>> today on "tmz" -- at the oscars people do a lot of business. somebody did a lot of business in the bathroom. >> the toilets overflowed at the oscars. >> if you look at the photograph, half the lobby is wet. >> i called people to see what it smelled like. i was like does it stink? >> he was like do you want me to walk over to the lobby and sniff? >> yes. >> tiger woods and elin nordegren, apparently they looked like they were happy chatting with each other. >> she deserves an award. how does she not rip his face off? >> because she's like i'm rich. >> we got ryan kwanten. he's on "true blood. he shows up to the "argo" party

at craigs and tries to get in. security is not having it. he is like smooth diggity isn't letting me in. >> let's talk about the first lady for a minute. >> there is no way an envelope goes into her hands and it's not screened for security. she couldn't have been the first person to look at that envelope. >> are you saying the secret service can't keep a secret? he saw it and he's going to go tweet it. >> it doesn't matter. >> and now what happens to tv stars on oscar night starring the hot guy from true blood? and action. >> sorry buddy, can't let you in. >> let's go. >> rejection. >> so who is the guy? >> we got ryan kwanten. he's on "true blood. so he shows up to the "argo" party at craigs at 2:30 in the morning.

>> but they are not on the list. >> stacy, george. >> well, i need someone to confirm that. >> sadly, there was no one to confirm that. >> ryan kwanten was nice but the friend was hollywood douchery. >> there are a hundred people that tell us that. >> im not a hundred people. >> he calls somebody up on the phone and says smooth diggity is not letting us in. >> i understand that. >> sorry buddy. can't let you in. >> let's go. >> what company do you work for? >> the company that didn't let you into the awesome party. >> that was pretty funny. >> that is hilarious. >> now you're getting heckled by the peanut gallery. time to call it a night. >> we say sorry, you can't win

them all. >> but ryan, you may not be the biggest star in hollywood but -- that's it really. >> float like a butterfly sting like a bee. >> we got laila ali at l.a.x. >> we say you and rhonda rousey, five minutes, who wins? >> she goes who? >> me and anybody i win. >> you take her on? >> i take on anybody, i win. >> that's classic ali. >> that's what she's supposed to say. >> rhonda rousey would punish her. >> that chick was around her neck choking her face off and she got out of it. >> you shook her off the back. >> you can't say that. >> she got kicked in the boob.

>> she got kicked in the chest. >> if porn stars were feeling a burning sensation in los angeles this weekend, it was because vivid entertainment caught on fire and also probably the std. >> the whole roof is on fire. >> the porn company responsible for distributingless mania burst into flames this weekend. and it couldn't have come at a worse time. >> it's making this parody porn about the canyons with james deen and a lindsay lohan look alike because lindsay won't do it. >> they had an open casting call for porn stars that look like lindsay lohan. they are horrible actresses. horrible is being kind. >> i don't know what you are talking about. >> wait, that actually was lindsay.

let's see some of the talent at work. >> action. >> i wasn't sure you'd be home. perry sent me on this wild goose chase. >> let's try another approach on these auditions. >> girl number one and action. >> number two, and number three. >> cut, rap, call it a day. >> the dam place caught on fire before they could pick a winner. >> firefighters are trying to figure out what caused the building to ignite. >> but we have a pretty good idea. >> all that fire crotch. >> just terrible but he will be writing the canyon's 2. >> take us out actress lady. >> which is for the best i suppose. >> nailed it. >> what happened, why the delay? where is your driver? >> we got michael douglas at l.a.x. >> someone is getting fired

over this. he shows up by himself but his car is not there. >> is someone getting fired over this? >> he has to wait for his car use there are tons of paparazzi, tons of fans, he's signing autographs and taking pictures but he starts to get more annoyed. >> getting close. >> then his phone rings and you here him say i'm standing [beep] outside. >> so he's pissed. then the car finally shows up and there is this chick. i don't know who she is. >> she's fired. are you afraid you're going to lose your job? >> she's not having it. she's definitely fired today. he was admitting it, someone is getting fired over this. >> thanks a lot. take care. >> and now not at all just in time for martin luther king day

a white and blasion come together in harmony. >> suck on that racists. >> who are they? >> tiger woods and elin nordegren hanging out again. >> no way. >> way. >> no way. >> way infinity. they were spotted at a youth sports event in florida this weekend and it's the first time we've seen him since -- >> he hooked up with 30 girls, dude. >> tiger shows up with the two kids and a half hour later she shows up, they are walking together. they are sitting in the grass next to each other. >> good for her for the sake of the kids they've figured out how to work it out. >> she deserves an award. how does she not rip his face off? >> because she's like i'm rich. >> she got $100 million in the divorce and tiger got that. >> she's doing fine. >> yes, she is. >> she is so fine she's

probably forgotten all about the countless dames tiger banged behind her back like her and her and him and this and that and what are these? thanks tmzstore.com and also tiger's adulterous genitalia. >> arnold schwarzenegger looks like he went out on a date this weekend. not maria. some blond chick. they went to a restaurant and bar. and they are sitting at a table, just them. she gets into his car and they leave. >> interesting. >> so i think he might be out dating again. >> the marriage is over. >> speaking of old men that like young chicks. >> mel gibson didn't go to the oscars. he was at a pool in miami. he's got a chick on his back hugging him. they are kissing and he is about as far away from the oscars as you can get. >> after seth mcfarland took a shot at him, yeah.

>> "django unchained", i'm told the screen play is loosely based on mel gibson's voice mail. >> that was bad. >> so mc hammer was busted for obstruction of justice in california over the weekend. he's claiming it was racial profiling though. according to his side of things, he was in his car. he said an officer tapped on his window and asked if he was on probation or parole. >> that would be racial profiling. >> you play the mc hammer card. you know instantly he's not threatening. >> he could beat you to death with his wiener. >> the guy is carrying a weapon with him at all times. [laughter] >> coming up -- kanye west trashes jay-z and justin timberlake's new song.

>> plus a toilet overflowed at the oscars. if you look at the photographs, half the lobby is wet. i called 50 people to see what it smelled like and they were like you want me to go sniff the lobby? yeah. >> coming up aaron andrews from the daytona 500. 50 cent walks up and he goes in for the kiss. she looks like she's looking

for security. >> be right back.

>> this year's oscars were crappier than usual and not just because of you, seth mcfarland. >> here is to the losers. >> after that six hour disaster, we're all losers. >> but something else made the oscars really stink. >> somebody did a lot of business in the bathroom and flooded the lobby. >> we're told it was a toilet but if you look at the photograph, half the lobby is wet. >> a tribute to titanic or glamorous sewage. >> grant heslov was there. >> did you have any bathroom problems in there? we heard there was a water main bust. >> i personally didn't have any bathroom problems. >> did you hold it in? >> i'm like a camel. >> well, somebody wasn't and we're going to get to the bottom of it. bottom. >> the first mystery was it

somebody who couldn't fit into a dress and needed that extra little something, number two or number spew. >> you know what it was? it was the feminine napkins, trying to flush those things. even though there is a sign. i have a sign in my house and they still do it. >> you have a sign? >> stop bringing whores to your house and it won't happen. >> good point. >> but sch toilet theory passes the smell test? >> i asked 50 people what it smelled like and people were like why are you asking what it smells like? >> because he's a journalist. >> who, when, what does it smell like? >> we're looking at you anne hathaway because that oscars you hosted is still the biggest pile of crap we've seen. >> suri cruise, i think she might have a decoy body double. the s.u.v. pulls up in front of katie holmes house. the nanny gets a kid out and

she walks in. a couple minutes later another kid is taken out of the car wearing the same exact outfit, long brown hair. >> swear to god. >> what if they hired twins to play the part of their baby? >> that would be the best story that would ever happen in the history of forever. >> that would be so cool. >> they were twins and they never knew. >> yeah, that would be amazing. >> what was it? >> pair tribe. they got to get the pair back together. >> she is here from england to get the parents back together. >> this is scientology stuff if i've ever heard it. >> katie hid the twin. >> she's afraid somebody is going to steal one. now she can come out with it. all making sense now. >> i came here because

creativity fuels everything. >> it's kanye west in concert in london on one of his crazy rants. what is this about? the grammys, evil corporations. obama has been replaced by a robot duplicate? >> oh dear god, he just dissed jay-z sort of indirectly. are you insane man? >> just like everybody else in the world, kanye west doesn't like suit and tie with justin timberlake. >> you mean that song they put out together? but it's so awesome. >> yeah, that song is not so good and kanye told the world. >> he says i got love for hove which is jay-z but i ain't with that suit and tie and i can't believe kanye said it on stage. >> that's crazy but it's not

like he went on stage the next night and screamed like a baby. >> he went on stage the next night and screamed like a baby. >> he's crazy. >> oh short round, you are an offensive stereotype. >> how much does suit and tie suck? >> i like jay-z and justin timberlake too. their song together sucks. >> for your information that song happened to be a number one hit in denmark. so visit denmark where the motto is our legalized prostitution makes up for our terrible taste in music. >> thanks, kanye. >> aaron andrews was reporting at the daytona 500. she's looking for danica patrick. all of a sudden 50 cent shows up.

he's the only other black guy at nascar. >> not true. >> of course, 50 cent here comes in from ten feet away going for the kiss. >> i got to go talk to danica patrick, good to see you. >> she ducks and dodges twice. she says i'm trying to find danica right now. i'll talk to you later. >> she starts walking away and he follows her. he goes why are we walking so fast. >> she's trying to run away from him. >> what are you implying? >> she got caught off guard and wasn't ready to deal with 50 cent. >> she looks like she's looking for security. >> come on. >> let's talk about the first lady for a minute. she couldn't have been the first one to look in that envelope.

>> when i called the secret service today -- >> wait a minute, it's harvey levin on the phone. >> next "tmz," don't let the lame poll low

>> next "tmz," don't let the this is my friend diane. she's played by the rules her whole life. but then the rules flew right out the window. having just lost her husband, she stepped up and adopted her three grandkids, while working full time and caring for her brother, eddie, with cerebral palsy. i get the three children up. i walk andrew at eight i drop olivia off at eight thirty. spend a few minutes at emilio's school. i stop at the grocery store, and then i might do some laundry that has to be done.

and then i have about five minutes. the baby sitter comes in and then i go to work. i'm not back home again until 11:30 at night. hard as she works, it's still a struggle to keep up with the bills and stay warm at night. when we asked the biggest oil companies to help families in need, only citgo, the people of venezuela, and president hugo chavez responded. thanks to them, citizens energy is able to deliver millions of gallons of fuel to families just like diane's. i'm joe kennedy. if you need help staying warm this winter, call me at 1-877-joe-4-oil. because no one should be left out in the cold! >> "tmz" online and on your phone 24/7.

>> so bored of your ipad you are using it as a drink coaster? give your pad purpose with the "tmz" app for ipad. it's got photo galleries, videos, stories and it's easier to navigate than octomom's birth canal. go to the app store and get the new "tmz" app for ipad. and queue that little guy. the price is free. yep, still annoying. >> first watergate, then monica lewinsky and today you can add a bigger u.s. government scandal to the list. >> and now for the moment we have all been waiting for. >> except for everyone else in the white house who already knows. >> yes, it was the first lady was not the first person to open the best movie envelope scandal. >> "argo. >> for no particular reason michelle obama announced the winner for best picture last

night. but it was no secret in washington. >> there is no way you can have an envelope going into the first lady's hands and it's not screened thoroughly for security. >> exactly, they have to make sure the envelope didnt have anthrax or doesn't say "amour" because that film isn't american and if it wins, so do the terrorists. >> all they have to do is x-ray it. >> you don't think they opened it? >> no. >> if that's the case, when i called the secret service today, why would they say -- >> quote, we're not going to comment on that. why are you keeping secrets secret service? what is next, policemen policing people? you know who won best picture before we did. >> who cares if they know. they've seen every president get a hummer from an intern and didn't say anything. >> i guess it's not a big deal after all.

or is it? >> i care. >> so not a big deal. >> coming up -- so kim kardashian went to the gym, she's pregnant. she goes down the stairs. her butt is growing, everything is growing. >> that was your stock in trade. >> it's growing.

>> closed captioning and other considerations for "tmz" are provided by ---

>> so kim kardashian went to the gym. she's pregnant, you know. she's growing a little bit. >> kim always looks great. tell me one day she doesn't look beautiful. >> she goes down the stairs because her butt is growing. everything is growing.

>> that was in stock and trade. >> she tweeted the "tmz" store >> she did. >> and she even tweeted about a shirt i didn't know existed, the baby kimye shirt and he's got the shades on lake kanye wears. >> it's the newest addition at the tmzstore.com. >> it's the newest addition at the tmzstore.com. >> i'm a lawyer. ♪ the simpsons (stomping) (pacifier sucking)

(alarm buzzing) (sighing): monday. here we go again. (hot chip's "and i was a boy from school" playing) ♪ and i was a boy from school ♪ helplessly helping all the rules ♪ ♪ and there was a boy at school ♪ ♪ hopelessly wrestling all his rules. ♪