( whistling sprightly tune ) starring andy griffith... with ronny howard.

woman: yoo-hoo! anybody home? oh, clara. come on in. here they are. oh, you've been putting out pickles. mm-hmm. and i do believe these are the best ones i've ever done. of course, i'm not an expert. oh, clara johnson, you are. anyone who wins the blue ribbon at the fair for ten years in a row? eleven. eleven. and it's just possible these may make it 12. just think of that. confidentially, i'm using more allspice.

mmm. simply delicious. oh, clara, these are wonderful. i think so myself. oh, you're entering the contest, too. no, no. those are just for my family. oh, but, bee, you should enter. where's your sporting blood? no, no, no. no more contests. can't say i haven't tried. i tried for ten years and i lost for ten years. eleven. . well, i know your pickles would stand a wonderful chance. let me try one. they're better than the others. what do you think, clara? oh, uh... they're very nice, very nice indeed. they're quite... pleasant and nice.

d. i wouldn't change them one single bit... except maybe the brine might be just a touch too heavy. i was very careful... but that's the only thing. maybe an extra sprig or two of parsley steeped in the vinegar. and possibly if you could get younger cucumbers they wouldn't be so soft. and then drain them more and use fresher spices. but other than that, they're quite nice. well, i just put them out for the boys. pie. thank you, clara. see you later. bye. oh, you might try boiling the vinegar just two seconds more, too. thank you, clara. but they're nice. oh, hi, aunt bee. hi. anybody ready for some lunch?

i have a little surprise for you today. did you hear that, barney? aunt bee's brought us a surprise. don't you tell me it's some of that good old apple crumb pie. better than that. you made potato pancakes? no. even better than that. well, what? roast beef sandwich... uh-huh. coleslaw... yeah. and here's the surprise. some of my new homemade pickles. well, that certainly is a wonderful surprise. lookit there, barney-- aunt bee's brought us some of her homemade pickles. i see. it sure is wonderful. you really shouldn't have, aunt bee. that's right, aunt bee. you go to way yonder too much trouble to please us. oh, it's no trouble at all. there's plenty. i made eight quarts. eight quarts? oh, aunt bee made eight quarts. eight quarts. so you can have some every day. oh, well, i had an awful big breakfast. i just stuffed myself something terrible.

here you are. and here you are. here i am. yeah, that's, uh... that's homemade, all right. anybody can tell that. a cute little fella, isn't it? well, go ahead and taste it. well, i-i don't want to waste it when i'm so full up like this. i think i'll just wait and smoke it... eat it after supper. go ahead and enjoy it now. if you want some more after supper i'll bring you over a whole jar. you do like pickles don't you? oh, sure. who don't? well? there's no mistake about it.

y. i'm glad you boys like them. well, i don't want to keep you from your work. enjoy the pickles. ( door shuts ) where we throw them? no. wait. she might find out, and it'd break her heart. well, we got to do something. we can't.... shoo, fly. it's dead. well, we got to figure some way to dispose of these pickles so there won't be a trace of 'em. yeah, but how? i can't understand it. why does she keep on making them? i reckon like most women she just automatically figures that anything homemade has got to be better than something from the store. store pickles are ten times better than these. a hundred times better. i don't know how i can face the future when i know there's eight quarts of these pickles in it. you just had a idea there. let's examine the situation here. we're more or less bound to consume the pickles

we could eat them. but they ain't good ol' store pickles. they're bad ol' home pickles. we'll just turn them into store pickles. how? we'll get eight quarts of store pickles and put 'em in aunt bee's jars. and then we wouldn't hurt her feelings. we could eat the pickles, and she'd be tickled pink. tonight we go into operation pickle switch. pickle switch. you character. pretty good. you got 'em, barn? opie, i want you to understand. ordinarily, i don't approve of doing things behind folks's back. i get it, paw. we better hustle while she's still over at mrs. johnson's. now, you know why we're doing this? 'cause we don't want to hurt aunt bee's feelings and you don't want me to get sick again. i guess that's right. unscrew them things. now the cloth.

schedule. now, we got to get rid of aunt bee's pickles in such a way that she'll never detect a sign. you can trust me. op, get on upstairs. aunt bee'll be back any second. okay, paw. this whole thing's come off pretty smooth. i'd say so. go out this way to be sure not to run into aunt bee. hello. oh, hi, aunt bee. i came through the back. i had to get some things off the clothesline. huh? your suitcase. uh... uh... the suitcase? oh, uh, barney's, uh... barney's going on a trip. ain't ya, barney? uh... trip. that's right. i'm going on a trip. that's right. i'm gonna visit my aun... uh, cousin. uh, i'll be back tomorrow, though. i would've brought my own suitcase but it's in the cleaners. yeah, have a good time.

so don't try to call him up to check on it. what? my cousin-- the one i'm visiting. why should i do that? opie's in bed, i suppose. yes, ma'am. bye, barney. i just decided to go at the last minute so i just pickled a few things to... picked a few things to take with me. well, that sounds like a good idea. oh, uh, well... i'll be going now. ( jars clang ) uh... uh, shaving lotion. i shave a lot when i travel so i brought some lotion with me. that's perfectly natural. everybody shaves. well, men, that is, and i'm a man. and so there's really nothing to be suspicious about. and if i was you, i'd just forget the whole thing. well, barney, have a nice trip. i'll see you when you get back. this cousin of mine-- say, he lives way over... just go.

ou-know-what. get rid of what? oh, the pick...! bye, aunt bee! i'm leaving on my trip to my cousin's house...! what's up, officer? i do something wrong? i wasn't speeding. oh, no. i see by your license plates that you're from oregon. that's right. portland. on your way back there now, are you? as a matter of fact, i am. uh-huh. what's the trouble? oh, no trouble at all. like you said, you wasn't speeding. as a matter of fact you was handling your car so perfect that you qualify for our safe driving award. safe driving award? that's right. and here she is. mayberry says thanks and happy motoring. have a nice trip now

barney, you never told us a thing about your trip. what trip? oh, oh. the trip. uh, uh, well, it was just fine, fine. they were just pickled tink to see me. i bet they didn't serve you any pickles as good as these. they sure are tasty. they're the best i ever had. ave another one. all right. i've never seen you boys eat so many pickles. well, they're just plain irresistible, aunt bee. care for some, op? sure would, paw. i think i'll try one myself. oh, yeah, help yourself. you'll like 'em. mmm. say, they are good, aren't they? they are that. and i was beginning to think you boys didn't really care about my pickles.

ast. as a matter of fact this last batch would be my very last. your last? mm-hmm. i see you really do like them. and another thing. i decided not to be in the contest this year but, you know, i've changed my mind. i think i've hit on just the right recipe. gonna enter the competition after all. y-y-you are? this may be the year to beat out mrs. johnson for the blue ribbon. i'm gonna enter these pickles. these? these?

you know, if she did win, it might be a good joke. ( chuckling ) imagine aunt bee walking off with a fixed pickle contest. just a harmless joke's all. yeah. sheriff, are you busy? well, of course not, mrs. johnson. barney: how are ya, mrs. johnson? just fine, thank you.

me homemade pickles. oh, i declare. well, lookit there, barney. mrs. johnson brought us some pickles. uh-huh. well, i think you'll like them. they're sort of special. this year i went wild with allspice. oh, mrs. johnson i'd have never thought it of ya. well, aren't you going to taste one? well, the fact is me and barney just had a sizable lunch. yeah, and i got to go out on patrol. wouldn't do for me to stop anybody with allspice on my breath. well, aren't you going to try just one? me and barney'll try one, won't we, barn? come on and let's have one of mrs. johnson's pickles. no, you-you go ahead, andy. i gotta bring the car around. barney!

hey, these are good. do you really think so? mmm, just as flavorsome as can be. oh, i'm glad you like them so much. i do spend an awful lot of time on them. maybe more than i should. well, you can certainly tell it. you know, when mr. johnson was alive he just loved them so much. he always used to say to me: "clara, when my time comes and i go to heaven "i'll just bet they don't put down a pickle that's what he always said, rest his soul. yeah. i guess now he has a chance to find out. i'd say chances are, he is exactly 100% right. did you ever see my scrapbook with all the prizes i've won for my pickles? uh, yes... i've got it right here. pasted in everything-- the blue ribbons from the fair. first place every year for 11 years.

i take out my book and look at my ribbons. i don't know how to explain it but... it's a great comfort to know that there's something i can do. why, i suppose i'm just a foolish old lady. oh, well, now, i wouldn't believe that for a minute. you probably think i'm just putting on airs but i do try to make my pickles better every year. barney, we have got us a mess. well, how's that? we was dead wrong about figurin' that contest didn't mean anything. what's small potatoes to some folks can be mighty important to others. are you talkin' about mrs. johnson? mm-hmm. barney, that poor soul just lives for that contest and if she got nosed out by a store pickle i'd never forgive myself.

we got to make this contest fair and square. that means the pickles aunt bee enters has got to be the pickles aunt bee makes. but the pickles she made, they're gone. i know it. we're just gonna have to get her to make another batch. you can't be serious. you mean you actually want her to make another batch of them kerosene cucumbers? ( sighs ) all right. how're we gonna do it? well... somehow between now and the contest we're gonna have to eat up all the store pickles that aunt bee's got on hand. why don't we get rid of them the same way we got rid of the others? no. that won't work. see, she's got to see them pickles disappearin' and she's got to see us likin' 'em so much that she'll want to make another batch. oh, andy, i gotta tell ya now, my heart ain't in this. well, it's not so much your heart we need-- it's your stomach.

lunchtime!

i was fixing your lunch and i went to get some pickles and do you know they're all gone? really? they're gone? i can't imagine where they went. well, i can. i know you boys have been eating a lot lately but i never thought we'd get through all of them. this is terrible. the contest is almost here and i don't have a single pickle to enter. oh, it's all our fault no two ways about it. no, no, i'm glad you enjoyed... we're just gluttons. i'm just ashamed of both of us. ain't you, barney? i've already told everybody i'm going to enter the contest and now i'll look ridiculous if i don't. i guess there's nothin' you can do outside of makin' a new batch. i guess not. hey, that's a excellent idea and ain't you the clever one to think of it. what? what you said about makin' a new batch. i did? yeah, but you'll have to hurry some. oh...

uff. mrs. dredmar has some nice cucumbers. you got lots of empty jars. and mrs. johnson'll loan ya some spices. yes. i think i can do it. i'll just put off the sewin'. the kettle's already... they're just up to the preacher's wife's now. oh, i'm so excited i just can't stand it. oh, now, aunt bee, calm yourself.

ow. well, what would you say? kerosene? precisely. ( crowd applauds ) andy: oh, it's mrs. johnson again. oh, just look at her. she looks so happy. she's floatin' on a cloud. well, it means a lot to her. i'm so happy! congratulations, mrs. johnson. congratulations.

and you deserved it, dear. oh, i'm so happy. i'm so very happy. i could almost cry. i worked and suffered for this so long. yes, well, we all have. oh, well, i must go and thank the judges. where did they go to? uh, they're over there at the water fountain washin' their hands. oh. well, aunt bee, maybe next year. oh, it doesn't matter. i don't care. as long as my family likes what i make good for you, aunt bee. actually, you boys are going to be the winners. that's right. i made a double batch this time you liked my pickles so much-- 16 jars. sixteen? sixteen? 16 jars. and i'll see that you get some every day. come along, opie. 16 jars.

you mean, uh... learn to love 'em.

(thunder rumbling) (grunting) (rumbling) (squealing) (grunting) (screaming) just weren't built to hold a real god, were you? (grunting)