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ia and that is why gentlemen my government together with all the other peace loving governments throughout the entire world denounce the east and west alike

wer the level of your voice.' it is too much bluster. if you're to upset the disarmament conference your tone must be more vital, and much more threatening. aw, your criticism is most useful, my nupchick. [applause] (man on radio) 'and that is why gentlemen that my government together' 'with all the other peace loving--' and that's laslo kurasov, gentlemen 'a ruthless and dangerous war monger.' hiding under the cloak of diplomacy. one part molatov, one part von ribbentrop salt with genghis khan and garlic with machiavelli. this magazine puts it well. though his nation is only a spit in the balkans kurasov's power is awesome. and old revolutionary comrade of his premier the ambassador also speaks for those who are eager for a war between east and west.

ion 1's decision. be your job, mr. solo, along with mr. kuryakin here to see that kurasov is removed from the international scene. permanently? yes. but not by any means that'll make him a cause c?l?bre. he must be reduced to complete non-entity. absolutely useless to his government. an ally disrupt to the world peace. would you have any idea how we might accomplish that, sir? i'm sure you two are capable of concocting some diabolical scheme. (man #1) 'what is this?' i must see the ambassador.

hat up to the state department. this man is badly wounded he needs medical aid immediately. wait, stop, you cannot go up there. [groaning] strigas yl893. what is the explanation of this? he got in argument with another man just outside the embassy. 'the other man stabbed him and ran.' wait, he cannot be moved without the ambassador's consent. his pulse is weak. we got to get him to a hospital immediately. our government does not wish an incident, take him away. vladek, check it. ah, check-check what, excellency? "check what," you fool, find out if strigas yl893 has any significance.

splendid job, gentlemen. thanks, charlie. - my compliments to section 3. - that's a relief. yes, i've got that. good. thank you. luxury view motel, must be a big job. well, hope so. the continental exterminator company will be exterminated by it's creditors. patience, mrs. donfield, patience. we'll soon be out of the red and into a white cottage in suburbia complete with rose bushes - and a built in barbeque. - and children. and a automatic washer and drier and-and a built in oven. and children. [knocking] and creditors. come in. - good morning. - well, that depends.

known as the u.n.c.l.e. well, we haven't received your bill. well, quite the contrary. we are here to eliminate bills. as a matter of fact a very rich uncle just came to life and he's gonna take care of all your debts. it's funny, i don't remember entering any contests. i know all his relatives, no rich uncles. 'i didn't marry him for his money.' you're mrs. anne donfield, formerly mrs. anne courtney. 'graduate of benington, 1960.' uate of the mit, 1958.' 'chemical engineering.' one of the top men in your class. mr. donfield...i need a man and i need him quickly. but he must've right background and he must be legitimate. because a certain party is gonna check him out quite thoroughly. you suit all of these qualifications to a tee. most importantly, you've just made rather a peculiar move

you mean, like giving up a $35000 a year job with a large firm for all of this? i just wanna have a business of my own. would-would you mind, excuse me...would you mind.. please, get out of here unless you want some pests eliminated. ah, yes, we do want to eliminate one very large pest. but more importantly we want to preserve world peace. we want you to accept a position with a non-existent corporation manufacturing a non-existent product. what are you doing? - installing a telephone. oh, that's very nice of you but we already have a telephone. not like this one, you don't. i maybe out of shape, but i can still toss you two out of here. mr. donfield, i'm sure you can toss us both outta here. but perhaps won't be necessary after you hear me out. and if you still feel the same way, we will leave quietly.

mrs. donfield, you look beautiful. everything is very beautiful. but i'm not so sure we're doing the right thing. your chauffeured limousine is waiting for you. when does it turn into a pumpkin? i can assure you that it won't. you'll be the government's guest at an international ball. now, one final briefing. in an hour, ambassador kurasov and his aids are going to discover that yl893 is the code designation a man who runs an unsuccessful pest control business which is really a front for strigas headquarters. 'and then later at the party he will discover that michael' 'is a very bright but cautious young man.' and also that he has two vulnerable spots. 'he adores beautiful women and he loves strong martinis.' do you think you can convince him of that? well, i can try.

[knocking] come in. the man who was taken from the embassy died in the hospital. his identity was obliterated by us army intelligence. and what do our agents report about strigas yl893? yl893, is a michael donfield. he was one of america's most promising chemical engineers. last year he resigned from a large firm to open a small exterminating company on staten island. for some other activity. strigas. you're very clever, excellency. no, you're stupid. none of our agents have ever encountered the name strigas either published or in secret file. so, don't come with anymore of your insipid conclusions. yes, sir. i might however, suggest that you send one of our agents to pay a visit to continental exterminator company. - to see what he can see. - i do it myself, excellency.

the one on the right is mr. donfield. on the left his wife. entertain mr. donfield, my dear. very well, darling. - who is the other one? - napoleon solo. agent with the u.n.c.l.e. u.n.c.l.e, ah? obviously, assigned to protect to mr. donfield. a little too obvious, i think. security organization be assigned to cover an american project? interesting question, excellency. yes, and you might trouble yourself to find out if our friend has returned from his exploration with an interesting answer. yes, sir. thank you. do not drink the champagne. merely dip your finger in and taste it.

- sas-s. - cyanide. 'it will be the first of many attempts on your life.' i'm not naive, sir, it is possible that you might have put the poison into the drink? perhaps this will help convince you that i did not. colonel mikolavich donjev, eh? how long been assigned to supervising diplomatic personnel abroad? five years. state secret police much longer. that is not generally known. we're still indebted to you, your excellency for heading the department of deviationists. you may tell general kolodin, i don't require watching by the running dogs of his secret police. i have nothing to do with general kolodin.

you may read the micro-dot at your convenience. if you're still doubtful, you'll see that the message 'is in the premier's own hand-writing.' why did the premier send you? the premier wishes you to know as an old and loyal comrade your position is in danger. your word disrupting the disarmament conference was good. you're being spoken of as next in line. those who have ambitions for the succession are working for your elimination. kolodin? eventually, either he or i will succeed to the first secretariat. unless, you can achieve a personal political coup. then, your position would become so impregnable. no one would dare to denounce you publicly. (mr. donfield) 'never tired, mrs. kurasov.' you're most beautiful woman i've ever met. oops! i'm terribly sorry. who-o-o! what have got here? look-look-look, look at this. i've a poem for you.

why we should drink. good wine, a friend. or being dry. unless, we should be by and by. hmm.. 'or any other reason why.' excuse me, madam. don't you think you have enough to drink, we should be leaving. pardon me, madam, i'm a married man. now, that's just about all i can stand. please, see that he gets home, i'm taking a cab. - yes, if you wish. - wait, i'll-- - excuse me. - pardon me, i'm terribly sorry. - is there some trouble? - yes, my friend is over drunk. it's calvin coolidge. how are you cal? - baby, you wanna taste my-- - i think you had enough. - let me see you home, alright. - that's democratic spirit. democratic spirit, bless you all, bless you, you, you, you.. have you ever heard the word strigas? yeah. general koladin discounts it's importance.

there is to be no answer. the message is to be destroyed after reading. trust no one. well, what did you find out? our agent inspected continental exterminating company. yes, i know he inspected it but did he find anything suspicious? a secret phone, the direct line

i never should have let him out of my sight i should have known better. i'm sorry, it was just awful, you've-you've no.. what's our next move? i know, how you feel, anne.

[knocking] kurasov insisted i spend the night at the embassy. - 'how did your part go?' - fine. the more i counseled caution, the more intrigued he became. he's now concerned that his enemy general kolodin is secretly trying to get strigas in order to enhance his own position. sounds good. there's one possible danger. that aid vladeck is very jealous of his position. he suspects that i maybe trying to replace him. [phone ringing] hello. - 'mr. donfield?' - yes.

ith a certain lady, you indicated some interest 'in selling your...business.' 'might we arrange you to meet with a prospective purchaser?' [softly] when? - when? - 'monday, 3 p.m.' 'that busy orange colored hot-dog stand, off 2nd avenue.' 'if you'll hold two hot-dogs, as though one were for a friend.' i've a problem, i'm under complete surveillance every time i leave the hotel. 'if you'll walk past the news stand' 'further down that street, say at 2:50 p.m.' 'your problem will be given special attention.' why a busy hot-dog stand? initial contacts are always better in public or safer. everything must be complicated nothing too easy, either for them or for us. 'otherwise, kurasov might become suspicious.' what about the news stand?

allow me. thank you very-- oh-h-h! i'm terribly sorry. - please, forgive me. - that's quite alright. oh, dear. what's wrong? i think, i just had my 11 o'clock feeding. taxi! it's the lovely nursemaid over there, either she confused us or she is a bad shot with a tranquilizing fluid i'll risk with the appointment myself. take him back. - what happened? - he's a nice guy. he's got a little drinking problem.

he just had to be burped. [dramatic music] is one of those a spare? no, it's for a friend. i'm friendly, mr. donfield. by the way, i'm mr. smith.

y much. donfield, what formula do you use for your pesticides? well, it's kind of a secret besides, i don't really think your friend could afford it. - is it strigas? - well, could be. how much is he willing to pay to find out? oh, well. that all depends on what strigas is. it's something developed by the pentagon and one of the a hundred thousand dollars. ridiculous, i'd say two million would be more in my taste. out of question. not for someone who realizes the penalty for selling military secrets is death. i.. i might be able to arrange for half that amount if...if i could tell my friend exactly what strigas is. it's an invisible substance manufactured underground

ing else it'll cost you $100,000 in advance. now.. if you'll be at this address, between 1 and 2 with this torn cereal box top there will someone with the other half and he will continue the negotiations. thank you. goodbye, mr. donfield.

gh with you.

et. what am i to do during this appointment? you pray that mr. smith doesn't realize that she did business with the wrong man. the others would recognize napoleon so he can't continue with the deception. (solo) it's 12:30, mike, here. honey...goodbye. mike, please be careful. oh...oh, i will. - mr. donfield. - yes. my name is linkwood, sir, at your service. - how do you do? - this way, please. my secretary tells me, that you would be interested in taking out a group policy of your employees. yes, for the continental exterminating company. sit down, please. well, alright. now, if you'll bare with me, while i fill out these forms. how many employees did you say were in your firm?

- did you say, two, sir? - my wife and i. your wife and you? i see. mr. donfield, i'm afraid you're in the wrong department. group policies are handled here, family insurance plans 'on the next floor.' well, if it's references you want. references? you don't know, what i mean. do you? well.. may i?

now, what about strigas? what about it? your down payment, $100,000. what is strigas? the chemical formula that will (donfield on radio) 'revolutionize modern warfare.' 'even more than einstein's e=mc2.' well, mike. how nice to see you. mr. smith, i'm delighted to see you. what are you doing? just passing by here or what? no. i-i was in the neighborhood and thought i'd investigate some insurance possibilities. continue, donfield. that's all for now.

(linkwood) 'you've been photographed and recorded' 'selling out your country.' i see. i'll need all your data immediately. 'directives, locations, production costs, formula.' i'll need time. you've until tomorrow night at 10:00 pm. let's get down to it, shall we? if we can't complete the transaction by the next contact. forget it. patience, darling. i'm sure the doctor will give you your final examination at your next appointment. [chuckles] [suspires] - i don't like it. - oh, come, come. you're at home always in tune with the gentle