're from a family of actors, correct? >> yes. my dad worked at a company called shakespeare & company in lennox, massachusetts. and i kind of was -- grew up listening to shakespeare and like imitating my -- >> jimmy: did you find shakespeare or did you find it boring when you were a kid? >> i always liked it because i was hearing it all the time. it was never that intimidation factor that comes in later. >> jimmy: your dad would have been upset if you didn't like it i assume. >> my dad kind of wanted me to be an accountant or a doctor. >> jimmy: he did. why? >> i think it was kind of out of the protection you have for your kid. didn't want me to have to deal

wall the rejection that acting -- >> jimmy: what does he think now? i assume he's pretty happy with how it went. >> i caught the bug pretty young. he literally walked into the hospital when i was being born in full tybalt makeup. he had told the company that his wife was having a baby and they had like the fastest production of "romeo & juliet" since 1598. they sped through the whole play and -- >> jimmy: only one of them dies. [ laughter ] >> yeah. they skipped right to the end. you know what happens. >> jimmy: you do a lot of live theater, correct? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did a play with sally field earlier this year. >> just recently. "the glass menagerie." >> jimmy: "the glass menagerie." that's one i heard of. [ applause ] >> it was great. it was a dream come true. >> jimmy: she seems pretty

great. >> she's everything you want her to be. >> jimmy: does she ever screw up or is she a perfect pro at all times? >> she's a pro. >> jimmy: do you ever screw up with her? >> no. >> jimmy: you do not. >> we did have kind of an amazing backstage screw-up. it was like show number 90. we had done a whole bunch of shows. and we got word that o girl playing laura. it's like a four-person play. and the girl playing laura couldn't make it from williamsburg to manhattan because there was a bike marathon and she literally couldn't get there. so they called in the understudy. we're maybe 45 minutes before the show. we're kind of rehearsing some stuff with the understudy, like working over some choreography. and it's like a very -- it's a very scary kind of thing. you know, like you've done the show for so long. and the stage manager is walking around about to tell us what to do next and she bites it really hard on the stage and trips and falls on her like knee, elbow, her head goes into the wheelchair. this is like -- wh and carrie, the understudy,

goes, well, you know, things always happen in three. i'm like, carrie, don't say that. you're the understudy. just do yoah, really. >> and so we're like okay, so the unde we're about to go on to the stage, and we kind of enter in this sort of alleyway next to the theater outside and the four of us were going to start with the understudy. and the doors are closed. and so it's like four broadway actors like outside the broadway house not able to get into the theater. and we're like this is like birdman. >> jimmy: number 3. >> yeah. this is nur comes out and she's the one that's but she's kind of like -- she's not feeling so well. like she's a little nauseous or her. we're like what's going on with the usher?walk into this sort of r. there's a bathroom before we make our real entrance. there's in real smell and the kind of sawdust stuff they throw down when in elementary school like when someone pukes. >> jimmy: like at the circus. >> like somebody puked back this is the third thing. then the usher kind of stumbles

back in and she's like no, no, that's not puke. somebody let themselves go on the way to the bathroom. >> jimmy: oh. so it wasn't number three. it was number two. [ laughter ] >> yeah. it was number two. right. >> jimmy: and what did sally say? >> we're all kind of slowly getting this and sally says, wait, it's poop? [ laughter ] that's what i'll always remember of sally field. >> jimmy: wait, it's poop. one of her great lines. >> yes, it was. you like me, you like me and now -- >> jimmy: wait, it's poop. tell me about "landline." independent film. jenny slate, who's very funny is in it. john turturro, who's great. >> edie falco. >> jimmy: who do you play? >> i play this guy nate. a bit of a ne'er-do-well. jenny's got a nice thing going on with jay dupe las and i'm the temptation that tries to steal her away. >> jimmy: i see. can you tell us what happens in the end? >> i probably shouldn't. >> jimmy: you should. you should tell everybody in

case they don't see it. >> yeah. [ laughter ] one of us gets the girl. >> jimmy: well, it's very good to have you here. the movie's called "landline." it opens in select cities on friday. and then everywhere in the world on august 4th. finn wittrock, everybody. we'll be right back with brett [ cheers and applause ] presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to caitlyn jenner, finn wittrock, and apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, this is his self-titled album. here with his new single "like i love you," brett young! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you would've thought you wrote down every word goodbye spelled out like it ♪ ♪ had been rehearsed and there ain't no point in tryin' to change your mind ♪ ♪ seems like you've got it all figured out you're all right with the way this is goin' down ♪

♪ don't tell me we could still be friends hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay ♪ ♪ if i start seein' somebody new that i'm drinkin' and you ♪ i gotta be honest if you really believe that's the truth you never loved me ♪ ♪ like i loved you ♪ ♪ ♪ by the way you're talkin' you would think you never had any real feelings for me ♪ ♪ and if you think i could look across the bar and see you in someone else's arms and not need you ♪ ♪ girl, who do you think you are tryin' to tell me we could still be friends ♪

♪ hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay if i start seein' somebody new ♪ ♪ you hope that i do it won't be long `til i forget to call every time ♪ ♪ that i'm drinkin' and you ain't the love song i can't keep from singin' ♪ ♪ i gotta be honest if you really believe that's the truth you never loved ♪ ♪ me like i loved you you always told me you'd never leave me you said i was your ♪ one and only so what makes you think i wanna hear you s could still be friends ♪ ♪ no, i don't wnds stop tellin' me stop tellin' me ♪ ♪ whoa, that we could still be friends hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay ♪♪ if i start seein' somebody new you hope tha

long ♪ ♪ `til i forget to call every time that i'm drinkin' and you ain't the love song i can't ♪ that's i love ou ♪ve loved you ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." president tro keep troops in afghanistan. reversal from his campaign promise. >> a hasty withdrawal would create a terroristtantly see just as

happened september 11th. >> and his stern warning to other nations. >> plus we're in the shadow along the path of totality for today's rare and majestic solar eclipse, all across america, the spectacle drawing millions.