piss ant kid who found it. are you still here? [applause] craig: jeremy irons, everybody! [applause] jeremy irons! all right. there is a little bit of question there for you. >> ah, yes. oh! craig: i'll ask you that if you want. may i say how lovely your trousers are? they are fantastic. >> they are very good until you wash them. craig: well, don't then. >> no, i never have. craig: how long have you had them? >> i've had them about a year.

i've worn them three times. i know when you wash them, the color will go. craig: it is a short-lived trouser. >> it is. craig: and i see you have tucked them into your boots. >> yeah, one of your assistants in the back has a pair that was this color when he started. craig: i have moved on from the color. i want to talk about the tucking them in the boots. are you expecting a flash flood? >> you can never be too careful. there are things in hotels. bedbugs. you get earthquakes. there was one yesterday. craig: that's true. i'm a man from ireland. i like a quiet life. i have heard a bit about your show. craig: yes. it is probably best to tuck your trousers into your boots. i have a story to tell you very briefly. >> is it brief? craig: yeah, it is very brief. here is a true story. your wife's sister, sara, the last person i drank with before i went to rehab 20 years ago.

>> no. craig: i swear! i swear! [applause] >> well, well. craig: her and is she still married to nigel? >> she certainly is. craig: i called them up and said look, you know i'm a terrible drunk. they said yes, of course. that is one of the things we like about you. said i'm off to rehab. do you want to go get hammered and they said that is a great idea. i did. they went on and had their lives and -- >> i think she is still there. craig: i don't think the bar is there anymore. >> no, not after that night. craig: yeah, it was a bit bad, actually, that weekend. >> that is fascinating. craig: i thought you'd enjoy that. >> anything else? craig: no, that is it. oh, i liked the clip. >> did you? craig: well, yeah, of course. >> that's very nice. craig: it looks nice. you have a beard. a beard and hat. that's an oscar. [laughter] >> yeah, it is nice playing sort

of the age you think you'll be in you know, 50 years time. [laughter] craig: very good. also i'm enjoying the borgias thing. [applause] you know, wasn't he fat, though? >> yeah, he was. he was fat. craig: he was fat. you're not playing him fat. >> well, you know, it is very hot. craig: you can't be wearing fat. >> no. and neil jordan said nobody will know. i said somebody will and -- craig: yes, i knew. pope gregory? >> alexander. craig: i knew it was a name. [laughter] >> you obviously watch every night. craig: i get my agreeingries and alexanders mixed -- gregries and alexanders mixed up. there are a lot of them in my life. >> you would. craig: are you a religious man yourself?

>> i'm not a club member. i'm not clubbable. i have not joined any clubs. craig: i think if you say on american television you're not religious i think you'll get clubbed for that. you'll will all right. you'll be fine. did you see the remake of "brideshead"? >> i didn't. they asked me to go. i said it is a little bit about like asking me to go to the marriage of my ex-wife. craig: i would go to that in a heartbeat. yeah! i would pay! >> you would? you'd pay to get her remarried? craig: yes, in a way. yes. >> i didn't go and see it. it was short. i know that. craig: it was short and i knee the one you did was a -- know the one you did was a long, sprawling series. >> 13 hours. craig: was it? it was fantastic. i liked it a lot. >> i was very young then. craig: you look exactly the same. >> you're so --

craig: you see? [applause] well, i think it is the trousers. >> you do? craig: partly. it was very interesting the way it was played when you did it because they really played down or service very subtext chal the hom erotic relationship. odd take on it, i thought. >> if you read the book, i think it is a very accurate take. it is low key, like we are. craig: we are in fact the slightly later version of charles and sebastien. he was my idol when i was about that age when i thought when i get drunk, for example, with your sister-in-law and nigel, i thought when i go to rehab, i'll be like sebastian. i'll be attended by weeping upper class lady whors upset.

>> were you? craig: no, it was an angry old nurse who said you have no stop drinking. >> where did you go? craig: a really nice rehab in surrey. >> i'm lucky. i get really ill if i drink. craig: i've heard. >> so i don't drink. i smoke like a chimney but i don't drink. craig: i remember i saw you at an awards ceremony and you were rolling your own cigarettes and it had tobacco in it! >> did. craig: and you smoked it yourself. no friends. >> that must have been early on in the evening. craig: yeah, yeah, i think there were other people there sharing their cigarettes but you clearly -- >> are you a big marijuana smoker? do you enjoy marijuana? >> oh, yes, constant. [applause] craig: that makes you a little more clubbable as well. >> it suits me a lot better. craig: really? >> and i think does me much less

harm. rare. rare. friday night. craig: there is one of those a week, jeremy. that is not that rare. that's ok. i'm pass nothing judgment. i'm in no position to throw stones. >> nour not in a position to do anything. craig: not really. no, i can't really. well, we're out of time. >> oh, we're not, are we? what is that terrible jug? craig: it is not a jug. ts a cup. made of a rattlesnake. do you not like rattle smokes? >> does it poke you in the nose when you drink out of it? it looks like some sort of terrible sexual toy. craig: thank you! that's exactly what i'm going for. i can get you one of these. >> can you? craig: yeah. would you like one? >> i'm not sure they would let you fly with one. craig: no, why where are you going somewhere? >> back to new york. to show a very interesting

documentary about trash. craig: am i in it? [laughter] >> you're not. you were. craig: but i was cut out? >> yeah. too trashy. [laughter] but then i'm going back to london to remind my wife, who i am. craig: will you remind your wife's sister and nigel who i am? they might think i'm dead. [laughter] no, because that was really -- that was right at the end of it. it was the last, i swear to god, the last two day s of my drinking. absolutely. >> so you were going for it. craig: i was getting it done. yeah. [applause] >> well, i will tell her. then i'm going back to budapest. craig: i like budapest. very nice. have you been to that little market on the bridge? >> i've been everywhere. craig: it is great. well, i think we have all learned something. [laughter]

go ahead. >> i don't wear these in budapest. i keep these for -- they actually match your carpet. craig: yeah, if you hasn't tucked your trousers into your boots, you would have blended right in. disaster avoided, jeremy. jeremy irons, everybody. we'll be right back. [ stella ] here's me. and here's my depression. before i started taking abilify, i was taking an antidepressant alone. most days i could get out from under and carry on. but other days i still struggled with my depression. i was handling it... but sometimes it still dragged me down. i'd been feeling stuck for a long time.

so i talked to my doctor and she added abilify to my antidepressant. she said it could help with my depression, and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i'm glad i talked to her. i wish i'd done it sooner. now i feel more in control of my depression. [ female announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death. other risks include increased cholesterol, weight gain, decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness on standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills. depression was always hanging over me.

then my doctor added abilify to my antidepressant. now i feel better. [ female announcer ] if you're still struggling with depression talk to your doctor to see if the option of adding abilify is right for you. and be sure to ask about the free trial offer. if the option of adding abilify is right for you. there's no talk talk about the menopause. it's like an adventure every day. you kinda don't know really what's gonna happen. as a grown woman, you would think that this would be common knowledge. is this a symptom, or..? whew lordy help me... i am sooo hot! dryness? sexy.

we should just be open about it. i think everyone should have a second talk. poise invites you to approach menopause in a whole new way with a new line of products. you had the first talk. join the 2nd talk with poise. [applause] craig: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. welcome back to the big show tonight where it is just a cavalcade of stars except for me and geoff. [laughter] my next guest is very, very pretty. even prettier than jeremy irons. not possible you say? possible, i say. she stars in "parenthood."

the season premiere is this coming tuesday night on nbc. please welcome the lovely monica potter, everybody! [applause] >> i sit here, right? craig: yeah, yeah, yeah. you look -- monica, you look fantastic. i love your glittery skirt. >> i bedazzled my butt. craig: also your skirt is nice. >> that's my butts. craig: that's not your butt. >> here. craig: i know where a real butt is on a lady. >> right, my real butt. i don't want to poke your chairs. craig: the fire is not too hot for you? >> no, it is nice. hi, geoff.

geoff: hey. >> how are you? geoff: i'm good. how are you? craig: wow. >> this is like a real talk show. craig: it looks like it at first impressions and then we talk for a bit and you say no, it is still crap. >> you always invite me back every year and so i thank you. craig: well, you're beautiful! [applause] >> i don't get asked to do much. craig: i would ask you to do some stuff. >> really? craig: yeah. i would ask you to do a lot of stuff. >> all right. craig: i'm not moving from this. i can sense you're uncomfortable. i'm goig to keep going for a little bit longer. oh, you know what was interesting? you got the hey, see this? see this, buddy see the ring? >> yours is all the way down your finger. craig: i've got tw you know why? >> why? crai don't know why. thin is to slow me down. >> it looks good. it is like one of those neck

things. >> kind of like that. i see you have your trousers tucked into your boots bike jeremy irons. is this a i.n.g. -- like jeremy irons. is this a thing that actors are doing? >> these are actually like running stretchy pants but i put them in my boots. i have my son's socks on. i'm trying real hard. i bedazzled all day and here i am. [applause] craig: that's why america loves you. >> yeah. i got out of the house today and normally, you know, we have meatloaf monday and taco tuesday and weenie wednesday so i don't have to cook. craig: weenie wednesday happens right here. this is weenie wednesday, suspect it, geoff? geoff: yeah, wash your duvet. craig: it is like a new sex thing we're trying to invent. >> my mom used to call it oley. i don't know what that is. craig: it is nothing you want to get into now.

>> what does that mean? craig: i don't care. i don't want to talk about it. >> she's irish. craig: oh, well, yeah. she was probably drunk. it's fine. >> we tend to do that. craig: well, my family is all irish too and scottish. we are quashes money and drunk with it. drunk -- cautious with money and drunk with it. drunkingly cautious with money. i look forward to your angry letters. >> bring them. craig: how is the "parenthood" show? any ip parents? any parenting this year? it is not usually about parents? >> it is usually about a lot of things. it is going to be a good -- you're making me laugh. craig: one at a time, i always say. >> it is going to be a really good year, i think. a lot of ups and downs. a lot of crying. i don't cry a lot in real life.

craig: do you cry a lot on the show? >> i cry a lot on the show. craig: why are you crying? >> well, i can't tell you why. you have to watch to find out. craig: but if i know you're going to be sad. you're going to be sad, i don't know. i don't want to be sad. >> it is meaningful. you know, it reaches down to your heart and pulls out all of your emotions and just grabs you and you're going to love it. craig: no, that's not the kind of thing i enjoy. >> just watch it for me. craig: of course i'll watch it. i'm a big fan of that show. you have all of my favorite actors. you and lauren and all of those other guys. >> who else? who else have we got, craig? craig: you know that guy. that guy that was the thing. >> he bears your name. craig. craig: craig ferguson. craig henderson. >> "poltergeist."

craig: i like him. he was in "poltergeist." i like him. he was "coach." craig newton. >> newton? craig t. nelson. craig: he is going to hate me. you know why? we're best friends. >> are you? craig: there is a bunch of guys, we're all called craig and we go, we get together every year, we go up to the woods and take all of our clothes off and light a fire and cry because our dads didn't love us enough. >> this is why you have me on because i'm naive because i'm like wow, that sounds like a really fun trip. good for you. craig: you're not that naive. >> i was going there with you. i mean, i would never go there with you. craig: you'd never go to woods with me? >> a bunch of craigs? what's happening now?

and your snake! craig: why are you hating on the snake? why? >> it is -- i love your snake. i see it every year. [laughter] but it's just -- it is so cold. your snake is cold. craig: well, warm it up then. [laughter] that's right. get your hands around it. give it a good rub. that will warm it up. >> it is freckled. craig: it is freckled actually. how did you know? weirdly, only one freckle. true story. >> just one? craig: yeah, but me and both my sons. >> on top? craig: no, it is underneath. >> underneath the -- [applause] i don't have one to like lift up and look. i'm imagining them big. i don't know! craig: there is big and then

there is deformed. >> yeah. i know. i know. craig: all three of us. three freck unless a row. >> you have three? craig: no, i have two sons. i have one freckle. they each have a freckle. >> got it. craig: it is ferguson freckle. >> the ferguson freckle? craig: found right underneath. >> as you get older, does a hair come out of it? [applause] one hair? because i have a freckle on my arm and i have one hair, like look. i'm looking at it like -- craig: oh, yeah, i can see it. my freckle is bigger than that. or maybe it just looks bigger. it is fine, yeah. the thing about freckles is it makes you adorable. >> yeah, you have got them up here too. craig: have they got hair coming out of them?

>> no, you don't always need to go down there for love. it is here also. craig: i think we have all learned something. well, we're out of time. how do you fancy getting out of this? it is always a quandary for me. >> what do you want to do? craig: we can do awkward pause. we can do mouth organ. we can go freckle hunting. >> on who? i'm good with that. what's the -- what's the mouth organ? craig: play the mouth organ. you suck and blow a little bit. can you play it? >> how many people's mouths have been on this? craig: this is a brand new one. this is the one i use all the time. this is brand new. can you play? >> i don't play. craig: well, you can start. just go at it with enthusiasm and everyone will be happy. [laughter] but remember this.

it is not a chew toy. [laughter] just blow the damn thing. let's get out of here. ♪ monica potter, everybody! we'll be right back! >> i don't know why i'ming up for her ch she is going to come home and say two words to me and go upstairs. >> why don't you just go to bed? >> i just had the best week planned for us. we were going to do so many things. we were going to hang out and gossip. she is never going to live here again. >> no. >> you want to get drunk? h all . 's nothing better. t, but only for a limited time, for just $14.99.

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♪ what did we learn on the show tonight, craig? ♪ [meow] [laughter] craig: hi, gerry. >> hello. craig: what do you do? >> i'm a comedian. craig: were you scheduled to be on the show tonight? >> i was but apparently that change. craig: one of our guests talked to long. [laughter] >> jeremy red pants. craig: jeremy red pants is a respected actor. he talks the right amount of time and he has his boots -- >> ok. you let me. craig: i would let you too. would you like to apologize to gerry? >> i am so sorry.

i know you to get on a flight. craig: really? come back next week. come back next week and be on the show. i insist. at our expense. >> i'm really sorry. craig: and we got you a present. because we know you're a big fan of jewels. so we got you "chasing down dawn". it is by jewel. geoff: you're going to learn a lot about your life. craig: monica potter, geoffrey peterson. when we switched to fios, we got better tv, better phone, better internet. [ male announcer ] it's time to get more for your money. upgrade to verizon fios internet, tv and phone with our best price online: just $84.99 a month, guaranteed for one year with no annual contract. internet is absolutely imperative for school nowadays.