edictorian, alex dunphy. [ applause ] where are my mom and dad? announcer ] and in this corner, finishing first in her class, delivering the commencement address, weighing in at -- what do you weigh, honey? dad! a healthy amount for a girl her age. [ normal voice ] are you getting all this, buddy? pure gold. [ as ring announcer ] she's the main brain, the cerebellum of the ball, alex dunphy! oh, keep rolling. the news will want this footage when i eventually snap. i thought sanjay patel was first in the class. he was until he missed a few weeks and the robot he was building attacked him. [ normal voice ] it's happening, people. our hubris will be our undoing.

alex dunphy. [ applause ] where are my mom and dad?ouncer ] and in this corner, finishing first in her class, delivering the commencement address, weighing in at -- what do you weigh, honey? dad! a healthy amount for a girl her age. [ normal voice ] are you getting all this, buddy? pure gold. [ as ring announcer ] she's the main brain, the cerebellum of the ball, alex dunphy! oh, keep rolling. the news will want this footage when i eventually snap. i thought sanjay patel was first in the class. he was until he missed a few weeks and the robot he was building attacked him. [ normal voice ] it's happening, people.

luke had that nasty nosebleed this morning, and alex, as usual, fainted. she's fine, and dunphyleeds. i told you this when we got married. it was in my vows.

luke had that nasty nosebleed this morning, and alex, as usual, fainted. she's fine, and dunphyen get nosebleeds. i told you this when we got married. it was in my vows.

alex. it's time for your cello lesson. how's the tutoring going? are you familiar with the term "throwing good money after bad"? are you familiar with the term "dunphyparty of one"? because you will be. girls. haley's coming along really well, mrs. dunphy. good. good. well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks so you don't get frustrated and want to quit. got it. i was talking to david. come on, sweetie. i'm just saying -- she's never gonna get a job, and how do we know the right middle-eastern businessman wouldn't treat her great? i left my shopping list inside.

alex. it's time for your cello lesson. how's the tutoring going? are you familiar with the term "throwing good money after bad"? are you familiar with the term "dunphyne"? because you will be. girls. haley's coming along really well, mrs. dunphy. good. good. well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks so you don't get frustrated and want to quit. got it. i was talking to david. come on, sweetie. i'm just saying -- she's never gonna get a job, and how do we know the right middle-eastern businessman wouldn't treat her great? i left my shopping list inside. for the record, we thought she could live with you.