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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 25, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kenneth branagh -- from "thank you for your service," haley bennett -- and comedian neel nanda. and now by all means, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >>nice. thank that's very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. for those who are visiting us welcome to los angeles. home of the dodgers who are in the world series tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the dodgers and the houston astros. dodgers won the first game last
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night. it was the hottest world series game ever 103 degrees. i was at the game. they didn't have to cook the dodger dogs that's how hot it was. so last night we taped the show early. so cleto and cleto's dad and my dad and guillermo and my son kevin could go to the game. my dad's a big dodgers fan. the cletos and guillermo are too. it's the world series we wanted to go, even though we have work. the game starts at 5:00. and it's already 5:30. but we figure we'll be there by the top of the third. that's what we keep saying top of the third. everybody get in the put the game on the radio, it was a.m. radio, i wasn't sure i had it but we found it put the address in ways. we start the journey to dodger stadium which is a nightmare even when it's not rush hour but it was rush hour. going was slow. we listen to the game on the radio. it's already the third ining when we get to the car, which is surprising because the game's only been going a half hour. already we know we will not be there by the top of the third
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inning. not only that this game is flying by. every other batter swinging at the first clayton kershaw mowing through the astro lineup. one down, two down evidence the inning. one down two down -- now we start reestimating what inning we might get there. now we're thinking bottom fourth right? but this game it's like -- you know the youtube setting where everybody plays at double speed? it's like that. the game's going as fast as the traffic isn't. we are bumper to burper. for an hour. i'm telling myself relax, there's nothing you can do. but i am not relaxed at all. the game's flying by and we don't even make it into the dodgers parking lot until the bottom of the fifth inning. game's now more than half over and we're still in the car. we have a parking pass for lot g, we get get in we dump the car in z-99 us in and start hiking to the stadium. then we run into a fence which we had to climb over. then we run into another fence. it was like donald trump had
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built a wall just to keep us out of the game. [ laughter ] finally wet in the stadium and it's hot. we're under the overhang and we're sweating from the hike but we don't want to get up and get drinks because we already missed most of the game. we sit down. one inning, two innings, the whole game from start to finish lasted 2:58. 2:28. the "blade runner" movie was longer than that. the average baseball game goes for like a month, they go on and on. this one was shorter than an olsen twip. [ laughter ] we were there 40 minutes. then it took us 50 minutes just to get out of the parking lot. not even -- and somebody rear-ended me while we were in the parking lot. i didn't even get out of the car to check the damage like to hell with it who cares. so tonight wore going to watch the game on tv, all right? [ cheers and applause ] we did have fun, right? did we have fun?
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>> guillermo: yeah we had a great time yeah. >> jimmy: check this by the way, they say the average ticket if you bought it from a broker was $1,300 for a ticket last night. but dodgers fans contrary to popular perception are hardcore as are local kcal news team helped to illustrate. >> sold my car for this. >> you sold your car? >> i sold my '64 lincoln for this. >> paid with a credit card single mom with three kids and my kids say, mom, you have to go, pay with credit card. i have to go! >> jimmy: kids just wanted her out of the house for a few hours sounds like to me. this is good this is how another dodgers fan managed to get a two 4 one deal. >> did he have to pay full price to come in? >> no because he's a lap sitter. as long as he sits on your lap, you're good. >> lap sitter, lap sitter, lap sitter! >> jimmy: lap sitter. is that a new thing? lap sitter chair? anyway last night guillermo was my lap sitter. by the way, for the short time
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we were at the game there was a woman in front of me and cleto, vouch for me on this she was texting, i swear to god, on her phone nonstop 100% of the time we were there. they'd send a text to one person then go to another, furiously text her, her thumbs were a blur. they were like -- i mean, she was texting in spanish. i literally -- last night not only do people talk faster in spanish, they text faster in spanish. [ laughter ] the second she'd finish sending a text she went right to instagram, like like like like like, it was unbelievable. she didn't look up for a second. she had no idea she was at a baseball game. i didn't either because i was watch herring text the whole time. [ laughter ] speaking of dodgers, president trump has been feuding with a couple of senators from his own party. jeff flake of arizona and bob corker of tennessee are on his list right now. senator corker yesterday impolite in no uncertain terms that the president is a liar. jeff flake announced he won't run for re-election because he can no longer support donald
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trump. he made a big speech about it. this morning on gma he said he thinks a republica that way and expects that they too will speak out soon against the president. and you're not going to believe this the president decided to tweet about this today. he said there are no problems in the gop, in fact they love so much they cannot sit down when he walks in a room. look at this. so nice being with republican senators today, multiple standing ovations most are great people who want big tax cuts. the meeting with republican senators yesterday, outside of flake and corker was a love fest with standing ovations and great ideas for usa. jeff flake with an18% approval rating in arizona said a lot of my colleagues have spoken out. really? they just gave me a standing "o." who wants to be the one who tell him that people are required to stand when the president enters the room? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's not an accomplishment. that's like saying every time i walk into a starbucks, guy behind the counter asks me if i want coffee. [ laughter ]
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if only his mother had hugged him just one time. of course there's a reason why jeff flake and bob corker are able to criticize the president so openly because neither one of them's trying to get re-elected. like when you and your girlfriend break up on the way out the door she tells me none of my orgasms were real! did what happenthat happen to just me? [ laughter ] [ applause ] at the white house a reporter asked president trump if he thought he should be more civil, and well, here's what he had to say about that. >> well i think the press makes me more uncivil than i am. you understand. i went college. i was a nice student. i did very well. i'm a very intelligent person. >> jimmy: when you're the president of the united states and you have to tell others that you're a very intelligent person, not a great sign. [ cheers and applause ]
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like shaquille o'neal had to say, listen, i'm a very tall person. we'd be confused. he's so insecure. he might be the most insecure person ever. it's interesting. president trump cares so much about standing ovations because one thing i've noticed about him, for a sitting president, he's not very good at sitting. >> donald trump, sitting president. donald trump is bad in small chairs. donald trump is bad in tall chairs. donald trump is bad in all charles. donald trump is even bad in chairs that aren't chairs. like this stump made of gold. this block made of wood. and this goose made of anger. donald trump, standing up for sitting. >> i'm donald trump and i'm also bad in bed. >> jimmy: all right, well. [ cheers and applause ] well this is interesting. this is kind of crazy actually. the u.s. postal service is
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working on a revolutionary new way to deliver bed, bath & beyond coupons to your house. self-driving mail trucks could be on the road as soon as 2025. in the future you will be able to get the wrong mail delivered to your house autonomously. and while the self-driving truck hasn't been tested yet, no one is more excited about it than this guy. ♪ his truck drives mail to your home he's inside getting stoned north korea snows he's the toking post man ♪ ♪ through wind sleet and rain mary jane ♪ ♪ he's the toking post man ♪ ♪ he's high as a kite because he won't have to drive ♪ ♪ you can never be sure that your mail will arrive ♪ ♪ his eyes are all red and his truck is his bed ♪ ♪ he's the toking post man ♪
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♪ he's the token post man ♪ >> that's me! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good luck getting that out of your head. we're going to take a break. when we come back from the break, we went to a movie theater, we asked people to give real reviews of a fake movie that they never saw. and they did. and it's funny. so stick around, we'll be right back. t-mobile's unlimited now includes netflix on us. that's right. netflix on us. get 4 unlimited lines for just $40 bucks each. taxes and fees included. and now netflix included. so go ahead. binge on us. another reason why t-mobile is america's best unlimited network.
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. kenneth brau shaw, haley bennett, and comedian neel nanda coming up. for those who are fans of the explorer,"obody above 4 years old, dora's on her way to the big screen. none other than michael bay is planning to make a live action "dora the explorer," movie this
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is great, my one issue with michael bay movies is i've never been able to learn span frisch them. the movie is expected to be released sometime in -- hopefully after the world has ended, but michael bay's "dora the explorer" sounds made up but it's real. you know how they do commercials with people coming out of the theater saying great things about the movie they just saw any wondered how genuine these positive reviews are. we did an experiment to put them to the test. we went to a movie theater at the grove, the pacific theaters with a poster for a new movie called "dirty old granny" starring sally field. it's not a movie but we said it was. we asked people who were going to see other movies to give it a rave review and let's find out if they did. now in the world premiere of "lies, camera, action." >> we're doing one of those commercials where people talk about a movie they've just seen
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as they come out of the theater for an upcoming sally field movie "dirty old granny." can we get you to talk about what you loved about "dirty old granny" in front of the camera? >> sure. >> go for it. >> i loved the humor, it was truly inspiring, i can't wait to see it again. >> look in the lens and tell us how much you loved "dirty old granny." >> one of the best movies i've seen the opening scenes were fantastic, i love it. >> so hilarious. i just was cracking up almost the entire time. >> i just love "dirty old granny," awesome film. me and my girlfriend had a chance to watch it for the first time. now i'm going to bring my kids and the rest of the family to check this movie out because it's cool. >> i love this movie, it was so awesome, what did you think? >> pretty great. granny was a little risque but i mean she was great. >> i had to cover her eyes sometimes but it was awesome otherwise. >> we just saw it and my daughter loved it it's a
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perfect movie for kids. >> i loved "dirty old granny," it's so funny. there's a bear in it that has dear! diarrhea. >> i like that thing on your head. maybe talk about the diarrhea bear. >> favorite character. diarrhea bear. bar none. funniest thing you've ever seen. >> it's actually not a comedy it's a drama. >> for a drama, it was pretty funny. diarrhea bear makes you want to run right out of the theater. think about it. >> we loved "dirty old granny," it was so funny, she was so funny, i can't believe they did the things they did. >> it's actually not a comedy she's struggling with dementia. >> oh, okay. >> it's dramatic. talk about how dramatic it is. >> we -- we thought the movie was very interesting. it was very dramatic. it was funny how it was not funny. >> yeah, it was very dramatic. yeah.
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>> this was bill cosby's last role pre-the scandal, it's impossible to cut him out of the film. will you let people watch cag know you don't have to agree with what bill cosby did to think this movie is funny? >> you know a comedy is a comedy. you just got look and go over it a forget about everything but just laugh. you know? >> how about, i loved bill cosby. >> i loved bill cosby. >> there's a lot of racial humor in the film, can you assure people that this film isn't racist? >> the movie is not racist. at all. it's very funny. so please don't take offense to it because it's not racist. >> no matter what everybody is saying? >> no matter what anyone says. >> everybody. what everybody -- >> anybody says. >> what everybody is saying. >> it's not racist. >> we're trying to appeal to different markets. can you put that on say, as a construction worker from calabasas, i loved "dirty old granny"? >> as a construction worker from calabasas, i loved dirty old
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granny. as a police officer from pomona i loved "dirty old granny." >> show usace you made during the sex scene. >> oh! >> what about when the fit ball team came in and she spit her dentures out? >> eeeh! >> what about when she slipped and fell on the wedding cake? >> oh that made me -- that got me. >> she broke her hip? >> oh.>> tell us into the camera what you thought oit. >> i [ bleep ] loved it. "dirty old granny." i would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty granny. dirty old granny. i would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. i would [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. i would. i would. here i got es. i would [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. >> i'd also [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] out of dirty old granny. >> as a fur trapper from fresno i love dirty old granny. >> we love bill cosby. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks everybody. we've got a good show for night.
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comedian neel nanda is here. haley bennett is here and be right back with kenneth branagh, stick around! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by liquid plumber. there's a plumber in all of us. ...travel at the speed of light... ...and command the currents. they don't need another way to get around. or do they? [ engine revving ] going on a target run, need anything? toilet paper!! (bark) snickers! bite-sized. i'm on it. get new, lower prices on thousands of items. target run & done.
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steve sweeney's negative headlines keep piling up. why are south jerseyans so angry at sweeney? sweeney repeatedly sided with chris christie to underfund south jersey schools, increase standardized testing like parcc cut take-home pay for teachers and broke his promise to fund the pensions of hundreds of thousands of new jerseyans- all while padding his own. steve sweeney says a lot of things. but the truth is, he's not on our side.
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you've worked hard. busted tail. and impressed the boss. maybe it's time to be your own? transform your career with strayer university's mba program today. let's get it. >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the show from the
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new movie "thank you for your service," haley bennett is here. and then a very funny gentleman, standup comedy from neel nanka tonight, you can see him live at westmont comedy theater. tomorrow night susan sarandon will be here, jeffrey dean morgan will join us, and we'll have music from odesza. our first guest is a five time oscar-nominated actor and director who is as comfortable with the words of shakespeare as he is with marvel comics. he is the director and star of a new adaptation of "murder on the orient express." >> i didn't kill him! >> you tried to burn the accounts but you have been stealing from him. the -- what is the english word -- the chocolate -- >> fudge? >> you spoiled the fudge! you stole from him! you thought you would be found out. that is why you killed him. >> yeah. yeah, you're damn right i stole from him.
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thousands. >> jimmy: "murder on the orient express" opens in theaters on november 10th. please welcome kenneth branagh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm impressed you're here you flew in from australia today? >> i got in from australia this morning. because -- it baffles me, they're 18 hours ahead. so i arrived four hours before i left. >> jimmy: that's true that's true. >> that's what happens. then you fill in the wrong date on the form you have to simber to the back line because it was tomorrow, when in fact it wassterday. >> jimmy: they send you to >> bir time. the numbers are wrong. >> jimmy: the president has some tough new immigration laws so -- >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if you make a mistake you go to the end of the line. >> you come from australia, it's like being in your own sci-fi
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film. you likeaustralia?australia.you been there before? ago. as a young actor. lots of friends. and so it was terrific to be back there. it's the one lace in the world kenny. everybody calls me kenny. >> jimmy: do they really? >> they do, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: they know you're a sir, right? they call you kenny? >> they say, "kenny mate." "kenny if you want to speak australian put"e" on the end kenny, or an "o" on the end, you would be jimmo. jimmo kimmelo. >> jimmy: if there's an e sound at the end of your name you get an o, otherwise you get an e? >> i guess eo at times. >> jimmy: that's very interesting. how about that. nobody called me jimmo but i didn't know anybody over there. i think it's more fun to go someplace when there are people you know there and you can stay with. how long were you there? >> a couple of weeks. we met a lot of friends and a lot of kangaroos. did you meet kangaroos? >> jimmy: i didn't meet kangaroos but i went to the zoo and saw some.
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you saw some in the wild? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't like that i like animals to be contained in a very secure thing. >> i feel a lot of them have lot of upper-body strength they do they're very very cross about having short arms. [ laughter ] so they overcompensate. everything's out of whack, it's useful for being a kangaro annoying when you compare yourself with other beings. they've got the big, enormous legs and then they have to use the tripod tail as well. come across surly. >> jimmy: did any mess with you? >> they gave me some rough looks, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they did, really. >> there's a reach calls a walleroo and the male has very dark fur, very scary. there's easily going to be a new horror film "walleroo." >> jimmy: part wallaby, part kangaroo? >> part monster i felt. >> jimmy: weird thing about kangaroos, they're the only
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animal that punches humans. >> way back i had to do a fight with a one-armed, one-eyed kangaroo. [ laughter ] not so much a fight, more sort of a like a mild grapple. but nevertheless they're scary individuals -- up close with. >> jimmy: was it a trained animal? >> it wasn't a trained, but bored working with me. >> jimmy: i see. >> do you find this disturbing? >> jimmy: yes, whatever it is, yes. [ laughter ] >> inside the pouch, which you imagine to be full of the most charming kind of you know sort of walt disney kind of warmth for the little joey. it's actually like the inside of a mouth. so it's all slifaliva-y. all the dreams you had of being in there with little joey mommy looking after you, you don't want to be in there. >> jimmy: how intensely were you grappling with this animal? [ laughter ] that you know that? did you have relations with a kangaroo? >> i've got too close to that pouch is all i can say. >> jimmy: congratulations. i know you're getting -- now
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there are two honors that you can receive out on hollywood boulevard. actually there are three honors. one is you get to dress like spider-man and beg for $5. another honor is you get your star on the hollywood walk of fame. the biggest honor is they have you put your handprints and footprints in the cement there all-time. is whw, right? [ cheers and knighted by the queen ofs does this rank where that?eing he is hav hands a put oner ] slightly forward. th's t big dien on one knee for the queen. on hollywood boulevard, you're on all fours. >> yeah, thar that may mean.er ] and my only -- and i'm thrilled. absolutely thrilled. for a kid from belfast who watched movies coming from hollywood as a kid for this toy know yo put, you know. little bit nervous about -- yeah exactly, where i'm going to be. because -- >> jimmy: is there somewhere you don't want to be? >> it just feels like -- talking about king ga roos animal
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i'm worried about rin tin hassy. h their movies were much anything i've ever done. it would be kind of embarrassing. >> you don't want to be next to a dog is really what you're saying. >> well i love dogs. but in this context, maybe there's a better spot. >> jimmy: there have been guests who have been here who have received this honor. i always ask, will you -- obviously you'll put your hands in the cement. will you take your shoes off? or put your shoes in the cement? or your bare feet in the cement? >> tbd, i think. i'm told shoes. but like -- >> jimmy: i don't understand that. >> yeah well -- >> jimmy: they're your handprint handprints but they're not your footprints they're your shoe prints. they could be anybody's shoes. >> yeah. so -- well i think mst of not being fraudulent i'm happy to go with the shoelessimmersion. >> jimmy: you would be the first and i thnd applause ] you wouldn't be the first. hassy and rin tin tin both went without shoes on. [ laughter ] >> answer me this riddle me
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this. so it's cement. i mean presumably there's a timer on this. i've got stuff to do, i don't want to be stuck there. >> jimmy: you don't have to wait till it sets. >> okay fine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you push it in, then you'll be there, you'll take pictures for about a minute from the cement. although it would be a funny prank if you were there forever. >> yeah [ laughter ] and then riddle me thi so say you get them out, how cement off your feet? >> jimmy: i think that's easy borax, you'll get that right off, no problem at all, you're going to be fine. that's the least of your problems. if you can go in barefoot, i think we'd all appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] let's talk about this movie. "murder on the orient express." was agatha crystie book they made it into a movie in the mid-70s. is this something you always wanted to make? is that a movie that meant something to you? >> it's a great, great thriller. my mother used to read crime fiction. that's why i was introduced to it. it's a classic structure. the train gets stuck in the
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snow there's an avalanche. 12 very exotic characters are there for an investigation by a man who claims to be probably theive, herculeirot. it's a great situation to get in this case an amazing group of. >> jimmy: who's in the movie? >> johnny gep, michelle pfeiffer daisy ridley penelope cruz willem dafoe, derrick jacobi you name them. >> jimmy: wow, you named them, i don't have to. you got them all. [ cheers and applause ] i know you've worked with a few of those people before had you worked with johnny depp before? >> i had not worked with johnny. he was just a gent fun. totally sort of obsessed with the business of building a character. he flew in three months before we started and just spent days walking up and down trying to different clothes, getting the walk right, getting the hat right, getting the sideboards right. kind of obsessed with the part drinking it all in it was very terest love an actor taking that it seriously? >> oh yeah.n he can come on the day, we had a very
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enjoyable scene do together which we improvised lavishly. it was partly because he was so secure in the character. in the look of the character and everything. that he was able to sort of playit. be very free. what was really impressive about him and michell and penelope and all of themm, was their freedom in front of the camera. they'ry come with their game already prepared. it's exciting to see tip-top there so that they can be as spontaneous as possible. >> jimmy: there you go. if you want to see tip-top professionaln the orient express opens in theaters november 10th. kenneth we'll be right back.
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chris brown. he's a husband father, veteran... but most of all, he's a fighter. chris brown has never been afraid to take on the big fights. that's why he stood up to republicans and democrats alike to fight the north jersey casinos and the takeover of atlantic city. chris brown is fighting to protect jobs in our region... a true champion for the working men and women of atlantic county. on november 7th, let's keep him fighting for us. chris brown for state senate he's on our side.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. still to come neel nanda. you know our next guest from "the magnificent seven" and "the girl on the train" she was the girl not on the train. her newest movie is the true story, "thank you for your service." it opens friday. please welcome haley bennett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. i heard you just moved to brooklyn. we just left brooklyn coincidentally we missed you. how long have you been there? >> it's been about three weeks. >> jimmy: okay. >> i really love it. >> jimmy: you love it. >> i do i had a nice small-town feel. i'm from ohio. >> jimmy: do you feel brooklyn has a small-town feel? >> brooklyn heights yes. >> jimmy: i see, all right. do you know your neighbors? >> compared to manhattan where i was living before much quieter.
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>> reporter: manhattan definitely does not have a small-town feel there's no question about that. you know your neighbors and you talk to your growser and all that kind of thing? >> well i've got to know know my neighbors. a little bit of an unusual way. my cat jumped out my third-story window. >> jimmy: yes, i have some photograph evidence of that. the cat's fine, i guess, right? >> yeah. ump -- if you said your uncle jumped out of a third-story window the interview would be ruined. >> the cat survived she survived. i hardly survived. i went around posting these pictures >> jimmy: oh yeah. it's a really good way to get to know your neighbors even if you don't lose your cat. >> jimmy: so this is -- you recommend this. now we blurred a couple of things. let me get a close-up. that's a real photograph from the tree. but you actually put your own phone number and address on the poster. is that a good idea? >> not now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you got calls from people? >> yeah i got a lot of calls.
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>> jimmy: with people -- >> it's a great way to make friends. >> jimmy: did you make any friends? >> yeah i did. a lot of -- well, actually no. a lot of hate of cat lovers called me. how dare you lose a cat, what happened, it jumped out yourthird-story window you're a murderer. >> rmy: you're upset about your missing cat. >> p.e.t.a. called. >> they didn't call. >> no. >> jimmy: tell low, this is pet tax you're in a lot of trouble. you're upset aboutnd maniacs areng you and yelletting the cat gethey alsoe aboutcycling. this is the thing in brook >> jimmy: how did they get your number about the recyclin >> my landlore about the recycling. >> jimmy: did you recycle that poster? >> yeah i have to go around recycle. put them in the blue bag or the clear bag. >> jimmy: that's right. >> it's a very big thing in brooklyn. >> jimmy: it's a very big thing here too. at my house, if i see something in the garbage supposed to be in therbage, i will fish it outcycling bin. glare at everyone in my house. that was new for you? >> yeah this was a new thing.
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>> jimmy: it's a newling. because -- well, you didn't have recyclinghere you grew up? >> i n't know -- ight then the recycling bin. i didn't know the plastic and the metal has to go in the different bags. so now i pasted up a paper that says this goes here this goes there. >> jimmy: just to remind yourself? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you wasted paper. [ laughter ] >> actually to circle back i think my neighbor kept telling me my cat wasn't in her yard. and eventually i jumped the fence. because i just had a feeling that my cat was there. but i don't know -- you know. i found my cat at my neighbor's --. >> jimmy: your cat was there? >> she was there i had this feeling she was there she's my cat. i go back. so i jump the fence. and i found her. i'd gone back a couple of times. i think she's there. no good luck she's not here. when i jumped the fence, finally i found margaret. i don't know maybe it's because i wasn't recycling properly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it possible that your neighbor was trying to steal your cat?
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>> or punish me for not recycling properly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so why -- this woman told you that there's no cat here and the cat was there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did you do? did you do anything? this is brooklyn you've got to smash her windows or something. [ laughter ] if you want to fit in with the locals. trust me, you need to take action against this maniac. >> i know. well i won't be baking her any cookies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: make sure you bake cookies for everybody else. >> everybody else is getting cookies except her. >> jimmy: let's talk about your movie, based on a true story. talk about it a little bit. it's a very heavy subject. but it's an important subject for sure. >> yeah i think it's an important film about our american troops that come home and about their families and it focuses on the families of the american troops that come home and try to re-inter great into their civilian lives. and the reason that i connected so much with the story is women don't get enough credit. and this film is different. it shows the stories from the
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perspective of the woman and her trials and tribulations and how they rise above. >> jimmy: while she's waiting for her husband. >> while she's waiting for her husband. then they come home and they're change the. >> jimmy: this is -- you know of course there are songs and we've seen stories. this is a relatively recent situation that we're seeing the results of. and it is crazy to me that these -- that this does happen, that it is so hard for veterans to get medical attention and to get into the workforce. it really is i think an important subject for a film. >> yeah. i mean there's sometimes waits six to nine months for veterans to get the help that they need. so this is an important film and really good timing to start a conversation aboutptsd and our veterans getting the help that they need. >> jimmy: congratulations on the movie movie, "thank you for your service." it opens in theaters on friday. that's haley bennett, evody. back with neel nanda!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ what can you do with two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches for $5 from dunkin'? settle a debt. make a friend. save the day. or keep 'em both for this handsome devil. with two bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches for $5 the future is in your hands. america runs on dunkin'.
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny comedian from atlanta, georgia. you can see him every friday night at the westside comedy theater here in santa monica, please welcome, neel n [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> how are we doing, los angeles? [ cheers and applause ] good evening. yes, yes. i'm excited to be here. i do live here in los angeles so i'm dating in los angeles, which is fun. i don't know if i'm dating girl order if i'm just feeding girls. i have no idea. i've had a l feedings lately. like i was feeding this girl for about ten months. that was almost a committed feeding. but no, my last relationship actually ended because of a text message. it was a sexy text. she texted me she said, hey, could you come over and help me build my bed? maybe we can use it. yeah. sexy text. i immediately turned into a '90s r&b singer. ♪ brow girl i'm gonna build your bed and lay you down ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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that was my first thought. my second thought was, i can't build a bed. there's no way. there's no way i can do that. i can barely build a bear and there's a workshop for that. can't do it. i did do it. i did do it i went over there, took me about an hour. hour and a half. until i called a man. i was like hey, danny, this is courtney he's going to be feeding you from now on. [ laughter ] ♪am nowporn with headphones tes, what t i do i wish i could meet somebody the way my parents met. my parents have this adorable story. my mom is from a place in india called the sungunge. my dad is from penjab. the way think parents met, adorable story, they were married. that's how they met. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it was love at first wedding. my dad actually lived in atlanta, georgia, at the time. he was at georgia tech
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engineering school so he was incredibly [ laughter ] so what my dad did was put an ad in thepaper. ancient tinder, basically. it was just a picture of his face and his bio, and my grandpa saw this, my mom's dad. he cut it out, then cut out four other dudes' profiles for my momughter ] my mom saw these five guys. and she went evenny meany mineny. the one in america. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, mom, i appreciate that. they got married in india but they moved back to georgia because they loved racism. [ laughter ] yeah. they raised me in georgia, i enjoyed growing up in georgia, i had good friends growing up in georgia. my favorite friend pagemus. hey, how do you spell that?
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p-a-d-g-e-p-a-a-j -- he goes no it's p-a-j-a-m-a-s. i was like your name is pajamas? [ laughter ] it's not pagemus. but you know what, pagemus? you know what, man? whatever helps you sleep ght, that's cool with me. cool with me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] no but me and pagemus were good friends. we would argue all the time. we didn't agree on the same things. i was a big supporter of gay rights gay marriage. but pagemus wasn't. he would always bring up the baseball. hey, man, in leviticus it says a man may not lie with another man as he does with a woman. and i was like hey, man, that's from a book that's been rewritten and retranslated for
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what if that was a typo? [ laughter ] what if that was a mistake? what if that was supposed to be a man may not lie to another man as he does to a woman. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah yeah. bro bible, right? yeah. and why am i arguing with a dude named pajamas? i don't know. thank you guys so much. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's neel nanda, everybody. thanks to our guests. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of "nightline" is next. thank you for watching, good night!
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on the wildlife preserves of south africa, nothing is what it seems. where saving the rhino might look like this. and profiteer poachers might look like this. >> one single horn on the black market can buy as many as 1,000 ak-47 rifles. can keep 75 isis fighters in kit and armaments for 12 months. >> bob woodruff takes us to the south african savannah where a team is going airborne to fend off brutal criminals. but now are thethanksgiving sights on them? >> once they come into your country to kill if you stand in their way they will come for you as well. >> with millions to gain can some of the caring conservationists also have something else in mind? >> you've been storing them for ultimate sale? this is the gold and the
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