author adam carolla. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from royal blood. with cleto and the cletones. and now, moving right along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thanks for coming to visit. [ cheers and applause ] wow. what a reception. i'll do my best to make this a -- hey, thank godzilla it's friday, right, guys? i don't usually tell traditional jokes, you know, like the ones people tell each other while playing golf, and i especially don't tell knock-knock jokes, but i heard a really good one yesterday. you want to hear it? [ cheers and applause ] too bad if you didn't, i guess, but here goes. knock-knock. >> who's there? >> jimmy: pooh-pooh. >> pooh-pooh who? >> jimmy: pooh-pooh in the bathtub. my niece wrote it. she's 2 years old. [ cheers and applause ] you know what? i'd say the first ten times she told it, it wasn't that funny. but the 11th time that's when it became hilarious. this is interesting. potentially helpful in an emergency situation. the fcc has just introduced a new way to con

my old friend, adam carolla is here. making his 45th appearance. i have not even been on the show 45 times. i will say something, after 45 times we have nothing left to talk about. we are going to stare at each other for 11 minutes like an old married couple at a soup plantation. his book, third book, which is officially the most books ever written by someone who has never read a book. it's called "president me." about what adam would do if he were commander-in-chief of the united states. which he probably will be, right? eventually? by the way, president obama and vice president biden just disclosed their financial assets. this is something high-level federal officials are required to do to make sure they don't have conflicts of interest. they do it every year. surprising, last year, president obama made $400,000 salary. feels weird to me that the president makes less than, honey boone boo-boo. he does. the form they have to fill out. lets you put a range of value on the assets. president obama said his assets are worth between $1.95 and $7.5 mill

. >> jimmy: which makes you second to adam carolla, who's been on 44 times.> wait a minute. i was told i have a world record for the most "jimmy kimmel" appearances. >> jimmy: who told you that? >> i don't know. your team. >> jimmy: my team is wrong. >> adam carolla beat me? >> jimmy: yeah. but it's not over yet. if you want to go -- >> i'm in the guinness book. you don't even have a book. you should have a book and a british guy comes and gives you a plaque. >> jimmy: we don't have a british guy. we have a mexican guy. >> ooh, i love a mexican guy. thank you, guillermo. >> jimmy: i'm sorry about that. i didn't mean to -- >> that's very hurtful. the only thing that could keep me warm at night is the freezing cold love from my -- >> jimmy: are you looking for the thing behind your -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: hey look, it's kathy's ass, everyone. >> my grammy for best comedy album. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i don't have one of those. >> you can't touch it. don't touch it. because there is some grammy rule where unless you won one you can't even touch it. >>

designed and built the right tools and resources to get the job done. >>> rolling with carolla segment tonight. our pal adamrashed by brian lowery called carolla one of fox news channel's house clowns. lowery for years has personally attacked this network using his position at variety to advance his far left agenda. with us now is adam carolla. with us president me, america that's in my head. we will get to that in a moment. i usually ignoring this kind of garbage by fanatical people that take shots at fox news. he was reviewing a tv program you were on. >> home improvement. >> you were wrestling contractors. >> well, what i would do is i would lay out a wall and then put up some shear wall and give a nailing schedule and pontificate about politics for 20 minutes and then no, no. i never spoke about politics. never came up. it was home improvement show. i was thinking it's funny that variety is called variety meek a potpourri of opinions, thoughts and ideas it's not variety. it's only variety if you agree with them. >> right. >> if you don't agree with them. then they will tear you a new one. >> it's a stri

author adam carolla. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from royal blood. with cleto and the cletones. and now moving right long, here's jimmy kimmel!

author adam carolla. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from royal blood. with cleto and the cletones. and now, moving right along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thanks for coming to visit. [ cheers and applause ] wow. what a reception.

and we have a new show for you on friday with nathan lane, adam carolla, and music from royal blood.s for those. >> jimmy: our first guest is a very fine actress and human being whose hard work has earned her a bafta award, a golden globe and even a baby daughter. you can see her show complete disregard for the time-space continuum alongside tom cruise in the new movie "edge of tomorrow." it opens in 2-d, 3-d, and imax june 6th, please welcome emily blunt. ♪ >> you look fantastic. hard to believe you had a baby this century. never mind four months ago. >> three months ago. >> jimmy: three months ago. >> yes. mother's day. lovely. we want to santa barbara. really nice. >> did you take the baby? >> baby came with us. most mothers like to be left alone with a bottle of champagne. not now. when she is a teenager. >> jimmy: send her to a boarding cool. your husband tweeted this very, very cute picture. this is one of those binkies. pacifier. >> binky. almost as big as her face. >> jimmy: oversized binkies are all right rage for kids. >> for adults maybe. >> jimmy: i came and visited you s

next week, emily blunt will be here, as will nathan lane, shailene woodley, adam carolla, aasif mandvi", daymond john, and we will have music from royal blood, iggy azalea, and birds of satan. aren't all birds birds of satan? >> jimmy: if, like me, you are a lakers fan who is disappointed not to have a stake in the nba playoffs this year, i can assure you that our first guest tonight is far more unhappy about that than we are. he is a 5-time nba champion and one of the all-time greats. please say hello to kobe bryant. >> jimmy: it looks like everything is working. looks look you are physically, what percentage are you at would you say, physically? >> from a health standpoint. 100%. >> jimmy: what about a basketball standpoint? >> i started doing a lot of training. back into my routine. started lifting. and then started doing the running. which i hate. by the time the season comes around, i will be ready to go. >> jimmy: has the season been fun for you to watch the laker season this year. >> yes, highly enjoyable. yes, yes. i would rather stay at home and eat paint chips. it was tough.

. >> reporter: as adam carolla and company track 'em down, confront 'em.eir own shoddy workmanship. from busted bathrooms -- >> here is where they found saddam hussein? >> yeah. >> reporter: and sickly stucco -- >> this stucco looks like it's been put on with a flip flop. >> reporter: to totally contaminated kitchens. >> crickets. >> reporter: the show's also a tongue-in-groove fit for the no-nonsense funny man carolla, who built the studio where he records a daily podcast himself, >> and back in the day, labored in construction for 15 years. >> i did it out of desperation. i had to go to work. so i just got a job. eventually worked my way up to carpenter. >> reporter: and carolla's got a confession to make, in those early days he hammered his way into some disasters himself. is there some family out in the metropolitan los angeles area right now that's looking at the way their wall comes together and going "that f'ing carolla?" >> there's definitely some houses out there that by now, stuff is probably coming undone. and they're probably cursing carolla's

goldberg, hume, watters world and adam carolla saying is he a target because of fox news.factor. cars are driven by people. they're why we innovate. they're who we protect. they're why we make life less complicated. it's about people. we are volvo of sweden. we know we're not the center of your life, but we'll do our best to help you connect to what is. but we'll do our best to help you connect to what is. trwith secure wifie for your business. it also comes with public wifi for your customers. not so with internet from the phone company. i would email the phone company to inquire as to why they have shortchanged these customers. but that would require wifi. switch to comcast business internet and get two wifi networks included. comcast business built for business. >>> beyonce's sister attacking jay-z inside the elevator. the entire attack caught on camera. beyonce's sister letting it relationship unleashing on the mega star kicking, punching, even spitting. a man identified as jay-z's body guard trying to hold back the enraged sister-in-law she unloads on the super star.

podcasts is violating the rights the companies even sued the likes of how stuff works and comedian adam carolla and even though the company claims to be a legitimate operation personal audio pretty much makes all the revenue from patent trolling this is a technique where fake companies are set up sold we need to establish as many partners as possible and then go after companies that and. british on their intellectual property the practice has become so widespread that patent lawsuits have seen an exponential rise in the last decade due entirely to patent trolling so yet again an agency that was established to protect the little guy has become completely corrupted and usurped by monopolized corporate interests and the corporatocracy the only thing that apparently can't be trademarked yet are our souls at least for now. i. charter schools are relatively new concept in the us but over the last two decades their popularity has grown by leaps and bounds these schools operate with a mix of private and public funding is a way to test out innovative approaches to education without the burden of strict