( reads silently ) what'd you do last night? i bowled. who'd you bowl with? with helen. ( laughing ) how bad you beat her? ( clears throat ) well, i, uh... wasn't really on my game. well, you did beat her, though, didn't you? well, no, not exactly. what do you mean "not exactly"? well, she beat me. helen beat you? ( laughing ): i'll be dogged. she really beat you, huh? she really beat me, okay?

she don't even bowl much. i'm trying to read the paper. andy, you bowl all the time and i bet helen don't bowl more than once a month. where you going? home. what you going to do when you get home? different things. what kind of things? well, i'll probably go in and sit around, you know. and i might, i might have a cup of coffee. and then we got company coming. who? well, helen's coming over for a little visit. what y'all going to do? well, i'll tell you, goob. we'll probably come in, you know and sit around there in the living room, you know? and then opie'll probably take the little girl out in the yard and they'll play for a while, you see? and then after a while helen will probably take her niece home. and then opie and aunt bee and myself we'll probably eat lunch. and then i'll just, you know, fool around.

okay? yeah. she really beat you, huh? but, paw, it's saturday. opie, i'm surprised at you. and i understand miss crump's niece is a lovely little girl. that's it-- she's a girl. well, what's so awful about playing with a girl for a while? are you going to force me? your father's only suggesting. that's what you said when you forced me to go to that school dance. you were glad afterwards that you went that was different, paw. i already know all about girls. well, that's fine. then you know on occasion they can be just fine company. if i got to play with a girl on saturday i'd just as soon be in school. let me put it to you this way-- in this country-- more particular, in this house-- when we have company, we entertain them. now, i don't care if it's a girl

, we entertain them. now, miss crump is bringing her niece over here. i'm sorry she's a girl, and i'm sorry it's saturday, but we're gonna entertain them. okay? i say okay? okay. and remember, opie, miss crump has been very nice to you. ( doorbell rings ) well, that must be them. mm-hmm. hmm. good morning, helen. come right in. good morning, aunt bee. cynthia, this is miss taylor. how do you do? how do you do? my goodness, aren't you a pretty little thing? well, well. oh, hi, andy. cynthia, this is mr. taylor. how do you do, mr. taylor? nice to meet you, young lady. and this is opie.

iss crump. morning, opie. hmm. this, uh... this is opie. opie, this is my niece, cynthia. hi. hi. well, let's sit down. mm-hmm. opie, cynthia comes all the way from west virginia. isn't that interesting? wheeling, isn't it, cynthia? yes. mmm. lovely weather we're having, too, hmm? aren't we having lovely weather? ear. just beautiful. just beautiful. not a cloud in the sky. not a cloud in the sky. opie, why don't you take cynthia out and play for a while?

seven-a. me, too. my favorite subject's history. what's yours? lunch. hey, do you want to see a cartwheel? sure. i like to do those. well, what i'm really good at, though, is running. see that tree down there by the gas station? i'll race you to it. on your mark, get set, go! you mean this tree, opie? i didn't feel like running fast. well, what do you want to do now, opie? i don't feel like doing anything. goober: hey, ope. boy, that was some race. yeah.

hia. you helen crump's niece, ain't you? that's right. i knew you was coming. hey, you both look plum tuckered out. why don't you go over there and get yourself a bottle of pop on the house? get your strength back. gee, thanks. come on, opie. cute little thing. hey, do you want to jump over that hole there? gee, opie. i'm not afraid. let's go. hey, don't jump over that oil pit! take my hand, ope. are you all right, opie? my foot slipped. well, come on over here and let's get you cleaned up. are you sure you're all right? yeah, i'm fine.

you want to play later on? i got things to do then, too. oh. well... bye. bye. that cynthia sure is a cute little girl. she's okay. boy, she sure can run, jump and everything. she thinks she's so good. this old grease is coming off. hey, ope... hing that i found out a long time ago? what? well, anytime i did anything with a girl i always made sure it was something i could do better than they could. like what? well, like lots of things. like, uh, drinking the most water without taking a breath or catching flies barehanded or making friends with a live skunk. just about anything i knew i was better at than them. cynthia! yeah? i'll play with you some more.

okay. thanks, goober. come here. thanks. you're filthy. what you been doing? playing. what's your hurry? got to get something. aunt bee: where's cynthia? i'm meeting her now. we're going to play. football? with a frail little girl like that? just going to be touch. i'll tell the fellas to be careful. well, you tell... you tell them to take it real easy. it's your responsibility. if she gets in the way, you just block her out, okay? right. all: break. 62... 48, 31 12. interference!

! that was not interference. it was so, wasn't it? did she touch you? it was interference! was not, opie, and you know it! interference! was not! you shoved me! you shoved me first! you just shove me once more, opie taylor! just you try it! opie, wash up for lunch.

andy, did you call opie? mm-hmm. well, everything's all ready.

he came home and he's been in his room ever since. hey, ope! you coming? opie: coming, paw. planning a trip to hollywood or something? mething in my eye. oh, here, let me... oh, it's nothing, aunt bee. no, dr. anderson said we must be wary of foreign objects in the eye. put down your orange juice. put it down. let me see. opie, you've been fighting. hmm, after i've talked and talked and talked and talked to you about fighting. who started it? the other kid? kinda.

settled anything. and in front of little cynthia, too. was cynthia there? yeah. were some of the boys picking on cynthia? well, you see, paw... can i get some more orange juice? yeah, go ahead. 't want to talk about it. probably because i have lectured him so much about fighting. doesn't seem to have made much impression. well, in this case it seems like it was for a good cause-- protecting a girl. i can't just bawl him out for that. no, no... we did tell him to look out for cynthia. that's right, that's right.

i bet it was that blake boy. he's a bully. yes, he is. he's always teasing girls. and he's... he's taller than opie, too. at least by two inches. yeah. it's... it's good that opie can take care of himself. yes, yes. ( chuckling ) opie's got a black eye but i sure would hate to see the other boy. i'm sorry i hit him. well, let's forget about it for now. i'll see mr. taylor tonight. i'll explain it to him then. why do boys think they have to be better at everything than girls? i don't know, dear. they're just funny that way.

( sighs ) well? you want to tell me about it? you heard, huh? yeah. well, gosh, paw, i was going to tell you, but... well, you and aunt bee thought it happened another way, so... well, how did it happen? well, i was playing football with cynthia and she ran right in front of me and took a pass away. it was interference, paw. yeah? s and she said it wasn't and then she gave me a push. i pushed her back... she pushed you? yeah, she pushed me. we were pushing and all of a sudden, she hit me in the eye. just hit you right in the eye? yeah, she gave me this black eye. and she pushed you? yeah. oh. just ran right in front of you and took your pass.

well, don't worry about it. well, did you find out anything? cynthia hit him. cynthia? i don't understand. why? she took a pass away from him. that's hardly a reason... it was interference. oh, come in. hi. hi. oh. well, what do you feel like doing tonight? we could take a nice walk. okay. or we could go to a movie. okay, fine. there's a good one playing. if you want to go to a movie, fine. andy, what's the matter? nothing. well, something's bothering you. no, nothing's bothering me. oh, listen

oh, well, those things happen. is he all right? well, he's, uh... he's got a black eye. i don't think that's too funny. i mean, i made him play with her and she wound up giving him a black eye. well, she shouldn't have hit him. no. especially when he couldn't hit her back. well, i had a talk with cynthia and explained that to her. you should. i said i did. well, it's just... it's just not right for girls to take advantage of boys like that. i wish she'd never caught that pass. aw, it was interference. the whole thing was unfortunate but i don't think opie would have pushed her if it hadn't been building up for a long time anyway. what do you mean? well, cynthia can do a few things better than opie. like what?! well, she outran him, outjumped him out-cartwheeled him--

tand that now and then he's going to run into a girl who can do a few things better than he can. well... like the other night when you and i went bowling and i beat you? that didn't upset you. well, no, no. i mean, me... no, no. i mean... you beat me. there, you see? i didn't have my own shoes... oh, look at the time, andy. if we're going to make a movie i think we'd better go right now. oh, yeah. in those rented shoes it's no wonder you beat me. andy taylor, that really did bother you. what bothered me? my beating you at bowling. well, no, you beat me at bowling. so what? we know you did it 'cause i didn't have my shoes. your voice is getting shrill. my voice isn't getting shrill. you're as immature as opie. what's opie got to do with anything? the poor young'un's home with a black eye 'cause i made him play with your niece. and what's so immature

go to the movies? if you don't mind, i think i have a headache. you know, i have, too. well, we'll just make it another time. fine. another time. well, good night. good night. ( door slamming )

i thought you were going out with mr. taylor, aunt helen. oh, well, i was, dear, but mr. taylor and i have headaches. oh. aunt helen, i've been thinking and thinking and i still don't understand why boys think they have to be better at everything than girls are. aunt helen? oh, what, dear? i still don't understand at everything than girls. oh, well, it... has something to do with... male ego. what's that? oh, uh, well, you see, down through the centuries man's been provider for the family and protector of women. i guess he naturally feels he has to be stronger and do things better than women. oh. and, you know, i was just thinking maybe it's not a bad idea

you mean even when he isn't? yes, even when he isn't. is that what you do, aunt helen? oh, well, uh... not lately, i'm afraid. but, you know i think it's something every woman should think about. hi. hi. do you like to roller-skate, opie? it's okay. i'm not very good at roller-skating. i wish somebody would teach me how.

you just skate. not me. i bet you're a wonderful skater. i'm pretty good, i guess. opie, would you teach me how to skate? sure, i guess so. well, what do i do first? is to keep your balance. you take kind of short steps until you get the hang of it and then you start to kind of swing your body from side to side until you get the hang of it.

[stream bubbling] [snoring] what is it? [groaning] take it easy. take it easy. what's happened to him?