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tv   9 News Now at 11pm  CBS  September 19, 2009 11:00pm-11:35pm EDT

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getting everybody, you know, ready for the game and just putting everybody where they need to be "talkshow with spike feresten." tonight, from "24," mary lynn rajskub, music from trace adkins, and "idiot paparazzi." and now he-e-e-e-re's spike! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi! thank you. very nice of you. very nice of you. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] oh. all right. exciting. thank you. thank you very much. what a week.
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what a week we've all had. obama is in, and bush could not wait to leave. [ cheers and applause ] he really couldn't. i was watching cnn's coverage. i thought this was odd. take a look at his moving truck right here. [ laughter ] it's f.u.-haul. you think he's bitter? [ laughter ] dick cheney showed up in a wheelchair at the inauguration. don't worry. he's okay. he just loves "benjamin button." apparently, he's just really into that movie. [ laughter and applause ] wow. talk about idiot paparazzi. then, immediately after the ceremony, cheney coptered back to his lair on monster island. >> [ grunts ] >> [ laughing ] wow. [ cheers and applause ] that must have been expensive. thank you. there was a stunning array of talent performing. aretha franklin was performing -- aretha franklin. yo-yo ma was playing. but by far, my favorite was right here.
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check this out. [ rap music plays ] >> ♪ inauguration ♪ new pres obama ♪ he's the best look out, there he is! i'm just such a big fan of you, condoleezza rice. you the man! >> there he goes. yeah. joaquin. joaquin phoenix. what's going on with him, by the way? he quits acting to become a grizzly adams on meth? is that what he's doing? is that what he's up to? did you see this? after a night of partying at the inaugural balls -- this is real footage -- "good morning america's" diane sawyer appeared to be wasted. >> [ slurring ] first moments of the presidency on tape right there. interrupting my compliment. >> oh, oh, thank you! what was that compliment? >> you looked absolutely beautiful. [ laughter ] >> appeared. appeared. minutes after that broadcast, sawyer was asked to be a guest
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judge on "american idol." they said, "we want you right in." i didn't know this was a tradition. it's a tradition for the departing president to leave a note to the new one in the desk at the oval office. did you know that? they really do this. i have a copy of the note. check it out, right here. this is the one bush left for obama. "it was all cheney's fault. pleez don't put me in jale" -- j-a-l-e. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] don't laugh. don't laugh. he worked eight years on that. this is pretty cool. cnn is selling t-shirts with headlines from the news on it. you can go to cnn.com, and you can buy a t-shirt with a headline from something that happened that week. here's one of the more popular ones -- "obama wins!" [ cheers and applause ] that's right. and one of the less popular ones -- "peanut butter kills elderly couple." and, finally, the oscar nominations were announced this week. i think the biggest surprise for me was this one right here. check this out. >> for best performance by an actor in a supporting role, the
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nominees are... robert downey jr. in "tropic thunder." >> all right, robert downey jr. for "tropic thunder"? really? he gets nominated for playing a white actor playing a black man in a movie about making a film? [ laughter ] right? and then it got weirder. look at this. >> philip seymour hoffman in "doubt." >> it's the daily double. >> what? [ laughs ] thank you. all right. let's get down to business. on tuesday, los angeles held its own inaugural celebration. right here in l.a., we celebrated the inauguration, and whenever there's a big gathering of liberals, i love to dress up as a fox news guy and antagonize them, so i did. i'm mike donovan, fox news. we're downtown at the staples center here in los angeles for the barack obama inaugural celebration. how are there so many people down here? well, most of them don't start waiting tables until tonight.
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[ laughter ] do you approve of the president's performance so far? >> he's doing a wonderful job. >> he hasn't really done anything, though. >> oh, you're fox news. you're the [bleep] news. and if you watch fox news, you don't know a damn thing about anything. [ laughter ] >> well, i guess we lost that interview. barack obama is gonna just pretty much hand out healthcare to anybody who wants it. not sure why. i have to pay for that. but if i am, i think you need to drop 20 pounds. what do you say? >> you're from the time, maybe, that a black president was unthinkable. >> yes. >> where did we go wrong as a nation? >> where did we go wrong? >> where did we go wrong? >> um... >> i hate to tell you this on national television, but your fly's down. >> [ laughs ] >> not a joke. take a look. >> i'll put the flag right about there. >> take a look. it's down. you can fix it. there you go. i did that on national tv once, too. don't feel bad. you know, obama's inauguration
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cost over $170 million. how do you explain his extravagant balls? >> goodbye. [ laughter ] >> not surprisingly, people don't want to talk to the fox news guy. but i'm prepared. i brought a little device that turns off tv sets, and we've been invited upstairs to a high-priced luncheon, where they're watching the inauguration on tvs, and i'm gonna turn off tvs. >> the president of the united states... >> president of the united states faithfully... >> i will to -- >> i just nailed one. >> the tvs keep going off. >> the tvs keep going off. and what do you attribute that to? >> technical difficulties. >> are you sure it's not the gods from higher up going, "maybe -- maybe -- obama shouldn't be president?" >> oh, my gosh. >> let's walk over here. >> preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the united states. >> preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the united state-- [ laughter ] >> the tv is down. it was up. now it's down. an amazing part of history is being made. would someone please get the tv
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to work? >> i'm here in the mornings all the time. this has never happened before. >> what's going on here? why are the tvs going off? >> and spread all that racism and talk about how great george bush is. george bush is the worst president we ever had. >> the absolute worst? >> the worst president other than herbert hoover. >> what do you like about obama the most -- the taxing or the spending? >> no, what i like about obama the most -- >> that was a simple choice. taxing or spending -- which do you like? >> spending. >> you like the spending? well, at least we can agree on one thing -- there should not be gay marriage in california. >> that's true. >> that is definitely true. >> that's true. >> and there we are united, my friend. [ cheers and applause ] that's not true! that's not true! just having a little laugh. mary lynn rajskub from "24" and trace adkins are my guests tonight, but first, this is "talkshow." don't go away. "talkshow." don't go away. [ cheers and applause ]
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(tucci) only at&t has the best selection of full keyboard phones. like the lg neon, just $29.99 after mail-in rebate. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, everybody. welcome back to the show. you know, earlier, last act, i showed this clip of diane sawyer allegedly drunk. i have to say that. i have to say "allegedly drunk" 'cause no one took her blood and tested it. but during the commercial, somebody from the booth said they found another one.
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apparently, anderson cooper also possibly had a lot to drink after the inauguration. take a look at this clip, another real clip. >> caroline kennedy is not "gonnu" try to go to the senate, and a do-over, also, for president barack obama. chief justice robert re-administrating the -- re-administrating -- administering the oath. [ laughter, cheers, applause ] >> what is that? that's a real clip. that's a real clip. you know, they must call it "anderson cooper 360" 'cause that's his blood alcohol content, right? or maybe that's how far the room is spinning. i don't know. [ cheers and applause ] am i -- mike, am i allowed to get drunk on tv? can i do that? [ cheers and applause ] all right. bring me whatever you got. let's start with a cutty sark. you know, there's another big story going on, aside from all the news anchors getting drunk. there's been a big peanut-butter recall of some kind.
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i guess the fda is saying there's a lot of salmonella -- or it could be salmonella -- in a lot of peanut-butter products. frankly, i don't buy it. so, i want to do a public service for all of you. our announcer, rick richards, is over there. say hi, rick. >> hello. [ cheers and applause ] >> all night tonight, rick is going to be eating peanut-butter products. and we're gonna see if he's gonna have any sort of salmonella. what do you have there? what are you gonna start with? >> spike, i'm gonna start with this peanut-butter cookie that's a wafer on each side, with a creamy peanut-butter filling. >> okay, go ahead. drumroll. [ drumroll ] here we go. go ahead. there you go. how do you feel? >> mmm! >> all right! we'll keep checking back with you. thank you, rick. that's important. wow. now, rick, maybe i should have read this before i asked you to do that. it says, "health officials say avoid snacks that contain peanut butter."
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they're serious about it. so just don't hold me liable for any sort of g.i. issues with it, all right? >> thank you, spike. >> all right. another quick update -- last week, i don't know if you saw this on the show. if you were watching, you saw that we did this thing called "the curious case of forrest gump," and it came from an observation from the staff and myself that this "benjamin button," this new movie, is pretty much just "forrest gump." it's the same movie. and then, this week, "benjamin button" gets 13 oscar nominations. how about that? it's pretty nice. [ cheers and applause ] but... again, it's a terrific movie, but i got to tell you -- and take this from your old friend spike -- a vote for "benjamin button" is a vote for "forrest gump." it really is, and it's not fair. and to prove it's not just me -- by the way, this thing hit the internet. it's all over the place. it was on new york times, usa today blogs, atlantic magazine, funnyordie, collegehumor -- the list goes on and on. so, a lot of people feel, i think, like i do about it, and i
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think you folks feel the same way. but just in case you don't, next week, i'm gonna have a top movie critic come on to discuss this, and we're gonna get to the bottom of "the curious case of forrest gump." [ cheers and applause ] all right. i'm gonna call an audible right now. let's do something different. i was in the supermarket, mike. i was in the supermarket last night. some kid is like, "you're not doing enough comedy for stoners. you're just not doing enough of it." let's do one right now. let's just get it over with, and you're right. you know, this show airs late saturday night, and we all know who's watching fox late saturday nights -- people on drugs. [ cheers and applause ] true. some of them are right here. so, if you're not high, you will not get this, but if you are, please enjoy a special inaugural edition of "horrifyingly sexy larry king." [ psychedelic rock music plays ] [ laughter ] >> from the obama inauguration, reverend rick warren and tina sinatra. ooh! delicious.
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up next, somali piracy and the great diablo cody. oh, yeah! comin' at ya! biodiesel -- is it for real? we'll talk to a wayans brother. hoo-ah! here we go! next up, anderson cooper with "ac360." >> thanks, larry. tonight on "360," i'll be reporting live from inside the tiniest t-shirt you've ever seen. >> pour it on! oh, yeah. do that. coming up, mortgage meltdown analysis, with our guest the always lovely edie brickell. [ psychedelic rock music plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> it makes my brain hurt. don't understand it. is it sexy? is it crazy? oh, and it says right here, later on in the show tonight, i'm gonna give you a special behind-the-scenes look at the
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making of "horrifyingly sexy larry king," which is really cool. because, honestly, it takes -- it takes a warehouseful of koreans to make just two seconds of that. it takes like one week, and they churn out two seconds, and it's so interesting when you see all the work that goes into that. honestly, it's not a cheap way to just get you to watch a girl dancing in her underwear. it's really not. it's amazing. it's a really cool cgi effect, and it stars playboy playmate irina voronina. [ cheers and applause ] all right. it was a big week for the film industry. we had the oscar nominations, the sundance film festival, so i thought, "why not check in with our old friend matt mcconaughey live from park city, utah?" matt!from park city, utah?" there he is. >> buenos buenos, spike. greetings from sundance, where it's all right, all right, all right. [ laughter ] matthew, aren't you a little cold? shouldn't you put a shirt on? >> no can do, spike.shirt on? my nipples are at double diamond
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expert hardness. [ laughter ] i could hang my sarape and my sombrero off of 'em. >> all right, fine. let's talk about the festival. i heard the big stars didn't show up this year because they all went to the inauguration. >> oh, not true, spike.ation. just last night i was doing yogalates with topher grace. [ laughter ] and the snapple lady walked right by. >> yeah. so, no stars. what are you doing at sundance? >> well, i'm promoting theance? sequel to "surfer, dude." [ laughter ] >> "surfer, dude" -- i've never heard of that. >> hey, right now, it's playing worldwide, if you count international flights. [ laughter ] no, i'm at sundance shopping the sequel, "snowboarder, dude." >> so, what's "snowboarder, dude" about? >> it's about me and jennifer aniston, and we have a little yellow doggie named marley. [ laughter and applause ] i play a character named
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owen wilson. >> uh-huh. yeah. that's "marley & me." >> no, no, the story came to me in a dream, spike. i was in a dark room, surrounded by seats, and the whole thing played out on a far wall. >> okay. [ laughter and applause ] you know, you weren't dreaming. you were just at the movies. >> is that why my vision had a preview for "bride wars"? >> yeah, that's probably why. >> hey, spike... >> uh-huh. >> ...i got to run. >> okay. >> i'm snowboarding with me gusto bambino. >> oh, yeah? oh, matthew, don't do that. no, matthew, don't! >> here we go! come on, get some! >> oh, boy, there he goes. matthew mcconaughey, everybody. >> beauty. horns. come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> a very, very hairy-right-here matthew mcconaughey. we'll be right back with "24's" mary lynn rajskub.
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>> what's that? >> it's a transmitter. i'll be affixing it to one of your teeth. we'll know exactly where you are at all times. you won't be alone. >> are you with the fbi? >> no, i'm a stay-at-home mom. >> there you go. [ cheers and applause ] you know my first guest as chloe on "24." please welcome mary lynn rajskub. [ cheers and applause ] wow! [ cheers and applause ]
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you look great. you look fantastic. >> thanks. >> yeah, you really look great when you come out on these shows, and, boy, this is the best i've seen yet. >> oh, my goodness. thank you. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] you really look nice. does that embarrass you at all? no? >> no, i love it. >> you love it, yeah. well, the new season of -- >> i could hear it for days. >> well, you might now. the new season of "24" added a character played by your good friend janeane garofalo. >> yes. >> is that right? >> yes, it's a very exciting year. >> is there any friction there between the two of you? are you buddies? >> well, we are really good friends in real life 'cause we've done a lot of comedy shows together and stuff, but i play a computer expert -- not just any computer expert, but like the best computer expert -- and she is a computer expert who works at the fbi, and i, of course, am jack bauer's right-hand woman, and we have a lot of jargon that we have to say to each other, like, "authenticate the right node data, so we can stop the sentox nerve gas from coming."
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>> right. [ laughter ] >> "and get it to jack right away." and, you know, it's hard to say that without laughing, so if you look at our eye lines on the show, you might notice that she's looking at my right eyebrow, and i'm looking at her lower lip to keep from laughing. but then we sort of butt heads. we are rivals. we do fight with each other, like, in the next few episodes. >> oh, you do? >> yeah. >> but not in downtown. >> no. and that -- i mean, it's hard to fight with her 'cause i know her so well, so i had to take a bunch of acting classes and get really -- i did get really method because i have to be really focused and be hating on her, so i'm so method that i hate her in real life just to stay in character. [ laughter ] in fact, janeane, if you're watching this right now, you can eat it. >> yeah, that's right. [ cheers and applause ] that's right.
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>> also, i'm republican now. >> and tava smiley, if you're watching, you can suck it. right there. i just want to join in. last year -- this is pretty cool. last year, you were one of people magazine's most beautiful people, right? weren't you? you were on that list? >> yeah! >> look at this. this year, though, you're on the cover of geek. [ cheers and applause ] this is a good thing, right? >> yeah. >> it doesn't look so geeky, though. take a good look at what's going on. you're not a geek. >> i know! >> you're definitely not a geek. >> i know. gosh, i'm hot. >> i think i would be perfect for this magazine. [ laughter ] don't you? >> well, i got to tell you a hollywood secret. >> what's that? >> you can't really be a geek. you got to be hot. >> you got to be hot. >> so, i mean... >> yeah. >> if you want to be on the cover -- i can't believe i'm talking about myself like that. >> you are. no, you look -- right. >> but, you know, i was once
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like you, spike. >> you were? [ laughter ] >> like, take off the glasses, you know? you have a pretty face. let's see it. >> take those off. i think about this every once in a while. [ cheers and applause ] >> now let me ask you this -- have you considered permanent eyeliner? [ laughter ] men do it. they don't talk about it, but they do it. and maybe some calf implants. >> some calf implants. >> it's a secret. >> yeah. >> because, i mean, that takes hours for me to look like that. you have to make a commitment. loosen up the tie a little bit. >> loosen up the tie. this will all get me on the cover of geek magazine. >> yeah, let me see your ass, if you don't mind. [ cheers and applause ] >> what? here, i'll show you my ass. here you go. >> this is important. >> this is gonna have me in the gym so fast doing squat thrusts. >> this is important. >> what do you think? geek magazine? >> i think you got the goods. >> you think i got the goods? thank you very much. >> i do.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> i felt a little like being at the doctor's. >> it was a little clinical. >> it was a little clinical. well, later, after the show, i'll show you my real ass. >> okay. that sounds sexy. >> all right. i was in the -- [ laughter ] i was in the greenroom before the show, and i saw a little baby graco device, and i said, "who's baby is that?" and apparently, it's yours. you brought your baby with you. >> yeah, he's in the -- >> congratulations, by the way. how old is the baby? >> thank you. he's 5 1/2 months. and you've got a little one, too. >> i do. >> how old? >> he's almost a year right now. yeah, he's gonna be a year. and i just planned his one-year birthday party. thank you. little side note -- i spent a weekend planning his birthday party, and i set it for february 1st. they had all the dates open, the little place we were doing it. do you know what february 1st is? super bowl sunday. >> oh. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i got plenty of space, if anybody wants to come to my son's birthday party. >> i'll go. >> you can come.
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>> i don't like sports. >> but do you get a lot of advice, like i did, about pregnancy and about babies and being pregnant? >> oh, god. >> a lot of unasked-for advice, right? >> yeah. but, i mean, some of it's good, bad -- you kind of have to sift through it. i was about 4 1/2 months pregnant, and this woman said to me, "are you gonna breast-feed?" and i said, "yeah," and she said, "well, you know, when the baby starts to get teeth, he can bite your breast while he's breast-feeding," and i went, "oh, god, that sounds horrible," and she said, "yeah, do you know how to stop him from doing that?" i said, "no, please tell me." "you take his face and press his nose against your breast so that he can't breathe, and then he knows not to do that." [ laughter ] i said, "that is, um... are you sure? are you really sure?" and she said, "yes. i'm an expert. you can trust me on this," and i said, "okay, thank you. could you -- oh! could i get my parking ticket validated, please?" [ laughter ] >> that's right. a valet telling you to suffocate a baby.
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>> yeah. >> that's nice. now, i understand you were recently honored by your hometown, which is where, again? >> trenton, michigan. >> yeah! >> tell me what they did. >> who is that guy? >> that's one of your big fans. what did they do, in your honor? they had a mary lynn rajskub day. pretty amazing. i was very moved, truly. and they had a plaque that said, "trenton, michigan, is the home to mary lynn rajskub," and they gave me a sash and a box of chocolates and a little pillow that said "i love chloe" embroidered on there. and i was like, "thanks, thanks, thanks." you know what i didn't get, which i really wanted? >> uh-huh. >> a key to the city. >> a key to the city, oh. >> and i'm waiting. i'm like, "okay, thanks," and then i just finally was like, "where is it?" >> [ laughs ] >> "okay, where is it?" i kind of broke, 'cause i was like, "i want the key." they said, "oh, no, we don't give that to just anybody." >> [ laughs ] >> like, who do they think i am? what do they think i'm gonna do with the key to the city, like,
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have a key party? >> [ laughs ] >> what, am i gonna get it on with toledo? >> yeah. that's strange. i find it odd that they would do that. do you know who gerry brown is? do you know who the mayor gerry brown is? >> absolutely. >> he's the mayor of your hometown, right? >> yes, and he's the father of my childhood friend. >> he's the father of your childhood friend. well, we have a little surprise for you. he's on the phone with us right now. gerry, are you there? >> yes, i am. >> that is the mayor of trenton, michigan. gerry brown. [ cheers and applause ] how are you tonight, sir? >> i want to congratulate you on the birth of your baby boy, valentine. i didn't get a chance to say that. >> he wants to congratulate you. isn't that nice? well, i have a little bit of a beef with you, gerry. let's show the audience the sign they have for mary lynn, where they've given her an honor here. there it is. right beneath the "no turn on red" sign, it says, "home of mary lynn rajskub, star of tv's '24.'" look at that. [ cheers and applause ]
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now... >> i didn't really... >> gerry. >> i got fourth billing. >> you got fourth billing beneath a "no turn on red" sign. gerry, is there any way we can do better? do you mind if i run some ideas by you? >> sure, go ahead. >> because she's a big star at fox here, and "24" is a huge show, and i think she deserves a little better. here in hollywood, we, of course, have the hollywood sign, and what i'm thinking, i'm wondering if you guys could do a "rajskub" sign on a hillside. what do you think of that? >> [ chuckles ] [ laughter ] how about a compromise? >> what's that? >> the compromise would be, if mary lynn receives an oscar or an emmy, i'll see to it that her sign's moved to the top of the "no turn on red" sign. >> no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [ cheers and applause ] what is that? >> this is hard-core. >> hey, gerry? >> yes. >> when's the next election? >> for me? >> yeah, for you. >> november of 2011. >> oh, well, that's a ways off,
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isn't it? you might have me. here, how about this, then? we also have stars on sidewalks. what if you put a little star on the sidewalk in front of her house? >> you know, i'd be open to that. i'd have to ask her parents first. [ laughter ] her parents may get a lot of attention now anyways because she's such a star. that might add to it, and they may not like it. well, so, what can we do? the ball's in your court, sir. obviously, i can't get you unelected 'cause... [ laughter ] because nobody watches this show, but you're on national television right now. you've heard the desire of this woman. do you have a key to the city? >> i will give her the key to the city. >> all right, there you go. mayor gerry brown. isn't that nice? you're gonna be getting the key to the city. i wanted to do that for you 'cause i think you deserve it. thank you, gerry. thanks for joining us. >> okay, spike, thank you. >> all right, how about that? >> that was unbelievable. >> you can catch "24" right here on fox monday nights at 9:00 p.m. thank you, mary lynn.
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>> that was unbelievable. >> we'll be right back with "idiot paparazzi." >> we'll be right back with "idiot paparazzi." [ cheers and applause ] yeah. me, too. how sick is the web browsing ? all the apps, gps, video... yeah... you didn't get your blackberry with the verizon network, did you ? no. sorry. so it doesn't work here, does it ? no, but... paperweight mode. all right. now get a blackberry at our lowest prices ever, like the storm, for just $49.99, plus get another free. blackberry runs better on america's largest 3g network. verizon wireless. new aveeno nourish plus. active naturals wheat formulas proven to target and help repair damage in just three washes. - building shiny, strong... - hair with life. announcer: new aveeno nourish plus.
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