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♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> dave: thank you so much. by the way, during that commercial break a team of highly skilled specialists from nasa and j.p.l. came in here -- (laughter) -- and dismantled the vibrating desk because you can't have this thing around too long. it sends off magnetic force

fields that may be harmful to you, the viewer. i've got a lead apron on, i'm fine. >> paul: i can see it from here! (applause) >> dave: thank you. >> paul: looks good. >> dave: and by the way, there will be a vibrating desk on each and every boeing 787 dream liner. >> dave: that is beautiful. >> dave: our next guest couldn't be happier this man is here, what a lovely individual, he's a two-time emmy award winner and you'll soon be able to see him starring on broadway, i think seeing him on leave theater stage will be a lovely experience with one and all, it's a play entitled "orphans" and performances will begin march 26 at the schoenfeld theater right here in new york city. ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only alec baldwin. alec? (cheers and applause)

♪ ♪ thank you, alec, great pleasure to have you here again. thank you so much. let me just take a second. you were so kind and it meant such a great deal to me that you participated in the celebration of the kennedy center honors back in december and you were part of my segment and it meant so much to me that a friend and man of your stature would be part of that and i can't thank you enough. >> but he won the kennedy center honors. >> dave: but you and tina fey. >> and ray roman nope and jimmy. >> dave: jimmy kimmel. you made my family feel good about me and i've never been able to do that.

(laughter) how are you doing, my friend is? >> i'm doing really, really well. how much did you pay for that vibrating sdmefk >> dave: i can't tell you. it's all part of a government contract. it's really your tax dollars at work. (applause) you look great, by the way. >> i do, thank you. >> dave: you getting a little gray going? >> i am. well, when w "30 rock" i would color my hair because on that show i thought the guy was the kind of guy who would color his hair. so i stopped coloring my hair when the show was over and your hair grows out and you have colored hair on the top, dyed hair, then off band, sort of rings of sat turn going around your head. (laughter) people have commented on this, they say "what's that dead animal on top of his head?" >> dave: no, no. >> they have! very unkind. >> dave: i couldn't help but notice in some newspapers-- a newspaper-- that you -- i'm telling you something. i wouldn't give your troubles to a monkey on a rock.

(laughter) what is happening? >> dave, i would like to begin now an official campaign to get the "new york post" nominated for pulitzer prize for journalism. (laughter) when you think about it, it's stalwart of them. all the 25 years that i was work on voter registration down in florida and up in massachusetts and maine and legal defense of that and working with the kennedy center for human rights in africa and all these different things but the "post" waited and waited and waited patiently for 25 years and finally they tripped me up and exposed me for the racist that i really am. (laughter) i'm a racist. 25 years of the work i've done. >> dave: a couple things come to mind here. (laughter) first of all, it seems to me that you're the kind of a guy, you're in this situation now, you and your lovely wife are expecting a child. >> yeah. >> dave: congratulations.

the alaria. are they just laying in wait for you? is that what happens? >> i seem to have become somebody who that's what they're -- maybe their readership wants. i really can't explain it over than there's somebody they think that they're going to score some points on and so forth. >> dave: it will sell newspapers. they put you on the cover and think think -- it must affect their circulation. >> i think the good news is -- well, their circulation is down quite a bit, it has been for a last couple years but the good news for me is when something like that happens-- which is very ugly and unpleasant, that 99% of the penal see that and say "that's not possible." >> dave: they know you well enough and you've worked hard enough. >> the multitude of things i've done, they know it's not possible and there's 1% who you're never going to capture them, you're never going to win them over. i would tell people all the time "if george bush's mother fell

through the ice on a pond in kennebunkport and i went out on the ice and saved bush's mother from drowning during an ice skating accident--" (laughter) >> dave: i heard she was ice fishing. >> she was ice fishing. you're right. i got that wrong. let's put finer touches on this. she was ice fishing and i went out on the fragile ice and i got bush's mother out the first thing the "post" would say is "look at the way he twisted her arm! he man handled her!" >> dave: i'm one of the 99%, i looked at the coverage and thought "this is not alec baldwin. something here has been fabricated. this is not a guy i know." what part of it was fabricated because it's got to be -- you were there on the sidewalk. we know that for a fact. >> what people don't know is that people have cameras and what will happen is a couple days later they go back to their

other home which is far away a telephoto lens to get the picture they want. they don't need to be that approximate to you. but in order to have the event they want where they have a camera and a guy that's on you and another guy filming that to get any possible altercation. the guy has the camera -- you've seen this before and they're like this in your face with the camera really, really close and they're kind of -- >> dave: to aggravate you. >> they want you to say in some -- using some old anglo-saxon term (laughter) i'd appreciate if you didn't do that. (laughter) which is what (inaudible) means. it means "i'd appreciate it if you didn't do that. (applause) >> but my wife is pregnant. >> dave: we know you to be a very literal, very verbal, very worldly man so i can understand

that you would say things purposefully insulting to those involved in the -- >> i am capable of saying this things that are purposefully provoking and insulting. >> dave: but you would not invoke -- >> racist terms. and the other thing is the guy has a camera and all these guys have those cameras that have dual -- they have a still camera and a videographer element. they can videotape you and they record it tuul a -- they're dying to get you doing something on film or saying something and sure enough people -- some of them, much to my surprise, the source was played all the tapes and there was no evidence saying that was that it was racial and i thought it was interesting they assigned a word to me that i haven't heard since rod steiger was in idea in the heat of the night." (laughter) this is a word that is like -- that's usually confined to a certain part of the south in the early '60s. so i'm sitting there going wow, you're going to put a word in my mouth i'll give you another

word. it was really -- >> dave: not just your word against somebody else's. we have objective verifications that this never happened? >> as far as i'm concerned. they played this stuff and they want to get you. >> dave: when we come back, alec baldwin will still be here. what do you think of that? (cheers and applause)

♪ my heart is crying crying lonely teardrops -- ♪ (applause) >> dave: alec baldwin, ladies and gentlemen. and what is it like now? you have a daughter who is 17 years old and a yet to be born

newborn, we don't know boy or girl yet. >> don't know. >> dave: don't know. anticipation the same this time around as it was for your first daughter? >> >> no, it's very different. >> dave: how's your wife holding up? >> my wife is good. but being around a woman when she's pregnant and i'm older now -- quite a bit older, actually. and to be around her it's really -- it's amazing how you experience that. like my wife, the pregnant woman, the hormonally-charged woman, if you will, it's just thrilling. (laughter) (applause) let's say sex. if you're a husband and you want to be a good husband and i'm trying to be a good husband and future father you save your best for your wife and she knows that. so for example my wife is on the phone with her hairdresser and she's like "really? okay, i can't wait to see you, that's going to be great? what time, 12:00?"

my wife is from spain. (laughter) i don't mean to be racist when i put that accent on. (applause) she says "i cannot wait to see you, 12 o'clock." turns to me and goes "i don't feel good!" and she saves her most vulnerable needy self for you because she feels safe in this relationship. the other thing is this chasm between what's normal -- a pregnant woman is constantly monitoring themselves every 15 seconds to my wife will be announcing and she'll be like "i have to pee every five minutes! i can't believe it!" then i'm like, well, we have four bathrooms in the apartment so you're covered. we have a bathroom in every quadrant at the ready, clean and freshly painted. then the next day she's like "i don't have to pee at all today!" i'm like -- i'm getting whiplash

pee; no pee. it's either a pee or a no pee day. >> dave: yeah. it's an amazing -- (laughter) (applause) from the moment of conception the switches that are thrown to the support this process is endless. >> and my wife is very fit. she's a yoga instructor and she's been super fit her whole life and nutritionally very conscious. one of the most conscious people and then i'll see her and i'll you know, you want to eat smart and keep up your nutritional values, you have to eat, you're having baby and i'll say do you want know get you some pineapple >> she'll say "i don't know." i'll go "do you want honey dew melon or cantaloupe." i go to the store, honey dew, pineapple. i bring the melon home, there's a contain over pine a that will will probably serve four people. i put it on the counter and go if you want pineapple, here it is. i go to the other room, i charge

my phone, plug my phone into charge it, turn around, walk back, three quarters of the pineapple is gone. (laughter) she's like "i was very hungry." (laughter) >> dave: we shouldn't be-- and when i say we i mean you-- shouldn't be on a t.v. show making fun of your wife for god's sake. but that's the way it goes. >> the crazy thrill a minute ride. >> dave: (laughs) yes, it is. i'm pulling your copy of something called "eye rhymes." tell us about this and your involvement. >> dave: would you like know do that? >> i wish somebody could do it. (applause) >> dave: there you go, thank you alan. >> this is illustrated by sarah fergus and i did the recording of this, the recorded book with blithe danner and my friend john dequavis wrote this book and it's a theodore geisel and

norton juster and all those wonderful word games to teach kids pronunciations of words of meanings and usages of words so you'll have words that are spelled the same -- >> dave: the ambiguity of the language so you can see "the flying dove is on the move, his ardent love he seeks to prove." the words are spelled the same but they're not homonyms. my friend john is here. >> dave: is he in the audience? if he's made it this far, god bless him. (applause) >> dave: now he wrote this book "eye rhymes" and there's clever, clever usages of learning words but when i was done i said to myself "god i think john smoked a lot of pot when he was younger." (laughter) >> dave: well that will be good for the kids. (applause)

tell me about "orphans" back on the great stage. how's it going? >> it's going well, we're doing a play that's got almost a fairy tale quality about it. it was done -- this was the play if i'm not mistake than helped bring stepen wol of the broadway when they had their real great hay day in chicago in the early '80s. i have think it was stepen wolf that was done on broadway that sinise directed and kevin anderson was in it as well with a bunch of people, john mahoney. and the play is about two boys who live -- who are homeless who live in an abandoned house in philadelphia. one of them is very thuggish and tough and he kidnaps an older man and brings him to the house and finds out he's one of the biggest gangsters from chicago. i decide to stay at the house and make a home with them and i have a particular reason. i kind of adopt them. >> dave: oh, my goodness. (laughs) >> very strange play.

>> dave: it opens in march so that's just around the corner. and i don't know, can you still get tickets? can you not get tickets? >> oh they got plenty of tickets. (laughter) >> dave: well, god bless you and your wife, i'm looking forward to the announcement of your newborn and glad everything else is doing all right. (laughter) >> i'm hanging in there. >> dave: if you need a place to stay. (laughter) alec baldwin, ladies and gentlemen. we'll be right back with emily lieu harris. til dance do we part! the solos are complete... you are the pig to her blanket. that's not breakdancing, that's break-up dancing. don't give up on us america, we're not done yet! now two must dance as one. you won't run into the top ten appliance brands just anywhere... only sears carries them all. and only sears delivers them all with $70 in shop your way points.

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you know who i like is that alec baldwin. there's a nice guy. fascinating man. you won't meet a smarter guy and if you've ever seen this guy act, he's tremendous. >> paul: oh, yes. >> dave: and i think the opportunity to see him acting live would be a wonderful, wonderful treat. >> paul: yup. >> dave: i have another question. maybe i'm seeing things. and, by god, i may be. (laughter) there's no reason cardinal dolan would be here, is there? from the new york -- the archbishop of new york. timothy dolan? >> paul: i don't know why he would be here. i think he's heading for rome soon. >> dave: what? >> paul: he's on his way to rome i think, isn't he? >> dave: he doesn't call me when he travels cardinal done lan, why was he here? he was here? he is here? oh, there he is. ladies and gentlemen, look at that! (cheers and applause)

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> dave: did you ever see anything weirder than that? >> paul: (laughs) >> dave: cardinal dolan, he wants to be pope. so he's throwing out t-shirts. >> paul: kind of a half time show thing. >> dave: it's crazy, isn't it? i tell you, those catholics always got something going on. (laughter) when we come back, the lovely emmylou harris and rodney crowell, everyone. (applause)

captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (applause) >> dave: yes, sir, thank you, paul. our next guests -- this is wonderful. two extraordinary multiple grammy award winning singer/song writers and they have collaborated on a wonderful new c.d. i think we have a shot of it here. it's entitled "old yellow moon." please welcome back to the program emmylou harris and rodney crowell. kids? (applause) ♪ >> ♪ i hope that i won't be that wrong anymore

♪ and maybe i've learned this time ♪ i hope that i find what i'm reaching for ♪ the way that it is in my mind >> ♪ someday i'll get over you i'll live to see it all through ♪ but i'll always miss dreaming my dreams with you ♪