it's the beauty of a well-made choice.

alan: yeah, i guess it's, like, a-a date. could you maybe give me some pointers on what girls think is their favorite restaurant in town? -yeah, but, son... -could you maybe think about it soon?

e thing... -definitely think about it when she's got her clothes on, okay? hey, thanks, dad, -for, um, you know... -hey! but... (sighs) my pleasure, son. was that a client? uh, yeah. yeah, it was. zorn, i don't want to have to fire you. just... use the script, make a sale. i know. i know. no, and i'm super close. it's just, um, well, you know, i have this perfect way to connect with this client, and, uh, i mean, he was totally appreciating me. i mean, it was amazing. and then, you know, i-i lost it, and-and now i'm afraid god, i... i just love him so much, you know? okay. okay. i know... all about this way of connecting with a client, and... trust me, it does not work out. i mean, there's a line there, there's temptation. you know, just don't give in to it. oh, gosh, i think your best bet would just be to end it, you know? you got to go over there in person, get the job done, and get out of there. who knows? maybe if it doesn't end too badly,

in person. edie: well, i warned him. now his stuff is in the trash. -i mean, that is on him. -oh. y-you got a thing -on your... -(screams) -(creature grunting quietly) -oh! get it off! -okay, -kill it! -okay, i'll get it, i'll get it. i'm not gonna kill it. it's just a little... (horrified gasping) -(garbage disposal grinding) -(creature grunting) -(cracking, screeching) -oh, my god! -(creature grunting quietly) -whew! look, as childish and invasive as zorn can be, you can't force someone to move on. you got to stop letting it drive you crazy. just let it go. come on. look, could i get upset about the tattoo that you still have on your behind? sure. do i? sometimes. privately. -you know it means nothing to me. -i know, and i try not to let it torment me, which is why i prefer missionary. you know what? you're right. -i should just let it go. -yeah.

(zorn shudders) hmm. well, let's see what else we got here. let's see. what? -pretty creepy, man. -hey, you want your five stars or not? wait, hold on. who is that? is that her brother? -dude, i don't know. -what the hell? wow. and people say zephyrians are the one with the deviant sexual impulses, huh? -(chuckles) -well, maybe it's not her brother. -hey! why can't i roll this window up? -it's busted, man. -just don't worry about it. -ah! this car sucks, dude. -hey, take it down a notch. -can i help you? -oh, no, -no, no, we're good, thank you. -really? h, we're just, uh, we were, um, yeah, we're looking for an address, but i-i think we're on the wrong street, so, uh... -i saw you urinate on my tree. -oh, you saw that? okay. well, i'm sorry. it was kind of an emergency. -but, hey, we're about to take off, so just... -yeah, i just want to put this out there, man. i do not know this guy at all. i picked him up earlier. he was drinking -in the park. -i was having a beer. yeah. it was more than a beer. and now you're at four stars, brian. -you want to make it three? -you knocked over -my eucalyptus tree! -what? i got a powerful stream.

vietnam? vietnam? (chuckles) wh-why would you say that? i mean, -do i look vietnamese to you? seriously? -dude, that's racist. brian, turn the car on. let's go. the surface pro, comes with a pen that lets you write on the screen if you try to write, on a plain old mac

ace pro (the keyboard detaches from the screen) get the surface pro

(singing inaudibly) (knocking) hey, buddy. you weren't answering your phone, so i figured i'd pop by. okay. so anyway, i've, uh, got some fatherly advice for you. oh, fatherly advice? this is gonna be really cool. -can't wait. -well, i'm feeling like maybe things aren't gonna work out for you and nancy. it's just, um, i mean, you could do better. i can do better? really? oh, my gos myadhinks ? if i'm being honest, i think she might be prone to incest. okay, so it's definitely not because you went over to her house to spy on her, and insulted her dad to the point where he kicked a dent in your car? okay, all right, that did not happen. yes, it did! i saw you! -you spied on me? -yeah. i used the stone of sight. got it out of craig's safe-- he says the code out loud when he types it in. zero, zero, zero, six. are you kidding me? (groans) okay, well, you know what?

well, it's not like it matters. i saw she has a boyfriend she didn't tell me about, so... that's what really sucks in the end. you know, sometimes you really like someone, and you talk a big game like it's gonna work out, but the fact is she's with someone else. and it sucks. i mean, it sucks (bleep). i mean, i get it, you know? you wish you could just rip off the new guy's nose and break off his finger and stick it where his nose used to be and then just punch him in his stupid bicycle face! i can see the headline now: st genitals dies, world rejoices. but then, i don't know, once you start to... let go and move on, who knows? -i mean... maybe it gets better. -yeah, you're right. hey, thanks, dad. it's really nice to finally have, like, an actual conversation, you know, where we can, like, talk to each oth... (game boy music playing) yeah. it's great, -super great to... -mm-hmm.

one-on-one conversation back and forth, where... -yeah, totally. -...you're really listening -listening. -to everything i'm saying, -and really processing... -active process. all right, well, here we go. (grunts) (faint, distorted voices) (thunder rumbling) zorn: nah, it's for the best. there are just too many evil hands in the world. mainly yours. but thank you for finally moving your boxes. yeah, i know, it's weird. it's, like, we're, uh... like we're officially divorced now, i guess. hey, can you, uh... -can you give us a minute? -oh. listen, uh, craig, i, uh, i owe you an apology. how about we hit the old reset button? i'd like that, zorn. hello. i'm zorn from sanitation solutions. do you have a second to talk about how satisfied you are with your current bathroom products supplier? yeah. $600 on soap dispensers? i know. it was impulsive. what the hell were you thinking? well, well, well, trouble in paradise.

look, honestly, i just feel sorry for zorn. -wait, wait. hold on. -he lost you, he lives in squalor, the bangs are not working. i just thought he needed a win for a change. well, when you say it like that, that's... wait a second, why are the puppets not dancing -the way i want them to dance? -...unusual. -you're an amazing person. -no! (grunting) stupid stone! come on! stupid! captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television and toyota.

) florida marlins star pitcher jose fernandez... who grew up in tampa dies in an early morning boat wreck. grew up in tampa dies in an early morning boat wreck. how the tampa bay rays are ? it seems today that all you see ? ? is violence in movies and sex on tv ? ? but where are those good old-fashioned values ? ? on which we used to rely? ? ? lucky there's a family guy ? ? lucky there's a man who positively can do ? ? all the things that make us ? ? laugh and cry ? ? he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ?

e factory. ? ? charlie, don't forget what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted. what? he lived happily ever after. but he did have to earn it. hint, hint. do it, charlie! i'm not going back to that four-person bed! hell, i'll do it, if you want! no! it has to be a child! what did he just say? brian, this does not seem appropriate to watch in front of the baby. not appropriate? you took me to see magic mike xxl. uhp, this one's wet. uh, this one, too. also wet. huh. this one's dry, but the back of the seat in front of it is wet. let's put on something more child-friendly. time to "too-tooty-too" with the turtlenecks! oh, god, no. these guys are horrible. ? do you kazoo? ? ? i often do ? ? when i am blue ?

? goes my kazoo ? ? i will kazoo ? ? hey how 'bout you? ? (kazoos playing on tv) uch. all they're doing is announcing that they play the kazoo, and then asking if others also play the kazoo. this doesn't seem so bad. i mean, after all, it's a song for babies. yeah, but-but that's the thing. baby songs never tackle real baby issues. you know, like-- like loud noises. or teething. or when dad uses me as a lumbar pillow. eh... ow. eh... ow. ow. (grunts) ow. (irritated grunt) ow. s better in the car. well, how could they address baby issues? children's songs are written by adults. and, dollars to donuts, white adults. i-i-- who-who are you mad at, brian? uch, how much time you got? not enough for that, but you're right. if you want a song a baby'll like, you've got to get a baby to write it. well, call john mayer. he's a big, fat baby. no, i'll do it, and you can help. well, i... i did write a musical about alexander hamilton. (chuckles) not-not that one, but, uh, sure, i'm in. ooh, i'm excited. this'll be great.

i'm gonna get out of this place one day. hey, butch. get a load of stewie. he says he's gonna get out of here. (laughing) you don't know me, man. i'm different. i got ideas. hey, butch, you hear that? stewie's got ideas. shut up! i'm gonna go across that river and make it to the city on the other side. i'm gonna be a singer. bubl? over here says he's gonna be a singer. hey, bubl?, i got a tune for you to sing. it's called "get your ass back on the forklift, lunch is over". hey, stewie, don't listen to those guys. follow your heart. shut up, butch. you're the loser of this crew. hey guys, you hear that? butch told me to follow my heart. (laughter) dad, can i have 50 bucks for a shamrock tattoo? it's time. all right, but make sure you get it where everyone can see. hold on, peter. i-if chris wants money for something, maybe it's time he got a part-time job.

i'm too young. well, will smith's little kid works as a movie star, even though he looks like a wet baby horse. all right, i suppose i could get a job. well, maybe even my old job as the guy racing through an airport at the end of a romantic comedy. taxi! taxi! (tires screech) hey. are you crazy? crazy for love. the most amazing girl i've ever met leaves on a plane in five minutes. get in. ? i get knocked down, but i get up again ? ? you're never gonna keep me down ? ? i get knocked down, but i get up again ? ? you're never gonna keep me down... ? what the hell's going on? this guy's in love. is she worth it? she's a once-in-a-lifetime girl. i'll give you an escort. ? he drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink ? ? he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink ? ? he sings the songs... ? no charge. ? that remind him of the better times ? p.a. announcer: final boarding call for ashley's flight

ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, child. what's the hurry? the love of my life, that's what. we got a code romeo. repeat, code romeo. if you get there on time, there's an extra 50 in it for you. i love this job! ? i get knocked down, but i get up again ? ? you're never gonna keep me down... ? chris: ashley, wait! (panting) i wouldn't miss this for all the rush hour fares in bigtown. chris, you came. oh, my god! let me get my grandma. chris? ashley. i love you. (both grunting) (groaning) oh, you're groaning at me? you paid $19 to fly spirit air. you get what you get. all right, brian, i've written a few songs,

orns. real baby issues. right, like heartworm and parvo? no, baby stuff. oh, oh, human babies. i didn't... i didn realize there was an agenda. okay, look, just pay attention. ? momma liked to party when you were in her belly ? ? drinking, she did some ? ? momma liked to party when you were in her belly ? ? that's why you are dumb. ? i call that "momma liked to party (chris's song)". stewie, that's good. hey, can i write one? yeah, we need as many as we can. our first gig is saturday. it's a birthday party. wow, already? how'd you book a gig so fast? easy. i figured out the perfect way to get the word out to middle-aged moms. musical entertainment, available for parties. musical entertainment, available for parties. hey. where you drinking that chardonnay? oh, hey, chris, how's the job hunt going? terrible. i can't find a job anywhere. a lot of people seem to be turned off

no, it's a euphemism. oh, yucky. uh, you guys, i need help unloading the groceries. my undiagnosed mom injury is flaring up. these little things of applesauce better not be for desserts. woman: go to hell, glenn quagmire! i'm sorry, but mondays are asian only. why is your last name wong? it's my married name. now i see why you're here. geez, what was that about? ah, a little scheduling mix-up. i am just so busy, i-i don't have any time organize my own life. wait a minute, what if you had someone to help keep you organized? chris is looking for work. maybe he can help you out, be your assistant. huh, maybe. you have any references? uh, "cowabunga," "schwing," "yada, yada, yada." those are pretty good references. you're hired. (indistinct conversations) look at that. look at the cake. "happy birthday charlie and uncle craig." and uncle craig's written in a different color. oh, poor uncle craig.

god, what's she doing here? she was always such a nightmare. (children laughing) olivia?! oh, my god, do i look okay? i hate this shirt. switch shirts. switch shirts! stewie? oh, i thought that was you. hey, olivia, hey, what brings you here? oh, the birthday boy and i met at burt reynolds' acting camp in jupiter, florida. well, i'm glad to hear you're still acting. you know, the last time i saw you, you were... burning in a cardboard house? yeah, burning in a cardboard house, yeah. uh, hey, listen, uh, i don't know if you've heard, aw, that's good. good for you. okay, great to see you. come on, stewie, it's not about her. it's about those six children watching and the spazzy kid who's just waiting for the snakes. boy: bring out the snakes! it's a hot crowd, have fun out there. i'm gonna go feed everything in my van to each other. okay, kids, if everyone's done washing their hands from the snakes, we have some fun music for y... no climbing on the boat!

all right, we're red shirt blue shirt, and here's a song we call "mommy and daddy's room." and we think it's one you can all relate to. ? when everybody's gone to sleep ? ? and you've said good night moon ? ? there's plenty of noise still coming ? ? from mommy and daddy's room ? ? oh, daddy says "please," mommy says "no" ? ? daddy says "come on," mommy says "whoa" ? ? daddy goes... (grunts), mommy goes "ow" ? ? daddy says "i'm done," mommy goes "wow" ? ? daddy rolls over and falls asleep ? ne in the dark. ? my god, did you hear 'em, stewie? we're a hit. we got to go out and celebrate. oh, he can't go out with you tonight. he's got a date with me. really? awesome. brian, i can't go. i'm not feeling well. stewie, i've been standing here the whole time. but, you know-you know what, that's fine. i'll just go have a dog-style celebration by myself. yeah! awesome time! this is very fun for me!

this is fun, right? the best! and me, too! the surface pro, comes with a pen that lets you write on the screen if you try to write, on a plain old mac the difference can be seen (it doesn't work) get the surface pro (the keyboard detaches from the screen)

ah, i'm in there as katie. i'll call you later ...or...no i won't, i'll text you, because what am i your dad? "don't stay out too late!". yea, just text me. thank you, get home safe. this must be what antonio brown feels like when he's dancing in the end zone. touchdown antonio brown! [crowd cheering] when he finally got katie's number. ??

great crowd, babe. what are... what is this? oh, olivia's president of our fan club. she's also doing half the band. do you even know what that means? uh, let's just say i couldn't toddle right for a week. okay, you don't. all right, if you'll excuse me, i have a poo poo diaper. you really think this olivia thing is a good idea? why wouldn't it be? i don't know. it just seems like it always ends badly for you two. and it can be tricky working with an ex. look at kermit and miss piggy. how are you feeling, miss piggy? i heard you called in sick yesterday. yeah, i had a frog in my throat. (short laugh) right, kermie?

okay, chris, i think you're gonna be a great assistant. your paperwork appears to be in order, but before we get started, do you own a pair of rubber boots that you'd have to wear if you worked on a fishing boat? uh, no, i don't think so. all right, i guess it'll be a light day today, but tomorrow you should come wearing those. okay, got it. now, the first thing i need you to do every morning is punch me in the stomach because i'm a bad person. is this a trick? it's the furthest thing from a trick. go ahead. and it should be pretty hard, rse person than you think. (grunts) okaythat's really good. now i need you to call time warner about my cable bill. (indistinct conversations) all right, this one is for all the mommies out there. this is what we're really saying when we're crying. ? please put some butt paste on my button ? ? butt paste on my button ? ? smear it on my button for the fire down below ? ? oh, oh, oh, butt paste on my button ? ? butt paste on my button ?

? cools and quells me so. ? ? stay away, stay away ? ? from the big kid in the baby swing. ? ? there's a little metal box ? ? at the top of the stairs ? ? in the back of the closet ? ? and a tiny little key ? ? that's hidden in a book ? ? in the drawer with the socks ? ? and i know how to use it ? ? and that's where the gun is. ? ? ? you know, i talk a lot of smack, but at the end of the day, these guys are pros. even broken arm coyote with washboard. hey, let's keep this party rolling. i'll go get us another badly-scratched plastic pitcher of soda. ugh, finally, he's doing something useful. what? what do you mean?

you've got the sweet bod... oh, my god, babe. plus, you've got all the cool catchphrases like "damn you all" or "what the dude" or whatever. uh, it-it's "deuce." but, uh, but yeah, you're-you're right, it... i-i do. does it-does it sound through the mic like i'm saying "dude"? should it be "dude"? meanwhile, everyone thinks brian is the star of the group. who thinks that? i don't know. i'm just saying, after every show, the fans are always petting brian, and not you. no one's allowed to pet me. it's illegal. i just hate to see brian getting all the attention that youeserve. you should really watch your back. wow, it's hard to believe brian would betray me. i mean, he was there for me when i hit rock bottom. see, brian? that's a rock bottom. thanks for being here for that. now get out of here, we're about to drink some chardonnay. chris, could you please get hannah a thank-you basket and schedule her next appointment? i'd like to see her again in two weeks. of course. mr. quagmire can fit in you

that works. and you know to fast the night before? yup. and would you like to leave your panties in the fishbowl for a chance to win a free lunch? good luck. when you gonna do that drawing anyway? oh, there's no drawing, i just like smelling the bowl. you know, you're doing a great job, chris. why don't you jerk the rest of the day off. man, this is the best job ever. and to think i almost took that pop-up restaurant gig. hi, you hungry?! aah! check, check, malia. check, obama. check, check, check, malia, obama. all right, that's a creepy mic check. let's just do a quick run-through of "little brother." ? i want a little brother ? (humming the tune) ? on second thought ? ? i think i'd ?

could-could we just cut brian's mic? his humming sounds like my table's ready at chili's. stewie, what the hell is your problem? i'll tell you what my problem is: i'm doing all the work and you're just riding my coattails. what are you talking about? i'm just as big a part of this group as you are. oh, really? you're writing about all your authentic baby experiences? you asked me to do this with you. why you being such a dick? because i lost the baby! what was that? i don't know, he saw that in a movie or something. brian, this seems as good a time as any. i think it's time to talk about your future with the band. are you serious? you're actually kicking me out of the band? not at all. in fact, i think you and i should kick stewie out. and i'll take his place. what? boy: bring out the snakes!

? ? ?thunder? ? ?thunder? ? ?

) the first big debate of the presidential election is tomorrow night. find out why managers for both campaigns say they have a lot of concerns. ))) and... how a chance ride from a police officer turned into something good for a teenag two-hours each way just to go to work. tonigt on fox 13 news at ten. to work. tonigt on fox 13 news at ten. so, you want to fire stewie and be red shirt blue shirt with me? absolutely. you're the whole reason the fans even like the band. kids love dogs. besides, we've both seen what stewie's become: an impossible diva. yeah, but he's my friend. yeah, well, your friend

wait, what? he has? and i don't knowf you've considered this, but the clock is ticking on stewie's cuteness. huh. i guess you're right. i mean, i wouldn't be surprised if he ends up loing like an exact mash-up of lois and peter. (giggles) groceries. hey. i had a thought about our costumes for today's show. i could wear a shirt that's both red and blue, and you can do spin art with all the wussy kids who are afraid to go on rides. yeah? well, how about this, stewie? you're fired. pardon? that's right. olivia's taking your place in the band. you are looking at the new red shirt blue shirt. what the dude? uhp, you know what, "deuce" was right. come on, brian. you and i should probably rehearse. we've got a show in 20 minutes. fine, go ahead! it's not gonna be the same! like cheers wasn't the same when they brought in kirstie alley. all: norm! no, i'm-i'm rebecca. meg, do you know how to use microsoft excel?

uld. dork. but i do need to make that spreadsheet or i'm fired. oh, my god. peter, our dishwasher is full of sex toys. oh, yeah, chris put those in there. it's for his job. he's workin' for quagmire now. he's washing sex toys for quagmire? not just that. he also takes pictures of quagmire's genitals to track sore growth. so, brace yourself when you open iphoto. it's on the "griffin family" account. peter, my parents have access to that. what's wrong with this worm? and you knew about this? how could you let him do this disgusting stuff? what? you're the one who wanted chris to get a job. yeah, like mowing lawns or trimming bushes. oh, he's doing one of those. that's it. i'm calling quagmire right now and putting an end to this. (line rings) chris: you have reached glenn quagmire. neither he nor his assistant is available. to schedule a liaison, press one. to cancel a liaison, press two.

our online form, and we will mail you a check for $180. thank you, and have a giggity day. (beep) chris, this is your mother. get these dildos out of the dishwasher. (cheering, applause) ? when everybody's gone to sleep ? ? and you've said good night moon ? ? there's plenty of noise still coming ? ? from mommy and daddy's room ? ? oh, daddy says "please", mommy says "no" ? dy says "come on", mommy says "whoa" ? ? daddy goes... (grunts), mommy goes "ow" ? ? daddy says "i'm done", mommy goes "wow" ? stewie, brian & olivia: ? daddy rolls over and falls asleep ? ? mommy drinks wine in the dark. ? (cheering, appuse) thank you, quahog. that was great. eyoved us. yeah, i guess, but did you see what i saw? that kid with the cane? yeah, what do you think is wrong with him? no, stewie was out there. so? so? we're singing a song he wrote.

ss this up. we've got a good thing going. i-i hate to tell you this, but i'm afraid red shirt blue shirt is done. i can't do this. i'm out. i don't care. i don't need you. i can get a hundred dogs to fit that stupid blue shirt. you're a monster. like frankenstein, when he became a loan officer. so, i'm looking for money to open a small business. we plan to sell antique lamps. (intrigued grunt) handmade blankets. (intrigued grunt) and pitchforks. (furious grunt) chris, there you are. we need to talk. what, are you walkin' a horse? did quagmire get a horse? oh no, here we go. i want a horse! peter, it's not a horse. chris, what the hell is that? oh, this is mr. quagmire's horse gimp. what is a "horse gimp"? it's a sexual fetishist who derives erotic pleasure from dressing in horse-themed leather gear. want to see me feed him a carrot? absolutely not. hell yes.

to quit right now. i can't quit. i'm actually good at this job. plus, i'm making decent money. mort: you could work at the pharmacy. quiet, triscuit! ooh, hook me to the plow! chris, i have $1,100 in a paint can in the garage. just take that, and we'll never speak of this again. okay. great. now let's all go home. well, that's what i get for horsing around. ah, your joke wasn't funny enough. stewie? oh, hello, brian. i'm here to apologize. and to let you know i quit the band. you did? yes. it's nothing without you. you were the band. those were your songs. and i'm sorry if i let olivia manipulate me. (sighs) i guess she manipulated both of us. there's just something about her flat chest and muscular legs. look, i never should've treated you the way i did.

and go back to the way things were? of course we can. hey, i wonder if she's gonna keep the band going. probably. she told me she was just gonna replace me with another dog. yes, but who? i don't know. probably some dog neither you or i have ever met. (cheering) all right, listen up, you little pieces of garbage. this song's about gettin' heartburn from baked clams. and other kid stuff. stop. with that box, you'll be the first to win playstation vr. "player one." soon, it spreads like wildfire. humanity becomes so plugged in... we never see them coming. that's why i was sent back to stop you - [slrrrrrp] oh, hey, i won! right. the future of gaming starts at taco bell. grab any $5 box and you could be one of the first to win playstation vr. [sfx: bong]

ew iphone 7 from sprint. pete's smart. he upgraded his carrier too. sprint is perfect for the new iphone 7. you can stream, watch, post, chat, tweet, snap. copy that. switch to sprint. get the iphone 7 for zero dollars with eligible trade in. whoooo! for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. ? you say insane. i say i trained. you say freakish. i say frequent. insane. i trained. freakish. frequent. let's run the whole thing back. you say ridiculous. you say incredible. i say inevitable. ridiculous. meticulous. incredible. inevitable. let's run the whole thing back. carbs to compete. electrolytes to replenish. the surface pro, comes with a pen that lets you write on the screen if you try to write, on a plain old mac

get the surface pro (the keyboard detaches from the screen) get the surface pro

previously on the last man on earth... who the hell are you? i'm an astronaut. i-i just came from space. were you exposed to the virus?! no, no, i promise! pat brown, last man on earth. should've stayed in the truck, bud. holy... farts. carol. you're pregnant. i'm pregnant! (laughs) (squeals) (coughing) melissa: he has to go. maybe i should just go away for a while. gail: carol, tandy, come look at this. tandy: oh, dear god. oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. oh, farts. these guys do not look friendly. maybe they just need directions. hells bells, carol! they don't need damn directions! okay, everyone just calm down! okay? there's no need to freak out. oh, crap. run, run, run, run!

go, go! (screams) carol, what's happening? there's some spooky people here with possibly dark intentions. w-well, let me out. have you learned your lesson about not using firearms? yes. yes, yes, yes! okay! firearms are not the answer. i stand by that. okay, we got to go. melissa, where are you going? melissa! (groans) oh, crap, we're blocked in! who was driving the a-team van? ah, man, my bad! okay, well, where... do you have the keys? no. what?! oh, my goodness, i think i left them inside! (screams) okay, guys, the key is attached to a small plastic mr. t. it is just the classic "t" look, mohawk, muscles, lots of gold chains. if you press him, it says, you know, "i pity the fool." we get it, todd! i'm not finding it. it's not here! they're coming up the path!

throats and balls! aim at throats and balls! a-and eyes! and, uh, uh, butts! j-just aim at anything! shh! (whispers): they're here. ? ? (whispering): there it is. mr. t.

damn it. shh. peekaboo. (todd and gail screaming) (all shouting) (all screaming) all right, easy! easy, take it easy! put 'em down! (overlapping shouting and screaming) put it down! put that down! hey! i'll shoot. i'm serious. she will! she loves guns! drop it, blondie. you drop it! tandy: melissa, watch out! (all scream) stop! don't shoot! don't shoot! don't shoot me! oh, god. darrell! can you hear me? (groans) we weren't gonna shoot you. we come in peace. we come in... peace. stay with me, darrell. you're gonna pull through this, buddy!

(sighs) he's gone. ? and we can build this dream together ? ? standing strong forever ? ? nothing's gonna stop us now ? ? and in this world of distant lovers ? ? we'll still have each other ? ? nothing's gonna stop us ? ? nothing's gonna stop us ? ? now ? ? ooh, woo-ooh, ooh ? ? yeah ? ? nothing's gonna stop us! ? so, after the northwest passage, i ran into darrell and lewis here, and we set sail for hawaii.

and damn if we didn't see your lights. well, we just feel so bad about murdering your friend. just sick about it. oh, well, we barely knew that guy. it's just a horrible misunderstanding. so, lewis, um, what did you do before all this? i was a surgeon. oh! that's amazing. carol and i, we're pregnant, so... lewis: no, no, no. for trees. a tree surgeon. more of an arborist. ooh. (laughs) that's too bad. purveyor of ice cream. brief incarcerant. jean art enthusiast. wait, uh, jean art? uh, like what it sounds. art on jeans. you give me a pair of 501s and a sharpie, and i can make them sing like a doobie brother. well, that sounds fun. (chuckles) what's up with the suit? well, i never take it off on land. i-it's... that's just what the government wants, to fill me with virus.

but it gets kind of lonely out there. no family. no friends. i don't know if you know how blessed you are to have found each other. oh, i think we do, and it's all because of tandy here. he brought us together. pat: really? you're lucky to have a leader like that. well, i wouldn't say, uh, i mean... leader? (laughs) thank you, pat. pat: you know, i know... i know we got off to an awkward start, but is-is there stay around for a spell? or one of us. we're not a package deal. we're easy, so, uh... uh... c-could you excuse us while we discuss your fate? well, of course. sure. they seem like pretty good guys, right? gail: okay. i'm just gonna come right out and say it: pat sucks. yeah, he's mad as a cut snake. just a full-blown poddy-dodger. ah, he's not a poddy-dodger.

there we go, carol. but pat, yeah, i mean, he just seems like a real bad news barry. i'll give them the news. hey, guys... (shotgun pumps) tandy: no, no, no. wait, wait, wait. okay, so they didn't make a great first impression, but look at me. i mean, when i first met carol, i was such a mess, she pulled a gun on me. oh, it's true. you know, it took me a while to realize that tandy wasn't a dangerous lunatic, but in fact the man of my dreams. tandy: see? now, why can't we just treat them like we treated each other? gail: god, tandy, that's collected fabric, gail. yeah, that's fabric. god. look... they're lonely, they're scared, and remember, we were the ones who shot their friend. tandy: hey, guys. look, i'm really sorry about this, but, uh... how would you like to stay? are you serious? no, my name's tandy. why, did someone tell you my name was "serious"?

(laughs) you're not gonna regret this. i know we won't. the house is just right up the path here. (chuckles) what am i saying? you know where it is; you stormed it earlier. i'm just trying to catch my breath a little, you know. we'll be right up. look, this could be a really good thing for us. like a fresh start, if you know what i mean. yes, pat, yes. i mean, we both have our secrets, and it's gonna stay that way, capisce? i don't really have any secrets, pat. i... fresh start. i understand, pat. fresh... start. hey, you guys coming up or what? yeah, sure thing, ding-a-ling. tandy (laughs): ding-a-ling. hey, how about we, uh, ink up some jeans? i'd love it. ding-a-ling. (laughs)

(whispers): fresh start. the surface pro, comes with a pen that lets you write on the screen if you try to write, on a plain old mac the difference can be seen (it doesn't work) get the surface pro (the keyboard detaches from the screen) get the surface pro ?? ?? ?? one smart choice leads to the next. ?? the new 2017 ford fusion is here. it's the beauty

pizza hut makes great pizza but they can't tell you what a gift it is. i can. they took a grilled cheese and combined it with stuffed crust pizza. i almost wasn't here to try it. how did you - that's not important, jen. what's important is that i watched the sunrise this morning. and later i'll experiment with water colors.

cheese stuffed crust pia. proof that no one out pizzas the hut. (pained groaning) just gonna need one big push. congrats! i hear you're having a baby. new york life can help you manage your family's financial future. so you can relax, and enjoy life's special moments. (vo) be good at life. new york life. man, i love this room. just seems like the perfect place to masturbate. that's exactly what it was designed for, actually. oh, i... yeah, i'd do her, i'd do her, i'd do her, i'd do her, i'd... well, i'd do anything with two legs. i ain't fussy. well? looking good, hollywood!

sincere here: these are frigging rad. thank you, tandy. so, uh, these leg designs-- walk me through them. well, it's just a general breast theme with cobras. so, it is what it looks like, huh? well... amazing. oh. (screams) don't sit down. those aren't sitting jeans. oh. uh, you know, i was thinking, tandy, uh... pat, what a nice idea. you know, i never been good with people. no. no, really, i... really? i get nervous around them and i... i spook them. so... i just that thought maybe this could be a good icebreaker. hey, try great icebreaker, huh? 's too bad the titanic wasn't made out of your jeans, huh? (chuckles) (laughs) you know, i'm getting

thanks, pat. i'm vibing you, too. hope your friends feel the same. hey, you just be yourself and you'll do fine. care bear, what are these? oh, yeah, could you put those on for me? they're eyebrows. i've just been having a devil of a time tracking your emotional states, you know, since you balded yourself. is this really necessary? ey say that eyebrows are the curtains to the windows to the soul of your face. okay, well, if they say it, i should probably do it, right? you know, i'm so proud of you for letting lewis and pat stay. that's very "we are the world" of you. thanks, care bear. although i'm still not sure about that lewis guy. pat though? oh, he's great. i mean, you know, he's definitely a... a rescue, might pee on the carpet from time to time, bark at a minority, hump some legs.

and waggin' that tizzy. tail. are you sure? carol, look at me. i got this. you're flirting with me. oh. pat: ...animal faces, inverted crosses, food... what else i got here? protective wiccan symbols, a deck of cards, uh, your angels, your demons, the guy with the spiky hair hatchets, rainbows. you know, it's just a small spattering of what i could draw on your jeans. got it. o... kay. you like hair? what? hair. you like it? on guys? hey-yo! i see you're all soaking up the sunshine that is pat. (both chuckle) what happened to your face?

is brows? what?! okay! hey, hey! paatt, p, pat, no, no, no, it's okay. whoa! whoa! it's okay, huh? they're just razzin' me. they're just having fun, right, guys? we're having fun, all right? i just didn't like the way she said that. tandy: oh, yeah, yeah. it's okay. she didn't mean it, huh? huh? hey, why don't you and i go out and blow off a little steam, huh? would you like that, pat? yeah. yeah, okay. (laughs) good, let's go. whoa. think about your jeans. 'cause... you know? tandy: that was sweet of you. t: where have you been all day? gail: all right, lewis, start talking. what do you mean? what's the deal with pat? oh, pat? (chuckles) pat is just a... fantastic... constant, just... endless source of... (chuckles) he's very fun. (laughs) he doesn't seem fun. no. he seems like a solid gold nut. lewis: what?

s not adding up here. it's like a bi-corn. "a bi-corn"? a unicorn with two horns. well, this is totally, totally unrelated, but, uh... he's not, like, around here, right? okay, damn it, lewis, cut to the chase. what are we dealing with here? he's crazy, right? he's-he's... he's not just crazy, he's-he's dangerous. (whispers): like, he's seriously dangerous. wait, what are you saying? i'm saying,

? ? power, power to the lord ? ? power, power to the lord ? ?