wow, eastern european sayings are so sad. ( as russian ) "as they say, 'don't throw out baby with bathwater. you waste perfectly good baby soup!'" i anward warn you that they're all very sad. as a technical reason, the russian army's getting its ass s kicked: it sucks. according to one ukrainian unit commander, the russian troops he's faced have been wearing flip-flops, and he even saw two russian soldiers who had only one gun between them. ( as russian ) "sergei, sergei, we have discussed this. on tuesdays, i hold gun, you hold bullets! tomorrow, i wear flip, you wear flop." ( applause ) now, drop what you're doing, ladies and gentlemen, and focus up right here because there has been a devastating scandal in the world of sports. at a fishing tournament in cleveland on friday, a duo that had been declared winners were caught cheating. of course, this is fishing, so after they were caught, they were released. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i didn't realize-- i didn't realize i deserved that. thank you so much. you're very generous. now, it's a lakeside fishing scandal so explosive, many are calling it "watergate." >> i am not a carp! ( laught