a wise man in the same county that leon panetta is that argued that if the whole country adopted al-anon principles, we all would be a lot better off in terms of actually helping people in recovery. that they're very constructive ways of helping, not capitulating but standing firm and helping, so i think the family needs to be seen as a group that suffers and needs their own recovery in and of themselves. i think that's accurate, but i think also sometimes they retreat and all of the shame comes back in-and they've done something wrong and i think that's where it's so important to understand the nature of this illness. but also not to hide it. that a relapse can be a learning, very constructive experience for people to look at what they have maybe done wasn't helpful and both the individual and the family can look at how they can get back on track and i've had many people who have said "gee i really learned and it really expanded my recovery by going through that relapse." that doesn't mean, though, that it's necessary. and the family, sometimes they just don't know how to let go and it'