can you imagine walking to work not driving your whatever the hell is t is out there, austen martin? it's shameful. it's okay if you never made it. i worked very hard to become -- >> one of the biggest movie stars in the world. >> i worked very hard to become the best actor that i could be and to honor that and to try to -- and to say every day how can i be a better actor today than i was yesterday. and to take all of that over several years and throw it all away, i know why i did it now. i mean, i didn't know then. >> why do you think you did it? >> i did it because i had some issues when i was very young with authority and with physical -- >> you were abused by a family member who came into your family. >> that kind of [ bleep ]. it was that kind of thing. and instead of being all nervous and shaky and i got hard and i made myself stronger and i put on, as the doctor said, all this armor and all of a sudden years went by and this armor kept building on me and it became a weakness because it was backfiring. i associated with the wrong people and i was hanging out at the wrong places