good morning and welcome to "viewpoint." i'm jim handley. our focus this morning is domestic abuse, efforts to combat it, resources available and what you need to know if you've been a victim or if you know someone who has. and our fest this morning, reverand tony lee, community of hope, ame, angela brooks, prince georges county and dr. johnny parker, men's ministry leader at first baptist church of glen arden. welcome. thanks for coming in on such an important topic. we appreciate it. we know you've been working very intensely on this for month, if not years now. we've seen an increase. talk a little bit about that, if you would. you mentioned the word kind of an explosive increase.

>> it has been explosive. we ended 2013 with a 37% decline in homicides over the last three years, but this year alone 17 of our 42 homicides have been domestic in nature which means 40% of the homicides in our county are domestic-related which are phenomenal numbers. we are concerned about it and really just intent on causing a decline in those numbers. >> maybe we can start out with a working definition for our audience first. when we talk about domestic violence, domestic abuse, it can take many forms, not just what we think of initially when it does end in something as horrendous as murder. what else are we talking about when we say domestic abuse? >> certainly the physical element is a piece of that. it's emotional. it could be sexual so it's unwanted, you know, harm towards someone and uninvited someone coming at you, violating your

boundaries, from an emotional, physical perspective, but it's harmful behavior, that's emotional and physical and aimed at another person. >> what are you seeing when people come to your church and see help, reverend, seek help? >> well, what we're seeing is a couple of things. one, we're seeing -- we're seeing a level of fear. one, and we're also seeing people who are concerned not just about where they are but how they can get out of a bad situation safely, how they can interact with the resources of the county, how they can interact with the resources of the church so they can work on safety plans. we work on the safety plans and working on them helping to deal with the fear and even dealing with issues of self-worth and understand they deserve more than kind of what they are and we also see patterns that go back to childhood. we also see people who witnessed

their parents in similar kinds of patterns, and so kind of see things as normative playing out similar patterns and have to work through all kinds of pieces to help people to even grapple with to engage in a safety plan or to find some safe ways out. >> maybe we can talk a little bit throughout the half hour about myths and try to dispel some of those. who are the victims when we're talking about victims, and what are the perpetrators? >> you know, one of the interesting thing about a victim i don't think there's any particular prototype. what we know now is it happens everywhere. i think we think of it that's something as happening far over there. it has no racial boundaries. it has no economic boundaries. it is not a religion boundary. we're seeing, unfortunately, it's happening in far too many communities. i think what the ray rice case, for example, taught us, as we looked at that couple, looked at her, knocked unconscious without a single bruise that we could notice, what that says to us it

does happen and can happen far more often than we know, but there really is no particular type of victim. they are prosperous. they are poor, just kind of all over the gamut, and that's what's so troubling about this particular phenomena. it just really crosses every community, every community. >> and dr. packer, when we talk about the victims and perpetrators, too, there's no locked-in profile for a person traitor? absolutely not. what's going on on that level, and reverend lee alluded to it, at the core level it's shame, it's unresolved hurt and patterns learned from the past, so at the core level, so that's the primary thing at the core level beneath the surface. but what comes to the surface is when we see the acting out. whenever people, men or women, don't talk out, they act out, so we don't talk out things of shame and unresemifinaled hurt and pain and it's prolonged, it can manifest itself in a violent

situation, man towards a woman, woman towards a man, and it can manifest itself for that way. >> you've had a hotline for a couple years, a 211. what happens when someone calls that number? >> this hotline was set up through the county government, and what happens is an individual can call that number and access all of the county's resources by calling 211. what that number means for people not just for victims of crime, those who are abusers who have the ability to call and say i need some help, if it's mental help, substance abuse. whatever the issue is you're able to access resources by calling 211 and be connected to resources. >> one of the big resources is church, and the county has a strong partnership with the faith-based community. how has that worked, and how is that working now? >> well, a couple of things. one, in the church we had to understand it, and in some ways we considered outreach but he to have inreach. not just people out there but

people sitting in front of us, and we had to be able to have protocols in place so that when something came, when a situation happened that we weren't trying to figure out what to do, but we were already plugged into the resource. we're grateful to god and the work that others and county resources are doing. our protocols are established and our people are trained. when the situation comes we know what to do, who to reach out to and have systems in shape to be able to meet the needs of those, many already in the church and helping phyllis theroux this time in their life. >> that's great. lots more to get to in this half hour. as we go to break we'll put up the number and it's easy. 211 for resources if you know someone who has been a victim of domestic violence or need help yourself. we'll be right back on "viewpoint." stay with us.

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. and welcome back to "viewpoint." again our topic this morning is

domestic violence, domestic abuse. dr. parker, i'm wondering if we can share with our viewers, you have a personal story. from years back. >> sure. yeah, i grew up in new york and in a home where there was domestic violence, unfortunately, and i watched my father and his behavior towards my mother. i also watched him 36 years later work through issues and after divorce i repairied them, but part of growing up in that experience, hi to learn when i got married and had anger and conflict and i saw myself wanting to do what my father did and i vowed i never would do that. whenever i had those feeling, i would leave the apartment back in those days, we've been married 25 years and began to seek out counseling, that's interesting and do that for a living and to sit on the couch and to say by any means necessary i will work through

this, i will work through my thoughts and processing of emotions, and that's a big thing for me and for many men. we don't have a language. we don't know how to process our emotions. we don't know how to -- what are some of the appropriate ways to identify what we're feeling because for the many men we've never been encouraged to do that. it's not okay to when you're a 5-year-old to have to be in pain so you're called a name, you're shamed. you get to be 22 or 25 years old. you ask them what's a feeling and the guy hasn't had a feeling since 1995. he doesn't know what to do with what he's feeling so that was a big thing for me. i had to learn a language for how i was feeling and learn how to share what i was feeling and have appropriate outlets, and i'm glad to say my father has turned the page. i have turned the page, and that's why this is so important because i really want to help other men turn the page in this area. >> who better. you're giving back, so commendable. miss alsobrooks, a big part of

your focus is on prevention. >> yes. >> and connecting with these potential abusers, abusers, too. >> exactly. what we noticed in the cases that we've had this year and some of last year as well is many of the individuals who came to us as abusers we had never seen before, no history whatsoever, not a history of arrest, nothing. so we saw these kind of explosive reactions in many cases, and we know that we're able to prevent -- we would rather prevent than to react to these crimes so that we know there are a number of financial stresses. we just wonder whether there is a way for us to communicate, in particular with men, in a way that encourages them to come to us without shame, to say i need help. there are women who are abusers as well. we want them to be able to say i need help. a whole mental health element of this that's gone unaddressed for too long, we think, we want to reach out and prevent. we're tired of reacting to these crimes. they remain essentially the same, the same that i've seen

since 1977 when i started this work. we know the way to resolve this is deal with prevention, especially with men, talk with them in a way that encourages them to come to us, including children, the victims of domestic violence. hurt people hust people. so many people are hurt through these crimes and they repeat it. >> when they grow up. >> when they grow up. >> we do know that that happens. >> as a matter of fact it does happen. >> talk a little bit about the emphasis on family, if you would, with the church because it does touch not only one victim but an entire family and friends of that person, too, as well. >> i think one of the blessings of being a church is that churches see generations of family come through it, and so a church is a very stable place and community in which you can see just generation of family come through it. with that you see generations of family history but also it's a safe space for the family.

even if families fall away when times of crisis come or when times of grief or joy come, they seek out the church. so in the church then it's a blessing when you have people on your staff and on your team who have been trained to be able to recognize certain things, who have been trained to be able to communicate certain things and have also been trained not to be able to help certain bad habits continue, and so that is a piece, and in church we talk about family, and in dealing with those kinds of pieces of strengthening, one, family values and also strengthening healthy family communication dynamics, so helping families to be able to learn how to deal with stress, helping families learn how to deal with conflict, helping families learn how to deal with hard times and helping families to understand that every day is not going to be the best day in the world and dealing with what it means to be family in a way that you can

deal with conflict and stress, in a way that's not problematic but a way that's uplifting, and it helps family move forward. >> want to talk more when we come back about the stress triggers, and one you mentioned earlier is finances. that's a big one. as we go to break, again, that hotline number is 211. stay with us.

and welcome back to "viewpoint." again, our topic is domestic violence, domestic abuse, and we mentioned off the top that abuse can take many forms, and oftentimes that victim can be isolated. when we talk about that, what do we mean? >> very often we find that abusers isolate victims from their family members, begin to strain relationships between family, between friends because the whole notion is to gain control over this individual so you limit that person's conversations with their girlfriends or with others in an attempt to really fully control that person. by the time the victim is at a

point where they want to reach out for help, many times they have strained relationships and are ashamed to go back to family members and to reach out and say i need some help. >> what about a woman who does go back? i'll ask the gentleman on our panel. what do you counsel them or how do you counsel them what to do if they are going back in an abusive situation. >> certainly i caution them before going back if they decide to go. hear the words i'm sorry and going to be different, going to be different next time going forward, believe the behavior of actually sitting down and going into therapy and seeking out counseling for a long period of time, so you want to hear the words but leave the behavior so you -- i would really caution a woman or do not go back until you see a demonstrated act towards clinical counseling of some kind, spiritual-based counseling, but watch the behavior, watch the behavior, look for signs of change and

look at the behavior carefully and have a support group. you cannot make this change in isolation. you have to have a support group for the people who are committed to your best interests as well. >> reverend, that's where both of your churches come in. >> that's right. we found the reality ends up being that plays out a lot of times, as much as we would not want people to go back, sometimes women do go back and into really bad situations. what we try to do is help them to feel. don't try to shame them, but we try to let them know that the church is still always a safe place and what we also attempt to do is to work on a safety plan so that when they get to the place in which they are really ready to come out, that they already have a safety plan and they know where they can go and who they can connect with, and so we had a situation with there was a woman who wasn't ready to come out, had a safety plan with her who identified family members in another state who said when she was ready they

would allow her to come down. when she was ready we already had the mechanisms in place, gears were already in place to get her to a place of safety. she knew who to call, knew who to call on our team, in the county to be able to help her to get to a place of safety. i think it's a place of really saying we don't want you to go back, but i think miss alsobrooks shared a little when we were offline, you know, sometimes it takes people seven visits by the police before they actually make that decision to leave a bad situation. we want to respect their process, not revictimized them in process and allow them to know that they always have a safe space to come to because sometimes their family is frustrated and sometimes their family is so tired of process that -- that they don't feel they can go back to fenway park limb members. that's where the church comes in, the resources of the state and county come in to help them

to have that safe space to go to. >> that's a stunning figure, seven visits. it's beholden on the police officer or the sheriff's deputy to try to convince that person? what do they do? what can they do to press charges? >> if they want to press charges, they can come to the courthouse and clerk's office and go to a commissioner and file charges, but generally it does take seven visits before an individual follows through to get help. we understand this is not easy. i think it's a great point also to make is that the most dangerous time in a relationship is when the individual leaves. we recognize that. we want people to know that. that's when we find the most dangerous point in the relationships so the safety plan is critically important, to have a place to go already, to alert people and let somebody know what's going on who you trust. very often, again, the isolation means that you keep this to yourself. >> right. >> but if there is a trusted individual, we do encourage people to let at least one person know what's going on, have that safety plan. where will you go once you leave? talk to them if you need

financial help, for example, that's why the faith community becomes so important. there are many who want to leave and can't leave. they have children. they do not have the resources. they do not have a safe place to stay at night and so those are things that you have to consider ahead of time. >> i would think the more people brought into this can act as a deterrent, too, that it's out there, not just the victim who knows this and perpetrator and other people know and that puts that person on notice i would think as well. >> it shifts power. >> yeah. >> since this is all about power it shifts power. if there are other people there to support the victim through it, then that shifts the power. >> how much -- real quickly, if we can, but the issue of retribution, you talk about the most dangerous point. how much of an issue is that, people being afraid to get a restraining order, for instance, how effective are those? >> that's a very real concern is that the abuser, again, because he or she will have lost power, will then retaliate, and that's, again, we find that this really is about fear, fear of losing

control, and that fear in many cases causes a person to react violently. >> all right. >> very violently. >> we'll take another quick break. again, the hotline number is 211. we'll be right back on "viewpoint."

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and welcome back to "viewpoint." angela alsobrooks, the state's attorney in prince georges county. 25% of cases of domestic abuse or violence that you prosecuted last year, that's an astounding number, but there were four babies this summer, three different instances of violence, that took it to a whole other level in a lot of people's minds. >> the babies this summer i tell you nearly killed us, it really did. we were just so upset about the babies this summer. we had four of them. we had two young 3-year-old girls who were killed a week

apart and then siblings aiden and kayla killed by their mothers. what we know it's not limited to intimate partners this. violence has spread across our families and has really increased the urgency for all of us to eradicate it to make sure this is not only killing the adults, but we have to recognize the whole family sim pacted by domestic violence. >> dr. parker quickly, you shared your personal story, you talked about during the break a gift your mother gave to your dad. >> and that was calling the cops, the cops being called and intervening a boundary that says i love you, but this is not okay for you to treat me this way and it was a gift to my dad. it changed his life. >> reverend lee, the point that you want to end on is the fact that you're here to help people realize that they can have it better and do better. >> and big thing for us is men and women, is helping them reconnect that as a child of god

they deserve better. sometimes people stay in the situations they are in or play out the situations because they feel like they don't have much to give or much to live for, and we want them to understand as a child of god they deserve better and then it's our job to help get to a place called better. >> that's wonderful. briefly something in the news this week, just to highlight the fact you're all working as a team, resources you've gotten in prince georges county, law enforcement, too, this is dangerous for them. >> very dangerous for law enforcement, volatile cases when you talk about the emotion involved. you talk very often about the weaponry that's there. these are very dangerous cases for law enforcement to respond to, and they do. we had 2,500 cases last year, multiply that by several because generally people don't follow up after the first time. >> we're all out of time. we could if on forever. thank you for all of the great work you're doing year round and thanks for sharing your insights with us this morning. now back to "news 4 today."

enjoy the rest of your day, everybody.

good morning. right now tens of thousands of people in our area getting ready for a day that they have waited all year for. it is the marine corps marathon and you're looking at a live picture from the course. this is near mile four, a very exciting spot along the race route. in fact ingenuous 4 will be there with their big cheering crowd to cheer all the runners on. >> look for the big peacock. we're watching the forecast for everyone who plans to head outside this morning. good morning and welcome to "news4 today". what a spectacular weekend we've had so far weather wise.