i mean, it has to be said, you do shout at ainsley harriott rather a lot when he's on the tv. everyone does that. i shout at vanessa feltz, trinny and susannah... davina mccall... hugh edwards. i-- it does not make me a racist. if anyone is a racist, it is the parent who is bringing this stupid complaint. jake, do you think you ought to go and finish your homework? do i have to? mm-hmm. what racist complaint? it was that kid kemal again. the fat turkish kid? yeah. he was stuffing his face, as per usual, in lessons, munching his way through a bag of crisps, and i said to him, purely frivolously, "you could do with ramadan lasting all year round, couldn't you, kemal?" it was quite witty, really. and now his dad has said that i singled him out because of his religion, and apparently i've traumatized him about his weight. which is down to a glandular disorder it seems, which presumably compels him to thrust pies down his throat. and that was it. the governors won't take it seriously. the governors?! he wrote to the l.e.a., so it has to go to the governors. but they'll just kick it