and then it was way to the toilet paper is on the wrong way larenz who placed his own you in the baffin lee's do and the toothpaste is being you know spit out from the wrong end and you left the toilet seat up do you want me to swim in the very toilet so but at that level it's the everyday unsexy stuff where real love has to take root because real of can't be on the mountain top of the majestic magical encounter in romance it has to be in the valley so to speak of the every day normal existence where real up shows up it picks up the kids on time it cooks the dinner on time it washes the coals on time it shares the duty across gender on time in other words the performance of love is the real reckoning in a systemic structural way with the truth that have been revealed and i think at this level of the romance between the white folk fell in love with us and the black people who are the recipients of those ambitions are you know are is now in a in a kind of state where it's unsexy we've got to talk every day and we can't be to discourage the pendulum has swung from one end to the other but we hav