>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, josh hutcherson, dale earnhardt jr, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from dan auerbach. and now, whaddya know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching, thanks for coming. thanks for everything, really, honestly. too much. well, welcome. it was a beautiful day here in southern california. very pleasant[ laughter ]

the president of the united states was in china today. either that or they sent him to the epcot center and pulled it off. [ laughter ] i think he was in china. heaves palling around with chinese president xi jinping. he seemed to be enjoying himself. he loves chinese food. he's been having all his favorites. the number 3, the number 7, the number 12 with mustard sauce. [ laughter ] donald trump has had harsh words for china in the past. he called them america's enemy, he said they were responsible for the greatest theft in the history of the world, he said they created the climate change hoax, he accused the chinese of raping the united states. they had a parade for him, all is forgiven, now everything is good. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's possible if we send him to mexi mexico, he'd tell them he isn't trying to build a wall, he's trying to build a racquetball court or something. his tune changes dramatically. the president gave a speech in beijing today and put his best

foot forward. >> both the united states and china will have a more prosperous future if we can achieve a level economic playing field. right now, unfortunately, it is a very one-sided and unfair one. but, but, i don't blame china. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really. to a smattering of applause. because when you're running for president you did say -- oh, never mind, let's hear the rest. >> after all, who can blame a country for being able to take advantage of another country for the benefit of its citizens? i give china great credit. >> jimmy: this is how he thinks. he gives them credit. but he gives himself more credit. the most credit. he even gives himself credit for giving them credit. but that's how you win all the time. and he does, by god. meanwhile the first lady attended -- she was at an

elementary school in beijing. and she seems like she doesn't know where she is or what the hell is going on. all right, get me the hell back to bergdorf goodman. medical lawn yas headed home tomorrow, she's not continuing on to vietnam. she doesn't have to, her marriage is her vietnam. [ laughter ] while the president was overseas we got a special delivery. a new trump bigly box. this is the real thing. this is a monthly subscription box sold by the make america great again committee. this is trump's group. for only $69 a month you get a trump-themed surprise. last month, for real, we got stickers and pins and read solo cups made of extra-thick plastic, so you don't throw them away, you reuse them. this month, let's find out what we got this month. it's got red paper in it, of course. all right, we got some buttons,

pins. i'm georgwith you. a play on i'm with her, he's still obsessed with that. a little box. oh, you're going to like this. just in time for the holidays. [ laughter ] a make america great again tree ornament. [ applause ] isn't that beautiful? i know what grandma's getting for christmas this year. [ laughter ] hey, speaking of great value, if you've been watching our show this week you know that i have been encouraging people to sign up for trumpcare, which i know sounds weird coming from me because there are many things the president does i do not agree with, i've been vocal about those things. i went to his website, healthfair.g healthfair.gov. the more i learned about the affordable care act he has going, the more i like it. it does a lot of the stuff we need it to do. it covers pre-existing conditions, no lifetime caps, you can keep your kids on it, it gives you essential health benefits, et cetera. something else important, the

president only knows insurance only works if everyone signs up for it. that's why trumpcare has something called the individual mandate. which means this year you're going to have to buy insurance or owe a penalty on your taxes and the irs just made it clear they'll be collecting that penalty. so don't get hit with a penalty, open enrollment is happening now until december 15th. go to healthcare.gov, the official white house website. many people, 54% of people who get financial help can find a plan at healthcare.gov with a zero-dollar premium, that's free. this is a huge change from obamacare. [ laughter ] so sign up right away. over the past few days, i will say i've got a mix of responses on social media. including some very positive notes from trump supporters like tea lax, thank god you came to your senses. [ laughter ] donald trump giving americans affordable health care, i could not believe it, trumpcare health care. and i respect you jimmy kimmel, very opened minded, not like all the other sad liberals.

[ laughter ] thank you, bro chauch cho, i respect you too. on facebook, rich, breaking news, hollywood liberal late-night talk show host jimmy kimmel promotes trumpcare, finally a hollywood liberal comes to his senses and it seems he won over his liberal audience. all right, robert, well said. [ cheers and applause ] as much as kimmel rips trump to shreds he praises his health care plan, there must be good in it, take a look at the video. i just signed up today, i'm 63, making $40,000 a year in north carolina, i just got beautiful insurance, the best insurance, and the monthly premium is zero, you read that right, zero, thumbs up president trump, he promised the best health care and this is it, go to healthcare.gov and see it for yourself. not everyone was excited as rick was. some of the angry feedback i got, most of it came from liberals who lashed out at me. like grace, what has happened to jimmy kimmel, i want the old one

back. marcus, i'm unfollowing because i hate trump, i'll never give that old disrespectful man any credit. daniel, i just lost my respect for you, no, i don't get it, this is bs. this is america, we'll agree to disagree on some thing. i know it's confusing. health care is confusing. i have to say, while i don't particularly care for the tone of this psa, i do agree with the call to action in support of trumpcare, take a look. >> the liberals and fake news are trying to kill trumpcare. >> trump care is a sham. >> trumpcare seems dead. >> trump and his team have stacked up a massive amount of promises they're not going to be able to keep. >> but president trump kept his promise. on the first day of open enrollment, more than 200,000 chose trumpcare. up 22% from obama-era health care. 54% of eligible americans can find a plan at healthcare.gov

with a zero-dollar premium. send a message to the lying liberals and fake news media. sign up for trumpcare at healthcare.gov today. >> jimmy: that's right, it only lasted another five weeks then it's closed, so it's extra important to sign up now. let's make health care in america great and affordable. when the president comes home, we can thank him for it. [ cheers and applause ] maybe we can press the reset button on all of this. i mentioned the president is headed to vietnam. this is an historic visit. his bone spurs have healed up, he's finally able to set his tender pink feet on vietnamese soil. [ laughter ] the reason he's going, well, while in vietnam, trump is expected to meet with the russian president, vladimir putin, who just happens to be visiting there too. you know. [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying. this will be trump's third meeting with putin. trump has spent more quality time with vladimir putin than he has with barron this year.

[ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: truly, of all the things, that was the one? [ applause ] i was wondering what they're going to be meeting about. we reached out to his top presidential adviser kellyanne conway who joins us now from washington. hello, kelley an. >> can you grab me another chardonnay? hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi. how are you doing? are you at a party, kelley an? >> yes, here still celebrating the one-year anniversary of donald trump's land side electoral victory over crooked hillary! >> jimmy: oh, well. well, i hate to interrupt your party. but i just wanted to get your take on the president's meeting tomorrow in vietnam. >> fine. but before i give you that, i think president trump deserves an apology. >> jimmy: an apology from whom? >> from all the liberal losers who said hegoing to vietnam. he's going. [ laughter ] he's there, okay? happy now? >> jimmy: well -- with all due

respect, i think -- >> suck it, john mccain. our president went to vietnam too. and guess what. he didn't get captured. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- that is not really -- that's not at all fair, kellyanne. >> do you know how painful bone spurs in the foot are, jimmy? >> jimmy: no, i don't know. >> it's very painful. it's more painful than watching three hours of anderson pooper. am i right, everybody? anderson pooper. >> jimmy: kellyanne -- what's, what's this? >> no, thank you. >> jimmy: wait a minute, was that lester? oh, we're going to get sued by the willie tyler estate. kelley, kellyanne, what are the president and putin going to be -- let's get back on track. what are they going to be talking about at this meeting tomorrow? >> well, let's just say, everything is on the table. >> jimmy: all right, what does that mean? >> what do you think it means? >> jimmy: i don't know what it means. i was thinking you might --

>> have you ever seen a table? >> jimmy: yes. >> have you ever put something on a table? >> jimmy: yes. i put things on tables. >> now just pictures everything on a table. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. that's not actually helpful at all. >> you're not very helpful. >> jimmy: okay. >> oh, shrimp cocktail. >> jimmy: okay, i feel like we caught you at a bad time, kenly ann -- >> maybe it's a bad time for you. but not for me, for me it's a great time. who wants to get wasted? whoo-hoo! >> jimmy: thank you, kellyanne conway. [ cheers and applause ] how about that, all right. we're going to take a break. when we come back, flu season coming. the pope hates cell phone news. "this week in unnecessary censorship" too, so stick around, we'll be right back. ♪

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. josh hutcherson, dale earnhardt jr., and music from dan auerbach is all on the way. first, flu season is upon us. this is that magical time of the year when we get to see those cartoon mucous people on tv all day every day. they say the flu is expected to have such a bad season this year, they're thinking about renaming it the chargers. [ audience moaning ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: trying to figure you guys out, where your lines are. you have two options in flu season. get a flu shot, or spray anyone who comes near you with lysol until they go away. we wanted to have fun with this subject. we asked people on the street how they stay healthy during flu season, and here's what they said.

>> what do people in france do to stay healthy during cold and flu season? >> we drink a lot of tea. [ coughing coughing ] >> we eat a lot of vegetables and soup, we love soup. >> what do you do to stay healthy? [ coughing ] >> for me, bundle up -- >> sorry. [ coughing ] >> jimmy: bless you. >> sorry. did you get a flu shot this year? >> uh, yeah -- [ coughing ] >> i don't keep up with the -- [ coughing ] >> with the number of ill people in california, i'm just kind of busy -- [ coughing ] >> you do it like this in france, right? mwah! [ coughing ] >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] that's how you do it, i guess.

at the vatican, you know that place where god lives, the vatican? apparently so many people are using their cell phones during mass at st. peter's the pope had to scold them. for real, the pope said yesterday, this is a quote, "at some point, the priest during the mass says lift up your hearts, he does not say lift up your see that phones to take pictures." which is kind of funny. and also sounds like somebody's bitter he couldn't get the new iphone x. [ laughter ] in a way i see the pope's point. you're at mass, you should be focused. on the record, if we don't post pictures of ourselves in church, how will god know we went? [ laughter ] maybe the pope needs to get with the 21st century and embrace smartphones. there are a lot of good things you can do. imagine how much time the pope could save listening to confessions very text. like for instance, forgive me, the devil made me hit my baby brother with a hammer. [ laughter ] here's another.

i'm sorry i stabbed my yoga instructor who is sleeping with my wife. [ laughter ] and, forgive me, father, i pooped in the chocolate chips. [ laughter ] then all the pope has to do is text something back like, you're forgiven, hey 100 mail marys, throw out those cookies too. what do you think? do you like that? [ cheers and applause ] also when the last time, may i ask, that you went and sat down for confession? >> guillermo: more than ten years. >> jimmy: more than ten years. do you remember what you confessed at that time? [ laughter ] >> a little bit. >> jimmy: okay. when we come back from the commercial, i want to replay his body language in slow motion. [ laughter ] all right, we're going to do that when we come back. first, it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, "this is week in unnecessary censorship."

>> if you're a republican, you're waking up to a reality which is, to win a primary, you have to [ bleep ] donald trump. >> this governor will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. >> to everyone here today who serves your country in uniform, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you. >> you have a big old [ bleep ]. like five feet wide. >> senator mcconnell was threatening to bring the senators back the saturday after thanksgiving. i will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] if that happens. >> so look and enjoy them. yes, even all the pigeons. just don't [ bleep ] them. >> i'm not opposed to [ bleep ]ing my own [ bleep ]. that's not a euphemism for something you need to cut out of this either. >> here's a fun question for you, when was the last time you [ bleep ]ed? >> two weeks ago. >> this is my best friend spongebob. as you can see, he sucks his [ bleep ] when he sleeps.

wait, that's me. >> jimmy: oh, patrick. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the show, music from dan auerbach, dale earnhardt jr. is here and we'll be right back with josh hutcherson. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. kmart.com. simon and garfunkel ]

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>> jimmy: we're back. tonight on the show, he's fast, but never furious. this month, he retires from nascar. the great dale earnhardt jr. is here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, his latest album is called "waiting on a song," dan auerbach from the mercedes-benz stage. next week, we have some -- what's next week. owen wilson, colin firm, julia roberts, patton oswald, frankie shaw, music from bishop briggs, manchester orchestra, gucci main. it's my 50th birthday on monday and the whole show is a surprise, i don't know what the staff has planned. whatever it is, i'm sure it will be embarrassing and you're all invited to witness it. are you involved in that?

do you know what's happening? >> guillermo: a little bit. >> jimmy: a little bit. i asked you if you'd been to confession. do we have that tape? he had some interesting body language. i want to show it in slow motion. i said, have you been to confession? and you went -- mm. looked like a real wave of tension went through your body. do you remember what you confessed for ten years ago? >> guillermo: oh -- i told the priest that i was drinking too much. then no matter what i do, i cannot get away -- i cannot get alone with my mother-in-law. >> jimmy: oh. ten years later you're still drinking and you do not speak to your mother-in-law. >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: yes. >> guillermo: no. i don't speak to her. >> jimmy: right. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: right. >> guillermo: so i'm doing great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. the first time our first guest was on this show, he was only 13 years old the first time he was

here. now he shaves and i don't. his very funny new sci-fi comedy series is called "future man," it premieres november 14th on hulu. please welcome josh hutcherson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: josh, do you have any -- are you a religious may be, anything you'd like to confess? >> i'd rather not go there, a subject to stay away from, i feel like. >> jimmy: that's probably wise. guillermo did not learn that lesson, now you know, now you know. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good, man. >> jimmy: everything's good? you're from kentucky, right? >> i am. >> jimmy: that's nascar country. are you a dale earnhardt jr. guy? >> well -- you know. i was a -- [ laughter ] i was a jeff gordon -- >> jimmy: jeff gordon, yeah. i think they're friends. >> are they? i don't know. you can ask him. >> jimmy: i'll ask him when he comes out.

>> yeah i love cars. i love racing and things like that. >> jimmy: you do. have you been in a race? >> i have. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> i actually did this course up in napa with audi, they teach you to drive really fast around the track. i tried to apply that to los angeles. >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> it's really a bad idea. >> jimmy: it doesn't work. >> i sold my fast car and got an electric toaster oven which i now drive around. >> jimmy: do you go back home for the holidays? >> i do, i'm hoping to go this year. we kind of started this new tradition a couple of years ago, we have an ugly christmas sweater competition. >> jimmy: a competition. >> yes. my great grandma is the reigning champion. yes. i brought a few -- >> jimmy: a picture here, what's your great grandma's name? >> helen fightmaster. >> jimmy: that's the west. what? >> yeah. these are very strong, naked men. [ laughter ] and there's another one. >> jimmy: where did she get this sweater? >> oh, she made these, man, are you kidding me? [ laughter ] picture this woman sitting next

to a fireplace with a glass of bourbon, knitting the crotch. [ laughter ] watching "murder she wrote." >> jimmy: oh my gosh. helen fightmaster, that's good enough just to start. can we get in really close? >> really get in there, you've got to appreciate the nuance. >> jimmy: to see the detail there. >> jimmy: that's actually great. she really made this? >> yes. >> jimmy: grandma's a pervert. [ laughter ] no offense. is she as good as -- i imagine she's got to be a pretty fantastic person. >> she's incredible. she's the great grandmother of the family. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she's kind of a more conservative era. she's always pushed liberal/progressive mentality. you don't want to get on her bad side. >> jimmy: no, fightmaster. >> her name is fightmaster, first of all. i love you, grandma. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love her too. >> this is happening. no, she will like hold a subtle grudge for decade. >> really. >> a subtle grudge.

there's a certain coldness if you don't like do certain things. >> what kind of things will set her off? >> don't return a phone call. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah. you have to greet her properly? >> yes, you have to give her nice hugs. when you walk up and when you leave. you know, she's like a don. her name's fightmaster. kiss the pinky ring hello, good to see you. >> jimmy: of course. is your family like excited that you're an actor? >> yeah. >> jimmy: made it in show business? >> yeah, they still are shocked and don't believe it. my mom backstage, she's here as well, she was -- we were talking to one of your producers. my mom was like, we thought it was a phase he was going through, we didn't think he was going to become successful at this. >> jimmy: right. >> no, my family's super supportive. my grandma donna, however, is like my actual number one fan. >> jimmy: she is. >> yeah, like her entire house is covered in memorabilia of mine. >> jimmy: oh, really, like what? >> the 110-ounce soda cups you

get from theaters like "hunger games" all over it and popcorn boxes? limited edition japanese bobbleheads that i didn't know existed. every time i move in there, it's like [ bleep ], what is this? incredible. >> jimmy: a little josh museum. does that sit well with the rest of your family? all that attention paid to you? >> yeah, no, they're cool with it, they're fine with it. >> jimmy: they are. >> maybe my little brother wishes he had a shrine. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we can make him one. >> jimmy: it's so sad when people in your family don't have their own bobbleheads, isn't it. >> so true. >> jimmy: great grass gift idea. when we come back, i saw your show, it's hilarious. josh hutcherson is here. he's got a new show called "future man." we'll be right back. when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. hold on dad... liberty did what? yeah, liberty mutual 24-hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. my dad says our insurance doesn't have that.

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>> jimmy: josh hutcherson is here and he's got a new show "future man." explain the general concept of "future man." >> i'll try, i'll really try. it's basically about a guy whose name is also josh, a janitor, he loves video games. he beats this game that's unbeatable and basically the people from the video game, the characters come to life and tell him that this is a training device sent from the future to find the savior of humanity.

we go through a crazy adventure through all of time to save humanity from herpes, when is what leads to the end of humanity. [ laughter ] there's a lot. watch it, you'll get it. >> jimmy: seth rogen is one of the producers of the show. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you know him before? >> i actually had a small role in this movie "the disaster artist" which is coming out. >> jimmy: i heard that movie's excellent. >> i haven't seen it yet. >> jimmy: you haven't, okay. >> i met seth there. he hit me up about doing the show. >> jimmy: was he very involved in the show? >> yeah, very much. he was the one who orchestrated all the elements coming together. from the creators of "sausage party" and "this is the end." seth is great. seth and evan. when you're on-set with them, the laughs. the set rogen laugh. it's underrated. even though we talk about it and the whole world knows about it, until you actually experience it, it just warms your soul. it's like warm roasted nuts on christmas, i don't know. >> jimmy: it does remind me of

nuts, yes, it does. [ laughter ] not in that way, but -- yeah. he is always -- he's laughing. he laughs a lot. >> yeah, no, it's like he'll ob set and you get the seal of approval if it's funny or not because you'll be in the middle of a scene, and all of a sudden ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! you're like, you ruined the take. >> jimmy: you're not supposed to laugh in the thing, but he can't help it. >> he can't help it. i don't know why he can't help himself from laughing all the time. >> jimmy: yeah, that is -- i wonder why. maybe there's some kind of a medical substance that causes him to -- [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? >> i don't. please elaborate. >> jimmy: i don't think you would understand. we have a clip from the show. i think you need to set it up. >> so basically this is when we travel back to 1969. and i'm in my parents' home. and i'm like basically seeing my father when he was a young man. and this is what happens. >> jimmy: this is what happens, here you go. >> what the heck? daddy? >> who are you?

>> i'm your -- agh! [ bleep ]! >> [ bleep ] somewhere else, [ bleep ] -- >> oh, mom! >> calm down, calm down! >> mom, mom! >> time to see his moves. >> get him, dad, get him! >> get out of my house! >> mom! >> future man, do a threat assessment and fight back! >> grandma, it's me, joshy. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] that's a fightmaster too, right there. >> very true, yeah. >> jimmy: the show's very funny. i think people are going to like it a lot. >> we'll see. >> jimmy: this is future man right here. premieres november 14th on hulu. josh hutcherson. be right back with dale earnhardt jr.! ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: hi, we're back. still to come, music from dan auerbach. after two decades, our next guest has announced that he is retiring from racing to drive full-time for uber. he is the most popular driver in nascar and will be missed. please welcome dale earnhardt jr. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: gosh, i can't believe you're retiring. how long ago did we meet each other? >> man, it was -- >> jimmy: almost 20 years ago. >> you were on "the man show." >> jimmy: you were already the man there. >> yeah. that was a long time ago. >> jimmy: it was a long time ago. here we are at the end of the road. >> gray in our beards. >> jimmy: has it hit you that you're retiring? >> yeah, two races left. it's starting to finally -- >> jimmy: are you going going to be extra careful in these races? >> no. [ laughter ]

well, you try to get everything out of your system. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> you want to finish all the laps. you feel this obligation to the fans. because people are coming to see you race for the last time. so you're like, man, i can't crash or screw up. >> jimmy: do you feel your fellow drivers will be less aggressive when it comes to racing with you? >> they probably think i'm like a little more reserved, and oh he's retiring, so he's probably not going to be trying. >> jimmy: and also think if one of those guys ran you off the track. >> i like to race them really hard now because they're like, whoa! he's still competitive. >> jimmy: i see. like a rocky kind of thing. >> still has it up there, yeah. >> jimmy: have you been getting gifts from people? >> yeah i have. we tried to gore all the tracks away from gifting us things because, you know, this thing's -- these things pile up. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> well, last year they gave a driver that was retiring like miniature horses. and i don't need livestock. [ laughter ] so in order to sort of avoid that, we tried to steer them

toward doing charitable initiatives in their own communities, which they've done, and it's been awesome. >> jimmy: that's good. >> a couple of people did give me gifts. >> jimmy: nobody listens to that fully. what have you gotten? what's the weirdest thing you got? >> the weirdest one was probably in new hampshire. being from the boston area, the patriots, they gave me a musket. [ laughter ] it's awesome. >> jimmy: you have to do this? >> yeah, i'm not an expert at muskets but i thought, this is a beautifully crafted, giant long gun. i'm thinking, man, i can't wait. my wife amy is in interior design, she's going to love this this is going to go in the house, i'm bringing it home, something she's going to be excited about. but it's still in the box. >> jimmy: that never turns out to be true. >> it's still in the box. probably going to stay there. >> jimmy: what interior designer doesn't want a musket hanging on the wall? >> yeah, this looks great in the

living room. >> jimmy: you're about to have a baby, congratulations by the way. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: first child. >> yeah, yeah. i mean, i've really been good all my life at being able to explain things and use natural jits. but i can't put words to what -- >> jimmy: yeah, we see that, yeah. >> i can't explain. i don't know. there's nothing that compares to that feeling when you know that your wife's pregnant and you're going to have a child. >> jimmy: how did you find out? were you on the road or at home? >> okay, this is really -- i'm a huge washington redskins fan. they invited me to this luncheon that's a kickoff for their season. i got to do a q&a at the end of this luncheon on a stage in front of the whole team. so i'm sitting there talking to my favorite team. i'm talking about me. they're asking me questions about racing and all this. the whole team's listening. this is the greatest day of my life, right? and i come home. and i'm telling amy about it. i'm like, amy, this is the greatest day! so me and her, we're sort of addicted to amazon. >> jimmy: okay.

i'm the same way, yeah. >> we do most of our shopping online. there's a bit of competition when there's a box on the table at the house. we're flipping it over to see whose name's on it. and this one person that's usually disappointed, one very happy. so she says, well, that's cool that you got to see the redskins and all and talk to them, there's a package for you. and i see this little package and it's open. i'm like, you opened my package. [ laughter ] you know what's this my package. that's kind of an unwritten rule. you get to open your surprise. right? [ laughter ] if you're married, you know what i'm talking about. [ laughter ] so i'm like, so you know what i'm -- i'm saying this to her and she starts filming me with her camera. i'm like, you know what's in here. so she's like, yes. so i reach into this little pouch and i pull out a onesy. and i'm like, i don't -- i mean, i know right away what that means. and i'm like, you know, just --

weird words are coming out of my mouth. [ laughter ] i don't even know what i said. it made zero sense. and then she's like, well, there's more in the bag. so i reach in there. i pull out the pregnancy test. and so -- you know, i start -- we're crying. she's crying, i'm crying. >> jimmy: right. >> and -- she's like -- i'm like, i'm going to put the onesie and the pregnancy test in a zip-loc bag, in a safe downstairs. and she's like, why? i'm like, well, this is like the first thing, tangible thing for this baby. and i want to show it one day. this is the test. she's like, the batteries will be dead, it will be useless, what do they care? i'm like, it will care, one of these days. i have the video of it she just shot. >> jimmy: of what? >> of me opening the -- >> jimmy: of making the baby? >> no! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what you save for the kid. see how you were made!

daddy was excellent! [ laughter ] i love that you want to put the musket on the wall but the onesie goes in the safe downstairs. [ laughter ] >> priorities, yeah. >> jimmy: you're having a girl, i understand? >> yeah, a little girl, may 2nd. >> jimmy: nice, nice. >> very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dale could be a name for a girl? >> well, so -- me and amy started a note on our iphones and you can include other people in the notes and edit it and all that stuff. we're doing this name note. >> jimmy: oh. >> and she -- she's put her list of names down. i put my list of names down. that's how we started it. she didn't like any of my names. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> she said, how about my names? do you like any of my names? i erased all my names and pulled names from her list that i like. so i've learned that it's not 50/50. [ laughter ] that it's really her decision. and i've just got to decide which of the names that maybe i

like the best in her list. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the way to go. or offer to have the baby come out of you, i guess. [ laughter ] i think you should probably pick from her list is the way to go. >> you're way ahead of me, i'm learning all this. >> jimmy: you're going to be working on nbc? you're going to be out there? >> yeah, yeah. i'm retiring from driving full-time. i'm still going to race a couple of xfinity races. that's our college level -- >> jimmy: will you change diapers? or a pit crew doing that? >> of course i'll change diapers, yeah. i'm going to be totally involved, i'm loving it. >> jimmy: i can't think -- your wife is lucky because i can't think of anyone better suited to drive a woman who's pregnant to the hospital. >> yeah, right? i know. >> jimmy: than you. >> the one thing that i better not screw up. >> jimmy: it's an important thing, yeah. it's very good to see you. congratulations on a great career. dale earnhardt jr., everybody! his final race november 19th, homestead miami speedway. be right back with dan auerbach!

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank all my guests and apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first his album is called "waiting on a song" here with the song "stand by my girl," dan auerbach! ♪ ♪ ♪ there's a man in a blue plaid shirt comin' knocking i don't know what he's coming for ♪ ♪ but i know it's probably isn't gonna hurt anybody if i don't get up and answer the door ♪ ♪ no i believe i stay here on the floor ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl don't think i won't ♪

♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl because she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ i said she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ ♪ i never should've messed up i should've gone ahead and fessed up ♪ ♪ i'm gonna look good all dressed up for my own funeral ♪ ♪ i'm sure she'll look beautiful ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl don't think i won't ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl because she'll kill me if i don't ♪

♪ i said she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ ♪ i love a girl with fire in her eyes it's what i used to say ♪ ♪ but now i've come to realize if i wanna live another day i can't be living that way ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl don't think i won't ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl because she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl

don't think i won't ♪ ♪ i'm gonna stand by my girl because she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ i said she'll kill me if i don't ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ ♪ need to find me a flame who wants to burn with me not a cherry bomb who wants to turn on me ♪ ♪ she's sweeter than an apple pie but she doesn't care enough to try ♪ ♪ cherry cherrybomb cherry cherrybomb ♪ ♪ took a job at the mill so i could earn for her make her pretty all the heads are gonna turn for her ♪ ♪ but soon as the money went away my cherry blew up right in my face ♪

this is "nightline." >> tonight -- >> there's no greater threat to women than men. we're the number one threat. >> louis ck defending women in his hbo special, but now in real life the comedian accused of sexual misconduct. the new wave of disturbing hollywood accusations. one filmmaker claiming leading man kevin spacey groped him. >> he grabbed me very hard. i felt completely helpless. >> joining a mother who says she's standing up for her son. >> spacey stuck his hand inside my son's pants. plus, "grey's" milestone, a milestone 300th episode. we're going into the o.r. with the cast of "grey's anatomy." >> put the gown on, put the