( andy clearing throat ) ah... hi, ope. hi, paw. how things look for the big game? well, pretty good. we got a good chance. what do you hear from mt. pilot?

kers as best i could. not knickers, aunt bee. i know-- it's got some technical name like "dugouts" or something. i'll be glad when this is all over. what's wrong with kids playing baseball, aunt bee? it's the national pastime. if we win, we go to raleigh for the state championships. i just think you're overdoing it. you've been out there rehearsing in that hot sun all week long. we're practicing, not rehearsing. ( phone rings ) oh. hello? oh, hi, goober. yeah? yeah... me?! ( chuckling ): no, no. i don't think... no, w-wait... they did? huh. well... well... okay. i see. all right. bye. they want me to umpire the game tomorrow.

call the balls and strikes, but he's sick so they picked me. i think that's very flattering. well, i don't know if it's a good idea for the umpire to have a son on the team. mayberry kids won't mind, paw. the people of mt. pilot will know you'll be perfectly fair. after all, you are the sheriff and you're head of the mayberry good government league and you've been in the church choir for five years. i don't think they could make a better choice. hmm... well... hmm. hi, goober! howard. hey, floyd. good practice today, boy. how's the team look? aah! ooh! razor sharp. i was just tellin' floyd i'm gonna be coverin' the game for the newspaper. i thought you wrote the garden column. well, yes, that has been my beat but blant and fuller had to cover the fishin' derby in siler city so they asked me to write up the baseball game. maybe you ought to stick close to me

the team would be better off if you did a little less talking and a little more coaching. what's wrong with my coaching? teach them how to bunt, hit and run. well, i do! speed! fleetness of foot-- that's what counts. floyd, i coach the team. i always knew this would happen-- power mad! you give a man a little power and it goes to his head. power mad, that's what you... see, howard? ( chuckling ): well, it certainly is innerestin' hearin' the different inside aspects hi, fellas. hi, andy. hey, andy. i hear you're gonna be umpire at the baseball game. well, i'm not too sure i'm happy about it. oh, you mean on account of opie playin' on the team? well, yeah. andy, i had a long talk with the mt. pilot coach and the league officials and we all agreed that you'd be the perfect man for it. ( clicking tongue ) right! honest andy taylor. never been a blot on that name.

well, thank your mother, howard. can't i be the base umpire instead of workin' behind the plate? well, no, andy. mr. hendricks's gonna be on the bases. he can't call balls and strikes 'cause he's got a bad leg and can't squat. you gotta be a good squatter. get a better focus on the ball. just call 'em as you see 'em, andy. we know you'll be fair to both sides. that's all anybody can ask. hmm. oh... he looks so cute in his little outfit, doesn't he? mm-hmm. get a picture of him. oh, okay. andy! ( shutter snaps )

oh, well, then, let's get one of opie. opie, come on. miss crump wants to take your picture. ( whining ): oh, aunt bee... come on, opie, please. now make a nice pose. there-- with your mitt. ( shutter snaps ) opie, do everything your father tells you during the game. as an umpire, he can be of great help to you. aunt bee, i can't help him at all! nonsense. what's a father for? paw's right, aunt bee. coach: c'mon fellas! hey, ope! i gotta go. well, i don't expect you to do everything for him but if he makes a little mistake, overlook it. i'm sure he won't do it again. aunt bee, once the game starts, i don't even have a son till it's over. andy, what an awful thing to say. when a father won't help his own son... it's-it's time. you shouldn't be back here anyway. run along. uh... all set, mr. hendricks? goober, mr. tyler, let's go!

all right, men, this is it, the big one. i don't have to tell you how much this game means to us-- not just to you, not to me, but to all of mayberry. and i want you to get in there and fight. get 'em, men! come on! ( boys cheering ) come on! go get 'em! andy's certainly takin' charge, isn't he? a born umpire. play ball! ( crowd chattering ) announcer: the mt. pilot comets' leadoff man, johnny adams. ( spectators razzing )

attaboy, ope! he was very alert, wasn't he? strike! full count, 3 and 2. ( crowd cheering ) the score remains nothing-to-nothing at the bottom of the second. they got their sluggers comin' up now. ( forced laugh ): yeah, this is real exciting. that is as hard a hit ball as we've seen in this park. these mt. pilot comets have really exploded this inning. this has been some contest, and now we're down to the wire. the score is 6-5 in favor of the mt. pilot comets. the count's 3-2 with opie taylor due to bat...

strike three! you're out! two outs, opie. you're our last hope. we need a run to tie it up. opie, now, i've always dreamed of coaching a championship team. this is as close i've ever come so go out there and hit one... for the old goober. the mayberry giants have only one more chance, opie taylor. ball! strike!

i think it's a homer! oh, run, opie! run! you're out! oh, no! i'm sorry! you were out! ( yelling )

certainly is a good salad. isn't it? mm-hmm.

nothing i like better than a good old salad. you mind if i have some more? certainly. opie, if you're still thinking about that play i wish you'd forget it because believe me, you were out. mile. can i be excused, paw? you didn't eat anything. i'm not hungry. all right. all right. now, we...

we'll just... we'll just get this thing settled once and for all. and i guess... i guess the best way to start is to... to explain my position. okay? okay. now, uh... i was the umpire. you with me up to now? yeah. yeah. now... now, when that play happened, i was... i was right on top of it and you were sliding, weren't you? yes, sir. yeah. now, all i was doing... i was looking right at the plate. so if... if i was in the best position to see it and i made my decision based on what i saw well, there's only one answer, isn't there? yes, sir. good. i was safe.

with you. i'm sorry, we're busy. come on, goober. quit fooling around. i'm in a hurry. fill her up, will you? you going to check the oil and water? looks okay to me. that's service with a smile. you want folks to smile at you try mt. pilot. they love you over there. hi, floyd. how about a haircut? got an appointment?

ning. don't you think this has gone far enough? no appointment, no haircut. i'll make an appointment. i'm sorry. i'm all booked up. aw, come on, floyd. listen, if you're in such a hurry they got a big barber shop over in mt. pilot-- got four chairs, no waiting. probably give you one for free. floyd, will you quit harping on the hit-and-run play? t casey stengel would have done. well, coaching didn't lose that game today. it was a umpire by the name of andy taylor. don't mention that name! i didn't see that play too clear from where i was sitting. take my word for it, howard. he was safe. when you write your column let the people know that we was robbed. a chance to go to raleigh right out the window. oh. hi, howard.

good evening. evening, helen. hey, helen. come on, andy, let's sit down. what was that you were saying about the game, goober? listen, i'm famished. let's split a sandwich. there sure is a lot of people walking around who need eyeglasses. strong ones. ( goober and floyd laughing ) all right! now i've had about all of this i'm going to take so let's clear it up right now. but you all insisted that i'd be fair. well, you didn't want a fair umpire. you wanted somebody that would be on your side and give you all the breaks. let me tell you something! you picked the wrong fella. and i'll tell you something else-- if we played that game over again tomorrow you'd still have the wrong fella because i called it the way i saw it! and if you'd act like adults instead of a bunch of sorehead kids you'd know it!

huh? boy. hah. boy. now he's blaming us. well, there's something you can write about in your column tomorrow, howard. see how this sounds. ( clears throat ) "although this reporter was assigned to cover "today's mayberry-mt. pilot baseball game "he must admit, frankly "that he has very little knowledge of baseball. "however, after witnessing this game "it appears that more important than the knowledge of baseball "is a knowledge of people. "for instance, why does a man take on a job as umpire "and expose himself to all kinds of abuse? i know why one man in particular did it."

"he wasn't particularly anxious to do it "because his son happened to be playing on the team "and he didn't want to run the risk of not being completely impartial." "it seems to me that once a man is asked "to handle a job like that "any decisions he makes, right or wrong "should be accepted in the spirit of good sportsmanship." "if any of you critics want the job of umpire "let him speak up loud and clear. frankly, i don't think we'll get too many offers." well, i got at least one fella on my side. hi, andy. hey, andy.

t thought that, uh, uh... we'd drop around and, you know... just drop around and say hi. yeah, that's it. we just thought... well, you know... we'd drop around. well, that's very nice of you. there is one thing, andy. you're getting a little careless about your patrol car. way past due for the 1,000-mile checkup. yeah, i've... i've been meaning to bring that in but you know how it is. i'll tell you what. okay. a man should take care of his personal appearance, too. you're getting shaggy around the ears. time for a haircut. yeah, i guess... i guess maybe it is. you drop over to the shop as soon as you get a minute and we'll fix you up... anytime. okay. ( phone ringing ) oh, excuse me. hello. oh, hi, helen.

i'll drop it off on my way home. we got to be going, andy. anytime at all, andy. right. yeah. goober and floyd. yeah. okay. ( door opens ) uh... helen, can i call you back? yeah, i'll tell you all about it. bye. hi, ope. hi. is, um... something on your mind? unh-unh.

well, guess i better be running along. okay. i just came in to say hi. hey, these are good pictures, helen-- color and everything. look at this one. oh, that's great! opie, here's one of you. isn't that nice? that's one you took just before the game. uh-huh. oh! oh, let me see. let me see. oh, yes. there you are in your umpire's costume. uniform, aunt bee.

oober's face here. yeah. hey, i feel like some ice cream. who wants to go with me? i do. okay. come on. you know, there was one thing good about that baseball game-- you got some wonderful pictures. yes, i did. all that fuss over that silly game. i suppose they'll be discussing for months whether he was safe or whether he was out. uh... aunt bee? t? i mean from everybody, even andy. why? what is it, helen? well... here's a picture i haven't shown to anybody. oh, my!

? think of your fellow man. ? ? lend him a helping hand. ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ? take a good look around... ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ?put a little love in your heart.? ? in your heart. ? (avo) the subaru share the love event is happening now and will have given ninety million dollars

it was the kind of night where you could feel time flow over you like... ...the amnesiatic waters of the river styx. that is terrible. "amnesiatic"? i don't think that's a word. this doesn't work, either. no. oh, yeah. this is so good.