goodnight. [beeping] [beeping continues]

[beeping continues] i think someone is sending their christmas presents a little early this year. (male #1) illya kuryakin knows mr. solo too well and therefore represents a danger. the attempt to eliminate him failed last night. and for the moment we'll forgo any other attempts. but i must stay particularly alert in his presence. voice pattern's not yet perfect.

no problem. a minor larynx adjustment will take care of that. bit more cartridge from the upper nasal area. the hairline raised. the larynx adjustment of course. we have five days, maximum. mr. solo has a reservation at a certain restaurant for the evening of august 3rd. - by then, we should be ready. - splendid. and then you'll be ready for your august affair. 'you'll be a perfect double for napoleon solo.' [dramatic music] [orchestral music] [indistinct chattering]

to the most beautiful airline hostess in the world. to the most beautiful liar in the world. tell me about your trip back from rome. it was gay and it was exciting and it was very lonely. lonely, why? i meet a lot of very interesting people, but somehow they're gone before i really know them. when are you leaving, napoleon? in a few days. mr. solo. telephone.

hello? hello? napoleon solo would never blow the head of a beautiful girl. not even when the beautiful girl is a thrush agent? thrush? what's that? now you remember, sweetness, that international band of renegades that want to rule the world. 'thrush, you know where you pick up your pay check every week.' oh, we work strictly on commission.

for kidnapping u.n.c.l.e. agents? i'm not going to kidnap you. i merely want to discuss something with you. privately. well, you see i have this odd behavior pattern that whenever i go to ststnge places with strange women i get hit on the head by strange men. - but you keep doing it. - well, i'm trying to quit. but you can't. and neither of us can afford to waste time. i'm here to discuss the august affair. rstand that. so, you would have to coco along and find out, won't you? perhaps later. 'i'm sorry. the time table calls for tonight.' and you know the august affair can't wait. [orchestral music] brace yourself. sandy, uh, i'll tell you, i know this seems like an unusualal may i have my wrap please. it's the black sequined stole.

meeting, you see, i came up here to-- oh, thank you very much. for you, my dear. - oh, waiter. - mrs. serene. - is that our order? - spaghetti milanese. oh, mr. solo might like to see that. [shrieks] [speaking italian] yes, uh, scusate. carlos, may i have the check, please? uh, si.

[dramatic music] how would you know about the august affair? (serena) 'it's entirely possible. i went through your dossier' 'and read some of the reports.' it's also possible that you might be lying. 'all things are possible.' this place isn't bugged. i've checked. mm.

fine. for openness? mm-hmm. the august affair, remember? when is it going to take place? - what? - the august affair. - when would you leave? - oh, i don't know. it's very difficult to...book passage during the tourist season. [doorbell rings] - i'm sorry, uh, i'll get it. time to, uh, get back to business. come in.

you wouldn't put a bullet through your own head, would you? [music continues] direction finder off me now. - open channel d. - 'channel d open.' situation is back to normal.

for phase three' 'of the august affair.' 'i'm afraid our poor mr. solo will have a splitting headache' 'when he awakens in the austrian alps.' perfect. absolutely perfect.

(male #2) 'will the real napoleon solo, stand upupplease?' trust you're quite comfortable.

would it be presumptptus of me to ask where i am? - and where my double is? - i'm afraid, it would. be verercareful not to harm him. we must keep him physically perfect for the moment. [solo grunts] sorry. [music]] (female #1) 'yes, sir?' 'yes.' yes, sir. right away, sir. [flute music]

- napoleon. - illya. mr. waverly. you must've put in a long night, mr. solo. , it, uh, had to be done, sir. mr. solo, mr. kuryakin here will accompany you on the august affair. fine. sort of breaking in a a w career. i, uh, i don't want to seem... fatalistic, mr. solo. but every now and again i have a feeling that your days on this earth are numbered. well, i...am sorry you feel that way, sir.

can i be told the purpose of this affair? 'well, for the moment you mamaknow this much.' you and mr. solo will proceed to washington. 'at our headquarters there you'll meet two agents.' and you'll be given a briefcase to transport abroad. and what does this briefcase contain? the new combination to a vault. 'the combination is changed in the month of august every year'' it's u.n.c.l.e's responsibility to see the, uh, the vault. what does it contain? perhapapthe very fate of the world. 'you'll be told when you arrive' 'that you are in the destinatiti.'

on. - thank you. you've changed. - how? - your shaving lotion. it's a gift, from my mother. [paper rustling] r. i'm arsene coror. 'sicilian headquarters.' - napoleon solo. - illya kuryakin. how are things in sicily? busy. if it's not thrush, it's the mafiosi. oh, i'm sorry that i was all night on a plane from rome. my name is namana, of the liberian section.

i, uh, worked with your brother, ashanti. how is he? my brothth was killed.

ate an electronic combination device. if the case wewe to be opened improperly, acid would be released from the vaults of the case, destroying the contents. va bene? [dramatic music] thank you. stewardess? i'll, uh, just have some coffee. and could get me a, uh, needle and thread. i've gotta lose button here.

he really is very interesting looking. that miserable r r. pretending he didn't even know me. he's probably married and someone in the group knows his wife. he would have told me if he were married. - sometimes they forgege - oh, that rat. your coffee, sir. [screaming] oh, i'm sorry. was it hot? no, no. just a little bit sweet. oh, hm.

my orders were, the case was always to be in sight of at least two of the three carriers. ah, yes, we are getting a bit...sloppy, aren't we? [music continues] [device humming] [beeping]

i have your needle and thread, sir. may i have your jacket? are you sure you haven't lost all your buttons?