you know, josh, when you're in town, things sure are different. yeah. yeah. there's always an argument. yeah, well, i'm not argug this time. well, i am. what did i do? you kept me waiting. we had a date yesterday. where were you? i told you, i got held up in placer city. what was her name?

sten, kitty, you know you're the only girl in the world ever to give me honest to goodness goosebumps. i'll bet. charlie must be cutting this stuff. what am i going to do with you? trust me. how can i? you don't think i rode all the way in from placer city for nothin', do you? listen, i wanted to see you-- ( whispering ) josh? josh, i want to believe you. huh? honorable josh randall? my name is yoshika nakamura.

( theme music ) may i ask your forgiveness for this intrusion? well, you've got mine, honey. kitty...

sit down. can i explain why i have come to see you? oh, yeah. i have traveled many months from my homeland. i seek a man. oh. in placer city, i was told you could help me. is he familiar to you, mr. randall? uh-uh. his name is mr. timmons. what's his first name? bill, but an intended bridegroom in my country islways treated with respect and dignity. , he, uh, didn't show up at the wedding. mr. timmons was called away. he could not return. is that what he wrote you?

mr. timmons told me he live in placer city. you have feeling he's telling you a little white lie? mr. timmons would not tell me lie. he moved. no one will tell me. well, look, let me tell you something. why don't you get on a stagecoach, ride on up to san francisco, get on a boat, and you go on home, hear? no. i will find mr. timmons with your help. please, i know i must pay. will you explain, mr. randall? yeah. well, you see, the kind of men i go after are wanted for one reason or another. i want mr. timmons. yes, ma'am.

well, you all set? mm. ready to go? yes. say, uh... what you got there? it has been in my family for many years. you could, uh, hurt somedy with that now, couldn't you? one does not g hurt with this, oh, well, now lookie here, i said i'd help you find that fella, not kill him. it is not for mr. timmons, but for me if i cannot find him.

where are we going? we're going to placer city. but i' been there already. no one will tell me. yeah, well, they'll tell me maybe. ( clicks tongue ) whoa. whoa. that little grove over there, it's kind of cool this time of day. you want to stop and rest a while? yes. i would like to have some warm tea. yeah, sure enough. ( whistles to horse ) ( gong continues ) now it is time.

but you don't understand. this is in your honor. oh, yeah. now we will observe chanoyu, the tea ceremony. do you like tea, mr. randall? yeah, sure. please sit down. we shall imbibe matcha, a very light libation produced with a powdered green tea. this is natsume, the tea bags. and this is chashaku, the tea scoop. it has occurred to me that perhaps it was chanoyu which attracted mr. timmons to my ther's house, not your humble servant. well, i don't think so.

eted my instruction in chanoyu. i am still learning. a whole lot of bother for just a little cup of tea, isn't it? a thousand pardons if i disturbed you. no, no, no. i meant it just as a joke. but if i have disturbed you, then there is all the more reason for chanoyu. you see, chanoyu establishes serenity. we become one with nature. it provides strict simplicity. it is a very old custom. in japan,his will be chashitsu, tea room. and here is the roji, the garden path leading to sukiya.

and here is the mizuya, the service room, where we had our kaiseki, the light meal. and nakadachi, our recess. and kozaidi, where we drink our koicha. now it is time for usucha. i'm gonna have to sit up a little bit.

you must take candy first. here? i pray it does not offend. nope. i am grateful. howdy. howdy. - howdy. - howdy. what can i do for you? oh, we ran out of money. we thought maybe you might give us some bacon, flour, whatever you can spare. uh, who's that? that's a friend of mine. why? oh, nothing. just asking. well, you got your answer, didn't you? okay. it's none of our business, i guess. i guess. that's the trouble with you, krebs. you're always asking questions.

it is a chanoyu. what's that? japanese for picnic. uh, what are you drinking? matcha. all right, what's that? that's tea. tea. you see, just tea. i never saw a tea served like that before. well, look, you're talking about flour and bacon. - let's just get at it, huh? - oh, yeah. hey, what you got there? now, look, you keep your hands where they belong, sonny. well, i was just looking. are those, uh, real jewels? that's nice. don't touch me.

whoa. well, i'm gonna get you settled, and i'm gonna check around town and ask some questions, hmm? forgive me for the injuries i have inflicted. i don't know whether i got a sore stomach from where that fella hit me with that gun or that tea you made. come on. whoopsie. there. you go in the lobby. i'll carry your stuff in. ( ding )

and i want two rooms. ( ding ) two rooms. you're just beautiful. in the presence of such a gracious lord, i am unworthy. by george. josh: keys? oh. five is for the lady. nine's for you. uh, ma'am? is there anything special you'd like for breakfast? for me to have some small pieces of wood? wood? if it is possible. oh, yes, yes. a thousand thanks. nighty-night. desk clerk: ma'am? wood?

yeah. they did a little fixing up since the last time i was here.

( speaking japanese ) no, taro! ( speaking japanese ) he is blameless! if you try and kill me with that blade, mister, i'm gonna put one right plumb in your middle. if we both die, then we must! look, i ain't never been to japan. ( speaking japanese ) i swear it on my ancestors!

so i may meet th cman and kill him. now he is gone. now we return to japan for marriage ceremony. i cannot marry you. you have made a vow. my father made a vow. i don't love you. you will learn. we leave immediately. the lady said she didn't want to go. you interfere, you die. you put down that blade or i'm gonna start blowing off fingers. ( cocks gun ) please, taro, leave. say, if i were you, i'd lock up your door tonight, huh? taro will not harm me. yeah. come on. lock it from the inside, huh? may your night be filled with happy dreams.

( knock on door ) who is it? randall. good morning. and good morning to you. listen, you better pack your stuff. i just got a little information. we're gonnbe traveling again. where to? belongs to a friend of timmons. oh, is mr. timmons there now? well, i don't know, but we're gonna take a look. better hurry up. yoshika. i have thought through the night. i have followed you this far. now i will accompany you the rest of the way? no. do not worry. i will not cause trouble again. oh, i'm not worried.

you got a horse? i will hire one. well, you don't need to do that. why don't you ride up with that girl and i'll ride my saddle horse? i am grateful. well, you ain't gonna try and hit me no more with this big blade, are you? one word, and i'll step over there

thank you. take that home with you. ( knock on door )

you, uh, timmons? don't know him. now look, pal, somebody out there waiting to see you, and you're gonna go out there and see her, now, aren't you? let's go. mister, what goes on out there ain't none of my business one way or the other, but you'll e nice, ain't none of my business won't you? the other,

yoshika. mr. timmons. when you did not return, i had to come. please forgive me. well, sure. it's nice to see you. it is nice to see you. mr. timmons, may i present taro yamamoto? we will now leave and proceed with the ceremony. now, wait a minute. what ceremony? taro: marriage ceremony as you had planned. well, now wait a minute. you just can't do these things like that. why? well, there are things you have to arrange. what things, mr. randall? oh, a preacher, for one thing. so we proceed. we have man, woman, witnesses. now we get preacher. well, now hold on. it just isn't that easy. you have promised yoshika. now we proceed. wait, taro.

well, now, that isn't the point, yoshika. you just can't... i would like to leave now. no! i will not permit yoshika to lose face. no, taro. it does not matter now. ( grunts ) hey now, wait a minute. keep him back. listen, timmons, i ain't saying you didn't have a right to protect yourself, but you put away your gun right now and get on outta here for a while. i must treat your wound. gently, woman. my clumsiness is unpardonable. then it would be well if you remedy it.

taro: under the circumstances,

( gong )

all right. i deserved that. a little gift i got. listen, kitty, i decided to forgive you about the whole thing. well, i like that. you ever heard of chanoyu? wh's that? tea. tea? yeah, let's go.

( hammering ) ( hammering ) hello, art. hi. josh? hey, you're looking fine, art. you're getting a little big around the breadbasket. it's all that easy living. what's the matter with you? - it's a funny thing. - what? who should i just be thinking of? you. and what happens? who should show up from right out of the blue? y-o-u. i just got your telegram. what telegram? from you.

i'm not kidding. well, i got a telegram from you in colefair. not from me, you didn't. well, it had your name on it. it mentioned anaan named decker. decker? yeah, decker. d-e-c-k-e-r, decker. huh. i'm gonna tell you the truth, josh. i didn't send you any telegram. - hmm? - no. but take a look. go on. hmm. decker. ( gunshots )

woman: mr. randall? mr. randall? - josh? - yeah? i was just thinking. if you figured on laying over till morning, why don't you stay at my place? alice would be glad to have you. well, thanks anyway, art, but i'm broke. gonna go out and earn a living. all right. tell alice i said hello, will ya?

mr. randall? well, now, what can i do for you? i suppose you think this is strange. not at all. i sent that telegram. that's strange. won't you sit down, mr. randall? i don't want to be conspicuous. i want you to be the one to get paul decker. why? i'm mrs. decker. now, lookie-- my husband is innocent. does that make any difference? not much. if i told you he was guilty, would that make a difference? no, ma'am. i understood you weren't prejudiced in these cases. it's just business for me. there are those who shoot first and ask questions later. i understand you're not one of those. that's why iuent you the telegram. i want my husband alive to prove his innocence.

yeah, but you haven't told me yet. but i've got to be sure. can you tell me, can you promise me he'll live? that's up to him. ( sighs ) it's a two day's ride. do you know the willow ridge area? yeah. there's an old shack on the south ridge. used to be a stopover cabin. i know where it is. paul's there. he won't make any trouble. then he won't get any. wait. give him this. then he'll know i sent you. it's my wedding ring. we spent the first night of our honeymoon in that cabin.

( clears throat ) all right, bag of beans. what else will there be, josh? let me have a short side of bacon about like that, huh? short side of bacon? small bag of beans, short side of bacon. that's a pretty short order, josh. yeah. well, to tell you the truth, ollie, i'm just a little bit...

( slamming ) randall? don't you answer when you're spoken to? trying to avoid trouble, friend. i thought you were looking for trouble. mm-mm. then tell him what he can do, burt. forget about paul decker. that make sense to you, randall? no. we want decker. he's still fair game. mm-mm. why? because he cut down george taggart in cold blood. my name is taggart. mine, too.

george was our brother. make sense to you now, randall? yeah. side order of bacon. anything else, josh? a box of 45s. i'm waiting on this man. i said a box of 45s. same of 30-30s. now some rope. rope? how much? oh, about enough to hang a man. decker killed our brother. we're gonna take care of him. anybody who tries to interfere is gonna get the same.

i wouldn't wanna mess with those guys. yeah, neither would i.

if you were to bring me in dead, you'd get the same bounty? the same. dead, i might be less trouble to you. you might. how do i know i can trust you? i guess you don't, 'cepting your wife did. she could be wrong. i didn't come in here shooting. i gave you the edge. i gotta be sure. well, you can be sure of one thing. you saw them? yeah. yesterday afternoon just south of verde pass. and, uh... they were carrying a rope, so you better make up your mind, decker. george taggart drew on me. i shot him in self-defense. if i can get back to woodstock, i can prove that, randall. don't have to convince me. i'm just doing a job. okay?

hello, decker. yeah, draw, randall. i'd love for you to draw. kind of fancy with that rope business, aren't you, taggart? good enough for a hanging. your brother drew on me first.

george is dead. enough said? i thought burt and i told you not to go after decker, remember, randall? - yeah. - huh? ( louder ) yeah. got greedy, huh? i guess. you still wanna stand up for him? not much chance now, is there? none. you ever seen a hanging, randall? yeah. it? not much. well, you're gonna see one as soon as burt gets here. window.

josh: hey! i caught one. you got a handkerchief? move your arm. oh!

you're still carrying the slug inside. taggart? dead. think you can ride? i can ride. we'd better get at it because his brother's gonna be coming here. i'm all right. yeah, sure you are. why don't we stop over in that grove for a while, huh? i said i'm all right. and i said we'll stop a while.

( whinnies ) i don't like the way that looks. it feels better now. listen to me. that slug's gotta come outta there. there's a good doctor home in woodstock. that's a day away. it can wait.

it's worse. yeah. listen, paul, that's gonna have to come outta there. in woodstock tomorrow. keeps up like this, you might not make it to woodstock tomorrow. i've seen things like this before and i've seen men die of gangrene. i guess there's no use kidding myself anymore. no use. all right, randall. ain't no doctor,

got no whiskey to give you. okay. it's gonna hurt you, so you wanna scream, you go ahead, hear? just get to it. here we go.

i'm sorry i had to hurt you that way. as quick as i can in the morning. burt: i wantndim, randall. i want him for both my brothers. uh-uh. all i want is him. you can walk out of here. i'm staying.

taggart! josh?

rough trip? yeah, kinda. you could use a drink. yeah. hey, wait for me over at joe's place.

i said i'm buying. yeah, you owe me $300. just never mind all this sugar. what? oh, yeah. almost forgot. yeah, well, i didn't. three bills. all right, 300 bucks, but you buy the drinks. all right, i'll buy the drinks. i swear, all you ever think about is money. you remember in wichita when you got me-- - oh, no. - yeah, when you--

?? ?? - "fear take over hogtooth. "city father hire too many guns. the fact regarding the situation..." - well, hey boy. if the city fathers of hogtooth have hired three gunmen

one more gunman to drive the first three out. (gunshots) (gunfire continues) (laughter)

d i've been... (gunshot) yes, sir. - the great and glorious 4th of july. instead of firecrackers, we got that. - tell them to move on, mr. paladin. they're worse than the troublemakers they scared away. - you hired them to bring their guns here. did you not, you blockhead? - clanahan, you never was elected to this here council. what for are you butting in? - each one, in secret, hires his own gunfighter, and suddenly, we have three in town. well, this man will not be paid out of taxes. hire him if you're fools enough to wish another gunfighter here. but you pay for him yourselves.

against the decisions of authority. - well, what's an irishman without a cause? - or a cause without an irishman? well, now, you're-you're an intelligent man. sure, sure, never mind the posies... listen! we got three gunmen living royal on the town, taking what they want! - usually, the streets are filled with parades and people. i got $150 worth of fireworks in my store and nobody to buy them. - last independence day, my bank presented a flag to every child whose parents opened a new account. this man will not be paid out of hogtooth money. oh, no offense to you personally. - then with our money... i'll put up a third. - you'll what? - oh, well, it's cheaper than giving them hogtooth. - gentlemen, if your employees run true to form, next they will want land, livestock, and your businesses. and the more i think about it, the more i think i should raise my fee. - never mind, you're hired.

now, let me give you a little advice. sneak up on them and get them fast. - as you can see, mr. paladin, you're dealing with high-minded men. - well, there's three against one. - uh, another thing-- the first fella to get is perrin. - morrissey. - chapineau, uh... - well, when you gentlemen regret past actions, you do try to clean the boards. - we're 100% behind you, mr. paladin. go get 'em. t rid of them, that's the bargain. - well, uh, by whatever means you're forced to employ. gentlemen.

you know anybody's got a little ranch i might like? - a ranch, um... - ah, no ranch for me. (chuckles) always i've think to be a businessman. in my family, the first. unfortunately, in the past, it has always been a lack of capital. - well, there's a big reward out for me in arkansas. to who can collect it. - (chuckles) you are not happy, monsieur, when you do not fight. - if it makes me happy, i reckon that's the way i like it. you telling me what i ought to like? - why should we fight each other? whoever wins is afterwards alone. together, we possess the town. (knocking on door) (paladin) - it's open.

i'd appreciate it if you make sure of floyd perrin. he's the biggest one and he's real tough. know what i mean? - floyd perrin, he's the one you hired. - you get him first, might be a future for you in hogtooth. cattlemen can holler all they want. this is all gonna be farmland someday. and the man who gets in on the ground floor...

they're in the saloon. mr. paladin... the dangerous one is the man from new orleans, claude chapineau. tend to him first. - and if i do? - well, we may talk about other things then. you strike me as a good businessman. hogtooth needs good businessmen. - yes, sir. it certainly does. (dog whimpering) - i-i-is something wrong? - no. no, i just wanted to be sure that you agreed with me that kid morrissey is the first one i should annihilate. - you think you can do that? - well, that depends. - you come and see me afterward.

- mr. paladin. (dog barking) (dog whimpering) paladin, you're not a sensible man. 'tis a glorious 4th of july, independence day... a reminder of fine and wonderful things to be dying for. - clanahan, you don't like the citizens' committee. - could you be liking men that lend money only to them that surely cannot repay? - well, it's one way to finally end up owning a whole town.

- the rogues with the guns are the ones i was hired to move out. - you'll not last ten seconds. (water splashes) ah, 'tis the excellent one i am to be flapping with the talkative tongue. i've spoken many a beautiful phrase upholding the flag and the sacred constitution, but... do i say i'll be going in there with thee, to make a lovely donnybrook of it? i do not. (gunfire) (gunfire continues) (gunfire continues) - clanahan... with the aid of your clattering tongue, and perhaps a little diversionary action, it's possible that no one will die

i'd like a good assortment. - fireworks? what about the gun? - and a fine, slow-burning cigar. - slow-burning cigar. - so it is dull. we can change that, make it exciting. make it into what we want. make it ours. - we could open a casino. bring in girls. hole town. - gents, i ain't been getting much coffee lately, and i, i think i'd better... - shut up. this ain't no drink for celebrating. (glass breaks) bring me something that bites back!

(bang) (bang) - a noise most atrocious, monsieur. - well, now what's a 4th of july without fireworks? - hey, let me try one.

(bang) - (laughs) - try it. (bang) sounds just like a .45, doesn't it? - no, more like a .38. - monsieur, why do i have the feeling you're not here by accident? - because, monsieur chapineau, you are not a fool. - you have business with me? - with all of you.

- i don't trust a man that don't pack a gun. means some kind of skull work. - well, i thought this way, we could, uh, talk before there was any shooting. - paladin. - oh. and me, you somehow know. this is monsieur perrin and young monsieur morrissey. - you heard of me? kid morrissey. - paladin. san francisco, of course. yes. one hears of one's colleague, eh?

us. - i never heard of him. - there is still champagne, monsieur paladin. we will drink and listen to your business. the champagne. - gentlemen... ...in ancient days, the city of jerusalem couldn't settle its own quarrels. so they called in the romans and asked them to arbitrate the quarrels and police the city. and the result was that the, uh, rusalem never recovered. - i still don't trust a man that don't carry a gun. - now, in order to make this a real independence day, the citizens of hogtooth would like their romans to leave. - (laughing) you need some champagne, monsieur paladin. come on, champagne, yeah. come on, champagne, huh?

- drink, drink, drink. (chuckles) - and, uh, i'll get my cup of coffee. (bang) (laughter) - you have a pain, monsieur paladin? - oh, in a manner of speaking, yes. - (man laughing) - so those who employed us no longer admire us, eh? monsieur, i'm desolate. true, this is not a fine city, and there are no charming ladies, yet... i cannot possibly leave as you so subtly suggest. - why don't you get out of here, mr. paladin? and don't come back without a gun. - there's something wrong about a man

had hoped that, uh, we could talk first.

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(hammer clinking) - is that the way you fight romans, monsieur? morrissey, perhaps he would now prefer to have a pistol? - now my turn.

come on, paladin. - come on, monsieur paladin.

(explosions) (fireworks continue exploding) - he done it! - he did it! - everybody, he done it! fellow citizens, gather around! i have something to say to you. fellow citizens, i want you to know you're looking at a man.

i'm for keeping him here. let's put a badge on this here man, so he'll keep hogtooth as clean-- - is there a doctor in this place? - here i am! what can i do for you? - in the saloon, doctor. now, let me see... you wanted me to kill perrin first. - well, i-i didn't exactly... - you offered me a bonus to kill him first. - what's the matter with you? - you had a deal with perrin before you ever brought him into this town. with their hired assassins. each of you was gonna bring a killer into this town to clean it up. then the man was gonna stay on as your personal enforcer. - whoa, now just a minute there. what kind of scandal is this that's being laid on the town's top council? partridge. talk up, man! how are you gonna prove any of that with all of them dead?

- well, now... shall i give it to him? - now, you... you-you-you can't scare me. what he said ain't true. don't. don't do it, f-floyd. i would've kept my word to you. honest, i would... - ah, shut up. - you're moving on now, floyd. - no hard feelings? - not toward you. now, kid morrissey has a broken arm, but his memory's in very good shape. chapineau will survive, and you two owe me a bonus. - i'm a responsible banker.

my slippery one. - any such person is sincerely invited to visit me at my bank. at my... regular hours. - (chuckles) paladin... 'tis ever the same. when the thunder and lightning is done, 'tis the vultures who emerge from their holes dry and unruffled. - well, clanahan, would you like to see some feathers fly? - aye. - i haven't been paid yet.

tilbury! hildreth! partridge! i'm gonna count three, and i want you people right here in front of me! if i have to go get my gun, you won't like the end result.

two! three! - here i am, mr. paladin. - i hear you, mr. paladin. - please, mr. paladin, i-i... - gentlemen. - paladin...

(dog barks) ah, it's gonna be a glorious 4th of july after all. - ? have gun-will travel reads the card of a man ? ? a knight without armor in a savage land ? ? his fast gun for hire ? heeds the calling wind ? paladin, paladin

?? ??

- arriba! - hey, come back! - all right, what was all that about? - they are evil men, sir, who should themselves be driven from the settlement. - why are they driving you out? - uh... oh. a woman, sir. well, a man himself so handsome should understand.

i will watch out for you always! i will be an angel hovering over you. - excuse me. where will i find the rectory? - through the portico and to the right. - thank you. excuse me again. i have a feeling i should have phrased that question differently.

- padre, you have a certain twinkle in your eyes. - you're a very discerning man. shall we talk on the patio? - well, padre, that has a very interesting bouquet for, uh, wine. - but you have another preference? - well, a friend of mine in san francisco told me about a brandy that is so rare that finding a single flask of it would constitute something of a miracle. - chateau d'treyne, a private stock of 1780. uh, that would be such a brandy. - as a matter of fact, chateau d'treyne, 1780,

its, uh, fame has spread among connoisseurs. but it's not for sale. - oh. well, padre... for a tired traveler who's ridden many dusty miles... two drops. one for the tongue, and one to roll between the fingers. surely, that's not asking too much my friend, that you even imply i could permit such a thing, now, is knighthood dead, then? are coleridge's lines a fitting epitaph after all? - "the knight's bones are dust, "and his good sword rust. his soul is with the saints, i trust." - (laughing) at least you don't disappoint me. at least not yet.

these people are descendants of the shoshonean. maybe 2,000 of them in this area. now, tomorrow they begin celebrating the festival of the harvest. it's still about half pagan, but, uh, i'm working on that. - (laughing) - there is, however, another problem. - father, i never for one moment entertained the idea that you brought me out here for nothing. - san luis rey... built by the franciscans over a century ago, closed, reopened just over a year. - well, those early monks brought a very old and treasured relic with them. a statue of st. francis assisi, their patron saint. - he who loved all god's creatures. - and who was loved by them. - at statue is also loved, paladin, by these people,

it would be almost like a miracle to them. (bell ringing) i have a duty to perform in the church. think on it, paladin. it would be interesting. a miracle wrought by a man who might play mephistopheles. - hmm. (laughing) - si, but i overheard, and i have some information. beyond the mountains, there is a little town called sierra roja, in which there are three strange ladies.

- padre... if i do find this statue, could we talk about the brandy later? - yes. yes, we could talk. - all right, padre,

- about the only time we got action on our cage is weekends, a cool drink will do nicely.

- friend, where did you get this? - if it's any of your business, i bought it. - well, i'll give you what you paid for it. i'll even throw in a little extra for your trouble, all right? - look, it's not for sale. now, put it back. - this is a religious relic. it has great value, but the value is purely religious. and it would mean a great deal to a great many people if it were put back where it belongs. - who you trying to fool? t of money to some museum. - who told you that? - the indian that sold it to me.

and i hope you don't try to stop me, because the first man that squeezes a trigger is gonna be the man that i kill. - (laughing) looks like you're trail-blocked, mister. (laughing) - oh, uh... ladies, if you'd just stand aside, please. - en la vida, never! por favor! - bestia! - ladies! - will we move? never! - es verdad. every step will be on our bodies. - please, put him back against our holy wall.

- (laughing) - no. this is the way i treat a thief, a stealer of statues with a double-forked tongue. how much did you get for that statue? - (laughing) 20 pesos. - mm-hmm. that, we'll do something about later. as for now...

ladies, the statue in the cantina... that statue belongs to a mission over the mountains. and it seems to me that three such persons would want to see the statue returned to the mission where it belongs. - senor, the mission, we have heard, has many statues. we have only one. - si, it is our shrine. - now you understand, we can be friends. what do they call you? - paladin. - hope. - maria. - oh, and this is paco, who you have to thank for bringing you the statue. - we know him! - (speaking spanish) - how much did they pay you for the statue? - only a few pesos. - ladies, if you will excuse us, paco is about to volunteer for a very dangerous mission.

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- it's the indian i got the statue from. - si, si. oh, that man, you must catch him! - what man? - the one with evil eyes and the mustache. and the black shirt to match his heart. - oh, yeah, the stranger. - si, si! oh, he... he lashed me! i just got away from him! look. but at first, i do not tell. and, oh, how he bit me 'til even i could no long resist.

- telling what? - about the other statues, sir. where i hid them. - how many? - oh, ten, i think. at least ten, and they're each worth a fortune, like yours. - where's the stranger now? - oh, he's in his hiding place. but i can show you where it is. - you heard him. - well, follow me. (men shouting)

senor paladin, if st. francis is to go, we will go with him. - uh, the trail to that mission is a rugged one. angry men with guns will be hunting for us, and it won't bother them one bit

giddy-up! giddy-up! whoa. - uh, how far to the mission now, senor paladin? - well, with any luck, just a few hours. - oh. - senor! senor, wait for me! un momento, senor! senor paladin! un momentito! - where did you get that animal? - when i escaped from the bad men, my horse is shot. later, i borrow this one. - well, it belongs to the pimas. now, how far are those indians behind you? - i do not look back. i fly to find you.

- do you speak english? do you understand english? all right, behold. this is a man who is not the thief you think he is. now, wait. there on the wagon is the image of a sivano of the white man, stolen from a sacred place, and this man has risked his life to see that it was safely returned. he meant no harm to you or your possessions. it is the time of the harvest festival, a time of peace. to see proof that my words are straight, ride with us to the mission.

your water ditches will run full, your mesquite will hang heavy with fruit. (hoofbeats) all right, friend, what do you want? - you know what i want. that little cheat sent us off on a wild goose chase. of soho also want their property, and they're willing to go to any means to get it. i told you that that statue meant a great deal to a great many people. you should see that i spoke the truth. besides, you've got your money back. i left $20 on the bar.

(sighing) why should you die for a paltry $30, hmm? - how do i know you're not gonna steal that statue yourself? - very simple. you ride to the mission with us oh, we don't ride with indians. (gun xxxxing) - friend, they understand english. you don't come with us now, they'll consider it an insult and insist on staying here with you. i leave it to your imagination what'll happen one second after i'm out of sight.

- we are not going to ride with that evil man. - now, i am going to the mission. and you and you and you and you...

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go in, please. mr. paladin, cast thy bread upon the waters, and thou shall find it again a thousandfold. be careful. the container is very old.

well, we might as well join them. and i'll forget about the extra $30. - i have guarded you well. - i still live. - and i show that you can trust me. - not to mention the return of st. francis. - so? - so why don't i get half the ransom? - that you would imply that i would allow it's merely a bottle of chateau d'treyne! - well, that is something. - it is nothing! (bottle crashing) - oh, well. there is still the festival. - (sighing) - yes. at least praise be for brother wind

and all thy creatures. - ? "have gun will travel" ? ? reads the card of a man ? ? his fast gun for hire ? ? heeds the calling wind ? ? paladin, paladin ?

>> thought i would have a look around. >> sir, flanagan says tillie ain't ready to move out. >> apache without being held up by a camel? >> i don't think he wants to get rid of -- >> i don't care what he thinks. tell them to shoe tillie as soon as possible. >> does the captain mean that? >> of course i mean that. it better be done before i come back.

>> [singing] >> all right, stinky, on your feet. >> how's tillie now? >> that most grievously. captain wants you to shoot her. ?

the desert. >> she saved your life. now you got to shoot her. ? [indiscernible] >> you made me life miserable since i first met you. you smell bad and you make me smell bad.

i drink. [inaudible] why did you have to save me life that time? [gunshot] >> run, you great beast! run for your life! don't never come back! ?

>> phoenix isn't that far. i will be back before you have a chance to miss me. >> i miss you already. >> gone, pa? >> three or four days. you are the boss while i am gone. good luck. >> yes, sir. >> just where do you think you are going? [indiscernible]

i said when you have got a hangover, a cold don't bother you none. >> $40 for a [indiscernible] >> no card games, no barrel of whiskey, no dance hall girls. just one mule. >> you keep that out of the saloon. >> fellas, i think i got the message. just one mule, right? >> righ hey, buck! >> now what? [indiscernible] >> if i can ever get out of here. >> will you do me a favor? >> last week at promised to take her to the dance. -- i promised to take her to the dance.

most beautiful dress i can steal from victoria. >> if she meets you friday, you will get her the most beautiful dress you can steal from victoria. not about stealing. that's all. may i go now? >> yes, you may go now. >> boss, what's next? >> huh? >> what's next? [whistling] ?

what did i see? [camel grunts] >> well, you came back, did you? do you insist on dying? that is because you miss me that you came back. you want me to mount up and ride on you, is that it? don't you know what it is you are asking, tillie? do you realize what it means to

the bugles. oh, the bugles. [sings] [camel grunts] >> i will bet you are asking me to give up just to save your own hide, you misbegotten, misshapen beast of an animal. get up! perhaps i can find someone in tucson. >> ready to move out? >> yes, sir.

flanagan is out there moping because he had to shoot that camel. >> that's ridiculous, moping about because of a stupid -- >> sergeant cochran, did i understand you to say he shot the camel? i told you no such blasted thing! i told you to tell him to shoe her. s-h-o-e her! >> that you can't shoe a camel. a camel doesn't have hooves. he has two itty-bitty horny toes. >> when flanagan shows up, you put him under arrest for destruction of government property, the price of which

united states government to bring that camel here from africa? $2000! >> $2000, sir? >> right! >> give me two i'm sick. give me a whole bottle. >> buck, what are you doing in town? >> i've come to find a mule. my legs, my feet, my head. i got the fever. i do. i thought i saw a camel. give me that bottle. a great big camel. >> you did see a camel. >> i did?

>> i don't smell nothing. [indiscernible] >> camel, huh? >> what do you know? i'm glad i ain't got the fever. excuse me. excuse me. would you mind telling me what you are doing all the way out west here with a camel, friend? >> friend? did you say friend? >> pleased to meet you, sir. my name is flanagan. >> buck cannon.

and i'll have another. >> apache, huh? i don't know why anybody wanting to give you a name like stinky. >> now then, you were saying -- >> it's a most unusual thing a long time ago, when i was in the king -- services of the king of afghanistan. it's a large place in south america. we had this war with the emperor of mongolia. that's a wee place in africa.

tillie, my camel. >> who in his right mind would want to buy a camel? >> not everyone. not everyone. it would take a forward-looking man. one with the brains to realize a camel could change the economy of the whole w the entire cattle industry. could you explain to me how camels are going through all that? you came to town to buy a meal, did you not? >> -- mule, did you not? >> yes. >> can a mule carry a 1000 pound

drink? can a mule give milk? >> no, can't do that. >> hold a minute, buck. you ain't about to buy that humpback, are you? >> come on, joe. i ain't got the slightest smidgen -- >> the world is full of narrow minds. >> wait a minute. i have a very wide mind. it's just that to hoodwink. ain't that right? >> no, not you, buck. no. >> yeah, not me. patrick, we got to be going. no hard feelings, i hope. >> none. >> thank you very much. ?

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>> all right. ? [whistling] >> how much are you asking for that camel? >> i don't know if i would consider selling it. >> why not, patrick?

as you'll find in these parts. >> it pains me to say it, but i noticed you are a bit of a boozer. >> well, just a little. come on now. don't tell me you've got to be a teetotaler to buy a camel! >> no, it's a matter of financial responsibility. he left it all. you see? >> that will show you who's responsible. >> $40. an odd coincidence, the exact amount i was asking for tillie. congratulations, you passed the test. >> i did?

i would not be surprised if they build monuments to you. you're a smart man. >> it would not hurt to take a look at that camel. excuse me, i don't mean to hurt your feelings, but she's even worse -- she's ugly. >> are you going to >> i ain't got no horse. >> get on her. >> don't rush me, joe. i will get on her. >> she's yours. >> excuse me, tillie. that's a little high.

>> i will show you fellows how to get on cal. it will just be a second, all right? >> i apologize, i didn't mean that. put the ladder away. >> you got to push her. >> push, tillie.

>> come on, get on there. >> how do you get it up? they don't ride so good. [gunshot] [horse whinnies]

don't worry. >> blue boy, look what i got. her name is tillie. >> buck, that's just about the doggonest-looking mule i ever saw. >> exactly a mule. -- it ain't exactly a mule. it is what you might call a camel mule.

i leave the ranch for just one day and look what you've done! >> calm down. you are going to get tillie all excited. i know what your boss said. h't sd dou come with a zebra. he didn't say don't come with no camel. >> that is true for patrick flanagan. he's a friend of mine. patrick was the only one who could make tillie push. until he met me. blue boy. [camel grunts] take it easy. now with the back pawaw [laughter]

if you will give me employment, i will render a nominal fee >>e will he to talk about that later, mr. -- >> flanagan. >> meanwhileleget this thing downwind somewhere, will you? >> i got a ait of a headache from writing so high. -- riding so high. i think i'll take a nap. >> i like to talk to you, buck. -- i'd buck. [indiscernible] take care of it, flanagan. >> come on now. i can wash my own face. >> yeah, sure. >> that tillie's really going to be something. >> waiaia minute. [indiscernible]

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>> got a real wide mind. >> i don't care how wide his mind is.

? [camel grunts]

[singing] >> the ourselves. >> i'm not hungry. >> i am starving.

>> i think i softened them up, tillie. perhaps by tomorrow we will have a home. for a while, at least.

home. [indiscernible] i can almost hear it. [humming]

farewell i've come to bid you, and to thank you for your hospitality. >> we haven't been very gracious. >> since there is no room for me at this ranch, i must be on me way. >> mr. flanagan? >> yes to mr. cannon? >> i guessssaybe you could stay.

until my father gets back. >> you will have no reason to regret your decision. i assure you. [inaudible] >> mrs. cannon, would you excuse us? [indiscernible] >> don't worry. they are just going to make him smell a little nicer. [laughter] >> hey, mano. >> manolito, compadre. >> i'm going to see consuela because i am going to take her to the dance.

you are surely going to hate me. i thought you were going to take pearlita. i saw pearlita and she told me she was going to meet you at the same time, same place. e thinks she's going to dance with you. >> why did you not mention this to me before, amigo? you knowet i hate you. i have to shave, take a bath, clean my clothes, and steal a dress from victoria -- >> met alito -- manolito, maybe i can be of service. i can meet the youngady, make excuses for you.

gracias. just take my horse. pearlita will meet me. >> don't you worry, i will ke care of it. >> spanish] >> [singing] senorita pearlita. >> yes. who are you? >> patrick flanagan, at your

i am waiting here for -- >> manolito. i am sorry he did not get to see the vision of loveliness that you are. >> where is manolito? >> unfortunately he is detained. i have served the seven seas. i have seen the sun set. i have seen the moon over-the-top mahal, but never have i seen such beauty as shines in your eyes, my love. >> you move too fast, senor. but you speak very well, patrick

>> that was nice of patrick, huh? [singing] >> [speaking >> pearlita! >> don't bother me. can't you see i'm busy? >> [indiscernible] >> you think you only have to whistle e d pearlita comes runn ing? >> let's be reasonable. >> shut up! it is only between us. >> you shut up, se?or flanigan.

if it wasa't for him, i would still be alone in the woods and heaven only knows. [indiscernible] >> this was to be your dress, pearlita. [indisisrnible] >> oh,

>> manolito, a fine, beautiful morninin eh? >> hola, amigo. where were you last night, compadre? >> am i to blame because pearlita's >> i'm going to cut your throat! [indiscernible] [shouting] >> u.n. that animal had been lollygagging around here -- you and that animal have been lollygagging around here. >> where have you been all night? >> me? why don't you ask him where hehe

something? >> she ain't ready, buck. [horse whinnies] >> tillie! tillie, come back! >> wait a m mute. she ain't running like she got sore feet. you told me she was a good herdrd. >> looks like megamillion -- magnolian ox. >> wait for me, tillie!

>> hey! tillie, tillie, tillie. you'll be the death of me. ? there you are, me beauty. [camel grunts] here we are, tillie. here we both are. birds of a feather. two misfits, no place to go.

friend in the whole wide world. [camel grunts] >> flanagan, not only do you steal my pearlita, you steal my good horse. >> as for your horse -- wait! listen! [horn plays] that is the sound of retreat. the united states cavalry. i'm in trouble.

[gunshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] >> looks likee amigo. wewead better go back to the ranch for help. >> that will be too far, but you go. as for me, i've got to go with a men. -- with the men.

[camel grunts] [horn plays] ? [g[gshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] [gunshot] >> hey hey! >> captain? >> at ease. >> sergeant?

>> and flanagan, you're guilty of the theft of government property and desertion. thank you, flanagan. guilty of a lack of military judgdgnt and attacking a whole tribe of indians. how is that going to look on my record? my command saved by an irishman on a camel? i would never live it dodo. the worst part of all is you have put me under a moral obligation to you, flanagan. i will have to reinstate you can

but i will probably ve to cite you. welcome home, trooper. >> thank you, sir. >> watch your step, flanagan. i will have my eyes on you. one false move and i will mail you, do you understand? >> i see.

se?or flanagan and his tillie. >> i didn't really like flanagan and tillie.

like i said. >> you still low -- still owe $40. $40. >> amigo blue, look! he's coming back. >> hey, victoria. it's my friend. he's come back. >> let it never be said that flanagan cheated a friend. there's your mule, buck. >> where did you get him? >> i purchased them from a nearby rancher. there. duty calls and i must be off. ride him in good health. manolito, me best to pearlita. >> si, si.

>> thank you again. take care, tillie! adios! >> i don't remember any rancher named oscar s o.s.c. >> wait a minutut [inaududle] >> you're right. somebody changed a "u" to an "o."

united states cavalry.

? ( shouting ) we'd better take a look.k. keep 'em here, charlie. anybody in there? major? yeah, looks like comanches. better take a look inside, bill.