. - attention sandpiper passengers, i have an announcement. - hey, hey, she's talking. take it outside. (audience laughing) - sandpiper regretfully announces that due to unforeseen circumstances, flight 19 to boston has been cancelled. however, if you will follow me to aero mass, i will be happy to assist you in making alternate arrangements. - i guess she did okay. - okay? yeah, right. i remember fay's first cancellation. i believe her exact words were, "now, do you want to be late, mrs. carter "or do you want to be the late mrs. carter?" and gave them 50% off vouchers for the next sandpiper flight. - vouchers? we don't get vouchers if we crash. - well, excuse me if i'm wrong, but it just occurred to me, that it was worth the discount to keep them on as loyal customers. and seems to be working because one of the passengers was so grateful, that he gave me these celtics knicks tickets for tonight. - oh, oh, oh, okay, i see. so, because we're grounded you think that you can just take off early and go to a basketball game, huh? , i was going to say that i'm giving them to

attention, please. for those of you flying sandpiper air remember, your carry-on luggage must remain with you at all times and small children must be stowed under the seat in front of you. um... um... obviously, you'd want to keep your children with you and stow your luggage. besides, the average small child wouldn't even fit under our seats. well, not without a struggle. announcer: hey, hey, hey, hey. another big saturday night and we're looking for caller number ten. get to your phones, people. we're talking about 5,000 big ones. those boards are lighting up. eight, nine, and caller number ten. your name is... antonio scarpacci. roy biggins. fay cochran. wanda stevens! damn. damn. damn. okay, wanda what's the state bird of oklahoma? ( clock ticking ) why couldn't i get that one? everybody knows it's the rose-breasted grosbeak. no, it isn't. it's the scissorstail flycatcher. trust me. i know my state birds. i learned them on a place mat at stuckey's. ( horn blowing ) sorry, wanda. the correct answer is on the last 12. fay, how do you know all these things? did you hear of funk and wagnall's encyclopedia?

have a nice evening. [ music ] [ applause ] your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. announcing the departure of sandpiper flight 20 to martha's vineyard and new bedford. we request that passengers needing assistance or traveling with small children please board at this time. fay... yes, joe? first, that was a lovely announcement. oh, thank you. but we don't have anyone on flight 20. there's not even anyone here. i, i guess i'm just a creature of habit. it was 9:00 a.m. and i automatically announced flight 20. it's kind of silly, isn't it? attention, please. flight 20 has been canceled. well, uh... i, i just, uh... needed closure. helen, what are you working on? i'm working on a new menu. when i was in new york davis took me to this restaurant where everything was named after celebrities. so i thought it might be fun with the people around here. i've got "helen's hashbrowns..." ( chuckles ) "sloppy joe hackett--" get it? oh. did you, uh, did you happen to name anything after me? i sure did. "antonio's spaghetti and meatballs." how long did it take you to come up with that one? no, i'm sorry. i didn't mean

attention please. flight 20 to boston will be boarding shortly, and thank you for flying sandpiper air, the official airline of lowell mather's house o' wax, the most exciting, terrifying experience of your life, - so, lowell hit you up too huh? you know, he put a wax figure of the pope in my cab. i don't know if it's helping him, but i haven't gotten a ticket all week. - fay, have you seen lowell, he has another preflight check. - oh, yea, he's down at his museum, getting ready for the grand reopening. - he's spending every waking moment at that dumb place, and we all know he's gonna lose his shirt. - that's right, i love them. on the other hand, don't go by me, i cried like a baby this morning when i discovered that wailing village. - well, that's just not good enough. how hard could it possibly be to fix marsh brady's head? it's not like she's jan. hold on a second. done the preflight. - aw, joe listen, much to much importance is placed on a preflight check. i mean, all you really do is make sure that the plane is airworthy, it's largely a ceremonial thing. listen, i'm not gonna ask you again, bring me t