tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 29, 2016 12:05am-1:07am EST
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tomorrow morning! all members of the academy who are eligible are invited to vote their nominations for best picture. in most other categories, the nominations are decided by a vote of the members working in that specific category. then the entire membership chooses from those nominations the recipients of the oscars. and finally, the results of all the secret voting are known only to the independent accounting firm of pricewaterhousecoopers
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opened on the air.tt2watu#@m4 bt@qu)d tt2watu#@m4 "a@qe% tt2watu#@m4 bm@qn., tt4watu#@m4 " dztq ]:h tt4watu#@m4 " entq ->( tt4watu#@m4 " gzt& 49p tt4watu#@m4 " hnt& $7< tt4watu#@m4 " iztq n^d tt4watu#@m4 " jntq \.$ tt4watu#@m4 " lzt& dcx tt2watu#`s4 bt@qs1t tt2watu#`s4 "a@qc=0 tt2watu#`s4 bm@qh6< tt4watu#`s4 " dztq g4t tt4watu#`s4 " entq 704 tt4watu#`s4 " gzt& .7l tt4watu#`s4 " hnt& >9 tt4watu#`s4 " iztq tpx tt4watu#`s4 " jntq f 8 tt4watu#`s4 " lzt& ^md >> right now on eyewitness news, intensifiers. an all-day firefight. where the investigations dance tonight. >> a community remembering a fallen officer, the touching tribute, blackout is arriving officers injured in the gunfire are doing tonight. and, as the oscar after parties begin, we examine a new nightclub trend where silence is all the rage. >> eyewitness news starts right now. >> see what is happening this instant on abc 11 eyewitness news at 11:00 starts right now. >> first, a powerful show of force for a following rookie police officer in virginia. officer ashley guindon turned into a memorial. -- her vehicle turned to memorial. heather: tonight, hundreds of mourners stand individual in woodbridge, virginia. a large photo of the officer reminding the crowd as the loss.
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now, officer ashley guindon's squad car draped in black, to honor the rookie last two soon. heather: ronald hamilton is expected to appear in court tomorrow and faces to murder charges. the county prosecutor says he will likely seek the death penalty. joel: new tonight, a significant loss, fire destroying three buildings in sanford, check out these pictures. firefighters had to battle intense flames there, at the corner of matthew street. it took several hours to get these fires out. all that is left is that charred shell of the buildings. what started the fire is under investigation.
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investigating a deadly crash. they say 20-year-old died when the car she was writing and ran off strickland bridge road near center circle i had a tree. another passenger were not seriously injured. he is facing a list of charges including misdemeanor death by motor vehicle and he did ui. -- dwi. >> [indiscernible] joel: here's an great tonight over the murder of a church pastor in dayton, ohio. police say that the man was in his office when shots ring out this morning. tonight, his younger brother daniel is in jail, charged with his murder. family members say that daniel had mental health issues and a possible motive is unclear. heather: four suspects in custody tonight charged with throwing bottles at police in selig city. officers say that the tensions
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who refuse to put down a metal object. at last check, family members of the teen said that he is in critical condition. it took about 100 officers to staff the unrest. streets were even shut down at one point. the officers who shot the teen are now on desk duty. joel: on the road to 2016, bernie sanders campaign trying to regain momentum after the crushing defeat hillary clinton this weekend. the sanders cap is opening its first election office here in the triangle. angelica alvarez is live in durham to tell us all about it. angelica: the grand opening is happening after the loss in south carolina. he is trailing clinton in the win column. supporters here say that it is only the beginning. >> we are going to win north carolina. angelica: it was a packed house here in the campaign office for democratic official helpful bernie sanders.
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angelica: the new office -- [indiscernible] the name bernie lit in lights on the outside. one day after the senator from vermont suffered a big loss in the democratic primary in south carolina. hillary clinton one with 73% of the vote. >> we got decimated. the only positive thing for us is that we won the 29 years and younger vote, which was good. angelica: so far, sanders is behind clinton in the wing category. it only went so far is in new hampshire. while she has iowa, nevada, and now south carolina. but it is not been this crowd is worried about. >> we are here to win north carolina. as long as we're able to talk to the voters of north carolina, we can win it. angelica: as the campaign trail volunteers and the words as all over. visit here in durham.
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and an office opened up for donald trump in fayetteville. statewide, the office manager -- [indiscernible] joel: now to the major shakeup in the carolina hurricanes today. eric staal heading to new york city to play for the rangers. joe mazur joins us to talk about that. this is a big loss for the canes. joe: and of an error message is beat. according to the general manager, ron francis, it was a deal that had to be done. eric staal is in last of a seven-year contract five times during his stay in
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had to wave a no trade clause picks and a prospect, never easy to department a start. francis addresses the move, we will have clear reaction later on in sports. joel: everything looking toward the future. heather: a new trend might have you rethinking the usual nightclub atmosphere. instead of your popping music, amplified many times over, the sound of silence filled the dance for bureau new tonight, we will show you how it works and why partygoers are catching on. >> normally when you go to a club, you expect to hear this. >> pulsating music that you can feel in your test. a new kind of party is growing in popularity. and it has you hearing this. this is a silent party. our sister station got exclusive access during a recent event in
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>> i feel -- [indiscernible] >> when you attended the silent party, you get a pair of headphones at the door, each one has three channels, that are color-coded. each channel represents a different type of music. green, placed top 40. read, plays 80's, 90's, and 2000. blue, is hip-hop. silence resident says the expanded playlist is what sells the party. >> if you come out with a diverse group of friends, everybody can hear what they want, everybody is happy. >> as far as socializing at a silent party, simply remove your headphones. >> the great thing is, when you take them off, there is no pounding music overhead. you can actually hear somebody. >> partygoers say that it is easy to get immersed in the music and sometimes they forget that they are out loud. >> before you know, you're singing at the top of your lungs. >> they can hear me singing a cappella.
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heather: this idea is catching on. joel: i'm sitting here watching the story and taking how do they talk to people. just take your headphones off. heather: you don't have to yell over the music. joel: have a conversation. space ask scrubbing the latest lunch coming up. why they canceled the third. heather: changes happening at disney theme parks. how when you go impacts the price that you pay. and how oscar fans in the triangle experience the red carpet without going to hollywood. joel: plus the moments generating the biggest buzz on social media. plus, liz horton to give us our weekday forecast. liz: it looks to be very nice, temperatures right now still in the 50's. pretty mild tomorrow, warmer
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steve: today is your lucky day. woman: (surprised) oh, my goodness mark: you've just won - a thousand dollars! woman: that's amazing! that's amazing! (shrieks) woman: ok, nice job. mark, way better than yesterday. maria, that delivery felt a little forced. and steve, steve: yeah? woman: i am still missing that raw emotion. woman: pretty awesome for a tuesday, but tomorrow is hump day, so let's really bring it! lucky for life. win a thousand dollars a day,
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with prism on the go from centurylink, you can get your favorite shows right on your devices pretty much everywhere you go. um, paul, that was great. i like how you can walk around and watch your shows. and your delivery really evokes "the frozen north". meets "un giorno nella vita." or early film noir. like "whispering city." but the french version. i'm just gonna take a drumstick there. hmm, it's a bit derivative. mom: and your suggestion? "the pottery maker"? son: no. "the summer of my despondency."
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>> abc 11 keeping you connected, find us on facebook and like our page and click get notifications for the latest eyewitness news updates. joel: new tonight, faa working to lower -- find the cause of a plane crash in texas that killed four people. aircraft went down outside of an airport this morning. northwest of houston. officials say that two adults and two children were on board and i. -- and died. the nose of the plane is destroyed. heather: spacex calls off the launch of the falcon nine rocket. this is the third time that the company canceled a launch in recent days. spacex says the rocket and its payload are fine. it is unclear why there not going through this time around. they want to landed on a floating platform at sea. previous attempts have failed. off the couch to watch the oscars, you too could dress up and walked the red carpet tonight.
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at in imac theater. for the second year in a row, they open the doors enrolled at the red carpet, pop to the bubbly and treated people to watch all of the glitz and glamour. in a very big fashion that only imax theater can deliver. this year, the event doubled in size as more people decided to play celebrity and watch the oscars on the biggest screen in north carolina. >> i love the oscars, i've them every year with my mom since i can remember. it is a big deal for me. and i'm happy to show it, and happy to be able to show it on the biggest green around. heather: money from the ticket sales will go to the programs. let's go to the big board. joel: it is the top trending topic tonight on twitter. i want you to see my oscar. i wish i that later. let me show you some of the biggest tweets of the night. this is a powerful moments that
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oscar-nominated song, you can see they still have chosen the performance. so powerful. oscar fashion was a big topic. emily blunt, pregnant and beautiful. this was a big moments, leonardo dicaprio nominated several times for oscars over the years, and tonight was the night. leonardo dicaprio is now an oscar-winning actor, and you can see here on the picture, finally nobody deserved it more. #oscars, very big tonight. i want you to see mouse for now. the fabulous heather dressed in gold. i twitted out this picture on my twitter. a miniaturized oscar trophy. heather: that is quite the price. getting into the happiest places on earth will cost you more depending on the time of year.
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washington -- in florida will now come with demand-based pricing. resorts charge three different prices depending on the time of year. a value one-day pass to disneyland monday through thursday dropped to $95. a regular pass for most weekends and summer weeks, rises to $105. the price goes up to $112 on spring break, most of december and july weekend. disney is abc 11's parent company. joel: thank you for staying up with us. it is 12:25 a.m. it is said right way nice. heather: the leap year is finally here. liz: first day of march is tomorrow. we are very excited about that. it looks at the beginning of march and the end of february going to be a great day. wednesday and friday are going to be active days. i understand that this is thursday and friday but that is because we are after midnight. we have a bit of a mixup. let's get to the satellite and radar.
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the way it should be. a few clouds back to the west across portions of tennessee and kentucky. not impacting us, but if you take a look at the satellite loop from quite a few hours ago, you can see all of these clouds finally converging together. into a straight line. this is making up our next cold front. this conference is going to move through in the early morning hours tomorrow, you will see rain back up toward the eastern sections of illinois and into the great lakes toward michigan. this year. in the way. 54, rdu. chapel hill, 52. 53, sanford. 50, goldsboro. if you want, clinton. highs today, quite nice. 67 degrees. right now, we are sitting in the 50's. overall, it is going to be a very nice evening to have. most was in the 40's. 40, roxboro. or to three, durham. 44, fayetteville.
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tomorrow morning, a light jacket. by the time you get to the afternoon, you really can actually have some t-shirts. 44 at 6:00. 51 by 9:00. we will likely break into the 60's already by noon. by the afternoon, many areas may break 70 down to our south. look at that, 72 in fayetteville. and clinton. 73, lover 10. 66, hundred 10. -- henderson. the winds are little bit weaker expected tomorrow. on out. through the morning. behind that we're going to see some changes, watch, a area of toward the west. in front of that we will see a warm sector which will bring warm southwesterly winds. we will likely see the temperatures continue to get even warmer and warmer on tuesday. before this frontal boundary
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yes, it will likely bring rain within also the potential for some thunderstorms. let's take you first to what is happening tomorrow morning. here is the cloud bands, about 8:00 or nine a clock in the morning, likely to see that push through. shower activity expected -- little to no shower activity expected. it pushes east with no issue. wednesday, showers possible. especially in the north. they continue to spread down through the triangle region by 7:00 great clock in the morning. just in time for the morning commute. and continue to push out to the ease throughout the afternoon. bigger threats on wednesday will be heavy downpours, gusty winds with that. and of course, rumbles of thunder. our upper-level wind pattern will shift a bit. after that friends come through. your notice by thursday, the change here in the color, it sticks to the light grew in some areas, darker blue in the northern counties. that indicates cooler air coming around here.
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out for one day before more moisture returns again by friday. we'll be watching this system here, right now it indicates mostly rain event, but one model is turned to suggest a little bit of snow will markedly impaired we will continue to watch it and let you know it happens, at least for now, we'll call it mostly a rain event. let's go to first alert seven forecast, powered by accuweather, it looks like spring fever for the start of the work week. 60's for three days in a row. drive down to 53 by thursday. friday, looking at 49, more clouds as this is to minister. by next week in, they should be looking pretty good around here. we returned to the 50's, it will be cooler than it will be tomorrow i'm in a two days, but overall, the sunshine, you'll probably feel pretty nice and very close to average for the time of the year. heather: i think we all have spring fever.
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a carolina hurricane. he was shipped to the rangers this afternoon leaving only goalie cam ward as the remaining player from the stanley cup championship won by the franchise 10 years ago. he went to the no trade clause in his contract to get the deal done in exchange, the gains receive a second round pick in the next two nhl draft and a prospect named --. the move could be the first of a few for the canes as the deadline draws near. >> i think every time you trade a guy -- [indiscernible] it's never an easy day. [indiscernible] when you look at the big picture , we cannot get comfortable on a
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joe: meanwhile, eric staal's teammate and brother, jordan, try to focus on the st. louis blues this afternoon. just enter, the early lift. for the home team. ties the game at one. then, ron hainsey, from just inside the blue line, make it 2-1. some energy in the building. but, the browns are one of the best teams in the last, and they get a shorthanded goal in the second, beating ward, the lacerating player on the stanley cup championships. two goals in the span of about 30 seconds. for the finishing touches on this one. 5-2, canes go down on a tough day. >> it is unfortunate, obviously. we have had a few years together here. we've had some good times and some bad. obviously, things have not worked the way that we thought they might, and things change.
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and unc playing. she did not get the gift she wanted to rebecca greenwell, nearly outscoring the tar heels by herself in the first half. lambert also in double figures for the blue devils. that shot goes, plus a foul. trailing, and stephanie doing her best. with a three ball to keep her even when things are not clicking for do, they still were -- shot blocked. to the corner for a three. finishes with a double double. 27 points. duke's largest whenever in chapel hill, 93-57. tar heels are four and 12 in the league play. still ahead, carolina follows the same stretch for three days
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time to get ou first tuesday new scratch-off tickets from the north carolina education lottery it's crazy out here. monday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday. it's tuesday! tuesday! very first tuesday, tuesday t-t-t-tuesday, tuesday first tuesday that's me and yous-day! us-day! it's big news tuesday! it's scratch-off you tuesday! tuesday!
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>> what a start for the season, tar heels complete first sleep in four years. they did it with a walkoff winner in each of the three games. cowboys put up an early lead again, top of the first, donnie walton since the pitch past the right-center field wall. it is 2-0, oakland the state. carolina battled back again,
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tyler ramirez, will smoke when down the right-field line, that will bring in kyle, to tied at two. sutherland in the bottom of the ninth, and a walkoff single to drive into. carolina wins, 4-3. getting a weekend sweep. n.c. state, looking for a series win over -- joe o'donnell, getting the start from the pack. he was on his game, getting the strikeout looking, and then they will get one, swinging. 17 in five innings for o'donnell. bottom of the fifth, look at that, shane shepherd. preston paul mariner scores, 6-2. a grounder that has some eyes down into the corner. n.c. state, goes on to win, 8-4. they take two of three in a
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and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! >> how do you think it went? what did you think of j-law's dress? which white people did you go after, bro? >> chris, over here, did you to us! >> jimmy, jimmy kimmel, what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this camera, i figured i'd get a few shots. >> don't you have the "after the oscars" special tonight? >> jimmy: yeah, but -- did you get a gift basket? can i get some of that nourishing lotion? yo, chris. did leta rock it tonight? chris, who are you wearing? chris! i didn't find out who you're wearing! i need to know who you're wearing! >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"!
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tracy morgan, henry cavill, jesse isenberg, j.k. simmons, will arnett, nathan lane, matthew broderick, mike tyson, and less. plus we go live to the governors ball. presented by samsung. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- lights, camera, action - here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i was not expecting it. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for staying up. i know it's late for a sunday night but welcome to our 11th
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the statues have been handed out, the speeches have been spoken, and once again i was not invited to any of the after parties so here we are together. [ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness. it was a night of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they them. as you know there were no black nominees in the acting categories. tonight's oscar hopefuls were whiter than the line to buy concert. the only way a black or hispanic or asian octoberer was going to win an oscar was if they let steve harvey announce the winner and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the show went mostly as expected, there weren't a ton of surprises. the biggest surprise was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared." it was an interesting show. the sound cut out on one of the
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true. i think the person -- the kid who introduced best short was short. so that was good. and the woman who won best costume design showed up dressed like this. >> this is the second oscar and tenth nomination for jenny bevin. the first oscar in this category -- >> jimmy: she looked like sammy hagar in sturgis. i guess she doesn't take her work home with her. "spotlight" won best picture. brie larson won best actress. [ cheers and applause ] leonardo dicaprio won best actor. leo had been nominated six types. until tonight he never won but everyone kept saying, this is his year. and it was. but you know, the man has had sex with a different victoria's secret model every night of -- every year of his year.
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and it was a special night whether you're a fan of movies, movie stars, or the ryan seacrest men's wear collection. we still have many great moments in store yore rou. ben affleck is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bad man versus superman." he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party and guess what costume his son made him wear to entertain the kids at the party. that's right. we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff. one day you're on the red carpet, next day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading to the governors ball, the post-oscars party across the street. our man guillermo is there standing by live via our big cisco screen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll get go to him now, guillermo, what's it like, are there any big stars around? >>. >> yes, there's a lot of the big stars around here. beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> oh.
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>> jimmy: they're at the bar, all right. see who you can russell up for us and we'll check back in later. how many drinks have you had? >> about 40 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: okay, great. perfect. so he's ready to go. that's actually less than he typically has on a sunday night. thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governors ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year this year that was not nominated for best picture was "cred," the story of rocky balboa training the son of one of his greatals. stallone was nominated for an oscar. it would not be a movie without a sequel. the world premiere trailer for the much-anticipated followup to "creed." >> i will have a choice. this is my one shot.
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can't nobody stop me! >> you got no business being here. >> the other fighters are fighting for their lives. look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie! >> get the hell out of my gym! >> look at this. your first fight with clubber. you got caught with a right uppercut. you're sounding like a dolphin with an itchy blow hole. hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! >> how do you know so much about that fight? >> that was my pops. >> junior. >> that's what marty povis told us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what do you think i'm talking about, fool, to fight. >> you don't look like a fighter. >> i been fighting my whole life. the people who said i couldn't
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>> ha ha ha! >> fighting my demons. >> hey, baby. >> fighting that lady in the wendy's drive-through because she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. >> quheerls my dipping sauce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! aahhh! >> i'll teach you to fight, kid. let's get some shorts on you because we got work to do. come on. >> all i asked for was extra honey busmustard. >> come on! come on now! >> oohh! >> one. >> come on, chicken, come over here! >> boxing isn't just about strength and conditioning. it's about heart. brains. >> and fowls and wings! >> over, under, round and
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meet mr. bunny pull it through. you're not focusing. you've got to focus. beat that meat like you mean it! harder! harder! you've got to kill him! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa, whoa, whoa! hey, hey, no! no! no! got it? you've got it. you've got it! [ cheers and applause ] >> it's the fight nobody thought would happen. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen. this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i can't wait to see it. >> this is our last round, you need this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum. >> focus, kid, you need your edge out there!
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hey, get me some. honey mustard, you remembered! >> that's right. now go get him. >> that was clubber. >> i know, i know. mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. love you so much. i got hair in my teeth. go get him! >> quit your jibber jabber, fool! >> how am i doing? >> good. yeah. there will be a sequel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break but it will be worth it, stay there.
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it's our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual "after the oscars" special - we'll be right back after this. [ cheers and applause ] why can't i buy this weird, shaved-meat sandwich with my phone? why can't my battery last long enough to navigate me through these scary woods? ugh. eh, probably fine though. [lightning strike] why can't my phone have enough memory to hold all a hundred and forty-five of my movies, like that one with the action and the martial arts. you seen that one? why can't my phone take high quality low light photos instead of this big, expensive camera? [police siren] why don't you come down from there sir? you got it! why doesn't my phone work after i pour this expensive champagne all over it? how am i 'sposed to show people how rich and carefree i am? why did i have to wait so long in this commercial to do a celebrity sports person cameo? [scoreboard buzzer] why don't i ever get asked to be the spokesperson in the commercial? ha, ha. good question. introducing the only water-resistant, fast, wireless-charging, best camera having, memory expandable, pay almost anywhere,
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vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. nationwide is on your side representative. so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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try the grilled nuggets and new superfood side only at chick-fil-a. >> jimmy: hello and welcome back to our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. batman is on the way. first let's check in with guillermo on the wall of america at the governors ball happening across -- look at this, guillermo, you did it! i asked you to get us a big star, you got us a big star, sacha baron cohen, hello! [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, america. >> jimmy: hey, you had a pretty quick costume change there, i guess. >> i don't know what you're talking about that wasn't me. >> jimmy: oh, that's right.
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>> the academy would never let somebody like ali g. come out. i went to the toilet, it was done. >> jimmy: is it true that sacha -- you were supposed to present and instead ali g. wound up filling in as a surprise? >> that is true. that is true. i was very displayed because i was getting ready -- nature called. i went into the bathroom. next thing i knew, i had been usurped by ali g. and made a fool of. >> jimmy: ali g. presented by olivia, did she know ali g. was coming out instead of you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm real sorry. >> i'm not aware. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sacha, i apologize, there's some idiots in the back. >> yeah, there's a lot of complete pardon my french
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>> jimmy: yeah,, there are people jumping around in the back like -- >> they're just trying to get famous. a lot of people are here upset they didn't win tonight. >> jimmy: you know, this is really a shame that we put so much work into the show and then people just show and up they ruin it like that. >> bad losers. >> jimmy: well, you know -- sacha, you have a movie "the brothers grimsby" coming out. >> that's right, that's right. march 11th. >> jimmy: and again, i apologize for what's going on here, very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one that should be watching for what's going on. get the guy behind you out of the shot! >> who is -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> dim wit. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> stay away, please. >> jimmy: there's no excuse for that. i apologize again. some people are just gross. but thank you very much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stay away. >> jimmy: thank you so much, guillermo.
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>> jimmy: thank you. keep rounding people up, will you, guillermo? no -- >> hey, jimmy -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. much. [ cheers and applause ] it just really pisses me off, that's all. so back to the movies. this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. is on car night is a night to celebrate great films. if you're at all familiar with the movie "the producers" you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the producers" is a classic, won an oscar for mel brooks, record-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years. now they're back with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. >> they were a pair of political consultants on needed a break. >> that's it! we're finished, through, kaput! >> don't say that, max. >> let's face it, bloom, we
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in years. >> max, do you realize under the right circumstances it might be possible to make more money from a losing candidate than from a winner? >> what did you say? >> first we find a bad candidate, then we raise money like crazy and promise all the donors ambassadorships to italy or sweden or armenia. then when the public figures out what a nut case our guy is he drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all the dough! oh, darling bloom, glorious bloom! you bloody genius you! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wait. this candidate. he's got to be the worst candidate in history. a real train wreck. schmuck, puttz, gold-plated nincompoop. where would we find a buffoon like that? >> and now a message from the board room. >> people have been asking about my desk and the fact that i have so many papers on my desk.
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but if you look around, i mean, there's a lot of stuff. i've noticed over the years -- people have a lot going on on their desk. >> hand me the phone! the phone! >> my desk is a very important part of me -- >> yes, yes, yes. hello, hello, operator? >> -- that's a good thing -- >> get me the board room. you know which one. innocence thens they had a foolproof plan. >> there's a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right? or crazy old semi-racist white people? >> they're sure he can win? >> oh, mrs. comisky, donald trump is the very definition of a winner. >> just read the pin. >> oh. >> bless you, mrs. comisky, bless you. thank you.
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i keep the checkie, thank you. thank you, mrs. comisky. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl. oh, oh! beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. all right, easy now. easy, we don't have time for that. easy. all right. don't worry, it's only six flights. bye! >> bye. >> thank god for citizens united. far. >> and 25 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a brilliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea for it. >> he won't last the week! >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern border and wall. mark my words.
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the money >> announcer: but they pick the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him like these two looney birds, these numb skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who will let our warriors do their job and go kick isis' ass? >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> well, i hear he's a proven businessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. >> i can't believe this it's not possible. >> where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute. wait a minute -- did he question john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should kick out 11 million immigrants? >> yes. >> did he propose banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.?
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>> did he say heidi klum was no longer a 10? >> yes, yes! >> nothing is working, max, nothing. >> oh, no! no! >> announcer: just in time for the election, it's a story that starts off funny and then gets really, really depressing. [ cheers and applause ] we needed a chump to put on the stump a frumpy grumpy named donald j. trump he's building a wall a thousand feet tall don't worry cause the mexicans will pay for it all >> announcer: from the producers of "the producers" comes a movie that will make america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick, and cloris leachman star in -- you've been trumped >> maybe he won't be such a bad president.
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>> whoa, what have we done? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a lot to come including we have tonight on the show never before seen footage from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to see guillermo nursed in a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. [ panting ] i focused on being prepared. [ gasp ] i saved your life by bringing you here. i knew this day would come. [ alarm sounding ]
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