( whistling sprightly tune ) starring andy griffith... with ronny howard.

hey, barn, you here?! hold it, andy. i'm coming right out. what you doing back there, barn? why don't you come on out? well, my goodness. ain't you the busy bee? yeah, busy, busy, busy. looks like work's just never done around here. i tell you the truth, barn i just don't know how you get it all done. i don't either to tell you the truth. i don't like it.

you ought to come back here and take a nap in the afternoon. me sleep in the middle of the day? you crazy? ( chuckling ) well, you ought to give it a try. hey, and... huh? you know what you were saying there about me working too hard. yeah? i could use some help around here. what? and i thought my cousin virgil would be a big help. who? my cousin virgil. you know, the one up in new jersey. he's coming to visit me. i thought he could help out around the place. cousin virgil? ain't he the one you told me one time was kinda clumsy and kind of a goofball?

yeah, he used to be real awkward and all thumbs and everything. couldn't do anything right but, uh, he's really changed since. good. i hope. you're really going to like cousin virgil. he comes from my mother's side of the family. they're the fun ones. uh-huh. he's going to be a big help, too. he's just an eager beaver. he always wants to be helping somebody. good old virg. yeah. ( horn honking ) well, here he comes. act kinda glad to see him, andy. you know my mother's side of the family. they're sensitive. oh, are they ever.

wind up your smile, andy. take good care of yourself. now you do that. nice to have you back, miss gratham. andy. hey, wait a minute. hold it. open up. oh, sorry. you gettin' on? a that changed buses up in currituck? currituck? yeah, come to think about it, i did. he's sitting in back. that's funny. here's his suitcase, but he's disappeared. gone. gone? what happened to him? i don't know. want to take his bag, sheriff? i'm worried, andy.

see if we can find him. come on. hey, virgil. hiya, barney. hiya, barney. hi, virg. andy, my cousin, virgil. what happened, virgil? i missed the bus. boy, i'm sorry you had to come looking for me. andy: that's all right, virgil, but what happened? well, the bus makes this freshen-up stop at springville so everybody got out to freshen up and they had one of these newsstands there and so i bought you a postcard to send to you because i thought you'd like that. oh, well, that's nice. huh, andy? what kind of a card was it, virg?

had this fella fishing on it... and it had this big crab hooked to the seat of his pants and it said on the card "boy, they sure are biting down here." ( laughing ) pretty good, huh, andy? yeah, i always like a good crab joke. well, you still didn't tell us why you missed the bus. well, then i went looking for a post office and that was about a half a mile away from the bus station. and by the time i got back, the bus had left. well, virgil, that card won't get here till day after tomorrow and you're here already. you could have brought it yourself. oh, yeah. andy: well, let's get on back to town. you got to watch them things, virg.

( door buzzer buzzing ) i'll get it, aunt bee. well, howdy, boys. come on in the house. aunt bee, opie this is barney's cousin virgil from new jersey. well, how do you do? my, don't you boys look nice. yeah, boy. don't they? all dressed up. and i'll finish the table. you all make yourselves at home. i'll help you, aunt bee. come on, everybody. let's eat. barn, you sit over there. opie, you sit there and virgil, you sit by me. sit down, virg. here we go. here we are. oh, let me help you. no, i can manage. no, i've got it. you got it? let me have that.

good, virg. wanna pass me that butter? i'm sorry, andy. i'm really sorry. that's all right. aunt bee: well, let's start. everything's on the table. yeah, it's all here. we just have to get it back in the plates. well, a little accident, andy. still want the butter? no, no, no, no! no, virg, you just relax. you want to pass me the butter, aunt bee?

thank you, aunt bee. well, good night, andy. gee, i sure am sorry. i mean, about virgil. he must be nervous about it being his first day and all. that's all right, but i don't know that i want him fooling around the office. gee, you got to give him a chance. he means well, and he'll be all right as soon as he settles down, you'll see. where is virgil, anyway? he said he was going to get the squad car and bring it up for you, barney. ( tires screeching )

i guess i had it in reverse.

sorry about supper last night. i was only tryin' to help. yeah, i know, virg, but you gotta think. you've got to think. you've got to get on the ball, virg. well, i know. is there something i could do around here? here, let me finish sweeping for you. uh... well... all right.

virgil! i'm sorry, barn. oh, virgil, virgil, virgil! i guess i ain't bein' much help around here huh, barn? no, virgil, you ain't. if you just give me something to do and i'll do it. yeah. yeah, you'll do it. uh, well, all right. uh, here... here's something you can do, virgil. see these keys? you-you clean these up. clean 'em up? yeah. yeah, see, they're all rusty and dirty and everything. you'll find some sand paper and emery cloth

and then, and then polish 'em up. okay. i'll clean 'em up real good. yeah. hiya, barn. what happened? uh... well, uh... il? uh, yeah. uh, you see, uh... he was, uh... barney... i want that boy to stay out of this office. i don't want him hangin' around here tearin' up everything. you saw what he did to my house last night. now he's startin' in in here. where is he, anyhow-- setting fire to city hall? no, no. i gave him a harmless job to do. he's polishin' up the jail keys. look, andy, i'm sorry, too, the way things turned out

i'll tell him myself he's got to go. why wait? ( ringing ) that's the alarm clock. i promised otis i'd set it for him. he's got an appointment to see oscar skinner about a job in the feed store. oh. ( otis yawning ) all right, otis. if you want to get to that appointment you better get movin'. hey, virgil? i need 'em. comin', cousin barney. here they are. all right. clean enough for you? ( chuckles ) yeah, they're nice and clean. hey, andy look what a good job virgil did on the keys. well, i'm glad you like 'em, barn. i have to go back there

t. what's the matter, barney? open up. hold your horses, otis. can't you see i'm trying? hey, andy there's something the matter with the lock. it won't turn. look, barney, you know mr. skinner. if i'm late, that's the end of the job. oh, pipe down. let me see. nothin' wrong with the lock, barney. huh? it's the key. virgil did such a good job of polishin' it he wore down the teeth and they won't turn the tumblers. oh, no. come on, you've got to get me out of here. we will, otis, soon as we think of somethin'.

i told ya. i could see it comin'. yeah, you told me all right, and now i know. all right, this is it. you said you want him out of here? i'll get him out. i'll throw him out. i'll kick him right on the bus and i'll throw his things right out after him. virgil?! come here! take it easy, barn. yeah, barn? virgil, do you know what you did with the keys? you ruined 'em. ruined 'em? that's right. you heard me. you ruined them. virgil, you polished the keys so good they won't unlock the lock and we can't let otis out of the cell. hey, barney, i'm sorry. sorry? that's all you ever are is sorry. can't you do anything right? all right, you can all stand around here if you want to

hey, i'm sorry, andy. i know you are, virgil. forget it. what about it, andy? when do i get out of here? i'll get you out as quick as i can, otis. you go ahead and get cleaned up, and by the time you're ready i'll try to figure some way to have you out. where's my tools? whenever i start to do anything i spend eight hours lookin' for tools and a half hour workin'. well, ain't you going to look at this? ain't they nice, paw? yeah. where is that thing? i bet you think i bought these in a store, huh, paw? didn't ya? mm-mm. virgil made them. good. oh, there it is. what'd you say?

virgil made these? yeah. ain't he good, paw? you actually made these, virg? well, they're mighty fine work. uh, ope, you want to run along? i want to talk to virgil a little bit. okay, paw. sit down here, virgil. tell me somethin'. how can a fella that can have as many, uh... accidents as you have how can that same fella do as fine a work as this? i did that when i was by myself and nobody was watchin' me. when you was by yourself? yeah, i always do better that way. oh.

a wood-carver. your father is? yeah. he's the best there is up where we live. you can ask barney. he can fix or build or carve. he can do just about anything. and your father taught you how to do this? well, every once in a while he'd give me a job to do and i'm kind of awkward, you know. well, i'd start to do the job and, uh, with him watching me, i get all jumpy and fumbly and so he'd have to take over. and he'd do it just right because he's great. and ever since then i haven't been able to do anything with somebody watching over me or expecting something of me. but when i'm alone, i do much better. hmm. okay, andy you goin' to get me out so i can make my appointment?

hey, uh... virgil, i, uh... i want you to do something for me. i want you to get otis out of that cell. what? i want you to get otis out of the cell and you can do it with nobody watching you. otis, turn around. what? turn your face to the wall. now, virgil, take the tools he cell. i'll go in the back room till you're done. but andy, i can't... you can do it. you can do it with nobody watchin' you.

okay, andy, it's all done. i'll be dogged. virg, you did it. nice work, fella. i can shave and keep my appointment. you just tapped the pins out of the hinges and the door lifted right out. right. oh, that's fine work. fine work. wait till barney sees it. why, he'll... ( engine revving )

congratulations, barney.

ow! joxer! i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. come on. i wasn't looking. yeah, you were, at gabrielle. you know what? if i ever go gaga like that over anyone, you have my permission to kill me. happy to oblige. [ groans ] that is so guy! what do you know about guys? you're an amazon. all you know is shopping for bows and arrows and emasculation. i know you don't have to live with pigs to recognize one. you know, i'm so glad all women aren't like you. all the women i know are. we don't need a man to get along.