i am but i only live for this hour when i'm important. the rest of the time i hate myself. [laughter] hey -- >> we want you to do "web therapy." craig: i'll do it. >> i wanted to put you on the spot here. craig: i would love to do it. is it actually therapy. can i tell you my actual problems? >> that would be fantastic. craig: ok, well, let's start now. i'm only ever happy when i'm doing this show. when i'm not here, i'm miserable and i hate everybody. i actually hate everybody here at the show as well but i fake it for cash. and not very much cash. >> uh-huh. ok. we kind of did that story with conan o'brien. [applause] craig: every late night

entertainment journalist paused with fingers over the keyboards awaiting my response. aye carumba! >> that is a good one. we were thinking maybe you could be somehow related to alan cummings on the show. craig: we did theater together in scotland. >> you did? craig: yes! i've known him since i was 20 years old. that is almost 10 years! [laughter] yes. he sort of talks a wee bit more like that. well, i can talk like that too. >> oh, that would be great. craig: i would be happy to talk like that. in fact, this is how i talk when i'm not on television. [laughter] >> that's great. craig: when i'm unhappy and eating. we have to take a break. >> all right. i'll clam up. craig: no, no, no. you don't have to. [laughter] do you want to introduce the break? remember your days on television when you had to -- why are you

doing that smell face again? >> how old do you think i am? i never had to introduce the sponsors on our show. craig: that is coming back. they are going too find stuff. i'm going to have to do it here and i'm going to have to pretend i mean it. >> you'll be good at it. craig: i know i will. because i'll only advertise products that i think are worthy. [laughter] >> you just did the smell face. craig: did i? >> that i think are worthy. you just did -- craig: no, that's -- i'm trying to be sincere. [laughter] so my sincere face is like your smell face? >> you are unhappy! craig: do your smell face. [laughter] we're practicing. we'll be right back, everybody.

thanks. no problem. what did you guys just do right there? just gave him a video. okay let's get started. you did that without a dongle. it's pretty cool huh? hey what are you doing? i'm texting and watching a video at the same time. it's a boy, check it out! awwwww. hey! oh that's cool! that is cool. that's cool. wow. this is a lot to process. yeah. introducing the galaxy s3. share like never before. available at at&t.

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[applause] craig: yeah! >> seriously. craig: i know. that's what i'm telling you. i know all about it but we're back on the air so i'm not going to tell you anymore about it. >> ok. [laughter] craig: that's how much time we have got? 40 seconds? >> uh-oh. [laughter] craig: well, we're out of time, lisa. how can that happen? how can we talk and then go to commercial break and come back and there is only 40 seconds. how does that happen? >> too much? what are you saying? what? oh. craig: he has gone power mad in the new studio. >> yeah, he is. what's his name?

craig: michael i think. [laughter] well, lisa, we're out of time. what would you like? awkward pause, mouth organ, big cash prize? shiny apple? >> i want the coins. craig: the big cash prize is now less than it used to be. you made the smell face as i said that. >> the smell face? that's funny. craig: i don't know. for example, if you were to smell a dutch oven, what face would you make? >> does that mean something else? what is it? craig: it is like one of those things that is like other things. >> what's a dutch oven? craig: a dutch oven is when you're in bed with your friends or just somebody you know or perhaps your husband and somebody has got a sore tummy and there is an event that

occurs bottom-related. >> oh, ok. craig: and they flip the covers over your head so that you can't help but inhale the -- >> oh, ok! all right. really? you couldn't say the word that that is? really? craig: no, you're not allowed to. >> what -- is it flatulence? craig: flache silence a comic events. what do you call it in sweden? >> in sweden? we call it flatulence. craig: what do you call a dutch oven then? maybe you don't do it in your fancy hollywood circles. >> i don't even know what a dutchon is. craig: i just hold you. you hurt my sore knee there. >> i don't know what a dutch oven is. craig: that is the longest 40 seconds in the history of television.

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[applause] craig: welcome back, everybody! welcome back! [applause] welcome back, everybody! my next guest is an extremely funny comedian. his podcast is available on i-tunes. i know! [laughter] please welcome marc maron, everybody! marc maron! [applause] hi, marc. how are you doing, buddy? >> i'm all right. how are you? you got yourself a new bigger space. craig: got myself a rhino on the wall. >> that's tremendous. craig: it is not a real rhino. no rhinos were killed. it is made of kittens. >> whatever makes you feel good.

that's what is important. if you need a rhino up there, that is terrific. craig: i don't need one. there was just one there when we moved in. >> it is already awkward. do we do the awkward pause now? i just want to talk to you. craig: about what? >> whatever you got going. craig: that's like your podcast. i ended up saying a lot of things i regretted. >> what did you regret? craig: i gave you a lot of perm information. i told you my sexual preferences. >> that was awkward when you took that thing out. [laughter] but you can't see that on radio. no one is going to know that you were not wearing shoes and a wig. we didn't mention that. craig: we never talked about what kind of sexual pick dillos you suffer from. >> i think i'm pretty -- i don't want to say i'm normal. craig: you think you're pretty? >> i think i'm pretty.

craig: you are quite pretty i guess. that shirt makes your eyes pop. >> oh, stop it. i don't know that i have pickdillos. i'm fairly regular. i just like troubling sex that can lead to crying and a lack of identity. i enjoy that. craig: do you care if there is anyone else with you? >> no, this is something i did in the dressing room by myself. craig: well, hang on. >> what have you got? craig: just cleaning off my leg. hey, i have an extra small i don't know what it is. i just did it twice. i didn't read it. i know it is something people seem to enjoy.

craig: ladies are enjoying it. >> what is it about? craig: my guess is the clitoris. do you know what it is? >> it is the fun button. craig: no, the clitoris is when harry potter is in danger, he imagines it and it fights off his enemy. >> don't we all? i was talking to somebody yesterday about dominatrixes. craig: what were you talking to about dominatrixes? >> it came up on the podcast. there was a group of people. i don't want to mention names but i don't understand that whole thing. like i don't know how you maybe you put on an outfit. maybe you got some sort of outfit on and you're role playing. maybe you're a policeman or a plumber or an exterminator, which would be weird. but how do you walk into a bedroom about to do something sexual and not go look at me! look what i'm wearing?

i'm wearing a clown's hat! craig: no, no, you walk in and if your costume is a cop, you go you're under arrest. >> i just got a little tingle. i'm not even that way. a little magic you got going. craig: you know the ones i kind of -- i don't want to judge. people do what they do. >> i judge. i enjoy -- craig: people that enjoy dressing up as stuffed animals. >> you have one. you know what he is doing right now? what is going on turned door? craig: that's what i'm saying. -- turned door. we have the music. [scary music] no, no, not the scary music!

the porn music. ♪ that's jazz. no, you can't have porn going that fast. people would complain. [laughter] >> i don't think he is going to complain. if that is what he is complaining about, not having to wear the outfit. craig: no, that is a real -- anything you want to say about santa while you're here, you bastard? can you believe that? geoff: he is crushing dreams. craig: you used to be great. now it is crushing dreams. >> isn't that what it is all about? craig: you're like the opposite of kevin costner in that movie. >> that's who i am now. the buzz kill guy. that's not real. he's not real. craig: he's real. >> no, this wood isn't rell. i'm starting to question your existence. craig: you may have a point. listen. you're a comedian. don't do that. are you desperately sad when you're not performing?

>> i don't know if desperately sad. i would say a little bit anxious. a bit angry. i'm not sad. it is good to get on stage and do some jokes and sort of pretend like people like you, but i don't know if sad is the right word. sometimes when i'm at home and i'm not doing anything, i'll just be sitting there and i'll say something like this is ridiculous and there is no one else around and then i'll realize wow, that was pretty -- craig: that is pretty sad. >> do you ever consider that like a lot of times you're freaking out about something that is completely in your head? have you ever had that moment where you're like it is over. my life is over. everything is horrible. craig: it is like you're in my head right now, man. get out of my head, now. >> then you there is nothing happening. craig: you just imagined the whole thing. >> then from there you're like well, i've got to eat a pint of ice cream and then everything turns around. craig: hey! i wish you could put that on the

air. >> what just happened? craig: marc maron, everybody. we'll be right back.

♪ what did we learn on the show tonight, craig? ♪ [meow] [laughter] craig: after marc's appearance on the show, we went into a commercial break and marc expressed to me he thought he wasn't funny. >> i think you said how are you. i'm like i don't know what just happened. craig: you said i didn't think i was funny or then you didn't think i was funny and i'm like

that's all right. that's what i do here. i thought geoff, maybe you can cheer him up. geoff: marc, i assure you your appearance was like a flatulence-relled comic event. >> i'm not sure that is a good thing. craig: it is a great thing, marc. here is another thing. you have won the coveted prize. the hard back edition of the michael caine bio.

. mitt romney just diminished talking, but 9news is just getting starting with coverage unlike any other statements in town. i have a room full of democrats here. we'll find out if any minds were changed. this is 9news now. but first we have some breaking news tonight. five prince george's county firefighters have been injured battling a fire. flames broke out in the

3300-block of huntley square drive. that's in temple hills late tonight. our own ken molestina just arrived on the scene. ken. >> reporter: anita, still a very active scene out here. as you mentioned, this happened along the 3300-block of huntley squared. we're talking about the huntley square condominiums. the first alarm went off after firefighters responded here. a second alarm then went out. we were told the fire broke out in a garden-style apartment. everyone who was inside was rescued. but, again, we're talking about four firefighters now that were sent to the burn unit with minor burns, minor injuries. we're being told another one suffering from exhaustion. that fire is out over here right now, but, again, still a very active scene. there are a lot of firefighters still here trying to clean up what is left. and really trying to determine what exactly happened here. but at this point it seems like all those injured are expected to be okay. we'll keep an eye on this for you. >> okay. isaac had weakened.

it's gotten weaker into a tropical depression. >> it's still dropping a whole lot of rain although it is finally slowing making its way north. >> finally. i'm going to show you what it could mean for us. but first let's get to the latest on the flood waters that continue to rise and the fragile dams struggling to hold back water. drew levinson joins us from louisiana. >> reporter: the brunt of isaac has passed, but the damage is far from over. rising waters forced more evacuations with people and animals hurrying to get out. joshua jones is one of the hundreds that were rescued. they're headed to shelters. >> we had to like climb on top of the houses until the boats got there to get us. >> reporter: evacuees already were exhausted and hungry. some of them didn't want to be there. >> they forced us. they dragged me out. >> reporter: not everyone left their flood ed homes. for those that decided to stay, this is going to be another long night without electricity. hundreds of thousands of customers are without power

across the state. few gas stations are open. and the ones that are have long lines. some people stocked up filling extra containers. a mandatory evacuation order was issued at a river that has swelled its banks. >> i think it's crazy. we moved here after katrina. we thought everything would be fine. >> reporter: crews are pumping water out of the lake to take pressure off the dam. >> we have some pumps here in place. they're not moving a lot of water. >> reporter: isaac is expected to move slowly north, bringing heavy rain into the midwest by the weekend. drew levinson, cbs news, reserve louisiana. >> yes, the problem with some of the folks in southern mississippi and southern louisiana, the rain that falls to the north of them will actually drain back down to the south. let me show you the radar. pretty impressive bands under what is left of isaac, especially through central mississippi again. a big line of storms going through jackson, and we see most of the activity pushing out of louisiana into arkansas. good news there.

bad news for the folks in arkansas. the track looks like this. it's going to go off to the north and get through missouri by the time we get into saturday and then turn off to the east. and really by the time we get into sunday and monday, it's going to be in the midwest bringing some much needed rain to places like illinois and indiana and ohio. we'll come back and talk about just how close it's going to get to us. even though it's out in the midwest, it still might bring us showers and thunderstorms over the weekend. we'll let you know. >> stuff we need to know. it is official. mitt romney accepted the presidential nomination tonight and he launched his campaign with an address for undecided that he would take the country in a better direction than president obama. gary nurenberg is here with the excerpts. >> reporter: gary, it was a night dedicated to romney's personal and business history, an agenda designed to accentuate the positives in his career in politics and business. romney himself made an appeal to an american that polls show is

disenchanted with economic progress. ♪ give me so loving >> reporter: he got plenty of that. applause by people that had never heard him speak before. >> i accept your nomination for president of the united states. >> reporter: out of a sense of obligation. >> i wish president obama had succeeded because i want america to succeed. >> reporter: but he hasn't and repeated the scene. >> now is the moment where we can stand up and say i'm an american. we make my destiny. we deserve better. my children deserve better. my country deserves better. >> reporter: he describes himself as a baby boomer from a loving family and quoted his mom to help with one of his 2008 election problems. >> why should women have any less say than men. >> reporter: and addressing the country. >> to the majority of americans that believe the future will not be better than the past, i can

guarantee you this, if barack obama is reelected, you'll be right. >> don't let anyone tell you that america's best days is behind you. >> reporter: it capped a video by ronald reagan which was followed by ads. >> he should be ashamed for putting politics before people. >> reporter: george w. bush's brother. >> mr. president, it is time to stop blaming your predecessor for your failed economic policy. >> reporter: florida senator mark orubeo. >>e problem is that he's a bad president. >> reporter: clint eastwood. >> when somebody does not do the job, we have to let them go. >> reporter: romney friends tried to humanize him with testimony to his good deeds. >> he shoveled snow and raked leaves for the elderly. >> reporter: helped a dying boy write his will. >> we were able to give his skateboard, model rockets and fishing gear to his best friend. >> reporter: a business associate. >> if