( children talking ) children? you all know mr. upchurch the publisher of our mayberry newspaper. he has something very exciting to tell you-- something i know you'll all be interested in. mr. upchurch. children, next week will be the 50th anniversary of the founding of the paper by my father. 50th? 50th! 50th? 50th year? i know 50 years must seem like ancient history to you

our golden anniversary our newspaper is going to give a gold medal to one of you students. but you're going to have to work for it. that's right. the medal will go to the best essay on the famous battle of mayberry that historic battle between the early settlers and the indians that established mayberry's place in our state history. as mayberryites you already know something about that battle and about the heroism of the founders of our town but i want you to do some real work on your essays. miss crump and i will be the judges essay will be printed on the front page of our anniversary edition. now, the rest is up to you. you don't have much time so i want you to get right to work. class dismissed. well, ope... anything happen in school today? yeah. china paul dropped his bacon-and-tomato sandwich on the playground.

after it got stepped on a few times. stepped on? didn't anybody see it lying there? we all did. we took turns jumping on it. oh, opie! oh, yeah! there was something else real good. mr. upchurch stopped by and told the class that he's going to give away a prize for the best essay on the battle of mayberry and he's going to print it in the newspaper. that ought to be real interesting to write about. especially since you have an ancestor who was one of the heroes of that battle. i do? colonel carlton taylor. a colonel! wow! according to your great-grandfather, he was an officer-- we're not sure if he was a colonel. andy, i'm sure i heard he was a colonel. and it wasn't a real army. it was a militia that got together to protect the settlement. a militia, huh? yeah. it was a great page in history that all of us in mayberry can be proud of. glorious page. when you going to start writing? i don't know. it won't take me very long.

cts. that was a mighty important battle. you can't just scribble out anything. yes, paw. a lot of folks in mayberry had kinfolk in that battle-- like floyd. you ought to find out what they have to say. i'll go in and see him tomorrow. yeah. hi, goober, mr. lawson. hi, ope. i figured it was about haircut time for you. no. there's something i want to ask you. well, shoot. you know anything about the battle of mayberry? do i know about the battle of mayberry? i have to write a paper for school about it. well, opie, it was my ancestor colonel caleb lawson who was in it at the very beginning-- old "stonewall" lawson. he washe big hero. what?! that's right. those are the facts. well, it just so happens one of my kinfolk was the hero-- colonel goober pyle of the north carolina seventh cavalry. i never even heard of no colonel lawson. never heard of him?!

why, he had the biggest herd of cattle in the settlement. the indians driving the herd off started the whole thing. gee, i didn't know that. i ain't surprised. nobody knows that 'cept floyd. you looking for trouble? look, floyd, all i know is... single-handed he went after those cattle. he didn't know the meaning of fear. uh... before you put all that down, ope it happened to be my ancestor who come roaring out of that stockade and held them bloodthirsty savages off. opie... you ain't putting all that bushwa down? don't you call my relatives bushwa. all i want is this boy to get the truth. then he come to the wrong place! goober, get out of here! i couldn't bear to stay here another minute. leave my magazine! it's my magazine. i left it here three months ago. you stole it from me four months ago. oh, the nerve of him

door's open. hello, clara. what you got behind you? charge! hey, a real sword! i heard about the essay and i wanted to make sure that opie got all the true facts about that glorious battle. can i see it? well, i brought it over for you to look at, opie. now, that's the sword that my great-great- grandfather colonel edwards carried all through the battle. what did he do in the battle? he was the commanding officer. when the other settlers crazed with hunger and thirst wanted to give up he led them in a stirring charge that broke the spirit of the indians and brought the final victory. wow! waving this sword in the air, he yelled at his men "onward, boys! do you want to live forever?!" seems like i've heard that someplace. we have a pillow with those words embroidered on it.

s? of course, dear. gee, mr. lawson said that his great-grandfather was the hero. i suppose it makes him feel better to think that. well, actually, opie, they were all heroes including your ancestor carlton taylor. oh? was there a taylor in the battle? there certainly was. he was one of the first settlers. mayberry was almost called taylortown. oh. well, i wanted you to see the actual sword that was used. i'll be running along now. thanks, and i'll mention the sword in my essay. well, it just might help you win the prize. well, thanks for coming over, clara. oh, it's quite all right. carlton taylor... it's possible. well, the idea!

arge herself. gosh, paw, the only thing that people agree on is that those indians were pretty mean. yeah. sure would like to know what the indians said, though. yeah. hey, paw, tom strongbow's an indian, isn't he? yeah. he's cherokee. maybe i ought to go talk to him. that's a good idea. i'll tell you what-- i'll drive you over there tomorrow. gee, thanks, paw. yeah. that's right, opie. it was my revered ancestor, chief strongbow that led the cherokee in the defense of their traditional hunting ground. chief strongbow. gee, was he wounded? oh, yeah. many times. matter of fact, look at this. this is just one of the musket balls that the medicine man took out of him after the battle. gee. that was a pretty tough battle, i guess. yeah, it was for the indians. it was 50 braves against 500 settlers. 50 braves?! that's right.

understand why us indians still talk about the battle of tuckahoosie creek. tuckahoosie creek? we're talking about the battle of mayberry, tom. that's what the settlers called it, but to us indians it's still the victory of tuckahoosie creek. victory?! yeah. that's right. us indians forced them settlers and their cattle off our hunting grounds. aw, come on, tom. well, they did. the settlers won that battle. opie, i hope you mention chief strongbow in your paper. after all, he was the real hero of the battle. i'll see you, sheriff. gee, paw. i don't know what to put down now. i guess you are kind of confused. i don't know what i'm going to do. hey, you know what? i got to make a trip up to raleigh tomorrow on police business.

s there going way back to 1700s, 1750s-- somewhere along in there. i bet you can get the true facts of the battle. yeah. i've got the dates. i bet it's all in the paper. sure it is. you know, i can see that medal hanging on you rit now. how's it going? i don't know, paw. what do you mean, you don't know? well, i found the story about the battle of mayberry... yeah? but it's different from what everybody else told me. what do you mean, different? let me see. where is it? right there. oh. see what i mean? yeah. i guess this is the true story, huh, paw?

gracious alive!

you mean you actually found an account of the battle? yep. in an old raleigh paper, may 18, 1762. opie copied down the whole thing. well, this is fascinating. i wonder how they came to write about it? well, it seems that the reporter that wrote the piece had heard all the heroic stories of the battle and he decided he'd make a trip from raleigh down to mayberry and talk to some people who had actually been in the battle. oh, you mean our ancestors? our ancestors and the indians. well, go ahead. go ahead, andy. brace yourself. he has some stuff at the beginning. then he says, "dear readers, there was no battle of mayberry. "the only casualties were one scrawny cow "three deer and one mule

no battle? hmm. "the whole fracas began with the death of bessie lawson." there. you see? floyd's great-grandmother. bessie was their mean old cow that an indian shot by accident. ( clearing throat ) "the next day the mayberryites sent "the women and children away, and 50 settlers "found themselves facing 50 cherokee braves who had about as much desire to fight as they did." that's right. "taunts and insults filled the air but no bullets or arrows." oh, i can hardly believe that. "then out from the stockades stepped lieutenant edwards." lieutenant edwards, clara's ancestor, the colonel. "he approached the indians in a wavering course holding a fearsome weapon in his hand." the sword. "a jug of mayberry's finest corn liquor. "one drink led to another

"to shoot some deer to pay lawson for old bessie. "that's how the mule got killed. those were the only shots fired in the battle of mayberry." well, how did all these stories get started? that's here, too. "both sides realized that the true story of the battle "would be a sorry tale to tell their womenfolk. "so the story of the bloody battle of mayberry was conceived and born after the last shot had been fired." there you are. oh, andy, this is going to upset a lot of people. you better know it. oh, everybody's taken such pride in the part their families played in the battle. oh, yeah. there's not too much pride in 50 settlers and 50 indians sitting around getting gassed. andy, if opie wins this contest and that is printed in the paper... mm-mm-mm.

uh, sarah? would you get me helen crump? what? no, i didn't know that. colonel, huh? oh, yes, i'll tell opie. yup. hi, helen. aw, nothing. i just thought i'd call. how's the essay contest coming? oh, well, they won't be handed in till tomorrow. uh-huh. gee, i wonder who'll win that thing? ( chuckling ) hard to tell, huh? mm. there's several students in the class who do well at compositions and essays. you know, opie's pretty good. say opie's good at essays, huh? a lot's going to depend on the amount of research that's done. the student that comes in with the facts-- that's gonna count. for a big part. yeah, yeah. that should be a big part of it, yeah.

uh-huh. well, i'll-i'll, uh, i'll probably see you tomorrow. bye. he could win. oh, my. hi there, ope. hi, paw. working on the old essay, huh? yeah. yeah. i figured that's what you would be doing. you want to read it? well... okay. it's pretty good, huh?

that means it's good then, doesn't it? mmm. sort of. but that's what you told me to do. well, you know, there's such a thing as over-researching. i don't know what you mean. well, let me see if i can explain that to you. ( clearing throat ) um... well, facts are one thing, right? right. right. and then there are other things that are not facts, right? right. right. well, what-what i'm trying to say is that too many facts can make an essay dull. you know what i mean? no, paw, 'cause i don't think this is going to be dull. uh-huh. hey, i got a thought.

no, paw. it's got to be my own work and i have to turn it in tomorrow. well, i know a lot of other fathers are going to be helping out their kids, huh? well... they shouldn't, should they, paw? good night. helen, you can't give opie that prize. look, andy, opie wrote the best essay and we promised that the best essay would get a prize and be published. now, we have an obligation to keep our word even if it is a blow to mayberry. yeah, it'll be a blow, all right. it'll be like telling people at valley forge that george washington got frozen someplace else. i'm not going to take the prize away from opie. and that brings up another little point. how do you think that folks around here are going to feel about opie when they read all this? and me? i'm his father. they're not going to be too happy with me either. i sympathize with you, andy, but i can't help it. it's going to be published tomorrow. well, i'll tell you one thing. you're not making it very easy

opie: hey, paw! paw! i won, paw! i won! yeah, i heard. congratulations. miss crump announced it this morning. she said it's going to be in this afternoon's paper. yeah. it's already out. ohh... you took the words right out of my mouth. no battle. no heroes neither. no arrows, no colonels. kind of gives you an empty feeling. hi, boys. hi. hey. gee, paw, they sure acted funny.

l. hi, ms. edwards, mr. strongbow. hello. well... it's been a week. looks like everybody'd be over it by now. well, it was a great shock, andy and people are taking it very hard. hmm. maybe i shouldn't have written it. ... even the kids are kind of upset with me. most of them had colonels in their families, too. ( phone ringing ) oh. i'll get it. hello? yes, he is. i wonder... all right, i'll tell him. they want us down at the courthouse right away-- something to do with the essay.

l come to a head now. come on, opie. what's happening? andy, i thought i'd be a good idea if we all listened to the broadcast together. what are you talking about? the radio broadcast from the governor. what? it's his weekly radio chat and i got this wire saying there's going to be something on it we might be interested in hearing. oh, for heaven sake's. hey, everybody, i got it. governor: ...we look forward to progress in that area. and now i have a special message to the people of one of our towns in the northern part of our state. not one of our biggest towns but certainly one which we cherish dearly-- the town of mayberry. to the people of mayberry -- i have read with deep interest the article in your newspaper entitled "the true story of the battle of mayberry." i wish to commend the student who wrote it and congratulate the entire mayberry community.

can serve as an inspiration to all the people of the state. too often we are hindered by old myths and legends that have no real meaning today. there's a lesson to be learned from the true story of the battle of mayberry and that is that things can very often be settled peacefully. you all have every right to be proud of your town and its wise founders. good day. ( all talking at once ) it's what we've all known for some time. mayberry has always been an honest and peaceful town and we all have a right to be proud. and do you know who's responsible for all this? opie taylor. three cheers for opie! cheers! cheers! cheers! well, ope, looks like it's safe to wear that medal now, huh?

xena, what does this h like? a mushroom. just a plain old mushroom. i think this is it. [ groans ] you're telling me that this is going to help you with morning nausea? that's what they say. come on. give me, give me. well, bottoms up. some warrior, huh? you look beautiful. [ scoffs ] you do. i feel like a slug. a pregnant slug. you're happy, xena. oh, yeah?