and it's got to really funny. and that first one was so darn funny that it's hard. >> dave: is anybody working on a script? >> well, you know, we'll try again. i think, i've always dragged my feet on it but i think... >> dave: you got your hologram out on the road for you. now, you have plenty of time. >> it's freed me up. >> dave: now here's a movie, one of those films whenever you see it running on some thing you have to stop and sit down and watch it wherever you get into it. "what about bob?" ( applause ) same is true with the next one, "groundhog day." >> uh-huh. >> dave: "mad dog and glory." >> uh-huh. >> dave: you and robert de niro, uma thurman. here we go. here we go. i mean, this one also will go in the time capsule, "kingpin." oh, man. ( applause ) >> dave: woody harrelson was

here, i don't know when, several months ago. and he was talking about "kingpin," how at the time he didn't like it. he wouldn't watch it. he thought that the movie was going to be awful. he hated the farrelly brothers. wanted nothing to do with it. and he and one of his kids were watching it about a year ago, and he said he couldn't believe how good the movie was. and he called them up and said, "why didn't somebody tell me? i was wrong. it was a fantastic film." >> we all tried to talk to woody, all of us. ( laughter ) >> dave: well, you don't see that much in show business. and did your own hair work in "kingpin." >> well, there is-- we-- i had a little help, but i remember the first day of work saying to woody, "so, what are you going to do with your hair at the end?" he said, "i'm going to have a comb over." and i said, "oh, me too." ( laughter ) >> dave: let's see, "rushmore," of course, on and on and on. "the royal tannenbaums," "lost

in translation"-- nominated for an academy award. ( applause ) "broken flowers," also a lovely film. jessica lange. now here, "fantastic mr. fox." i've seen this movie a hundred times because my son harry loves "fantastic mr. fox." and you play the attorney, right, the weasley agent, or actually the attorney. >> i am a badger. >> dave: badger, yeah, that's right. that's great. and now, "moonrise kingdom." let's talk about that and show a clip. what can we tell people about this. is it a fable, a fantasy? what is it? >> oh, jeez, it's both, dave. ( laughter ) i don't know what it is. but you have to see it. you have to see this movie. and i'm not, you know, i will pimp for most of my work, but this is really a good movie. >> dave: lovely. i... and i forgot this, when i saw this movie, "moonrise kingdom," i also saw-- yeah, i saw it and i-- they ran a

preview for the "f.d.r." movie, which i thought i can't wait to see the f.d.r. movie. with you as f.d.r., and it is the meeting between f.d.r. and the, quick, prince... >> king of england. yeah. >> dave: and is that as good as it looks? >> and the queen, yeah, it's good. that's good too. >> dave: when will that be out? >> that comes out, believe it or not, december 7th, yeah. >> dave: well, that's... >> it's just a coincidence it's a friday, but... >> dave: but f.d.r. and december 7-- is that good marketing, really? >> you know what? i don't know. ( laughter ) to me, good marketing is a good movie. >> dave: yeah, that's right. ( applause ) >> everybody, yeah, come on, standing ovation for that. yeah, everybody up. >> yeah.

see, i never in my-- this has been my problem all my life. i never would have said "let's do a movie about f.d.r. and bill murray will be f.d.r." but by god, look at that. there you are. and it looks fantastic. it's good. a man named roger michel directed it and it's good. >> dave: looking forward to that now, let's get back to what we are talking about, bill, please. "moonrise kingdom." what are we going to see? >> we're going to see francis mcdormand, who is one of the greatest american actresses, plays my wife. and she is so method that we actually had an affair, got really intense. and she treated me like crap by the end of the film. >> dave: wow, isn't she married to one of the cohen brothers? >> she is married to one of the cohn brothers. well, supposedly she is married to one of the cohen brothers, but you know, on the set, you would never know it. >> dave: sure. all right, let's take a look here. >> she's great. she plays my wife. >> dave: here we go. >> here we are at home.

>> susie, dinner. i'm not going to say it again. where is your sister? >> i don't know but she borrowed my record player for ten days without asking. >> what does that mean? >> "dear lionel, i need to use your record player. i will give it back in ten days or less. do not the tell mom or dad. i will replace the batteries when i return. signed, susie bishop." >> where the hell are you? >> i'm right here. why are you cursing at me? >> does it concern you that your daughter has just run away from home? >> that's a loaded question. >> come down and read this. >> dave: there you go. "moonrise kingdom." >> and yeah, i forgot, bob balaban is in the film, too. he is great. >> dave: he is kind of the story teller or something. >> sort of like a narrator, yes, >> dave: and this one, "moonrise

kingdom," you can go see it now. and we have to wait until december to see-- what is the name of the f.d.r. movie? >> "hyde park on the hudson." >> dave: "hyde park on the hudson." looking forward to that. god i love you, bill. >> i love you, dave. >> dave: nice job. take care. we'll be right back with the temper trap, ladies and gentlemen. [ male announcer ] olympic tennis players bob and mike bryan do a lot of sending... and receiving. sending...and receiving. sending...and receiving. sending...and receiving. sending...and receiving. [ bob ] i got the tickets. [ male announcer ] and with citibank popmoney, it's even easier to keep sending...and receiving. let me get you back. no, it's on me. i insist. no way. yes way. well let me chip in. [ male announcer ] send money from one bank account to another, with citibank popmoney.

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captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> dave: our next guests are a talented rock 'n' roll band originally from melbourne, australia, now based in london. i'm originally from indianapolis, indiana, now based in new york. i have a copy of their brand-new self-titled album. please welcome the temper trap, ladies and gentlemen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ooh

♪ turning the ground i once used to know ♪ people are strangers same as before ♪ streets look familiar i remember the park ♪ where i buried my head so deep in my hands ♪ all around me was dark so throw me a line ♪ somebody out there help me i'm on my own ♪ i'm on my own throw me a line ♪ afraid that i have come here to win you again

♪ with trembling hands passing the days ♪ looking over the buildings time seems to stop ♪ while the millions keep moving now, here i am ♪ i'm a drop in your ocean noise in the crowd ♪ pushing through your halls of reason ♪ so throw me a line somebody out there help me ♪ i'm on my own i'm on my own ♪ throw me a line afraid that i have come here

♪ to win you again with trembling hands ♪ hear me now, make me whole whole whole ♪ so throw me a line somebody out there help me ♪ i'm on my own i'm on my own ♪ throw me a line afraid that i have come here ♪ to win you again with trembling hands ♪ with trembling hands ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ there goes the ending it left me in the war ♪ but i tried everything, yeah i'm done with my part. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> dave: very nice. great job. good to you have here. thank you. nice to meet you. thank you so much. excellent. thank you, boys. beautiful. the temper trap, ladies and gentlemen, now based in london. how's that going, all right? >> not bad. >> dave: good, glad to hear it. thanks for watching. good night, everybody. [laughter]

craig: i know what you're thinking. craig, why are you smelling your finger? because it comforts me. [laughter] ah, i feel safe when i smell my finger, and i want to feel safe because this is a touchy ooh-la-la audience. [laughter] i've got to tell you. i came out here. i was just talking to you in the i get to know you period. the audience -- i may have made a slightly inappropriate joke and they were -- they went -- they made the noise like this whaaaat! like like whoa! you know when you watch the movie that godzilla attacks

tokyo, you know the noise that people make when godzilla is attacking them? that is the noise that i heard, wasn't it, geoff? geoff: whaaaaa! craig: they have loosened up a bit because i've given them all a massage. i've rubbed rubbed them gently in areas where they perhaps feel tension. [laughter] it is really freaky when you see about 100 angry hobos angry at you. [laughter] we just came here to keep out of the heat. [laughter] now you're saying stuff we don't like. so we're going to make a noise as a warning. whaaaa! that's only warning you're going to get. next i'm going to bite you.

[laughter] that's what goes through my head, anyway, when they do it. are you all right? geoff: that is a horrible warning system. they just yell at you and then they bite you? craig: i don't know. i never get past the yelling. geoff: who wants to bite me? craig: no. we'll take a break, everybody. we'll be right back. >>♪ it's hard to stay up it's been a long, long day and you've got the sandman at the door but hang on leave the tv on and let's do it anyway it's ok you can always sleep through work tomorrow ok hey, hey tomorrow's just your future yesterday ♪ [captioning made possible by worldwide pants, inc., and the cbs television network]

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>> ladies and gentlemen, craig ferguson! [applause] craig: candy! whoa! come on in. welcome. welcome to los angeles, california. welcome to "the late, late show." i'm your host, tv's craig ferguson. thanks, everybody. [applause] fine. no, you're fine, really. very good. please, sit down. relax. that was really very well done, everybody.

very well done indeed. you didn't feel forced or coerced in any way. i sometimes think -- i started to say i sometimes think and i said i thumb times -- so perhaps i'll talk like this for the rest of the show. i sometimes think that you scare the audience, the warm-up comedian scares the audience because they think i'm going to hurt them or do something naughty if they don't do my bidding and of course that is true. i wouldn't hurt them. i would just kind of like tweak you a bit. [laughter] what's the safety word tonight? mango. safety word mango. [laughter] that's not a very good choice of safety word because mangos are delicious.

[laughter] am i frightening you now? it's a great day for america, everybody. [applause] yes, indeed it is. it is friday, of course. friday, hooray it has been a spectacular news week with obamacare was upheld by the supreme court. five of the justices agreed that while the individual mandate violated the commerce clause, it is still legal because it amounts to an indirect tax. i'm like aha! aha! yeah, i have no [beep] idea what it means either. oh, no! a bunch of big movies opening today. "ted," the movie about a teddy bear that knows how to cuss. it sounds awesome. i feel like i've seen it. i did lots of acid. also the "magic mike" movie

about male strippers. i don't need to see it. i've lived that. [laughter] i danced under the name floaty powers. [laughter] i remember a bear named ted that really enjoyed my work actually. and there's tyler perry's "madea's witness protection program." tyler perry is here tonight. [applause] yes! tyler perry plays three parts in the movie, which is impressive and also economically very clever. [laughter] people say tyler perry, he is a bit of a businessman. you bet he is! now who is in this movie? me. i can do that too. i can give myself a salary for

that one as well. that's impressive. most nights here, i barely muster the energy to play myself. i meant play myself. not play with myself. mango, mango! [laughter] oh, yeah. i've always been fascinated by the witness protection program. when the feds take a mobster, give him new name and send him to live in small-town montana or something and tell him new you're an optometrist. [mobster] "these glasses are gonna help you see better,but if anyone asks, you didn't see nuttin." [laughter] it's easy to hide a witness here in the u.s. because the country's enormous. i feel bad for someone who witnesses a crime in a tiny country like lichtenstein. [french accent] "hide behind zee tree.

stay there for 60 years. it will be all right." remember the witness protection episode of "the sopranos?" it was fantastic. tony soprano was in a small town looking at colleges with his daughter. then he saw a guy who has betrayed him and he went into the witness protection program. he strangled him in the woods. then he went back to looking at colleges with his daughter. i'm thinking this really expresses the jungian duality of man. am i right, lesbian row? [laughter] mango! anyway, what i'm saying is just because the feds give a bad guy a new name, he's still a bad guy. one of the biggest failures in the history of the witness protection program was a wiseguy named jimmy "the weasel" fratianno. they spent a million dollars of taxpayer money. but jimmy "the weasel" kept committing crimes. he eventually got kicked out of the program. damn!.

who could have predicted you couldn't trust a guy called "the weasel"? [laughter] hey, these glasses is gonna help you see. when you join the witness protection program, the government usually gives you a fake birth certificate. just like they did for president obama. it's a joke! it's a joke! it's a joke! look, it's a joke. mango! mango! man! i'm saying the opposite of what's true for comic effect. it has been done many times. a lot of times in the witness protection people get plastic surgery. that's why the mafia spent years looking for sammy "the cat lady" gravano. [laughter]

do we have a picture? there you are. [laughter] if i was in the witness protection program, i'd come up with a different voice just to be extra safe. my neighbors would wonder why the guy who moved in next door sounds like michael caine [laughter] because that's the only one i can do. [michael caine] "ello, i'm your new neighbor, dave smith. these glasses is gonna help you see. would you ever go in the witness protection program? geoff: yeah. craig: because no one would spot you at all. you would be completely anonymous. geoff: i would be like hello, i'm morgan freeman. craig: but people would be like wow, morgan freeman looks really different when he is not in the

movies. geoff: oh, i love the mango. craig: do another voice. you can't be morgan freeman. you to be somebody else. do matthew mcconaughey. well all right, all right. geoff: well, all right, all right. let's take our shirts off. let's have a little doobie and play these bongos. that's right. craig: have you ever witnessed a crime? geoff: oh, yeah. oh, yeah. craig: are you talking about the monologue i just did? geoff: absolute murder. craig: yeah, somebody died. i think it was me. geoff: i died a long time ago. craig: man, they really turned on me with that obama joke. did you hear that? geoff: you got them really riled up. craig: i was like it is a joke. you could actually hear them saying whaaaa! i'm like whaaaa! geoff: whaaaaa!

craig: don't do that, man. you're a skeleton. it is creepy. geoff: the safety word is mango. craig: mango. geoff: all right. where are you going tough guys? sit down. there is more craig stinky haggis ferguson and geoff peterson after this. e's double . so caltrate women can move the world. ♪ 'cause germs don't stick on me! ♪ [ female announcer ] band-aid® brand has new quiltvent™ technology with air channels to let boo boos breathe. [ giggles ] [ female announcer ] new quiltvent technology. only from band-aid® brand. you know that comes with a private island? really? no. it comes with a hat. see, airline credit cards promise flights