and my guest, alan alda, has challenged scientists to explain fire to an 11-year-old. that's easy-- try explaining an 11-year-old to fire. laugh facebook stock continues to plummet. people started selling once they found out their mom bought it, too. ( laughter ) this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) applause ) >>> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good dahave you with us. nation, we've got to come up with a commonsense solution to our poorest southern border. that's why i have long called for a 200,000-mile-long border wall made out of 10-foot-tall rotating razor blades that will slice illegals up like deli meat. and we need it now more than ever, folks, to keep out mexico's infamous drug cartel. i am not a fan. i say if you're going to push drugs, you can do not do it with violence. you do it with a man throwing a football through a tire swing to show how rigid his penis ha

. >> stephen: thank you, alan alda. thank you so much for joining me.da, the world science festival going on right now in new york thug ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's if for the report. good night! good night! ( cheers and applause ) all right, you're definitely going to get this one, you ready? uh, yeah, i guess. so he shoved it up his (bleep). i have no idea what you're doing. it's christopher walken! sounds like rosie perez or something. come on. now, that was a perfect walken, and it's going to win me the talent show. what talent show? the one i throw for the pub crawl. are you doing that again? yeah, well, it's not really a talent show anyway. i mean, she just gets the most untalented people in philly to enter the competition with her, so that she can win it. and she never wins it anyway. guys, guys, guys! i got some news, some terrible news. we've got a huge problem. can we stop for a second and talk about this? - what? - what's with that jacket? i was going to wait on that. (all clamoring) well, first of all, it's not a jacket, it's a

and my guest, alan alda, has challenged scientists to explain fire to an 11-year-old.t's easy-- try explaining an 11-year-old to fire. laugh facebook stock continues to plummet. people started selling once they found out their mom bought it, too. ( laughter ) this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )

>>guest: alan alda quartz colors i found them in this factory that make the gemstones are -- i love andas looking for tanzanite color i wanted rich and fluid your favorite color is blue all of you but most of you . i thought everybody has a blue topaz but what i do not have is it took me but for years to finally find a gemstone that love to say this is a gorgeous coarse stomach the it looks like tanzanite in it has the double- quartz stone the collector of tanzanite eyes fell one that looks like the size of an egg same color as this stone i drew a one-dimensional piece and then i got this coral detail 01 of this side of the ring . i kept it just the way they intended it to be because there artisans and craftsmen and i appreciate your attention to 80 tell us much as mine. it is like an heart upside down. it really showcases the gems done. look at that work right up the side. size 5 has sold out we have 6-12 do not miss out. we were able to bring in just 200 going back to what you said . to >>guest: not going to bring this back cannot get this gemstone. this time the stone i cannot get it