( whistling sprightly tune ) starring andy griffith... with ronny howard.

( growls ) ( shrieking )

guess you're wonderin' what i'm doing. uh, yeah, i wonder what you're doing. karate. karate? karate. what's karate? ancient form of self-defense-- primitive, vicious. you know what kind of weapons we use? no. none. just these. just the hands? this is the most deadly form of attack known to man. makes judo look like child's play. as for boxing i'd hate to see what'd happen to joe louis or rocky marciano if they ever tried to tangle with one of us karate men. then you're a expert. uh, well, no. i mean, i just got the book this morning. but i will be an expert before long. andy, this is just fascinatin' because in karate we really build these hands up till the edges are just like steel. like steel. with one blow, andy, we can split a plank. no, you can't. no! ( thud )

mm-mmm. hi, fellas. well, howdy, mary. how's every little thing in the county nursin' game? not bad. how's it with the law and order boys? oh, barney's an expert on karate and he was just showing me how he can split a plank with one blow. ( yelling ) oh, hi, mary. how's every little thing in the county nursin' game? how's it with the law and order bo...? i've got the feeling that we've all been through this before. how's that hand of yours coming along? oh, it's fine. fine. what brings you around these parts? well, i'm on my way up to rafe hollister's place. you got dealings with rafe? you know that drive that's on to get everybody inoculated against tetanus? you think you're gonna make rafe hollister take a shot? boy, that'll be the day.

i won't get any of the farmers up that way. he's a leader of that group up there. barney: you might as well forget it... wait. rafe hollister hasn't had his shot? no. oh, well, rafe will have to take his shot. oh, yes, rafe hollister will take a shot and we'll get that whole crowd up there to take a shot. i'll help you. it's important that everybody get their tetanus shot. right, barn? oh, yes, it's real important. well, thank you. that's real sweet of you to help me out. well, andy's real sweet that way. oh, listen, anything we can do. got to get folks to take their shots. just anything at all. i'll drive you up there. wonderful. i've got some things to pick up at the drugstore so i'll be back here in ten minutes. fine.

that there is a fine girl. yes, sir. that's a fine girl. uh-huh. ? for it was mary ? ? mary... ? yes, sir. a fine girl. doing a fine job, works hard all the time tryin' to help folks stay healthy. i'll tell you one thing-- we're lucky to have her, i'll tell you that. ? ...they say marie ? are you doing? huh? oh, nothing. i was just listening to you go on and on about that fine girl. ain't it just fine that she's got such a fine sheriff to help her out with her fine work? a little sugar-- that didn't hurt none, did it? what are you talking about? that little kissy on the jaw-- that felt kinda good, didn't it? it felt better than a mule's nose. that's pretty good, isn't it? you don't think that's got anything to do with...? oh, no. i just think you wanna help her out

stay nice and healthy. it's good to be healthy. it's very good to be healthy. and it's important that rafe get all them shots and you oughta help. the whole department oughta get in and help. it's a good thing she ain't campaignin' for folks to get their eyes examined. how's that? one kiss on your jaw and we'd all be wearin' glasses. oh, come on, barney. if she ever kissed you on the mouth we'd all have to have our appendix taken out. you're a nut. shoo! shoo! howdy, rafe. andy. rafe, meet miss mary simpson our county nurse. miss simpson, this here is rafe hollister. how do you do, sir? nurse, huh? we don't need any nurse. nobody get sick up here. there's always that little bitty chance that they might. if they was to

i ain't never been to the doctor in my life. mary: not ever? when i was born, i had my mama and when i die, i'll have the undertaker. i don't see no sense in clutterin' things up in between. rafe, there ain't no sense in cheatin' yourself out of somethin' you might need. cheat myself? yes, sir. going over my records... mary, maybe we might just hold that for just a minute and show rafe some of the fine things the world of medicine's come up with he might not have heard about. look here, rafe. s? that's there's a thermometer. i got one of them on my henhouse, only bigger. this here's a thermometer for people-- lets 'em know when they got a fever. i know when i got a fever. i'm hot. this lets you know how hot. i know how hot i am when i'm hot-- dang hot. you said you all were never sick up here. balls o' fire. being hot ain't sick.

here's some other stuff. oh, here's somethin'. know what that is? no. that's a stethoscope. you know what it does? no. lets you hear your heart beat. wanna hear your heart beat? i know my heart's beatin'. well, yeah... i'm alive, ain't i? well, yeah. well, then my heart's beatin'. well, listen to it beat, rafe. put these two ends in your ear there. stick 'em right in there. they won't hurt you. now, listen, listen. huh? how 'bout that? listen to mine. huh? what do you think of that, rafe? all right, now we know we're both alive. yeah. uh, rafe miss simpson's got one other thing to show you here. you know what that is? looks like somethin' for siphonin' cider. yes. now, this won't hurt a bit and it'll be real good for you. just roll up your sleeve. you ain't gonna stick that in me.

you can put that thing away right now. i ain't never been jabbed and i ain't fixin' to be. good-bye. and take these. i've heard all i wanna hear. every time i think about that stubborn mountain attitude toward medicine i could just kick something. now, mary, if you frown like that your face is liable to grow that way. oh, it wouldn't be so bad if i hadn't gone out on a limb the way i did. but i promised my supervisor that i'd get a hundred percent cooperation on those shots. i sure am gonna look like a fool. well, we ain't gonna give up yet. just be patient. i promise... ( telephone rings ) excuse me.

right there. i have to go up to the mayor's office. if you'll wait, i'll come right back. okay. ( door closing ) what happened? rafe hollister turn you down, did he? want me to take you back up there? what? up to rafe hollister's to give him his shot? oh, barney, if andy couldn't do anything with him... and you know why andy couldn't do anything with him? because andy's too soft. now, rafe hollister's like a child and he's got to be treated like one. you don't beg a child to do something, you tell him. come on, let's go. barney, you really think...? come on! are you sure? sure, i'm sure. i'll make him take his shot. just don't do anything to get rafe hollister angry. don't you worry about it.

now, you just leave everything to me, mary. i'll handle this baby. rafe? rafe hollister. deputy fife here. t. what you want, barney? and what's that nurse doin' back here? she came out here to give you your shot. stop acting like a child and come out here and get it. what?! you heard me. here! right now! all right i'm going to give you exactly three to get out here. one... two... three. and i'll give you exactly three to get off of my property. now see here, rafe... one...

durn fool, he don't even know how to count to three. barney, he shot at you. that's all right. i just wanted to get you to safety. all right, i'll be back, rafe! you're in trouble, fella-- big trouble! okay, buddy, you just threw away any chance you had for leniency. you're in trouble is what you are!

andy, it was all my fault. i shouldn't have agreed to go back up there. and i couldn't take a chance on rafe gettin' hurt. i mean, i figured it was better if me and you went up later and took him in one piece. and we're goin' to have to take him... me and you. we can't have rafe shootin' at people. let's go get him.

but, andy, he's a mad dog, a killer! well, now, don't make rafe out to be a monster. i'm sure we'll bring him in without any trouble. i'll go get the car ready. we better get right up there. okay. aren't you even going to take a gun? well, no, i don't figure on doin' any shootin'. don't you get hurt up there. i won't. be back after awhile. be careful, andy. you're a sitting... see?! he's a mad dog! stay back, andy. don't use that tone of voice to me, rafe hollister and put that gun down! don't come no closer, andy. i'll shoot! i mean it!

well, dog-gone it, andy, what'd you expect me to do? just let you come and take me? i told you to stay out of here. rafe, i'm going to have to arrest you. you been shootin' at people. you know that's against the law. give himself up, did he? i figured he would once he seen he was overpowered. who do you think you're playin' with-- the boy scouts? come on, move. move! andy, you keep her away from me. easy, now, rafe. ain't nobody goin' to make you take a shot against your will. of course not, but... if i could just make you understand how important this is. not to me, but to yourself and your family and to your friends. why, this could save your life one day. i done all right afore you come around and i'm doin' all right now. i'm tellin' you for the last time

he sure is hardheaded. now-now, you remember what i said. i-if you frown like that your face is liable to grow to it. see? yeah, a little... a little bit more. that's right. that's a whole lot better. now, we won't give up yet. no. we won't give up a bit. i'll talk to ya after awhile. all right. hey, how 'bout that coffee? comin' right up, rafe. ain't nothin' like a good, hot cup of coffee to straighten a fella out, is there? ( chuckles ) yeah, boy. help yourself. thank you. yeah. you make good coffee, andy. much obliged, rafe.

huh? not lettin' that nurse give you that shot. i can see now where you was 100% right. you can? oh, yeah, yeah. i understand now why you're doin' it. you do? yeah. if you was to let her give you that shot see, you'd be passin' up your chance for immortality. you dang right, i would. what's that mean? "immortality"? well, that means bein' famous like columbus or george washington or some of them. well, see, they was famous. they was famous for, for doin' great deeds and that's what you'll be, too. yeah. after you're dead. after i'm dead?! yeah. how it'll happen probably one day you'll-you'll get, uh, cut by a rusty saw or a animal will bite ya, or somethin' like that and not havin' the shot, well, you'll be a cinch to go...

oh, yeah, yeah. that's where the great deed comes in. see, by dyin', it'll serve as a lesson to the others not to neglect their shots. it will? oh, yeah, got to, got to. i can just see them neighbors and kinfolks of yours right now. they'll be sayin'... they'll say "did you hear what happened to rafe? "poor soul, he cut hisself "and went just like that... ( snaps fingers ) ...moanin' and groanin' and sufferin'." "i'm goin' down there at that county nurse and get me that good shot right now!" now, wait a minute... and the funeral you'll have. funeral? oh, yeah. it'll be the biggest thing mayberry's ever seen. oh, yes, they'll be talks and eulogies... and while the folks are filin' by payin' their last respects...

e up i might sing a song over ya-- a song just for you. ( strums minor chord ) ? dig my grave with a silver spade ? ? dig my grave wide and deep ? ? dig my grave with a silver spade ? ? bury me 'neath the willer tree ?

? cover me over with sod ? ? tell 'em i died to save 'em all ? ? tell my wife to marry again. ? and later, after the funeral they might even put a statue up to ya down at the town square-- a figure of you slumping as you breathe your last. at the unveilin' ceremonies i might sing that song to ya again.

just a minute! just a minute! wait a minute. what? andy, i don't want to die. but-but you'll be a dead hero. i don't want to be a dead hero. i want to be a live me. well, rafe, maybe i had you figured wrong when you refused to take the shot. who won't take the shot? i'll take the shot. just you go fetch that county nurse. well, rafe, are you sure? she's gonna jab ya. i don't care. my daddy lived to be 100 and i don't aim to break the tradition. t. too bad, though... you'd a made a fine statue. there we are. that all? that's all there is to it. well, that wasn't so bad. well, of course not. here, i'll rub off the alcohol for you. no, no. leave it there.

( chuckles ) i can't tell you how delighted i am. i just hope now i can get all the others up in your district. well, little lady, you just come on up. i'll have 'em all ready for ya. oh, that's wonderful. well, i'll just check off your name now. you spell it with two "l"s, right? you've done a fine thing, rafe. you ought to feel proud. i do! you ought to feel a little ashamed, too. a grown-up makin' such a to-do over a little thing like a shot. sometimes it's the big ones that make the worst babies. caught what? well, it's your name, barney. what about my name? well, it isn't checked off. you haven't had your tetanus shot. what? why, we might as well get it over with right now. roll up your sleeve. oh, well, now, wait a minute! how do you know it hasn't been checked off? maybe there's been some mistake. oh, there's no mistake. but maybe the ink faded or something. the ink faded?

is. you ought to investigate it and make sure. we're sure, we're sure. come on, mary. ( sighs ) thank heavens that's over. barney, that was just the alcohol.