isn't there a teddy bear in bastardi -- in the story? >> the teddy bear was there. [unintelligible] for a little boy, no, you cannot have a doll. you have to have a train. i was not traumatized by the train. maybe why do not drive. but also like a teddy bear. i cannot put it in a dress. i cut bras with newspaper or a magazine and would use pins to make that bra. to me, it was like the silhouettes as of may be on the tv. we saw a lot of movies. so i tried to reconstitute the body of a woman. and -- >> how old were you at this point? >> i think i was around -- i was around, i was a round -- the teddy bear, i got it at 3:00, but i let him free at that time at the three years old. i let him free. i think i was around five years old that i started to take care of him. first, very important, i was -- [unintelligible] seeing on my grandmother. she had white hair. so i was putting on the the bear a little color that was kind of blue. after that, i do not know why, but i said he has to change. so it was more red, which was a strong color, too. then i try to make it black. th