(male narrator) in new york city.. ...on a street in the east 40's there's an ordinary tailor shop. [doorbell chimes] [steam hisses] or is it ordinary? the agents entrance. and we are now in u.n.c.l.e. headquarters. that's the united network command for law and enforcement. u.n.c.l.e. is an organization consisting of agents of all nationalities. it's involved in maintaining political and legal order anywhere in the world.

my name is napoleon solo. i'm an enforcement agent, in section two here. that's operations and enforcement. i am illya kuryakin. i'm also an enforcement agent. like my friend napoleon, i go and i do whatever i'm told to, by our chief. oh. oh, yes. alexander waverly. number one of section-1. in charge of this, our new york headquarters. it's from here that i send them on their various missions.

ers? the wireless? you can't mean it. - and the ship's telephone, sir. - the telephone? yes, sir. all our communication systems are dead. - lost our radar, sir. - darn. what? captain, look! full speed astern. all right rudder. full speed astern. all right rudder. mr. macinernay? - now, sir. - there, look. bloody idiots. lying to in weather like this. (macinernay) 'looks like an old merchant ship.' 'world war ii vintage.' - stop all engines. - stop all engines. [explosions] captain fowler, they're firing at us. that's out of the question. this isn't 1942. (man on bullhorn) 'ahoy, the inexorable.' 'you will heave to.' 'and prepare to receive a boarding party.'

(fowler) 'the jolly roger.' pirates? hmm. yes, there's much here to interest us. mr. morgan, we'll avail ourselves of these, these these and these. aye aye, sir. now, captain, with your permission i'd like to have a word with your passengers. piracy on the high seas is still a hanging offence, mister. provided the offender can be brought close to the noose. you've seen how effectively i can disable your equipment. i can do the same for any ship that approaches me. are these all your passengers? surely you've no designs on them. prepare them to abandon ship, your crew as well. but you can't mean we should take to the lifeboats. unless you prefer to stay aboard. after we set this vessel afire and sink her. - sink her? - hmm. now then, i'm going to ask you only one question ladies and gentlemen.

i pledge you my word, no harm will come to anyone who gives me a truthful reply. are there any amongst you who can tune a piano? he's fainted. well, don't stand there, mr. macinernay. fetch some brandy. um, yeah, yeah. [bird chirping] i was just making lunch. should i put a couple of plates down? - just black coffee. thanks. - i'll cup them. - you eat i hope. - yes, ma'am. you have some splendid books here, mrs. barnman. my husband, all he does is read and eat. a bookworm and a tapeworm in the same man. - he's a librarian, isn't he? - uh-huh. not that it's much of a living. that's why when this ad came up. well, we-- that's what we're interested in this advertisement

"desired the services of an experienced librarian "to catalog the collection. "qualified applicants, please telephone for an appointment." he was like a breeze in the bronx. - so, he called? - naturally! they said he should come to this address on staten island for an interview. - and he never came back. - nope. i've got a piece of pound cake. no, no, no, thanks. please, sit down. and you say that was two weeks ago? that's right. i finally checked with the police. then they checked with the neighbors. and they said that we were fighting. they think that harry put that ad in himself so he could skip out on me. [chuckles] if harry wanted to do something like that i'd had to write the ad for him. besides...he loves me. 'he didn't run away.' we agree with you, mrs. barnman. hurray! glad somebody else does. we know one or two things

in copenhagen, there was an ad for an experienced glazier. the man answers it, he's never been heard of since. 'few weeks ago, in the south of england' 'someone looking for a man to repair thatched roofs.' ad's answered, man disappears. and in new caledonia, someone needs a licensed veterinarian. young fellow applies, they're still looking for him. so on. [portable phone beeping] so you see, mrs. barnman.. - what's that? - excuse me. - it's for me. - it's what? hey, what's that-- mmm-hmm. mmm-hmm. right away. big brother calls, something important. i have to go now. any information you could give illya will be much appreciated. oh, and i think he could use another plate of soup. o-oh, wait a minute. ah, see, listen. are those things very expensive? oh, no, ma'am. they're made in japan. oh-h. oh.

eat, sam. [intercom buzzing] yeah. ow, just a minute. it says it's for you. yeah. illya, a man in a white suit. just across the street. [dramatic music] [music continues] [car door closes] [engine revving] ten cases of powdered milk, a crate of aspirin 500 pair of shoe laces?

g that blaggard's bow again. we were in those boats for two days before we were picked up. 'it's a wonder no one died of exposure.' oh, quite, quite, quite. quite, sir, quite. the fact is, you and the six other sea captains are of the single mind in that respect. you mean this has happened before? - oh, yes. - i've heard nothing about it. well, that's really nobody's going around talking about it. news like that gets out the whole shipping business goes to the bottom. [clears throat] i'm sorry, just-just my way of putting it. the fact is, six nations were involved in this. and they've tossed it to us. - i'm tossing it to you. - uh, me, sir? oh, by the way there's a slight difference in captain fowler's case. 'the pirate didn't seize any passengers.' you mean there have been kidnappings and ship sinkings? one or two from each ship.

than the merchandise taken from the holds. this request for a piano tuner for example. good question. well, i haven't the vaguest of answers. i've got a desk full of my own work here. i can't be expected to do yours, too. here's the case book. run along. [doorbell buzzing] (woman on loudspeaker) 'yeah?' you want to see mrs. barnman? now i didn't quite know what you said? oops, buzz..

ow, i'm sorry. let me help you. oh, please, do me a favor. next time help him. then she took me upstairs and gave me another bowl of soup. [chuckles] thanks. our friend's escape though embarrassing is easy to explain. piracy on the high seas involving aspirins

needed them for what? tying shoes and curing headaches. in the middle of the ocean? doesn't make sense. these articles are easily purchased. in the middle of the ocean? hope i'm not interrupting anything. not at all. just having a drink with illya. well, i wish i had time for that. well, solo. new development. seems three days ago. well, i think it was three days ago. anyhow, the soviet ferry got stopped on its way to brisbane. looks like the same chap. took off a mish-mash of goods and one passenger. - what do think of that? - just one passenger? yes, a russian. some sort of a musical fellow. rather highly thought of in certain circles. vasili chekorokavich. [chuckles] they do have names, don't they? chekorokavich, the pianist? i heard him in carnegie hall two years ago. he plays bach with impeccable style. - yes, that's the chap. - why should he be kidnapped?

as a matter of fact it does. it suggests to me that our pirate friend has finally found the piano tuner he needed.

i miss him too, sam. [bird chirping] ou said since your warranty expired. [knocking on door] yeah? hey, aren't you the fellow.. well, ju-just a second. passage ticket.

stles] [dramatic music] where to? 'they're locked automatically from here.' 'you can't get out.' you'll have realized by now that this taxi is not in general service around town. it belongs to u.n.c.l.e. and it is used primarily to transport people to our headquarters if we wish to have deep and soul-searching le, you. i interrogated him for five hours. absolutely nothing. not even a word. but we'll try again tomorrow. listen, you think you're at a dead end. my friend, the pirate, stops a ship, and he politely snatches an old lady on her way to visit her son. alright, and he burns the ship.

scratch. another vessel. and he pops up in a christmas island 'and he grabs an 18-year-old french girl--' excuse me. the people he abducted, they were who? well, it was a lady, and a french girl, and-- 'and a mother of two children you said.' the glazier from copenhagen who answered the first advertisement. able toft, he disappeared. a month later, his mother also disappeared. an old lady. yeah, it's unusual parallel but-- vanished, so did his wife and two children. what about the french girl? the fianc?e of ronan loveable. the one who answered the advertisement for veterinarian. where are those passenger lists? able toft, able toft, able toft. yeah, here it is. what was the name of the-the "roof thatcher"? milchem. george milchem. yeah.

illya, i think we both still working on the same case. but instead of being at our own dead ends we're now at the same dead end together. wait a minute. may be not. now, look. a person answers an ad in the paper, right? and he disappears...and a short while later his wife and two children or his mother or a...sweetheart packs up and goes away suddenly. soon after that, they're on a ship. soon that ship is seized and sunk by our pirate friend, and they're removed. right? along with shoe laces and powdered milk. know which ship they're on so he can seize them? well, he or somebody acting for him on dry land buys him the ticket. - uh.. - the man in the white suit. and mrs. barnman. that's right. left this morning early. shoved a note under my door saying here's two months rent in advance. keep everything tidy till she comes back.

or, far be it from me to tell you fellows how to run your affairs. but it seems a simple enough matter. just find out what ship she's on? sir, do you have any idea how many cargo vessels leave ports all over the world every day? i mean she could've been thrown any place first. she could be boarding a ship in...reykjavik for all we know. oh, i'm not saying there isn't a bit of paperwork to be done. what's the alternative after all? you two fellows have got to locate this ship. i expect you to sail by now. then somehow or other, manage to get yourselves aboard. then when it's stopped by the pirate-- get ourselves aboard, sir, after it's at sea? yes, that does present a problem, doesn't it? two chaps joining a ship in mid-ocean. kind of cause comment. unless it's done cleverly. i mean we can't very well just fly away by helicopter

something with...i know. come in, honolulu. sometimes, i think mr. waverly is secretly in the pay of thrush. oh, i hate the sea. uh, we went down 800 miles off the west coast of hawaii. to me, it's as flimsy as this raft. no, i think it'll work. the helicopter dropped us 50 miles in front of the wippid so they should be sighting us in a couple of hours. and the aerological reports indicate there'll be a fog bank around 5 o'clock so that gives us a two and a half hour buffer between the time the wippid hauls us aboard and the time we sight the fog. why are we so certain that the pirate will make

and besides, that's the way mr. waverly sees it. after all mrs. barnman is a passenger aboard the wippid. ho ho ho. i'm sure woman sits behind the big elegant desk. one's vision has a certain clarity of which we out here in the middle of the ocean are deprived. it's 3 o'clock. fog is a little early this afternoon. and the wippid is a little late. but we are right on time. imminently in danger of being crushed between two approaching vessels. why did they not at least let us have a wireless? uh, wouldn't have looked right. someone would have heard our sos by now. [ship horn blaring] holy smoke. - where is it? - i can't tell.

's over here. stop. stop. hey, hey. over here. - ahoy, there. - hey, hey.

gentlemen, as soon as we have sufficiently cleaned you up the captain would be grateful for permission to enjoy a word with you. may i direct you? there. uh, yeah. i see we have caught the wrong bus. ip's cook, s.s. fontella. thank you, my dear. - my name is-- - yes, yes, gentlemen. i'm sure you both have names and credentials. i'm equally sure you'll forgive me. if i'm unable to listen to full details of whatever disaster it is, you have so miraculously survived. i would resist. i'm gonna put you in the hands of mr. morgan. who will see to it that you are fed and properly billeted. after which, we'll face the problem

t...just occurred to me that we don't even know the name of this ship. or of its master. what i mean is, uh, to whom do we deliver our thank you notes? gentlemen, i would suggest that you defer such activities until you're able to determine exactly how thankful you are. [alarm goes off] general quarters, mr. morgan. leave these two here. attention, all hands. this is your captain speaking. 'contact is established.' activate radar and wireless blackout equipment. 'boarding parties muster at station three.' gun crews, man your weapons. all departments assume condition able. mike, sugar. uh, captain, if i didn't know better i'd swear it sounded like you were going to attack a ship.

[dramatic music] (man on intercom) 'forward turret, manned and ready.' [man speaking foreign language on intercom] (man on loudspeaker) 'searchlights, manned and ready.' some kind of international frigate. yeah. it's about to attack the wippid. (man on loudspeaker) 'all stations maintain battle readiness.' oh, i don't know either one of you. what did the captain mean that i should wait in his cabin. i think he meant your wife, mr. barnman. - you know me? - harry barnman? oh, yes, but...did you say my wife? elsa will be here? as soon as the wippid is intercepted. oh, boy, there goes the old way sign again.

n, we don't have much time. so we'd like you to tell us everything quickly. everything about what? exactly who this pirate is. out of what port he operates and especially what he's up to. if you're members, you'll know. no, no. we're not. we're part of an organization called the u.n.c.l.e. 'we're working in parallel with the governments' 'of the us, great britain, russia, italy, netherlands' (solo on radio) 'spain, yugoslavia, japan.' 'to investigate these piracies, kidnappings and stop them.' u.n.c.l.e. 'in a few minutes another ship, the wippid' 'with your wife aboard will be coming alongside.' p.' that's the kind of thing that's good for a 40 minute lecture from mr. waverly. - is it two way you suppose? - i will know before very long. mr. barnman, any help you could give us will be appreciated. now, who is this man? where does he come from? well, i really don't know. he calls himself "shark." captain shark. have you been aboard this ship since you disappeared? most of the time except when we stop at the cove for refueling or supplies.