l or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from 30 rockefeller it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." and now, here he is, jimmy fallon pp

[ cheers anduse ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hey, thank you very much have a seat. enjoy it thank you very much. hey, welcome enjoy yourselves welcome, wcome, welcome to "the tonight show", everybody. you're here. [ cheers and applause thank you very much for being here well, good news, you guys. today is national tequila day. woo. [ cheers and applause and after six hours ofbe rort mueller testifying, i think we all deserve it. [ cheers ] dulce, por favorla [ light hter ] actually, i saw that a lot of bars in washington opened at 8:00 a.m. this morning for the mueller hearingsif you did a shot any time mueller said "i can't answer that," you were blacked out by 10:00 a.m. [ ughter and applause "i'm getting redacted today, man.ht that's rig it was a big event on capitol hill three months after he released his report, mueller went to congress to answer some tough questions about his

investigation. i don't want to say watching it was draining, but by the end every american looked like robert mueller [ laughter ] let's talk about the hearings, though they were pretty intense mueller was questioned by 60 lawmakers for six hours the only other time you get grilled like that is if you're single at your at your family reunion. [ light laughter ] family rerunion. family reunion [ light laughter ] you think that's funny, man?[ ght laughter ] unbelievable unbelievable, you think that's funny. that's the first joke you laughed at all night, man. [ laughter ] family - family reunion >> tariq: reunion. [ mumbling ] [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's almost like i was playing my record backwards. [ mumbling ] family rerunion. family rerunion. famry rerunion [ imitatg record scratch ] [ cheers ] no [ cheers and applause it's terrible. it's like sylvester stallone doing the mologue.

[ stallone gibberish ] [ laughter and applause but the fireworks started early. mueller said the reason that he couldn't charge trump with a a crime was because he can't indict a sitting president that's why for the last 12 ours, trump's been afraid to get up from the couch [ laughter and applause that's right mueller said that trump couldn't get indicted, because he's in office but the president is not out of the woods yet. listen to this >> could you charge the president with a crime after he left office? >> yes >> jimmy: hmm. [ audience oohs so trump could be charged after he's done being president. 'sght now in russia, putin looking at his phone like, "any second nowo, hell donald. yes, i can help. [ laughter ] a lot of people are focusing on all the things mueller didn't say. instead of talking, he just kept telling lawmakers to gock ba and read his report then the lawmakers were like, "the whole point of us brining you here was so that we didn't have to read the report.

come on, talk! [ light laughter ] that's right mueller avoided a lot of questions. take a look at this. >> i'm not going to get into what we may or may not have included i'm not going to speculate p that's beyond myview that was outside our purview that's not in my purview >> jimmy: yeahgi he's like a eight ball except no matter how you shake him, he just says, "that's not in my purview. [ laughter ] a lot of people in the mediaha are saying tmueller came across as old and slow on the bright side, he's now the favorite to win the democratic nomination for president. [ light laughterse [ applau that's pretty good but i really can't blame ubleler for having t keeping up listen to what happened when these first republican promised to talk slowly >> i'll talk slowly.i' said that i talk fast. i will talk slowly your report states that your investigative team included 19 lawyers and approximately 40 fbi agents and analysts and accountants. are those numbers curate >> can you repeat that, please [ laughter ] >> is it also true that issues over 2,800 subpoenas, executed nearly 500 search warrants, obtained more than 230 orders for communication records and

50 pin registers >> that went a little fast forme [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that's like being interviewed by an auctioneer [ light laughter ] it's like, "we're going to start the bidding at 19 lawyers, 40 fbi agents" - [ mumbling ] "going once, going twice sold to the gentleman in the back!"la [ light hter ] if that guy did all the questioning, the hearing would have been over in six minutes. [ light laughter ] a lot of people laughed at this at one point, mueller had a little trouble with the president's name watch this >> did your investigation find that the russian government perceived it would benefit from one of the candidates winning? >> y >> and which candidate would that be. >> well, it would be trimp - uh, trump. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: then trump was like, obstructedas trimp w [ laughter ] not trump, trimp lock him up. [ laughter ] lock up trimp. [ laughter ] the clip went viral, which explains this yard sign i saw today -- trimp-pince, 2020. >> steve: wow.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, he changed his name >> steve: pince. >> jimmy: after the testimony, both sides tried to de victory. and trump sent out a tweet that said, "truth is a force of nature." people were like, "wow, that's deep." and trump was like, "thanks, i got it from a fortune cookie." [ light laughter ] if you missed mueller's ar g, don't worry, in a few weeks william barr will give a a much shorter, inaccurate summary. um - you didn't like that joke? it's okay. [ laughter ] you don't have to like 'em all >> steve: come on, it's a good joke >> jimmy: you don't have to like all of them it's okay. >> steve: that's a good joke >> jimmy: but after all the hype and questioning, i don't think anybody's changed their mind about anything. democrats are still thinkingt abouimpeachment. republicans are still saying case closed.ic amhasn't been this divided since the trailer for the "cats" movie came out. [ light laughter ] one of the republicans laying y was ueller the most to mike johnson this is interesting, mike johnson - >> steve: excuse me, mr.fallon, what did you mean when you said america ha't been this divided since the "cats" trailer? iggins, : i'm sorry, what >> steve: earlier joke, you stated, and i quote, "america hasn't been this divided since the 'cats' trailer came out.

can you elaborate on that? >> jimmy: i'm sorry, which joke>> steve: i'm referring to e card 12, joke 3-a. "'cats' trailer came out." explain what you meant, please >> jimmy: what - no, i'm not going to explain the joke you can just -he >> steve: refer to tarlier monologue. yeah i thought - we thought you'd say that. anyway next - >> jimmy: who is we? >> steve: next question. [ light laughter ]jo do you recall a , february 2013, where the punch line was, and i quote, "chicken chalupa? [ light laughter ]n >> jimmy: chickealupa? i mean, maybe i -- >> steve: and what did you mean by that? >>nsimmy: it was 2013, higgi i don't remember >> steve: what did you mean, llon?! chicken chalupa. [ light ughter ] >> jimmy: that's out of my purview. >> steve: hey! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause it's my tiyo u shut your cute mouth

[ laughter ] final questionne ju8th, 2019. you said, and i quote, "without fox news, trump's ly source of news is snapple caps. [ laughter ] what was that in reference to? >> jimmy: i never said that. >> steve: you didn't say that on june 18th >> jimmy: no, i never said that >> steve: oh, it a second. [ chuckles ] that's on me, that was a a colbert joke [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you like that joke >> steve: yeah that's a funny joke. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was a funny joke steve higgins, everye. no more questions! no more -- finally, listen to this. a pair of nike shoes were just auctioned off for a record $430,000 can we see the shoes this is real [ light laughter ] one day thbuyer will show his kids and say, "these are the reason you couldn't go to college. [ laughter and applause we have a great show [ cheers and applause i'm gonna tell you who's on the

show tonight but first, give it up for the roots, right there, ladiesnt and geman. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers a applause >> jimmy: thank you very much. we have a great show tonight naomi watts isere! cheers and applause oh, we love naomi watts.ir mike bglia is here [ cheers and applause and we have great, great music one of my favorite bands midland is here tonight. >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: we have -- be sure to tune imorrow night, we're announcing the winning book for this year's "tonight show" summer reads >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: voting has ended >> steve: what >> jimmy: the polls are closed >> steve: close-ed >> jimmy: the polls are close-ed it was a close race. >> steve: a close-ed race or a a closed >> jimmy: it is now both a a close-ed race and a close race >> steve: oh, all right. >> jimmy: there can be only one

wh-inner light laughter ] >> steve: one wh-inner j >>my: there only - there only can be wh-one wh-inner [ light laughter ] that's correct so tune in tomorrow. >> steve: th-une or tune >> jimmy: tune in tomorrow for -- to finout which book we'll be reading this simmer. [ laughter ] >> steve: are you okay are you tasting rnt almonds? >> jimmy: what's going on? [ light laughter ] >> steve: you all right? >> jimmy: i've been seeing a a speech coachal >> steve: re >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: where at >> jimmy: over in the chelsea piers. [ light laughter ] >> steve: chelsea piers? >> jimmy: chelsea piers -- >> steve: a speech coach at chelsea -- >> jimmy: yeah, over - yeah, over by, you know, the golf - the driving range. >> steve: and how -- [ light aughter ] how do youually -- how do they do the class i mean, what do you do there >> jimmy: well, once we get -- >> steve: throw softballs at you? and you hit 'em th a ball? >> jimmy: well, once we get there, we sit dewn in a -- >> steve: sit dewn, yeahmy [ light laughter ]n a churr. and we have a discussion [ light laughter ] >> steve: is your speech coach s fromweden? [ laughter ]

is this a swedish -- j >>my: ya, ya ya sure. ya >> steve: it's the swedish chef he's a muppet.'s correct [ laughter ] these are the books, right there. that's t books right there so you don't know which one's gonna win. but i think it's -ng it's goio be one of these two, i think >> steve: wait, you don't know >> jimmy: i do know. >> steve: oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's one of these two. it was very close. dude, we had, like, almost a a million votes. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: itah the biggest -- ye biggest by far than anything we did -- we only did this once. >> steve: well - [ laug >> jimmy: but this is -- >> steve: bigger >> jimmy: by far - last time we did it, it was great. >> steve: and the time before that, which we didn't do, this was way better than that >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: last, the first -- >> jimmy: the two books -- the two books you're gonna chose -- >> steve: two years ago, it was zero votes >> jimmy: ohmy >> steve: ohosh. >> jimmy: it's the timothee chalamet puppet [ light laughter ] [ french accent heo, you can choose from these two books. >> steve: it sounds like he went to your same speech coach [ light laughter ] [ french acc jt >>my: "le chain" or "ask again, oui"? [ light laughter ]

one of them will be crned the winner tomorrow night on our show and then what we do is - >> steve: what do we do? >> jimmy: everyone -- i'll give e u some time to purchase book >> steve: right. >> jimmy: but i'll give you a week, right? >> steve: a weeko >> jimmy: to d and then i'll start reading it with you guys. and then we'll do, like, book club-y things >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: yeah glass of white wine, stuff like that [ light laughter ] >> steve: get smashed, read a book jimmy: yeah >> steve: show up and don't discuss the book >> jimmy: yeah no, i'm excited. so i think it's going to be one of these two books all these books are great. so i want you to tune in tomorrow because it might be one of these top three too. [ laughter ] owing it nowu're kind >> jimmy: kind of blew it already, right >> steve: you already said one of those is the weiner >> jimmy: weiner are you going to the same speech coach >> steve: yeah, i am [ light laughter ]is [ swedish gibberh >> jimmy: yeah [ swedish gibberish that's my dude guys, like i said, today is national tequila day >> steve: oh a [ cheers andlause >> jimmy: yeah and so - >> tariq: be careful there, jimmy. you don't want to say the "t" word three times >> jimmy: wait, what happens if i say tequila three times? >> tariq: oo that's two!

be careful, bro. >> jimmy: what are you talking about, tariq why shouldn't i say tequila -- >> tariq: that's three ♪ ♪ >> audience: tequila >> jimmy: so you're saying if i say tequila three times, everyone has to sing "tequila" >> tariq: those are the rules. >> jimmy: huh. >> tariq: pretty weird [ light laughter ]: >> jimmyyeah, it's weird rules. >> tariq: that is true [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: totally. hey, tariq >> tariq: what's up? >> jimmy: tequila. ♪ ♪ >> audience: tequila >> jimmy: yeah, love that. so is that - that rule just for national tequila day? >> tariq: nope it's the rule any time you say it three times >> jimmy: you mean, any time you say tequila three times? >> tariq: yep. >> jimmy: neat

>> tariq: yeah, interesting rule [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: sure i >> tariq: man -- [ chuckles ] crazy. >> jimmy: it really is crazy >> tariq: yeah, it kind of really is. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: for surefor sure tequila! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> all: tequila! [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: stick around we'll be right back with naomi watts, everybody [ cheers and applause naomi watts, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ hey, who are you? oh, hey jeff, i'm a car thief... what?! i'm here to steal your car because, well, that's my job.

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we are sisters. and we just moved in together. why alissa and aleah chose fios. we stream so much. a lot of times alissa is pwatching tv on her lapto using her phone, also using her tablet. i am really good at multi-tasking cause i'm awesome. a little. get the internet your family needs at a price you'll love. plus, the first month of youtube tv on us when you switch now. only on fios. america has an education problem. the old system isn't working anore. 35 million americans have put their college education on hold.

who's going to do something about it? we are. strayer university wants you to graduate. 90% of transfer students say strayer was the right choice for finishing their degree. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award-nominated actress. she is starring in the new movie "luce," ening friday, august 2nd please help me welcome naomi watts. us [ cheers and applae ♪

>> jimmy: welcome back to the show >> thank you >> jimmy: yolook great, pal. how has your summer been >> it's you, so far.od, thank >> jimmy: the kids are away at sleepaway camp >> that's right. yeah >> jimmy: is that the best thing or the worst thing >> well, it's both, actually >> jimmy: it's both. >> have your kids gone to camp yet? >> jimmy: no >> no, ty're still little. >> jimmy: i don't know if i could do that. >> yeah, it's hard >> jimmy: it is, right >> they are having an absolute ball and i wake up every morning and look athese pictures of them having, you know, ice creams and, you know, races and fun things you know, it's just -- >> jimmy: you want to be with them, like, having fun with them, yeah >> yeah, i miss them, it's hard >> jimmy: yeah, what are you doing with the free time >> well, i haven't got a huge amount because i'm doing press for this ani'm prepping for another movie.ff and i've just comenother show >> jimmy: yeah

>> and it's been a bit of a sudden -- you know, everything at once >> jimmy: and it was -- happy belated birthday, by the way because i didn't believe this. i was reading up on you today. and it says you're 50 years old? that is -- it seems wrong. >> don't say that about a lady [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: it wasn't me, sorry, but --ve >> yes, i did ha big birthday >> jimmy: that's insane to me.'t it doeeem right. >> thank you that's kind. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here's you and - o here's you hanging with nicole kidman and deb. >> oh, yeah. nicole, your friend. [ laughter ] yes. now you've got the - >> jimmy: we are friends, yeah, of course. [ laughter ] how is she how is she doing >> she's great >> jimmy: is she really? >> she is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> i'll tell her you say hi. >> jimmy: thank you very much. t i appreciatet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else did you do for your birthday? [ laughter ]

>> nicole didn b make it to morocc we did go to morocco. >> jimmy: wow. >> and -- yeah >> jimmy: like a small group o friends or - >> it actually ended up being a decent number. i didn't think anyone would come that far. and, you know, obviouslyf it's a lot to ask oople and -- but aussies like to travela they love ip >> jimmy: what are you doing in -- i mean, it's gorgeous in morocco. >> yeah, lots to do, ride camels and - >> jimmy: did you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's that like >> umm >> jimmy: is it just like a horse? [ laughter ] >> it's a bit harder to get on than a hse >> jimmy: yeah, and you travel through the sand >> the desert, yeah. the sand the desert >> jimmy: it's like the beach. sorry. where is morocco, yeah [ laughter ] p >> jimmy: that'stty cool to do that. >> and, yeah eat delicious food, and you go shopping, buy ru >> jimmy: yeah >> rug shopping. >> jimmy: can we talk about the "game of thrones" prequel or

no a [ cheers andlause are we not allowed to discuss anything >> no. >> jimmy: wow! oh, my gosh. you shut it down >> tequila, tequila, teqla ♪ ♪ tequila al >> jimmy: right, that's the way to get out of it >> you guys are on it. >> jimmy: that's the way to get out of it. all right, so we won't talk before it. but i'm very excited about it, and congrats on that, you'll be great. [ cheers and applause >> thank you but wait, don't you get a shot of tequila when you say it like isn't that part of the game >> jimmy: yeah, we probably can do we can work that out >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's not that far away i'm never more than four feet away from a shot of tequila. [ light laughter ] we can get one, ght? yeah, perfect. let's talk about -- you have two another prects i want to talk about one is the roger ailes show on showtime, the movie on showtime >> yeah, "the loudest voice. l

>> jimmy: "thedest voice." dude, congratulations. that was -- you were amazing >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: what was that like to play gretchen? >> oh, an extraordinary woman, what a story she endured so much. and managed to handle it with grace and dignity and despite she didn't want to do.obviously she just fought that battle and did it by herself. it was wildly impressive, and, you know, who doesn't want to play that kindowf character, you kn >> jimmy: did you get to meet her? >> i got to meet her on the red carpet of the premiere just a few weeks ago. and it was overwhelming. i mean, imagine having your story told finally, and seeing people there and - >> jimmy: and russell crowe does a great job >> russell is extraordinary. >> jimmy: he's fantastic >> and he's such an incredible actor and -- >> jimmy: you'vee nown him for a whilough, right? >> yes yeah >> we go back. a funny guy yeah

>> jimmy: yeah, you said that he's crashed on your couch >> yeah, yeah. before he was -- yeah, able to pay for a hotel, i suppose he called up and said, you know, "how do you feel, can i st for a few nights? when he was auditioning for things >> jimmy: how was he as a house guest? >> russell's great [ laughter ] he only shows up with lots of nice bottles of wine >> jimmy: hey, that's awesome. that's a good guy. [ applause ]ng i want russell to haut with me your invited any day, russell. let's talk about now your new movie "luce. l-u-c-e. >> yes yes. >> jimmy: luce we had octavia spencer on the show last night. and she's -- >> beautiful octaviaed such an incrle woman >> jimmy: but she was saying that she took this role because it made her feel uncomfortable >> yeah, i would share that sentiment. >> jimmy: really >> yeah. it addresses many things, uncomfortable ones, some that are age old. and some that are kind of new and current today. i mean, all seem current and relevant but it asks the audience to participate on a very active level. and yeah, yotihave -- nothing's up, nothing's answered for you, in a really absolute way.

it kind of just starts the conversation, and -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's tricky. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do a gre job >> i want to show a clip from "luce," let's take a look >> i think there has to be some kind olimit. >> a limit to what tell me? to how much i love him to how hard i've worked, to ensure he had a chance at life, at success no, pete, i disagree there is no li that, and some random accident at school - >> listen to me. >> some random accident at school is not going to change that so just tell me whose side you're on. [ cheers and applause s,

>> jimmy: naomi watt everyone "luce" opens on friday august 2nd >> oh. >> jimmy: happy nationalte quila day. >> yeah. >> jimmy cheersthis is a real -- go for , buddy. happy national tequila day cheers >> cheers, everyone. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: naomi's going to play "the whisper challenge" with us, stick around come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ hello? flamin' hot nacho? they made the original hot (hot hot)? ♪ ♪ hello? ♪ here's a shak up ♪ ♪ my hot flamin's mixin' with doritos ♪ ♪ why all these people in my fa ♪ ♪ wan be my ace ♪ wanna be my migo ♪ talkin' bout how far back we go ♪ ♪ way way way way back ♪ i don't care about that ♪ ♪ i ain't sharin' my snacks ♪ i made this for you. wonderfu?

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born better® ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody.e wenging out with naomi watts right here [ cheers and applause her movie, "luce," is inrs thean august 2nd naomi and i are about to play "the whisper challenge." [ cheers and applause >> "whisper challenge.

>> jimmy: now, here's how the game works one person puts on these headphones with loud music playing. hou can play this game at then the other person picks up a card, reads the random phrase onhat card and the person wearing headphones has to try guess what they just said. okay naomi, you can put the hephones on first. >> oh, okay. so you're first. >> jimmy: yeah yeah and i will then read you my phrase i'm going to start the lousi mu ready? can you hear -- can you hear me [ light laughter ] can you hear me? ready? walkie-talkie. >> walking turkey. [ laughter ] >> jmy: walkie-talkie. >> walking doggie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 's close walkie-talkie. >> walking dolly [ laughter ] it's definitely walking? no

>> jimmy: walkie ie-ie. walkie walkie-talkie. [ light laughter ] walkie-talkie. >> rocking dolly [ laughter ] >> jimmy: walkie-talk -- walkie-talkie. >> slower, please. >> jimmy: got you. [ laughter ] don't yell at me >> okay. oh, am i yelling [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. walkie >> walking [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: walkie >> walkie. walkie [ cheers ] >> jimmytalkie >> doggy >> jimmy: talkie [ laughter ] >> doggy >> jimmy: talkie >> dorky [ laughter ] no, i'm bad. i'm bad. >> jimmy: i am dorky >> i failed. >> jimmy: walkie-talkie. >> oh, god >> jimmy: very close come on. [ foghorn >> that's -- >> jimmy: that was gd. u did great. [ cheers and applause come on, we got to get at least one. we got - >> sorry, that was - >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> that was not good [ laughter ] oh, my ok um -- okay tuna noodle casserole.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: chiwet ejiofor [ laughter ] >> tuna. >> jimmy: do nice. >> tuna. noodle >> jimmy: doughnuts. [ laughter ] >> tuna noodle >> jimmy: doughnuts. >> no. >> jimmy: no >> tuna odle tuna >> jimmy: you hear julie [ laughter ] >> tuna noodle >> jimmy: do you like to do it [ laughter ] >> tuna. >> jimmy: do you like -- >> tuna. >> jimmy: drive. >> no. [ laughter ] he's yelling, isn't he tuna tuna >> jimmy: doola. doola? what is do >> no, not doola >> tuna. t-t-tuna >> jimmy: tunata [ laughter ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't do that to me. all right. all right. what was it? >> we're terrible. >> jimmy: what was it? >> i mean, it's a horrible one >> jimmy: let me see what it was.

tuna noodle casserole? yeah. [ foghorn i don't -- >> jimmy: that's impossible. >> even know what that is. >> jimmy: all right, yeah. >> it sounds awful >> jimmy: yeah, oh, gosh all right,ere we go. gosh, sorry about that >> okay. sorry, i was a bad teammate. >> jimmy: oh, i just took the other one. >> okay, readyok >> jimmy: loi had both of them all right, this will be the last -- this will be the last round. i'll pick this one [ light laughter ] hakuna matata. [ laughter ] >> hungry potato [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hakuna matata. >> patata. [ laughter ] hungry patata. [ laughter ] hangry hangry >> jimmy: no, don't say y.an [ laughter ] hangry hakuna >> are you >> jimmy: hakuna >> are you: >> jimmy -- ha - >> ha. ha-ha. >> jimmy: ha -- ha -- haku - haku - >> youla [ light hter ] >> together: ha. >> jimmy: haku -

>> haku -- >> haku -- haku - >> jimmy: hakuna >> haku -- >> jimmy: hakuna >> haiku [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no >> no? >> jim: hakuna >> no. >> jimmy: haku - >> haku -- >> jimmy: na - >> hakuna. hakuna >>immy: yes. >> matatta >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] fantastic. come on, buddy, that was it. [ cheers and applause naomi watts. the champ. that's how you do it mike birbiglia joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ (vo) parents have a way of imagining the worst. y ...especially whenr easily distracted teenager has the car. at subaru, we're taking on distracted driving [ping] with sensors that alert you when yo eyes are off the road.

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>> jimmy: timothee, do you want to talk about what's going to w happen tomorght? [ french accent "no. timothee, come on, please. please timothee ♪ [ french accent "what? what do you want from me?" i want you to say who's going to be on the show tomorrow [ french accent "okay. where do i look? right there. "where, there? no, there. ♪ [ ght laughter ] french accent "oh, hi. tune in tomorrow night, zachary quinto will be here. [ cheers ] we have some very coolwicience experiments kevin delaney. and we'll be - ♪ we'll be --" announcing [ french accent "announcing the winner of this year's "tonight show" summer reads. it's going to be good. stick around we'll be right back with mike birbiglia [ cheers and applause was that okay? yeah, it was fine. [ cheers and applause ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny comedian. hes one man show, "tew one," got rave reviews on broadway. and this fall, he's taking the show on the road for the broadway tour of "the new one. ladies and gentlemen, please lcome mike birbiglia [ cheersnd applause ♪

>> jimmy: welcome backh, >> oy goodness thanks so much >> jimmy: welcome back, mike birbiglia >> thanks, man this is all right. here we go >> jimmy: congrats here, your one man show, "the new one," had a great run on broadway, my friend d now you're taking this all over the country >> well, yeah. well, you know how show business works, jiimy. is if you have aanhow off broadway, it goes well, maybe it moves to broadway and then if it goes well, you go to charlotte. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely that's your first stop >> right, isn't that - >> jimmy: you keep your head down and keep working hard >> if you stay -- if you stay focused -- [ lauger ] you end up in charlotte, and i think i might just retire there. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] i might get a farm and sort of quit, and who knows? >> jimmy: you're starting in d.c. as your first >> d.c. is -re >> jimmy: which is wou got started. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's where you got started in your comedy career. >> i did i was, like, a door person at the washington, d.c. improv. >> jimmy: wo >> and i went to georgetown.

>> jimmy: did they let you go on stage >> well, you know, yeah, eventually i was, you know what, i was at georgetown, and now -- well, you know, like, there's a lot of comedians who have since come from georgetown nick kroll jacqueline novak who has an off boradway show that's wonderful right now. but at the time, i didn't know anyone who was a comedian, and i wen to the alumni house whe i was in college and i wrote into the computer database, "standup comedian. and there was one result and it was jim gaffigan. >> jimmy: rely >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: is he? i didn't know he was from there. >> yeah, he went to georgetown land line.ust called him on his [ laughter ] do you remember these land lines from the 1990s >> jimmy: yes, of course >> they had the -- be jimmy: so his phone nums there? >> yeah. so his phone number's there, and i call -- you remember long distance [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, of course >> remember long distance phone calls? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolu >> so i call long distance, and he's like, "hello. [ light laughter ] this is mike brigbigli i'm a college student. v

myoice hadn't changed. >> jimmy: oh, okay [ laughter ] he's got a very high voice >> i was 20 years old. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, yeah >> and he goes -- he goes, "well, if you're ever in --" i was like, "i want to be a comedian." he's like, "if you're ever in new york, like, you know, we can get lunch or something." and i go, "i'm coming next week." [ laughter ] i had no plans to come next week >> jimmyno >> so i made -- i just invented a trip, i took a bus to new york city. >> jimmy: to meet jim gaffigan [ laughter ] no, i love this story. >> someone audibly -- someone audibly just goes, "wow! [ laughter ] i know, it was really delusional i'm convinced. we've talked about this, "sleepwalk with me," my movie's a bit about thise i think tocomedian you have to be delusional. you have to convince yourself it's going well, when it's not going well [ laughter ]wo otherwise yodn't get on stage again. and so -- even calling jim gaffigan was, like, a crazy thing to do. but i went to new york, we met at patsy's pizzeria on the upper westside where we were meeting at 1:00. he didn't show up. [ laughter ] and it was 2:00, he didn't show up and it was 3:00 and i was like, "i got nowhere to go." [ laughter ]

like, i literally came here for this and then he shows up and he goes, "you're still here?" [ laughter ] >> jmy: wow. >> i go, yeah, i got nowhere to be and he gave me advice that ended up being the best advice i've ever heard given to a a comedian he said -- he said, "don't move to new york until you're good. and i -- i didn't follow that advice [ laughter ] i just moved to new york and i was terrible >> jimmy: wow. >> but i give that advice to other people >> jimmy: yeah >> so that they so won't take it [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's crazy, yeah that's a cool story about gaffigan >> isn't that funny? t>> jimmy: i did not knowt. >> yeah. i should have run that by him first. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he'll be fine. >> he's going to watch this tonight, he'll be like, "what? i don't rememebr that.do i t think that happened. >> jimmy: how would you describe the show for everyone >> oh, this show >> jimmy: yeah >> this show is "the new one." it's a solo show about how - all the reasons why no one should have a child. that's the first half of the show [ light laughter ] and the second half of the show is about how i had a child and i was right.

[ laughter ] [ applause ] >> and you agree with that, of course, right? >> jimmy: no - >> no, i'm suryou agree. we've spoken off air about this >> jimmy: that's not true. we haven't spoken off-air. >> no, you've spoken at length about this off-air. no, you've told me extensive stories. >> jimmy: i have a kid never in my life >> about how it's a huge miake to have a child. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would never do that >> and you never would wish it upon anybody >> jimmy: that's not true at all.u' >> and you wish yonever had children >> jimmy: -- talking backstage at all >> we've spoke about this at length >> jimmy: and you know that. tequila, tequila, tequila.ee [ chrs and applause ♪ ♪ tequila >> that was insane and -- >> jimmy: yeah, sorry. >> oh, my god. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: do you drink i don't even know -- >> i'll drink.wi i i will drink when pressured on television, in the moment. >> jimmy: you can say "no., >> yesmmy, i do drink. >> jimmy: happy national tequila day. cheers >> how do you do this? do you go like this?

>> yeah, you take it out that lime shouldn't be in there, sorry [ laughter ] >> all right, and then what? then what? >> jimmy: then cheers. >> okay. >> jimmy: you make a wish. o >>y. >> jimmy: and then you interlock arms [ laughter ] and then you say -- and then you say, "i wuv you. >> i wuv you [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause i've nev had a tequila shot fore >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, i don't think i have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm so sorry >> no, i had one once. i had one once e time i was - [ laughter ]me one was -- i was -- i did new year's eve in early 2000s. i was opening new year's eve in philadelphia at the tower theater for dave attell, mitch hedberg. >> jimmy: wow. >> and lewis black it was the first -- right, yeah >> jimmy: wow. lineup. >> jimmy: it's great >> and i went out with dave attell afterwards and he -- and he forced me to drink much more than i think my body thinks i should be drinking.

[ laughter ]ah >> jimmy: really, yeyou went for it. >> and now, yeah, and that's when i had that tequila. >> jimmy: oh, well, then i -- hopefully i didn't start something. >> woo >> jimmy: wow, all right t >>hat was really something that's going to kick start my night. [ laughter ] here we go >> jimmy: oh, here he goes [ eers and applause ♪ tequila no , no, no all right. >> wow here we go the tour starts now! >> jimmy: no >> we're going to d.c.-- no. [ cheers and applause and saint pa >> jimmy: yes. >> and charlotte ahh! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: howard dean. >> that's my howard dean howard dean im >> jimmy: that's your howard dean, yeah, yeah, yeah. we love you, i just want to quickly tell you - >> yeah. >> jimmy: congratulations on winning the drama desk award >> well, thanks. >> jimmy: an outer critics circle award for this for outstanding solo performance. you are a true one of a kind >> that is so ce of you. >> jimmy: we love you, and you -- you know who you are.

you're my best friend. [ laughter and applause >> you're my best friend you're my best frien i'll dm you later. >> jimmy: you're my best friend [ laughter ] what do you think of that? what do you think of that? >> what? >> jimmy: what do you think of that [ laughter ] >> i just want to take a nap [ laughter ] do you mind if i take a nap. >> jimmy: you're my best f in the world >> i just want to take a nap for, like, five minutes. [ laughter ] can i just do a five minute nap? >> jimmy: --my best friend in the whole world. >> i just want to do a five minute nap on the rug. [ laughter ] and then we'll go home - >> jimmy: tequila, tequila, tequila! ♪ mike birbiglia go to thenewone.com for more information on the broadway tour of "the new one." we'll be right back with a a performance from midnd come back, everybody mike birbiglia [ cheers and applause ♪ shopping for backpacks...

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we have to work toget. pretty disappointed. buckle up. there he is. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: performing "mr. lonely" from their upcoming album, "let it roll," please welcome midnd [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ got debutante and socialites a mamas from the pta ♪ ♪ got bachelorettesdr essed up in whitle anlack ♪ ♪ dress divorcees long live the blue they're eping me ♪ ♪ in business

if some want to danc some want to party ♪ ♪ whatever they nee they call me mr lonely mr good-time ♪ ♪ mr. one you're gonna want on a saturday nigh when you're lonely ♪ ♪ lying in the dark i'm the number tha you know by broken heart ♪ ♪ no i ain't mr right i'm mr right now the one all the ♪ ♪ girls are talking aut the one and only mr lonely ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah some are i from outta tow just looking ♪ ♪ for some fu for a couple of dollars or more ♪ ♪ yeah i can be that on long live the blue i'm backed up to november ♪ ♪ you can find me in a book or on a bathroom wal when they all want ♪ ♪ a rendevouz they call mr lonel mr good time ♪ ♪ mr one you're gonna wan

on a saturday nighen whou're lonely ♪ ♪ lying in the dark i'm the number tha you know by broken heart ♪ ♪ no i ain't mr right i'm mr right now the one all the ♪ ♪ girls are talking about the one and only mr lonely ♪ >> oh, play this guitar. come on. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ if you got a girl you better treat her right you best ♪ ♪ never tell a li you betterever start a fight ♪ ♪ when sh hangs up on yo guess who's on ♪ ♪ the other lin never hard to find mr lonely ♪ ♪ mr good-tim mr one you're gonna want on a saturday night ♪ ♪ when you're lonel lying in the dar i'm the number that ♪ ♪ you know by broken hear no i ain't mr righ i'm mr right now ♪he ♪ the one all t

girls are talking abou the one and only ♪ ♪ mr lonely the one and only mr lonely ♪ ♪ ♪ long live the blues [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, come on. [ chrs and applause that's exactly right hestanding ovation right t oh, i'm blessed. oh, midland. "let it roll" is out august 23rd. [ cheers and applause my thanks to naomi watts, mike birbiglia midland once again [ cheersnd applause come on. that is how you do it. that is how you do it right there. give it up for the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "lateight with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- billy eichner, star of "orange is the new black" actress dfrielle brooks music om hobo johnson, featuring the 8g band with fred armis ♪ [ cheers and alause , ladies and gentlemen seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news special counsel robert mueller testified before congress today, and i got to say, he didn't seem thrilled