jackson, and deena lohan all rolled into one. [ laughter ] never lost. >> well, you certainly like to promote yourself. like this week, you said that you could beat michael jordan in basketball with one arm tied behind your back. >> you're damn right! while wearing a beekeeper suit and hamburger helper gloves. [ laughter ] >> now how can you say that? you played college basketball and averaged two points a game. you're not going to beat michael jordan. >> man, don't talk to me about no michael jordan! you ain't seen what i can do! look at me. i am eight feet tall. [ laughter ] i can jump 20 feet high. i once jumped over a super target. this past thanksgiving i ate 100 turkeys. >> you didn't eat 100 turkeys. >> the hell i didn't. caught every turkey myself.

baller brand shoes. >> that's right, i forgot your son already has his own shoe line and they cost $495 a pair? >> that's because they're quality. they're made of south african rhino-sauce-rus horn. >> a what horn? >> rhino-sauce-rus. they help you run faster, jump higher, and keep your willie hard as glass. here you go, colin. >> i don't know if i want to touch these. thank you very much. wonderful shoes, thank you. >> that will be $495. >> i'm not paying you for the shoes, you just gave them to me. >> uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. [ laughter and applause ] that's okay. that's okay. that's they're only worthy of lonzo anyway. >> i feel like the

are really high for lonzo at this point. the lakers are expecting him to win rookie of the year already. >> he's going to win a hell of a lot more than that. nba mvp, finals mvp, he's going to win an espy, a grammy, purple heart. [ laughter ] and he's going to get best truck in his class by j.d. power and associates. [ cheers and applause ] i guarantee it. the lakers are going to win it all this year, let me tell you how they're going to do it. just start all my kids. yeah, the starting five will be lon lonzo, 18-year-old le angelo, 15-year-old le melo and two boys who are just conceived, le vitr and le d dickulousness. >> black trump, everyone. >> and somebody buy these shoes. [ laughter and applause ] the national association for the advancement of colored people has issued its first-ever

travel advisory warning for people of color of discrimination missouri. first of all, naacp, stop calling us colored people. [ laughter ] we picked a color a long time ago, it's black, okay? second, nobody's going to missouri because they want to. it's not cancun. it's the show-me state. as in, "hey, brother, can you show me how to get to chicago?" [ laughter ] >> legendary cook book editor judith jones died at the age of 93. she'll be buried at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience reacts ] police in north carolina are searching for a woman who robbed a sprint store. the woman was able to break in because even the security gate at sprint only has two bars. [ laughter ] l.l. cool j. will become the first rapper ever to receive a kennedy center honor later this year.

honor went to old dirty bastard. [ audience reacts ] >> well, it's august and a lot of people are still working on their beach bodies. here to comment on that is one person who's been working out, our own leslie jones. [ cheers and applause ] >> hey! whoo! what's up? how you doing, baby? >> it's great to see you, leslie. can i just say, you look great. >> i believe the words you are looking for is "damn girl, you got them michelle obama arms." get your wallet out, by tickets to the gun show! gun show, kiss it! kiss it! kiss it with your pretty mouth! yeah! i just showed you what's going to happen to you when you go to jail, colin. [ laughter ] >> when i g t

>> yes. >> leslie, it seems like you really enjoy getting into shape. >> yes, i love working out. but i do not like going to the gym, okay? there was this one girl at the gym in these big ass poofy shorts now i don't have to tell y'all that she was white. [ laughter ] this whore of babylon went up to the water to up to the water thi drink from and started splashing water in her sweaty ass armpits. that's nasty! that's worse than being in a swimming pool full of booty water. >> sorry, what is booty water? >> let me explain something to you, you sexy ass white-walker. when you're in a pool, you don't know how your booty is going to react submerged in water. okay? you don't know if you got loose air pockets that need to come ou

hole is going to react to all the pressure of the water up against it. so eventually, booty plus water equals booty water. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> yeah, i mean, you can't argue with math. >> nope. >> if we could also just get back to exercising. it seems people online get very inspired by you. >> yes, people tell me all the time baudsecause i post my work videos on social media and i got one thing to say to all of y'all. i'm not doing it for y'all, i'm doing it for me. [ cheers and applause ] i'm 49 years old and i want to look fine one more time before i die, okay? i want to look like pam grier when she was in "foxy

as a matter of fact, i want to look fine even after i die, you know what i mean? i want the dude at the mortuary to be like -- >> oh, no. [ laughter ] >> damn. now i'm not saying he should do anything, but i'm saying it should cross his mind, you know what i mean? >> leslie jones, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] >> kiss the arms, baby. we'll be right back with more "weekend update summer edition" after this commercial break. thank you. baby. we'll be right back with more "weekend update summer edition" after this commercial break. thank you. we're so glad to have you here. ♪ what if we treated great female scientists like they were stars? ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] thank you guys, thank you very much for watching. join us next thursday for another "weekend update summer edition." for "weekend update" i'm michael che. >> i'm colin jost. good night. [ cheers and applause ]

breaking news right now. chopper 4 over the scene after a local police chief was injured in prince georges county. devon martin got into a wreck while riding a police-issued motorcycle this evening. let's go to prince georges hospital where chief martin was taken after that accident. christian wright is at the hospital a few miles away from the crash scene on martin luther king jr. parkway. christian, what have you learned? >> reporter: well, wendy, initially we were told chief martin was in critical condition and that the situation was in fact dire. but what we've just learned just a few minutes ago, is that chief martin is going to be okay. so chief m

right now is talking with his family. he's still undergoing some tests. but his injuries are not life-threatening. that is the bottom line. chopper video to show you tonight of the crash. chief martin was on his motorcycle, his department-issued motorcycle out on patrol this evening. this is martin luther king highway. the chief somehow collided with a car. that driver did in fact stop. and so did others who saw the crash when it happened. so they jumped out and they gave the chief aid. they called 911. prince georges county's police chief talked to us about this tonight saying how much that quick action by members of our community means to him. >> that means the world to me as a police chief. knowing that a fellow chief is injured, but frankly, any member of public safety, at this moment in america, to see our community rush to help an officer who's down, i

community need to feel good about that. >> so, still some questions right now about exactly how the collision happened. but we are being told that they do not -- police do not believe that any sort of drugs or alcohol were involved. so the good news, chief martin, we understand, is recovering and will be all right. back to you. >> kristen wright, thanks so much. we also have new details this evening about a double shooting we've been following in northeast d.c. one of the victims, a bystander, just 17 years old, listed in critical condition tonight. derrick ward with the latest. >> reporter: police say the 17-year-old female who was driving this car is in critical condition at an area hospital. a man was also wounded in the same incident. he's also hospitalized. his condition is unknown. it started around 3:30 p.m., and police responded to a broad daylight incident, gunfire in the street. >> we arrived on the scene, found one female gunshot and a male gunshot also. >> reporter: investigators have yet to determine

intended target was. they don't believe it was the female. she they say was an innocent victim doing nothing other than driving. there are armed security guards that patrol this complex. assigned to the trouble here. local minister said they'll be in this community this weekend. in the nearby park, doing what she and her congregation can do to help. >> we'll have a crusade. it's just about, if you believe that you have hope that our communities can change, but we have to be the change that we want to see. >> reporter: about 20 minutes before the double shooting, police had been called to the same area. >> we received an earlier call for a service of the sound of gunshots. officers responded to the scene. canvassed the area and talked to witnesses. we did not locate anyone. >> reporter: the suspect description in the earlier call did not match the one from the double shooting, information they want to get out about that crime. suspect description, one male was wearing a red hoodie and white t-shirt, the

hoodie. >> they were operating a tan colored, gold colored honda accord. >> reporter: they'll gather and pray. now, the police chief was at the hospital where that 17-year-old girl was taken. again, she's in critical condition. he called this a senseless shooting. live at police headquarters, derrick ward, news 4. back to you. and now, your storm team 4 forecast. for tomorrow, we'll have mostly cloudy skies and a high temperature of 82 degrees. we're going to start off right around 70. again, the clouds already in place. most of us are dry through the lunchtime hours. as we move toward the late afternoon and evening hours, a few scattered showers and thunderstorms to deal with. make sure you grab the umbrella and keep it handy for your saturday. as we take a look here, showers are likely. as we look to sunday, partly sunny and nice conditions in the forecast. we're noticing the humidity tomorrow and saturday. and then lower humidity for the second half of the weekend.

the rain chances tomorrow and saturday hour by hour with future weather, wendy. >> thanks, amelia. it was the battle of the beltway. but the redskins didn't put up much of a fight. the team's preseason opener against the ravens, a bit of a snooze, carol. >> reporter: i know you're thinking that. you know what they say about first impressions. but throw it out the window, because this is the preseason. and yes, there was a lot of bad and a lot of ugly, but the good news is, it doesn't count. redskins-ravens, preseason game number one. kurt cousins comes out and gives everybody a thumbs up. thumbs down for his appearance. he came out for two series, three and out both times. here we go in the first quarter. cousins back to pass. he gets taken down. anthony levine

someone making plays for the redskins, nico, comes away with his first nfl sack. 5'8", the smallest player on the roster. and the linebacker with four tackles making an impression. are redskins routed the ravens 23-3 the final. nico marley, they called him a firecracker after the game. as for kurt cousins, he had soothing words for fans. talked about all the issues and said that they're going to point to this night, and say that's when they're going to turn it around. a lot more reaction coming up. >> okay. thank you, carol. next at 11:00 -- >> rats. the news 4 i-team about how

we've seen them scurrying through the streets and yards, but the news 4 i-team found out road enter can have a serious negative impact that includes crumbling sidewalks and damaging the infrastructure. investigative reporter jody fleischer has a look at the threat the rats pose and what you need to know to protect your property. >> reporter: it's no secret road epts are on the rise in the d.c. area. the warm winters and growing population are to blame for the approximated 65% increase. the little creatures cause big problems that could cost us all big bucks.

>> i remind myself how the rats are taking apart our city. >> reporter: dr. bobby corrigan has spent decades on the hunt. he has a doctorate in rodentology. and unlike the rest of us, he actually wants to find these little devil also. >> they're very, very destructive animals. they'll take sidewalks down, damage our streets. rats are doing a lot of damage in the district of columbia. >> reporter: their burrows are inches wide but can dig out the soil underneath. >> this will cave in. it's a very expensive repair. >> reporter: an expense not lost on the national park service which already has about $850 million worth of projects that need funding. >> certainly if you have rats that are making it worse, adding to that tally, that's something we're trying to avoid. >> reporter: when someone created a yelp review of the dupont circle rat sanctuary last

map, the park service took note, spending about 30 grand to ditch the surrounding hedges, relocate trash cans and scented plants with wire mesh under the soil. the number of rats in that park dropped by 80% in the first month. there's also a new contract with d.c.'s department of health to treat rat problems on national park land. in fact, when the news 4 i-team spotted these holes under the already worn sidewalks at recall lins park, we waited until dusk to i.d. the culprit. d.c. crews showed up the very next day to treat the burrows hidden among shrubs just like the ones replaced at dupont circle. >> that's far more preferable than repair sidewalks or do major construction. >> reporter: but it isn't just parks. lined sidewalks and alleys across the district. >> they live down in here. >> dozens and dozens of them. they're big. >> reporter: behind tall office bu

daylight, the tell tail signs of cracked sidewalks can cause trouble. >> analyzing all kinds of data trying to figure out how we're going to model the population, the rat population, and how do we intervene. >> reporter: he's impressed with the district's efforts to combat the problem. he even taught a rat academy here. >> you have to look at the big picture, don't put bait down a hole and call it a day. >> reporter: especially when human behavior is usually to blame. open trash cans and litter are a huge culprit, along with food left out for pets and stray animals. even bird feeders can attract them. rats require a holistic approach. >> they don't want to call in and say, i have a pest issue in my own house. they're embarrassed. >> reporter: we reached out to d.c. government, and while there are lots of ongoing repairs for sidewalks and infrastructure, no one really tracks what caused that damage in the first place. so there's no way to tell

rats is costing taxpayers. jody flerver, news 4 iteam. my goods in, let's go to something beautiful. how about the sunset. it was like a lion king sunset. that is truly a sunset that is unfiltered taken by our pilot in chopper 4. amelia, it doesn't get any better than that. >> it really doesn't. and over the next few days, we are going to be dealing with some rain in the forecast. but not a washout. a few good sunrises and sunsets in there. starting off tomorrow, 7:00 a.m., already waking up to more cloudiness than we have been. and at 11:00 here, future weather wants to spit out a few showers. but i think we stay dry through the lunch hour. in the afternoon and evening hours, we tart to see showers and thunderstorms pop up. notice as we move to 3:00, we're seeing scattered showers, especially back to the i-81 corridor. numerous showers and

pockets of heavier rain, impacting the area, 8:00 in the evening. some of that rain sneaks on into parts of the district. then as we look to your saturday, i want to show you what's happening as well. a tricky forecast. but here's the latest. i think we're going to be mainly dry during the early-morning hours. for the midday and early afternoon hours, this is looking like the best chance for rain. from about 11:00 a.m. mainly until 3:00 in the afternoon. you can see future weather agreeing with my thoughts there. saturday evening, i can't rule out a few widely scattered showers. the general trend from there on out will be dry. this saturday afternoon barbecues, definitely want to have a plan b. heading to the pool, i'd go sunday. same thing for yard work. take a look at your ten-day forecast. not only will we have some rain around on saturday, but it's muggy as well. mid-80s for highs on sunday. partly sunny skies. low humidity. mid-80s. really nice day on sunday. maybe a shower around on monday. mid-80s. the chance for some showers on tuesday, wendy.

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your local chevy dealer. what did we learn tonight from this? >> tonight watts just the starting point for the washington redskins. the baltimore ravens, the first team they faced since the end of last year. they were shaking off rust in game one. jay gruden ready for some football. just not the kind he saw tonight. first team offense didn't take flight. kurt cousins, sacked once.

ravens running back west looks pretty good. in the first, west leaping over the line into the end zone. a two-yard touchdown. the ravens jump ahead 7-0. the star of the night for the red skips, 5'8" nico marley, four tackles and a snap. making the coach pay attention. the redskins fall to the ravens 23-3. and with more from baltimore tonight, we're joined by carol maloney. hey, carol. >> reporter: tell wendy that i looked it up, it wasn't the longest preseason game in history. but it sure felt like it. players certainly happy it came to an end. as for kurt cousins and company, they were sure upbeat after the game. >> i think it was a wakeup call. much may have been made in training camp in richmond and feeling good about what we're doing. we've got a long ways to go. i think that could be a good

thing in the long run. the best thing we need right now. >> you can take it as a wakeup call, a learning experience, you know, what have you. but bottom line, we've got to look at that and improve on it. >> reporter: well, as for the goals tonight, it was not to get hurt, and find out what they need to work on. as for not getting hurt, two injuries, two mris tomorrow, murphy and craven both with knee injuries. two potential starters right there. going to be a long week. guys, i'll send it back to you. >> thank you, carol. you have to get back to work on saturday. finishing up against the marlins tonight, the nationals the bottom of the ninth. nats up 3-2. a man on third. sean doolittle, lines to left. look at this. andrew stevenson laying out for the incredible catch. that is what ends the game. the rookie, hero tonight. nats win it 3-2. looked like a

>> thank you, sherri. thank you for joining us. the "tonight show" starring jimmy fallon is next. we'll see you back here tomorrow on friday. have a good one. ♪ ♪ hey, is this our turn? honey...our turn? yeah, we go left right here. (woman vo) great adventures are still out there. we'll find them in our subaru outback. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. get 0% apr financing for 63 months on all new 2017 subaru outback models. now through august 31.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- anthony anderson, terry gross, musicagu