barney fife... in the asphalt jungle. now, barn, outside of that meetin' we've got with the commissioner we-we're really off duty, you know. off duty? ( chuckles ) when is a lawman really off duty? would you make certain everything's there? oh, yes. wouldn't they be better in the safe? there's no point in having jewels if one doesn't wear them. would you sign the receipt? ( clears throat ) andy? hmm? ( quietly ): see that ice? hmm? mm-mmm. she's already gettin' some attention. how's that? back there. ( clears throat ) back where? back there. where? back there. a necklace like that anybody'd give it a second look. look. hmm? he's stalkin' his prey. sorry, gentlemen. have you both registered? no. you want to sign in? there you are, sir. barney, you got to stop seein' criminals everywhere you look. andy, you... now, barney. all right. we'll get checked in and we'll go have our meetin' with the commissioner. i'll submit these records to the budget department but i think any chances of your getting new equipment are pretty sli

this is my deputy, barney fife and my son, opie. what can we do for you? le. "does the sheriff run the town or does the town run the sheriff?" well, andy, it's all about you. "in a town called mayberry justice has become a farce." andy: yeah. "malfeasance of public funds shocking disintegration of law enforcement..." at the hearing?! these are very serious charges. i'm afraid i'm going to have to conduct a full investigation. i have no recourse, sheriff taylor but to suspend you from office pending a hearing on this matter. can he do that? i can... under this order from the state's attorney's office. deputy, the hearing is set for tomorrow afternoon. until then, you'll be acting sheriff. paw, ain't you gonna be sheriff anymore? oh, now, don't you worry. there's just been a little mistake and it'll all be cleared up. somehow or other. when's this stupid thing gonna begin? presently, sheriff. ere. the commissioner will decide that after the hearing. ( door opens ) andy. yeah... that answers a lot of questions. that article was in one of your publications, wasn't

- oh, wait, look at this, look at this, mayberry's debuty barney fife, huh, i don't remember a vonbizmark in mayberry. - sure you do, he was goober's friend. - goober's friend. i say this place really brings back some memories. - what do you mean? - are you kidding joe, this was the primo make out spot in sconset high. you were not cool unless you scored in the bonanza display. - so, what you're saying is that you like to have sex while wax figures watch you. - maybe you were like that in high school, but not everyone was as warped as you. - well. - boy, does this place bring back memories huh. - you use to come here? it's so creepy and scuzzy. - well, i came here during it's hay day when it was just tacky and cheesy. - okay, now look, what are we gonna tell lowell. - ehh. - well, if he asks, we just tell him the truth. he's a big boy. - hey, hey guys, so what do you think? - it's fabulous. - it is so nice, it's great. - listen, i want to show you guys around. come on over here. now the first stop on our tour is the great hall of presidents. isn't it amazing how life like they are? - lowe

fife here. t. what you want, barney? and what's that nurse doin' back here? she came out here to give you your shot. stop acting like a child and come out here and get it. what?! you heard me. here! right now! all right i'm going to give you exactly three to get out here. one... two... three. and i'll give you exactly three to get off of my property. now see here, rafe... one... durn fool, he don't even know how to count to three. barney, he shot at you. that's all right. i just wanted to get you to safety. all right, i'll be back, rafe! you're in trouble, fella-- big trouble! okay, buddy, you just threw away any chance you had for leniency. you're in trouble is what you are! andy, it was all my fault. i shouldn't have agreed to go back up there. and i couldn't take a chance on rafe gettin' hurt. i mean, i figured it was better if me and you went up later and took him in one piece. and we're goin' to have to take him... me and you. we can't have rafe shootin' at people. let's go get him. but, andy, he's a mad dog, a killer! well, now, don't make rafe out to b