here. >> yes. >> did you just have one? >> a mini one. >> what the hell is that? >> she calls that an orgasm? hasn't she seen that classic seen from harry met sally? >> that might be the wrong clip. >> she goes --- >> like a chicken. >> that's exactly. >> okay, if you two are done having orgasms, can we move on? >> she's lying or she doesn't understand what a real orgasm is. >> or you don't and maybe the moaning and you're so great is just for show. >> shut the hell up, kim. >> the point is real or fake, everyone loves seeing lady orgasms. >> matt is falling asleep. >> sorry. >> almost everyone.

>> thanks orgasms. >> hey mr. wiley. we got marcellus wiley. he's a former football player, sports guy. i heard you say you are from compton. does compton get a bad rap? >> i guess. everyone thinks it's like boys in the hood. i went to school and everyone thinks i was tougher than i was. >> he was the 1988 national typewriting champion. >> let me ask. how many words a minute? >> 82. >> that's it. i was in the 70's and that's how i got my job as the assistant to the commander on my base. >> that was amazing. can you also type?

[laughter] >> it's "tmz" joke time. knockers, knockers, who is there? good question. >> and go. >> it's a blond, blond getting out of her car. >> it seems pamela anderson. >> that is kate upton. >> no. >> bette midler? >> hell, no. >> hey, she's got a body. >> he's right. >> ever watch beaches with the sound off? >> come on give her a kiss goodbye. >> back to kate upton. back to this chick. >> she has a very famous father. >> wayne gretzky's daughter. >> yes, the killer body belongs to paulina -- >> dude, i said paulina gretzky ten minutes ago. >> it was an american

contest. >> xenaphobia, it's like patriotism only better. >> how is it going, man? >> we got psycho mike. we tell him my maid looks hot when she's cleaning. >> i hate to sound chauvinistic but it's the truth. ladies, there are three things you can do that make you look so much hotter to most men. that is clean up a little bit, do a little bit of cooking or take a birth control pill. when i watch women take birth control in front of me, that is so hot. >> i sort of agree with that. >> what? >> because you're like no worries, party time. >> she's safe. >> no worries except aids and herpes and gonorrhea and

everything. >> it's not a kid. >> treat it and it goes away. >> not all of it >> it's not going to ask you for lunch money. >> it doesn't go to college and have a mom attached to it. >> oh my god. >> take it easy man. >> we got moby and he was in japan recently. >> do you use the bidets in japan? >> i have. >> don't you think americans should use them too? >> it's one of the things growing up, i was pretty comfortable with the toilets that we had. >> it's not a toilet. >> it's built in. they have things you attach to the toilet. it's like an extra seat. >> then you don't have to go outside and use the hose. >> when is that bidet going to get here? >> hi neighbor. [laughter] >> thanks.

have a great night. >> coming up, rod stewart and we asked him do you have any parenting advice for steve martin. there is a really long pause. you know he's got so much to say. >> don't do it. >> plus jesse jackson, jr. stole campaign money and blew it on a fur cape, a mounted elk head and a used michael jackson fedora. >> bad decision. >> great decision making on what he bought.

>> coming up, we got diane cannon. >> how long do you wait before 

>> attention "tmz" viewers do you love "tmz" so much you want to wear it on your body? before you get that painful tattoo, check out the "tmz" store. we've got everything like shirts and hats and beanies and more shirts. got a cold dog, then you're a horrible owner so get him a dog hoodie. love to drink coffee, then pick up a hat. >> want to be like harvey? no. well you can still buy a sippy cup any way.

come to "tmz" store.com where our motto is all major credit cards accepted. >> you're looking at the most hated man in u.s. politics. a man who stole almost a million bucks from his campaign and blew it on -- well really cool stuff. jesse jackson, jr. and this video is about to get awesome. >> we got jesse jackson, jr. in d.c. it's the first time since he pled guilty to spending $750,000 on personal stuff. >> a fur cape. a mounted elk's head. >> a football signed by two american presidents. $17,000 on cigars and other tobacco products. >> and most importantly a used michael jackson fedora. >> and on the streets of d.c. our photog asked the questions everybody wants to know. why the michael jackson fedora and not the glove?

>> come on. >> that is great. >> that's not all. >> where is the michael jackson fedora now? are you going to keep the fedora or the bruce lee memorabilia? >> apparently he bought a bunch of bruce lee memorabilia as well. >> we love him. >> amazing. >> you get to wear the michael jackson fedora? >> and finally -- >> have a good one, jesse. >> what do you think about j3 now? >> he's made some ethical choices in what he bought. >> where do you buy a fur cape? >> cape town. >> that sounds pretty cool. >> you got to love this a little bit harvey. >> hate him. >> he's not a good guy. >> but as far as what he bought. >> what he bought is fabulous. >> so congrats jesse j. jr., you're horrible but you got style. >> eddie van halens

guitar. >> let that man free. >> hey ms. cannon, how you doing? >> we got diane cannon. >> i love her. she looks good for 70 something years old. >> how long do you wait before you honk at somebody at a green light? >> it so depends. >> you probably honk when it's still red though. we got to go. we got to go. >> i pride myself in getting calm. i wake up in the morning and do my spiritual work. >> i believe her. >> then i go out on the road and somebody cuts me off and i flip them. >> i love her. >> thank you so much. bye. >> hey rod. >> hello my friend. >> rod stewart and wife in west hollywood. >> i love this because i've got a lot of questions. >> bet you do, sparky, but we asked one. >> do you have any parenting advice for steve martin? >> good question because steve martin is now a dad at 67.

>> and 68-year-old rod had his 8th kid two years ago. >> you know he has so much to say. >> without further ado does rod stewart have parenting advice for steve martin? >> he's a first time dad at 67, do you have any parenting advice? >> no, i haven't actually. >> okay. >> so there have you it, rod stewart has no parenting advice for steve martin. he almost did but didn't. this could have gone better. >> what's up, andre? >> andre johnson, big time football player. >> he went out to the club and gets credit for doing something football players normally don't do. >> what? >> goes out to the club, has a good time and he gets in the car and has a driver. >> a football player made a good decision. >> [applause] >> he's that type of guy.

>> it's a getaway driver. [laughter] >> coming up -- octomom is the proud new owner of a medical marijuana card. apparently, she's got some anxiety issues. >> it's called 14 kids.

>>

>> "tmz" online and on your phone 24/7. >> it's time for octomom more like octoganj, are we right? >> octomom is the proud new owner of a medical marijuana card. >> didn't know leeching off the american taxpayers is a medical issue.

>> she's got some issues. >> i can't imagine why. >> she got the card two days after leaving rehab for xanax. >> guess that's better than while in rehab. >> so what, it's just pot. >> she's eating pot cookies and brownies and trying not to do it around the nannies. she's getting high and trying to parent 14 kids. >> okay, that's a bit of a problem. or is it? let's talk to an expert. >> one brownie is the equivalent of how many beers? >> probably the equivalent of four beers. >> what are you high? >> they get you spun out for 12 hours. i thought the airplanes that were going over the airport were in the sand. >> melting into the ground and stuff falling out of the sky. >> are you guys taking medicinal peyote. >> i had pot brownies in college. i was wasted.

>> can we get back to the point? we don't remember because of the brownies. >> who taught you how to do this stuff? >> you, all right. i learned it by watching you. >> got that octo, so stop doing drugs or else you'll grow a mustache like this guy. >> taylor swift is leaving one of the after parties for the brit awards. there were photos of her performing and i started trying to google to find this performance. she looked so hot. amazingly hot. >> i think it's because she was over there where harry styles was going to be because he was going to be in the audience. >> anybody who doubted her before is wrong. >> apparently they dated before and got back together again.

>> she pulled a hayden panettiere. >> i thought they were never getting back together. >> ever, ever. >> i secretly kind of like that song. >> it's catchy. >> sing it. >> talk to my friends. talk to me. >> we are never ever ever getting back together. >> oh my god. i hate this song. >> coming up -- jessica biel was rocking out to justin timberlake. >> for a white girl, she's got booty and some moves.

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>> so bored of your ipad you are using it for a drink coaster. get the app for ipad. it's got photo galleries, videos and stories and it's easier to navigate than octomom's birth canal. go to the app store and get the "tmz" app for ipad. the price is free. still annoying. >> jessica biel was rocking out to justin timberlake, her husband after the brit awards in london. you see her in the crowd. i love it. >> suit and tie. >> it was sexy. >> for a white girl, she's got booty and some moves. >> i don't know if this is a booty and some moves. >> i don't know if this is a great move.