( whistling sprightly tune ) starring andy griffith... with ronny howard.

ing. good-bye. yes? oh, uh, i'd like to see mr. jackson, please. he's quite busy. do you have an appointment, mister, uh... sheriff taylor of mayberry. no, i don't have an appointment but i'd 'preciate if you'd tell him i'm here. mr. jackson, a sheriff taylor from mayberry is here to see you.

what does he want? i'm here to arrest him. he's here to arrest you. arrest! what is all this? 'member me? i... believe so. yes! yes. that speeding ticket, 'member? about two weeks ago? you said you had an important meetin' so i let you go on the condition that you'd come back on the 20th and stand trial-- 'member? sday and you didn't come. oh, yes, well, it, uh... it completely slipped my mind. come into my office. i'm sure we can straighten this out. fine. sit down, sir. oh, thank you. now, about, uh... two weeks ago you said i came through your town, huh? that's right.

i would imagine you'd have your hands full way out there in mayberry running down chicken thieves and curfew breakers. er, would you like a cigar? no, thank you. oh, maybe i will take one for my deputy. he likes one when he's feeling special sporty. thank you. now... 'bout the summons. oh, yes, well, i'll have miss fenwick draw up a check. d. oh? well, what can i do? well, you can get your hat and come on. to mayberry? you're really insisting on my appearing? mm-hmm. oh, come on, sheriff. i can't leave just like that. i'm the head of a big business here. i have responsibilities. why... i'm sure you and i can settle this little matter. uh... i hope you're reaching for a comb

of bribery in mayberry. bribery's one of the things we like to watch on account of there ain't much else to do. miss fenwick... yes, mr. jackson? have my lawyer meet me in mayberry. if you all are ready, we'll declare court in session. ( gavels ) court's in session. case of mayberry v. j. howard jackson. the charge is speeding in excess of posted limits e to answer a summons. how do you plead? sheriff, my client... oh, guilty, guilty, let's get it over with. since the defendant pleads guilty there's only one thing left to do, and that's pass sentence. mr. j. howard jackson you are hereby fined the sum of $15. fifteen! wait a minute. do you mean to tell me you dragged me away from my business... let me alone. for a measly $15 fine?!

and you just can't do that. well, i'm surprised you didn't have a lot of reporters and photographers around here. why is that? you running for reelection or something? "sheriff hauls in noted publisher." that would be pretty nice for a campaign speech, wouldn't it? oh, boy, these hicks-- they sure love to go after big game, don't they? well, one of these days, you will be pushed down to size. you wanted to see me, mr. jackson? yes... sit down, jean. are, uh... are you in a nosy mood these days? a good reporter's always in a nosy mood. okay, this is it-- sheriff andy taylor a hick burg called mayberry.

look in the closets, sweep under the rugs bring back anything that can be twisted into an article. i want to pulverize that image. that's a tall order, mr. jackson. most small-town sheriffs are notoriously honest. in fact, they're like shining knights. so that's why i'm sending you. if he has any cracks in his armor, you can find them. and i've never known a shining knight yet that didn't have a few. so you find them. officer! uh, could i have a little information, please? oh, i'll handle this, andy. at your service, ma'am. oh, thank you, sheriff. oh, well... i'm not the sheriff.

i'm deputy fife. oh, hi, i'm jean boswell. i was wondering if you could recommend a good hotel in town. oh, well, the mayberry hotel is good. that's it right there. oh... well, i'm a college student, and i was wondering how does it compare in price with some of the others? well, it, uh... uh... well, that... that's actually the... the only hotel. well, i guess that's the one for me. college student, you say, huh? i'm writing a thesis on small-town administration. i'm majoring in government. i thought mayberry would be a good town to research. you sure come to the right town, all right. and if there's anything i can do to help don't you hesitate to ask me. i'm sort of, well... part of the administration, you know. barney: yeah, she's a cute little thing. probably pretty naive. you know how schoolkids are when it comes to the world.

. it's good to help out the cause o' education. yeah, that's what i thought. especially when the cause is kind of pretty. ( door opens ) oh, hi! hi. uh... it's, uh... miss boswell, isn't it? uh-huh. i'd like you to meet our sheriff. andy, this is miss jean boswell. miss boswell. yes, that's right. hillside university up at the capital. oh, that's a fine school, fine school. uh, would you like to take the tour of the headquarters here now? oh, yes, i'd love to. fine. uh, you can, uh... take notes if you like. oh, yes! that's a wonderful idea. barney: you ready? uh-huh. well, you are now within the confines

offices in the town of mayberry. now, here is the main cellblock. this is cell one this is cell two and... and, uh... so on. uh... this is a heater. say, here's something very interesting right over here. uh... this is our bulletin board where we have fliers and bulletins from all over the state. included are a.p.b.s-- uh, that's all- points bulletins on various wanted criminals. i'm not going too fast for you? oh, no, no, just fine. well, you've been just marvelous. of course, there's one little thing i can't quite get over. here you are the deputy and you look more like the sheriff

e. you wear a complete, well-fitting uniform and the sheriff, well... he doesn't even wear a tie. and i notice that his shoes are a little dusty. well, that is one of andy's weak points but all in all, uh... one of his weak points? uh, well... i bet you don't always agree with his ideas do you? well, uh... i know a progressive, dynamic forward-thinking man like yourself must have some very definite ideas as to the way things should be run. well, there are certain things that i would do different if, uh... i was running the show. such as? well... ( clears throat ) i'd, uh... be a whole lot stricter about certain things if you know what i mean. mmm... i think so. well, like i always say, i...

. and the sheriff, he doesn't run a taut ship? well, the kid is a little lax in that department. like how? well, the way he mollycoddles otis all the time. otis? the town drunk. why, he practically has the run of the jail. he locks hisself up when he gets drunk lets hisself out when he gets sober. no! things would be different if you were running them. you bet-- and certain people crimes. you mean crimes go unpunished? take the emma watson case. emma watson? chronic jaywalker. listen, jaywalkin' is a crime. every time i write out a ticket for that emma watson andy just tears it up. says she's a sweet old lady and he ain't got the heart to prosecute her, darn softy. the sheriff? softest-hearted fella you ever seen. after tearing up emma watson's ticket he'd give her a ride home in the squad car.

for unofficial business? once i was all set to go out on patrol-- you know where the squad car was? andy was making a delivery for art crowley's market. you don't say. yeah. my gosh, look at the time. i got to get back to the office. see things are run properly. well... about that thesis-- is there anything more i can give you? you've given me all i need. good.

paw, you wanna hear a joke? yeah.

oh, yeah! paw, ask me if i took a bath this morning. okay-- did you take a bath this morning? why? is there one missing? andy: that's pretty good, ope. sheriff taylor? yes, sir. my name is roger milton state's attorney's office. oh, glad to see you, sir. this is my deputy, barney fife and my son, opie. what can we do for you? le. "does the sheriff run the town or does the town run the sheriff?" well, andy, it's all about you. "in a town called mayberry justice has become a farce." andy: yeah. "malfeasance of public funds shocking disintegration of law enforcement..."

at the hearing?! these are very serious charges. i'm afraid i'm going to have to conduct a full investigation. i have no recourse, sheriff taylor but to suspend you from office pending a hearing on this matter. can he do that? i can... under this order from the state's attorney's office. deputy, the hearing is set for tomorrow afternoon. until then, you'll be acting sheriff. paw, ain't you gonna be sheriff anymore? oh, now, don't you worry. there's just been a little mistake and it'll all be cleared up. somehow or other. when's this stupid thing gonna begin? presently, sheriff.

ere. the commissioner will decide that after the hearing. ( door opens ) andy. yeah... that answers a lot of questions. that article was in one of your publications, wasn't it? that's right. when you hold a grudge you really hold it, don't you? that's right. who are you gonna get to prove all them things? who you gonna get to say they're true? state's attorney has a key witness who will substantiate everything. uh-huh... i'll just bet. bribing some outsider to tell a lot of lies. ha! i'd sure like to get a crack at the guy that testifies.

( clears throat ) this hearing is now in session. mr. milton, you have lodged a charge of malfeasance in office against mr. taylor here. are you prepared to present your bill of particulars? yes, commissioner. i have a witness who will verify these facts. who is this witness? bernard fife. commissioner: take the stand, mr. fife. huh? i said, take the stand. me?! i'm the witness?! would you take the witness chair, please? well, how can i be a witness against andy?

you are bernard fife? well, of course, i am. just answer yes or no. well, yeah. is it not true that you made the statement that sheriff taylor was lax in the fulfillment of his duties? where'd you get a crazy thing like that? allow me to put it in your own words. speaking of sheriff taylor, you said, and i quote "the kid's a little lax. he doesn't run a taut ship." i never said no such of a thing! perhaps i can refresh his memory. is the young lady here? yeah, she's outside. if you think it's necessary... i think it's necessary, yes. it will simplify matters. it's that college kid. ( commissioner bangs gavel ) andy, it's that college kid! commissioner, this is jean boswell a newspaper reporter and employee of mr. jackson.

this is a trick! sit down! continue, mr. milton. do you have as a frequent prisoner otis campbell, the town drunk? well, we don't say it out like that... just answer yes or no. all right, yeah. and this town drunk is allowed to arrest himself, to lock himself into a cell and is then allowed to effect his own release? when you put it like that... yes or no? all right, yeah. didn't you say that certain crimes go unpunished? barney: what? only to have the sheriff tear them up? and the sheriff uses a squad car for other than official business? didn't you say you needed the car in the line of duty but the sheriff was delivering groceries? and that these are not isolated incidents? that they happen all the time? didn't you say so yourself?! yes! yes! yes! thank you.

. i said, you may step down. you can say that all you want to but i ain't steppin' down. this is a hearing, ain't it? well, seems to me you ought to hear everything not just a bunch of yeses. very well, you may speak if you wish to. thank you. sure, i said all them things. but the truth is sometimes i get carried away with myself. i got to braggin' a little bit. i guess that's one of my faults. but i sure didn't think it was gonna backfire and be used against andy. why, andy's the best friend i got in the whole world. and as far as i'm concerned, he's the best sheriff, too. all them things i said-- for example, his usin' the squad car for personal reasons. sure, he was deliverin' groceries to emma watson

example of the things andy's done for the folks in this town. i could give you a lot more. you got to understand, this is a small town. the sheriff is more than just a sheriff. he's a friend. and the people in this town they ain't got a better friend than andy taylor. and as far as andy knowin' his job i'd just like for you to take a look in the record book, mr. jackson. you know, there ain't been a major crime committed in this town thanks to sheriff taylor. the only ruckus you'd ever have in mayberry is if you tried to remove him from office. then you'd have a riot! you ask me if andy runs a taut ship, mr. milton-- well, no, he don't. that's because of somethin' he's been tryin' to teach me ever since i started workin' for him. and that is, that when you're a lawman

r if you go not so much by the book but by the heart. i guess maybe that's kind of hard for some of you to understand, i... i don't know. that's all i got to say. mr. milton, is there any other evidence outside of this newspaper article? as a matter of fact, commissioner... just answer yes or no. no. then i see no reason to pursue this matter any further. sheriff taylor... our apologies for any inconvenience or embarrassment we may have caused you. that's all right.

[ ares ] oh, yeah! ohh! [ woman panting ] [ laughs ] come here! hah! [ sighs ] oh, yeah! [ sighs ] ooh! oh, yeah. well, you know, you can cut thparty tricks. you're looking for an heir-- a mortal to carry on your name. oh, i've considered it. well, here i am-m- my sword, my life, my heart. honey, i hate to be the one to break this to you,