[music]

williams to solo, do you read me? loud and clear, go ahead. thirty-eighth street clear as far as eighth avenue. repeat, no sign of possible thrush activity as far as eighth avenue. roger, over and out. illya?

how soon before we reach the rendezvous point? in about six minutes we should, uh... wait a second, hang on, illya. solo here. i'm at checkpoint david. all clear as far as madison. roger. helicopter 490 has made a thorough check of zone g as in george. no foreseeable problems. did you hear that, illya?

yes, i've already paid my compliments to the people in section five. that dummy they made is astonishingly like me. so much so that i'm rather glad now thrush didn't manage to destroy it. it might a good idea to cancel all public appearances for a while, sir. oh, perhaps so, mr. solo. but there's one that i can't possibly avoid, nor would i wish to do so. blair university. my alma mater. and certainly thrush isn't going to prevent me from getting that honorary degree. i'm quite certain that thrush will do their best

well, i was rather hoping that you and mr. kuryakin would do your best to see that it isn't. illya 's already there scouting the terrain. i'll join him tomorrow. good. oh, and mr. solo? mr. solo, blair is a co-education institution, so try to curb your predatory instincts, will you? yes, sir. attention all students. there will be a mammoth protest meeting in front of felton hall today at 4 pm. all students are invited. i repeat, all students are invited.

attention all students, and i mean all students, come to the mammoth protest meeting in front of felton hall. uh, excuse me, how does one go about joining the group? you wanna protest? very much. what are we protesting? that. oh, i'm with you. i haven't seen you before. i'm minerva dwight. illya kuryakin. you new left or old left? oh, i favor the moderately conservative left, slightly to the right of rasputin. who decided on the demonstration? that was gregory's idea. -regory? -regory haymish, our off-campus agitator. every group has one, you know.

tion. i see. may i? thank you. don't mention it. go home, u.n.c.l.e.! go home! beautiful. beautiful. greg, illya 's just joined the group. welcome.

l right, group, i wanna hear rebellion! down with u.n.c.l.e.! what's the matter? i don't want daddy to see me. daddy? this is dean dwight. may i have your attention, please? quiet, everybody. this demonstration is in violation of university rules. please disperse immediately. go home! unless you disperse immediately, i shall order the campus police to take appropriate measures. boo! this is your last chance. unless you disperse immediately, you will all be arrested.

come on, what are you waiting for? all right, officers, do your duty. you're not supposed to cooperate. not even a little? absolutely not. police brutality! hi. i have an appointment with dean dwight. you'll have to wait your turn. i beg your pardon? no offense, but i have an appointment, too, and i'm next,

who's he? oh, he's head of the board of regents, and he's in there right now. the arrests were entirely unnecessary, dean dwight. entirely unnecessary. think of the publicity. but the university rules specifically forbid such demonstrations. what do i care about university rules? oh, the papers'll have a field day on this one. besides, students have been staging demonstrations all year and you haven't had them arrested. why now? well, i've been patient with them until now, but patience has its limits. and my patience with you is fast reaching those limits. he actually wanted me to cut open a frog. can you imagine? unbelievable. well, i walked out of the course and never came back, and then there was french history. all those kings, and every one of them a louis. you'd have to be a census taker to keep them straight. so i flunked out on that course, too.

what? patricia darling. hm. how many courses are you flunking? uh, well, i... i can't tell yet. just remember, i hold you personally responsible for any bad publicity attached to this incident. how do you do, i'm napoleon solo. i have an appointment with dean dwight. oh, i'm... dwight, this is mr. jonathan trumbull, chairman of our board of regents. how are you? we just did that. well... dean dwight? oh, not again, patricia. i'm sorry, dean dwight. what is it this time, frogs or louis? both. i'll talk to you later. alex waverly called to tell me you would be arriving, mr. solo. i trust you have everything well in hand? far from it, mr. solo, far from it. i realized a demonstration at the ceremony would make security more difficult so i decided to put a stop to all demonstrations. i had the main group of picketers arrested.

p the charges. i think we can handle the demonstrators, sir. a matter of principle, mr. solo, a matter of principle. i will not back down. excuse me. illya? are we allowed to put bail on our expense account? i gather you're in durance vile. i am indeed. you seem to have an affinity for those places. it was in the line of duty. me too, me too! me too. that's minerva! what's she doing there? i beg your pardon. minerva dwight, that's my daughter. she's there, isn't she? i'm afraid so, sir. we'll get you out shortly, illya. meanwhile, just relax and enjoy the music. it's too much. first this assassination business and now my own daughter arrested. well, i'm sorry about that, mr. dwight. it's not your fault, mr. solo,

s last fall, the basketball scandal this spring, and now this, it's too much for one man, it's... just too much. i'm sure he's an u.n.c.l.e. agent. then there are probably more. u.n.c.l.e. agents tend to hunt in packs. i say kill him. well, i wasn't suggesting we give him a party, trumbull, merely that we wait until he contacts some of his associates. you'll save yourself a great deal of time and trouble. i can't stand waiting, it makes me nervous. everything makes you nervous, trumbull. it's all right, you're free to go, the charges have been dismissed. everybody down.

what are you doing? we can't knuckle under to the establishment now. we must stand our ground. here we are and here we stay. we shall not be moved. jackson, barnes. yay! cossacks! yay! we have called the dean's bluff and won. now he wouldn't dare try to stop us from putting on our demonstration at the graduation. when waverly begins his speech, we all grab our signs and march right down to the podium. yeah! uh, do we have to march down to the podium? couldn't we just hold them up at the back?

iddle class? no, we march right down to the podium. yeah! turned up anything? i'm not sure. this is our big chance to hit the establishment where it hurts, so let's make the most of it. i'll get it. think this demonstration is a little too convenient. i smell thrush maybe, huh? so do i, but i don't know who. uh, just a minute. greg, it's for you. what about him, baby? hello? he's just a misguided extremist. mm, thrush extremist maybe, huh? maybe. yes, he's here now, and he's talking to the blond-headed kid that joined the group this morning. yeah. well, i figured he was an u.n.c.l.e. agent. beautiful.

and i'll give our two little u.n.c.l.e. mice a whiff of cheese, and we'll have them scurrying right into the trap. that's all for tonight. see you tomorrow morning. night. see you later. bye. illya, will i see you tomorrow? i have a lot of work to do tomorrow. dear illya, you're so hopelessly middle class, y. well, i'm glad. you know i'm a biology major. i'm taking a course in eugenics. well, that's nice. well, don't you think that the improvement of the human race by selective breeding is important? well, i do, i do. good, oh, 'cause i have a hunch that you and i... you and i what? just think of the offspring we could produce. why, in three or four generations,

well, it's a thought provoking idea, but don't you think you should finish the course first? what? oh. well, um, we'll talk about it tomorrow. night. how is it that the clouds still hang on you? mm, oh. you... you asked me this morning if i remembered any members of the group acting strangely. yeah, well, i seem to recall a guy named tony wills talking to a couple of very strange cats. how strange? the double breasted types with bulges right here. if you wanted to find tony, if you cut straight across the quad, right in front of the girls' dorm you'll find student union. he'll be there. yeah.

hey! in there. that's the girls' dorm.

jds from one of those fraternities again. that's the third time this week. they're such children. oh, sorry! come on. juveniles. where's the fire door? over there. get the kids. pillow fight!

y, pillow fight! get 'em! whoa! ah! and i thought you were middle class. well, appearances can be... deceptive. but you must take better care of yourself for the sake of our future children. our supermen? mm-hm.

hey, you know, that's the first time i've gotten any use out of these books. well, i don't know about your professors, but i'd be delighted to give you an a. in what subject? well... why don't you try ancient history, mr. solo? it's what you're about to become. excellent timing, gentlemen. thank you. don't celebrate yet, solo. there's plenty more where i came from. i told you. should have killed him right away. now our whole plan is knocked into a cocked hat. i don't see that. with haymish in jail, we can't assassinate waverly. "can't" is a big word, my good friend. of course we could just shoot him down, but the idea behind the whole plan was to blame the killing on the student demonstrators. there are other ways to kill waverly, and other people to put the blame on,

dwight will kill waverly. who? dean timothy dwight. you must admit it's a rather provocative idea. we haven't been able to find out who's behind it, sir, but we did get the hatchet man. mr. solo, thrush has enough hatchet men to take on the united states marines. at least they can't follow their original plan, which was to use a student demonstration as a smokescreen. one of their men was to have led the demonstration and presumably kill you. they have as many plans as they have hatchet men. they're undoubtedly hatching out a new one right now. alexander, this has gone too far. the press is having a field day. have you seen the headlines? i'm sorry, timothy. i don't mean to cause you embarrassment. what are the headlines? something about a brawl in a girls' dormitory. oh. well, with mr. solo involved, i might have known. try and be a bit more discreet in future, mr. solo.

minerva's been in jail, she's been in a brawl, jonathan trumbull threatened to have me fired. the students are getting out of hand and i think i am on the nerve of a vergous breakdown. must you keep that vaporizer on? you can smell the fumes all through the building. it's my sinuses, trumbull. perhaps this makeup aggravates the condition. i'm going down to check on preparations for the graduation ceremony. i wouldn't wander around if i were you. don't worry about me. truly remarkable. you've been in the sticks too long, trumbull. you've forgotten how we do things in the big city. dwight was not exactly brimming over with good will. would you be? well, he might be a little more cooperative if he's on the level. and you think he isn't?

who was told about it, hm? ah, mr. solo. what do you think of our little campus? well, it's not exactly a bucolic atmosphere. jonathan? jonathan?