hey, get those cooks out. i'm sorry, man. my nerves are kind of bad right now. you what. why don't you stick with your customers... and i'll deal with the ones who can read and write. you got a real good sense of humor

haven't you had enough, waxer? no, but he has. what are you looking for? maybe i can help you locate it. not enough to be scum. you're scum with a big mouth. i'm not scum. i'm a viviim of my environment. just ask the social worker. she told me yesterday. who you kidding?

get him to the dispensary. this will cost you extra time, mister. i got 50 witnesses that will swear he started it. ( inmates cheer support ) i know, you were just enjoying your lunch. if you're looking to change neighborhoods perhaps i could arrange some financing. ( inmates jeering ) ( fans screaming ) you were in the movie yesterday and we were wondering if you would sign this.. sorry. ( fans screaming ) have them m ing the limo around. what a mook. if i killed him

hi. hi. um, i saw you talking to jeremy before and i was wondering if you could give this to him for me. i'm sorry, miss. i can't accept that on his behalf. please, i've really come a really, really long way. please. i'm sorry.

it's all clear, your majesty. my pleasure. can i ask a question? what's the big deal about signing an autograph or two? there's no s sh thing as an autograph or two. i sign those-- in ten minutes 150 kids will be all over me. come on, guys, cocktail hour. i could go have a drink with him or i could go do my laundry. how many quarters you got?

me dinner? i've got a 6:00 call. i should get some sleep. okay. jeremy, jeremy... ( breaking glass ) don't do it. you can't do that. you think i got a right to smash this camera? everything okay here? next time, i'll feed you the lens, i promise. good night, jeremy. try and stay out of trouble. you okay? i'm fine. jeremy and i are old friends. i hate this dweeb. you must spend a fortune in smashed cameras. he has the right to photograpapme at a public gathering.

that legal? he sells that picture to some rag. next thing-- it's a "secret affair" with melissa mason. i wouldn't mind doing the babe but my girl might object. women... you can't live with them. you can't shoot them. funny line. steven wright, huh? so i'm a thief. nice. make yourselves at home. this place must cost $300 a night.

oh, please, mr. woods, give me your autograph. i'll let you do anything you want to me. just trying to make you feel at home, jeremy. switching to boys? that will make a good story. jody kleinman, this is littlefield and... somebody. simon. right. jody's my agent. nice to meet you. put on sosothing decent. charity benefit at 8:00. pass. you can't pass, jeremy. it's a very good cause.

are you my date? don't get excited. what would your girlfriend say? thank you very much. we won't need you anymore tonight. jeremy is on his best behavior when he's with me. you got a leash? ooh, i like this guy. are you an actor? no, thanks. that's too bad. you're very cute. acting, what a way to make a livingng couldn't pay me enough to do that crap. yeah. you think she'd go out with me? who? that lady, jody kleinman too much car for you, man. ...so i told the boy to stay out of my face. are you listening to me?

you want to see me? yeah, i want to see you. sit down. you're leaving baintree, waxer. we're sending you down to the central jail. you can't do that. i'm under 18. we can do whatever we like. to a maximum security adult lockup for getting into a fight? we're transferring you because you're being charged with second-degree murder. teddy baker died last night. tough break. for you. see that's special circumstances.

i'm worried. can you tell? i think you are. you'll do some hard time. you're in for some real fun. you really enjoy your job, don't you, jackson? some days are more satisfying than others. enjoy the ride over, waxer. once you're there you'll be bunking two to a cell. ( stiffly: ) you got some i.d., punk? cut. he's terrible. what is he--

. go sit on the motorcycle. you look terrific. okay, gentleman playing the officer-- relax, take it easy. you're the law. look him right in the eye. say the line. you hate him. okay, let's go again. assistant: settle and roll. 49 baker, take 12. marker. and... action. ( hesitant: ) you got some i.d., punk? let's do one more. quiet! assistant: settle and roll. 49 baker, take 13. marker! all right, concentrate. actiti. you got some i.d., punk? cut.

do this line. go ahead, do it. do what? do this line! he's perfect-- looks like a cop. looks like a cop. i'm not ananctor. neither is he. don't try and act; just say the line. don't even try and act. you got some i.d., punk? say it again with attitude. say it to me-- like you really hate me. he's great. i'm in heaven. no, i told you, i'm not an actor. hey, you get $380. you got some i.d., punk? hey. director: cut! print! don't kill the star. okay, folks, we're in the wrong place.

i give him the line. what was it? "got some i.d., punk?" not like that. i was acting-- i said it like i meant it. i was pretty good, too. i got some applause. because they wanted to go home. the makeup lady said i was a natural. i think i know why. i got this theory-- want to hear it? no. see...

we go undercover all the time. what's that? that's playing a chchacter. what's that? that's acting. sometimes we're the mcquaids; sometimes we're preppies. sometimes we're ego maniacs. hoffs: not exactly the same as being in the movies. being in the movies is easier. sometimes we've got guns in our faces. all they've got is cameras in theirs. what about the movie business being bull? that's behind the camera. it's different when you're an actor. so now you're an actor-- a thespian. you're just jealous because they didn't ask yoyo you're right. my big shot-- maybe i could have let them goober over me. all i said was i was pretty good.

so people bother him all the time. hmm. here you go. all right, sal-- thanks a lot! don't worry about it. this is a picture of jeremy woods with his shirt off? that's jeremy woods in h h first movie-- blood on the beach. it is! i didn't know he was in blood on the beach. not a lot of people do. he was, what, 16 years old? i'm an expert in thahagenre. was he good? great-- chopopd up by a psychotic lifeguard. i remember that. that was him? victim number four. penhall: you didn't even know it was jeremy woods. he was undercover. he was acting. i rest my case.

tyrell: why don't you save it, montgomery? this is my last chance to tell you how i feel about you. see, i think you're a waste. who cares what you think? you tried to kill some kid with a speed ball slug it out with an undercover cop then you g g sent to baintree. what are you, my biographer? ry. i've heard this before. why don't you listen? kiss my... hey, keep it down back there!

( woman gasps )

you listening? give me a break. i'll give you a break! what the hell is the matter? excuse me. i must ask you not to use that footage. sorry, i can't do that. look, jeremy just got hot-headed. rmission to be here. i want that tape. maybe we can make a deal here. absolutely not. news anchorman: police are seeking an escapee from baintree juvenile prison. tyrell thompson, accused in the murder of a fellow inmate

and made his escape. one officer, vincent montgomery, died this afternoon... they'll be all over looking for you. we'll be back with entertainment reporter laurel peterson who spent a interesting day on a movie set. he dies in an accident and they're blaming me. that gray boy picks a fight with me. i'm protecting my territory. i hit him and he croaks. to a ditch he's history, and who's to blame? tyrell thompson. they're going to charge me again. peterson: hollywood bad boy jeremy woods was at it again today on the set of streetwise... i'm screwed. ...his new movie filming in town. nightside entertainment crew was on hand as the actor and director went at it in what t n only be described

estrain the twoo as filming was suspended for the rest of the day. bodyguards?

are really stacking up. anything important? let's see, let's see here...

here for over a month. his mother called. and here's a message from payroll. payroll? now that sounds like it could be important. i think we should get this to hanson right away. right t ay. you want to drive? sure. you know where they're shooting? i got it off hanson's report. u... come on, miss, out of the trailer. johnny... we need to talk. johnny? what's your name? it's me, annie. why haven't you written me back? um...

you know all your movies? i know they're about me. about when we were in high school and stuff. i just came all this way to say thank you. i appreciate that. why don't we go for a ride? no, let's stay in tonight. we could go to that place we always go. remember? cabin by the duck pond? from summer dreams. we can take a limo. yes, jason.

get an a.d. to go with you. paranoid delusions. she thinks we're stealing her life and making it into movies. she's been writing me letters for months. how did she get in there? that's your job to know, pal. where the hell were you guys anyway? i got people wandering in and out of my trailer-- what am i paying you for? sorry, pal. this is one employee you can't push around. what do you think you're doioi? i'm trying to keep the garbage off the set. we're police officers assigned to keep you out of trouble. you guys are cops pretending to be bodyguards? penhall: mayor's orders. they wanted to make sure you didn't break anythinin

i'm sorry. no, you're not. excuse me? you're not sorry. you walk on people then you think apologizing makes it okay. can we take the cuffs off and talk? you don't owe us an explanation. half the stuff they say about me i didn't even do.. the other half i wish i hadn't done. very clever.r. i work hard, i catch a break and i wind up a star-- luck. what do they say? "don't wish too hard for what you want-- you may get it"? you guys want something to drink? soda. me too, please. ththe's something you don't realize when you dream about being noticed.

but what the heck-- why not tell you why i'm such a creep. wewee listening. they were going through my fan mail a month ago. there was tons of it piling up for months. turns out there were two letters from kids getting ready to die. the lights work? it's the movies, man-- the lights always work. ( knocking ) what? what? what? we're looking for tommy littlefield. who? i don't know who let you in here but why don't you just turn around...

we thought you might need these messages. friends of yours? h.t. ioki, judy hoffs... jeremy woods. hi. it's a pleasure to meet you. i love your movies. thanks. i'm sorry i yelled. you want to stay and watch the shooting? we'd love to. that would be cool. i'll catch a nap. see you on the set. okay. i just walk through, that's all? yeah, just walal down this way like you're going to your locker. this is so exciting! yeah, thrill a minute. all right, ladies and gentlemen... ( yelling out stage directions) quiet! all right... and d ll! 42 apple, take 1. marker!

action! director: cut! print! moving on! i need jeremy... you were great! we better call fuller.r. i think i just saw somebody we know. forget it, man. there's too many peopop around. i won't do him here. i don't want any part of this.

( knocking ) come in! they're looking for you. let them wait. officer r nson... remember me? tyrell thompson. very good. uh-uh. that was very funny. i got to get back to my script. excuse me, but did i say you could speak? this isn't a joke, mr. movie star. this is for real. come on, hanson. you're coming with me. you, too, pretty boy. leave him out of this. that sounds like a line in a movie. i'llllo wherever you want-- just leave him alone.

! the guy walked right by me. that's him right there. penhall: freeze that. that's waxer thompson, all right. who is this guy? he's the man who's got your star.

you guys did a hell of a job protecting my client. he's got somebody we like too, lady. what's he doing out? he killed a guard. all right-- i want current addresses on everyone he knows. i already know who he knows. hey, ray. how you doing? where is waxer? i don't know who you're talking about. i was hoping you'd say that. does that jog your memory? i don't know where he is. if my partner dies i swear i will hunt you down and i will cut something off.

what are we going to do? what did you do in your last movie? it looked pretty s sple when i saw it. ( toilet flushing ) now, where were we? oh yeah, fast lane, that was it. that was the one i saw. there on the screen. must have been... what, ten of them? you might be the toughest guy i ever met. what do you think, hanson? i think you're probably the toughest guy he ever met, tyrell. ( chuckling )

big tough undercover man. what do you want? i want a little revenge. it sounds like you want to go away again. you're going to love this. this is where the cop tells me not to throw my life away that i can be rehabilitated-- learn a trade. isn't that right, officer hanson? not according to the court. they got me for two special circumstances. both guys are dead.

yeah, i guess i blew it somewhere. maybe i can become a movie star. you'll give me a part, won't you? won't you? ?? maybe a leading part? could i get a leading part? sure. i want to play a good guy, though-- ow, and get the girl and all. i don't think i'm right for a bad guy. what do you think, jer? i think you should let me go.

you're supposed to say-- "i think you should let usgo." go ahead. try it. let me hear how that sounds. come on! i think you should let us go. okay. it's time to go. do you want to go? or watch him go? why not back off him? why? he's going to die anyway. ( tyrell laughs ) just know he got you into this. yeah, and he got me into this...

looks like t t movie star's going to leave this world the way he came into it--

there all the way. i don't think i'd have done it without him. is this life imitating art? yeah, sure.

it was no big deal. actually, i think it was all officer hanson's doing. i'm just an actor; he deserves all the credit. we t td you, no pictures of the undercover officer. thanks, , n. will you make a picture from this? i really don't know. it's been a traumatic thing. i just want to go home and take it easy. it's not every day i almost get killed. got a picture with your shirt off, hanson? very funny. thatat not how it went down. so what? why did you make him such a hero?

i'd just like to t tnk you for all your help. we're just doing our jobs, ma'am. thank you, sergeant friday. well, you do it very well. if you're ever in n a... i'd like to thank you personally. excuse me, guys. [captioning sponsored by fx networks